by Leigh Irwin
Halfway through, James put his arm around me. I closed my eyes and barely paid attention to the rest of the movie. As the ending credits rolled, he leaned down and kissed me. We sat in the semi-darkness, staring into each other’s eyes like star-crossed lovers.
Suddenly I heard an irritated “Excuse us”. I glanced back at a line of impatient-looking people, among them, the long-legged popcorn guy. He smiled and winked at me again. James grabbed my hand, and we hurried down the now-empty row of seats into the night.
Chapter 10
“Why can’t you come watch me play this weekend?” I asked, packing my soccer bag. “It’s my first ever weekend tournament on Varsity! Emma’s parents will be there, so you could hang out with them.”
Mom, still in her robe, sat on my bed, holding a mug of coffee. Her lips compressed into a tight line.
“I’d love to go. I really would, but I have to work,” she said. Her shoulders were slumped and she wore a look of resignation, which told me more than she would ever admit.
“Please… Can’t you take just a little time off? You haven’t watched me play since I was on the club team. Wouldn’t it be nice to get away for once?”
Mom stared down at her hands. Gripping the coffee mug, she struggled for the right words. I stopped packing and watched her.
“I really would love to, Sam, but I just can’t this weekend. I signed up for this shift well before I knew about the tournament.” She sipped from the mug. “I do miss spending time with you. You’re growing up so fast, and I love you dearly. But even if I can’t be there, know that I’ll be thinking of you all weekend. I’m very proud of you.”
My eyes burned as I tried unsuccessfully not to cry. I turned away and rummaged through a dresser drawer hoping she wouldn’t notice.
With my back still turned, I said, “I wish our lives could go back to the way they used to be. It seems like you and Dad fight all the time now, and it really scares me.” I fidgeted idly with the socks in my top drawer, before pulling out a couple of pairs and tossing them toward my backpack.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” she said, then sat tall and took a deep breath. “There are things that Dad and I have to work through together. We’re doing everything we can. I know you want to help, but some things are best kept between Dad and me. It’s not your responsibility to be our mediator…” Her smile was unconvincing. “We’ll get through it.” She stood and gave me a quick hug. “It’s getting so late! I’ve got to get dressed, and you need to finish packing or you’ll miss the bus.” She left the room, her half-empty coffee mug forgotten on my bedside table.
Twenty minutes later, Mom dropped Emma and me off at school. The team and coach would ride to Orange County on the bus together. I hