Calla was enthralled by the simultaneous revelation and mystery of what he told her and by the time they were nearing the river’s end at the cliffs, she was completely focussed only what he had to say.
“I think, in the future, I would like to have a family of my own,” he was saying. “It may sound strange…but in a way, when I think about the days to come, it’s almost as if I can feel the presence of my wife and children, their spirits already waiting for me”.
Calla said nothing, not wanting to interrupt as he opened up to her again. He had never told anyone else about what was in his head, at least not to her knowledge. Knowing what it was like to have no-one she could confide in, she gave him the attention he needed. She looked at him politely as he spoke, but he took this as a sign that he revealed too much about himself and felt a need to conceal himself again.
“I mean…” he began, holding her eye. “It’s hard to explain. I’m sorry if this sounds weird; I rarely express myself or tell anyone something so personal…I should choose my moments better.”
She smiled at him reassuringly and held his arm close to her. It seemed to calm his mind. Keeping his gaze, she replied in a gentle, kind voice to him. “No, it’s not weird at all. I’m just…surprised…that anyone as young as we are could feel so passionately about something that could be far away, something so uncertain.”
Lupus looked down at the floor, embarrassed for the first time in his life, that he could have misunderstood someone’s reaction to his words so badly. He then returned to her eyes and swallowed hard. His next sentence was genuine, but rueful.
“I feel older than I appear to be…” he said.
Calla, warmed by his sudden confession and the way he felt so secure with her, felt an urge to quell his unrest. She cupped her right hand to his cheek in an attempt to comfort him further. A flush of red across his skin spoke of his vulnerability with her, a level to him she had never seen before.
“You have an old soul,” she replied serenely, clean from any derisive meaning. “But that makes you who you are and I would not have anyone change that. You are an honourable person, Lupus. You are wiser than anyone I know. Even if your body doesn’t reflect the years that your mind and heart have known, your words and thoughts do. Don’t ever feel guilty of who you are or the things you hope to have, because your desires are pure and just.”
He couldn’t believe how good it felt to have her touch his cheek as she said those words and his chest swelled with closeness he never imagined. Yet, for all this, he could not help but break a promise he had made himself earlier in the day and sought to solve the riddle of the previous night.
“I wish your sister could see me the way you do…” he said boldly, unsure what would happen to the atmosphere if he brought it up but reluctant to leave it all alone without protest.
Calla took her hand away from him, feeling the change of tone in his voice. She turned to the side and leant on the rails of the bank, staring at the water moving as she thought about how to reply to him. Lupus moved to join her, alarmed by her distancing.
“…I don’t know why she is so unsure about you, Lupus,” Calla began, her eyes still watching the river. “I wish I could tell you why she feels the way she does, but I have searched my mind for hours and found nothing”. She looked up at him. “You are not the first to be judged harshly and distrusted by her. She has always suspected the males in my life; I should have known she would be no different with you. I think, in a way, she was so direct this time because deep down she realises that you’re a threat to her.”
He had not been expecting any of this, especially her last theory.
“A threat?” he asked, his raspy voice betraying his curiosity as he held his hands next to hers on the cold rails. He stood eagerly, listening to her every word.
“Yes,” Calla replied, standing straighter. “Raina and I have always been more like best friends than sisters, which is why we have such a strong connection. Our younger sisters do not share the same interests and views of the world; she looks up to me as both her elder and closest ally. She knows that eventually I will find a companion, a man to share my life with, but she fears that inevitability will rob me from her.”
Lupus could sense her concern about Raina from her tone, if not by the clarity of what she was saying. “I would never do that, I have no desire to see you separated” he promised.
Calla rubbed his arm with her hand to show she heard his honesty. ”She sees that you’re a good man really, Lupus, but she cannot admit to it. She has found no man good enough for her and because of that, I am still her fondest relation. Please, do not hate her for trying to hold onto me. It might have seemed selfish, but she has a good heart and meant not to hurt you personally. You were never meant to see that message,” Calla told him.
Lupus felt a rush of understanding and found himself forgiving her sister for what she had attempted to do. Clearly, putting a rift between him and Calla had failed, but he was still unsure why. Calla must have seen this confusion on his face, because she already began to answer his next question.
“You want to know why I changed my mind and decided to choose my own path in spite of her,” it was a statement rather than a question, but he felt compelled to answer it.
“I do…” he admitted.
“…Because she was wrong. You aren’t fickle or untrustworthy. You’re the most reliable, strongest person I’ve ever known. I trust you more than any friend I’ve had since I was an infant. When I first met you I knew you were different and every day since then you have continued to surprise me with how decent you are. I would even call you noble, Lupus; my mother certainly says you’re honourable. I mean it with a genuine heart when I say I have always felt safe with you.”
Lupus cracked a weak smile at all the compliments he couldn’t accept. “Thank you Calla, really, but I don’t think I-“ he started but she wouldn’t let him ruin what she had to say.
“At the Academy, before you came and you found me, I was always hounded by the other boys. They would follow me around, demanding I give them attention only because I didn’t want any of it. The girls wouldn’t protect me; instead they just shrank away and ignored my calls for help.”
As Lupus had done before to her, she was now showing her vulnerability to him.
“I only knew those girls, my sudden friends because they clung to me when you came and paid me, of all the people around you to choose from, all your attention and interest. I’ll never forget how you were the one who saw me fall in the Main Hall and picked me up when everyone else laughed and made jokes. You didn’t have to risk the abuse for me, but you did, because somehow you noticed me. I was invisible to those that should have been my allies and naked to all my enemies. You changed all of that.”
Calla looked at him with an earnest look before admitting a hard truth. “I am ashamed to say that Raina undid all your efforts with one sentence; I’m sorry Lupus, I was wrong to believe her and lose hope in us,” she confessed.
A tear began to run down her cheek and Lupus found himself embracing her in his arms before he could even comprehend the gravity of what she had told him.
“I shall never leave you, I am yours” he promised, the sight of seeing her upset reaching his core. He kissed the top of her forehead softly and the emotional connection they shared at that moment was unlike anything either had experienced before. The air was heavy with the electrical chemistry, yet he did not allow himself to get too far ahead himself. Judging the time to be right, he released his hold of her. She leant back and smiled at him as he wiped away her tears tenderly with his fingertips.
“Follow me,” he beamed, just like he had back at the house, taking her hand in his and walking towards the cliffs.
Here the bank tops rolled along the riverside, veering off to the edges of the cliff where they began their purpose of safeguarding the city dwellers anew; there was a sudden, steep drop to the enthralling sea below and only the rails convinced anyone to stay back. The massive
waterfall where the river met the cliff face was churning and spilling water into the depths, the sound powerful and entrancing alike.
“There,” Lupus pointed at a gap in the rails. They had been broken aside, leading to a path hewn into the cliff face that allowed people down. It was shrouded by a multitude of warning signs and rotting foliage, which kept everyone else at bay, but one day he had ventured down that path and found it to be safe enough.
“That’s our way down,” he clarified, her hand in his. “Come with me to the bottom.”
Their faces were barely a few inches apart as he turned too quickly to look at her, his excitement leading him. She stood in nervous anticipation; on one hand overwhelmed by the intimacy they had achieved in the last hour and jarred on the other by the blatant danger such a path down to the sea should pose. She made a decision, at that moment, that would change them forever.
“Okay, let’s do it” she answered, a hint of exhilaration spearing through the traces of the earlier sadness clinging to her voice.
Lupus squeezed her hand, so hard she thought he’d never let go and led them down the winding path to the bottom of the cliff and the moonlit beach promenade.
THEY GINGERLY TRAVERSED the winding path down the cliff face. From its smooth surface, Calla could tell that the passage had been forcefully hewn by someone, an expert stonemason most likely, long ago. She could only surmise that it was there before the rails were constructed and that it had been rediscovered by adventurous youths, whose fate she knew she’d never learn, sometime later.
Even with the guiding hand from Lupus, it still felt treacherous and she suddenly felt more appreciation for the safety of the railings than she had done all her life. It was clearer than ever that an easy slip here could be fatal. She bit her lip as they made their way down, but Lupus knew what he was doing and he got her to the promenade safely in short time. The cliff face met with the old concrete floor and they stepped lightly onto it, both feeling a sense of relief at overcoming the perils of their descent.
The paved walkway that protected the cliff from the tides was several metres across, large enough even for two city transports to fit comfortably side by side. Even so, between it and the cliff lay another raised platform which acted as a second, higher sea wall should the waves somehow best the protective promenade.
Night had finally fallen, but the light of Gothica’s moon shone down on the slow-shifting, peaceful sea that hugged the shores of Cygnus.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Lupus said, looking out towards the water.
“More than I’ve ever been able to appreciate before now…I’ve seen it from above, like everyone else I know…but from down here…” Calla replied, unable to find the words to do the sparkling natural wonder justice.
Lupus could sympathise with her paralysis, having had the same experience when he found the way down by himself for the first time. The city officials had long ago closed off the entire promenade, deeming the ocean too dangerous. Anyone could witness the truth of that if they went further along the cliff and see where the sea defence had failed over time, but this part was still intact.
He had chosen the moment for them to come down perfectly; a few hours later and the tides would be up, moving the waters in a swirling eddy that would steal away this moment of serene charm.
Calla stood against a section of the second platform nearest the cliff and stared out into the moonlit waters. Lupus took his place next to her and they both watched the sea for a while, enjoying its calming presence as much as each other’s company. He had never brought anyone down here. He soon felt a swelling fulfilment in his chest as he realised sharing this private environment with Calla was more meaningful to him than he could have anticipated.
He found himself gradually moving his attention from the vista before them to her. She looked magnificent, the moonlight bringing out her brilliant splendour. Her blonde hair, tied up fashionably at the back where its true length was hidden, shimmered as the light danced off it and her brown eyes were rich with intelligence, innocence and inner strength. They were pure and full of kindness. It had always pained him that her friends betrayed her in the past and lesser men harassed her rather than caring for her.
Calla had noticed him gazing at her for a while and only now blushed when she realised he was not going to stop any time soon. She laughed nervously and looked at him, her cheeks red with embarrassment and intrigue.
Lupus touched his hand to hers, which was resting on the wall beside her and with a flood of bravado dared to say something that he had waited far too long to say.
“You fascinate me…” He smiled weakly, worried that everything he was trying to build for them would break upon that sentence.
Calla was taken aback by such an open admission, having rarely known Lupus to truly find something as interesting as he implied.
“But…” she began, “I am nothing to be fascinated with. It is you that amazes me,” she returned, feeling freer for confessing her own feelings as well.
Holding her chin with a finger from his right hand, Lupus looked directly at her and with his sincerest voice, spoke softly to her.
“Calla, never before has anyone or anything transfixed me like you have. You can calm me in even my greatest rages…my temper can be without bounds but you can stop it at your merest touch, where others would only ignite it further by laying their hands upon me. Everything you say I listen to with such a focus that I remember all of it like the history of my own life. No question you can ask, no statement you can make…would I ever see as naive or foolish. You interest me with every word you speak and every time you smile I yearn to see it more.”
Calla closed her eyes, hardly believing what he was saying. After what Raina had done to distance them, she had secretly hoped that he would still reveal his true desires to her, but never did she dream they would be so deep and so real. Nor did she expect him to move in front of her and let go of her hand so that he could do what he wanted next. With a rush of excitement, she felt him lean forward toward her and kiss the tip of her nose.
A wave of emotion broke through her as she remembered the meaning he attached to the gesture. Though it felt like aeons past, she recalled even now asking Lupus what his favourite animal on Gothica was. He told her, with an energy and awe that she saw in his eyes as much as she heard in his voice, that the white wolves of Gothica’s southern plains were his fondest. He had gone into surprising detail with his reasons, particularly that the loyalty between the wolves and the love they shared as mates was a value he dearly held himself. When she had asked him how he knew so much about them, he told her of a time in his past where he had seen a pair of wild white wolves together, lost too far north. They were pack mates, the female sheltering behind the male in the withering rain and snow.
The male had leant over and licked the nose of his mate to keep her from becoming ill from the harsh weather, an act that was steeped in affection and love. Lupus believed the action reflected far more than just a bond between two destined mates and as Calla recalled the memory, she felt an explosion of warmth in her heart that spread to all the corners of her body.
The kiss only lasted a second, but the connection and what it represented, Calla was sure would last a lifetime. She opened her eyes in expectation, hungry for more but scared to hope. Lupus was staring into her eyes, trying to gauge her reaction. He felt an urgency within him that rivalled his instinctual self-preservation, knowing that what his heart insisted was in direct competition with what the future restricted him from.
Without intention his next thought rushed out of his lips in a hushed, desperate whisper.
“Did you even notice that?” he asked, not realising he had voiced it until Calla’s eyes fluttered and her lips curled in delight.
“Yes, of course…but I didn’t want to say anything…” she replied, her own voice as quiet as his. “I didn’t want to ruin it.”
The meaning of her response smashed through Lupus’ doubts and reluctance ov
er allowing himself to dive into a bonding with her, one that would surely rip him from his true life’s purpose. Without another moment’s thought he held his hands at her sides and, this time, kissed her on the lips.
The real kiss was beyond anything either of them could have expected. Its slow, tender pace belied its significance and increasing passion. It created a depth of connection between them that no scale could hope to measure and the feelings that swelled in their chests were mutually incomparable to anything they had ever felt. Lupus’ mind went blank, devoid of all thoughts apart from Calla and she was the same. At last, they were sharing the first kiss that both had longed for and it was perfect. Time itself seemed to freeze, locking them both in the moment.
For what felt like forever they shared each other and broke all the barriers that were there before. They were a flawless match for each other, their emotional and physical chemistry blending together to create an unbreakable seal. When Lupus finally drew away from Calla, to look into the eyes of the girl he knew he loved utterly, he felt nothing but completeness.
Calla was so immobilised she could only gasp out one word, “…Wow”.
With his hands still holding her waist, Lupus almost felt high hearing her reaction. Neither of them could detach themselves from the stare from the others’ eyes as the air palpitated with fulfilment and promise. The future may have been uncertain before, but Lupus knew in his heart that he would do all in his power to be by her side forever, in peace and in war; he belonged to her completely now – nothing would change that.
THE NEXT DAY, Lupus was feeling healthier and more content than he had in years. They had finished the night by sitting peacefully on the sea wall, with him holding Calla in his arms. Despite its simple form, the hug was intimate for them, bridging a gap that both had wished to cross for some time.
When the night started to get too cold and the sea’s tide rose, Lupus felt Calla begin to shiver. It was then that he suggested they should make their way back home. They used the same path that brought them down to the promenade and though it was even more treacherous on the ascent, he guided her up so safely she didn’t even sense the danger.
The Deian War: Vermillion's Apostles Page 9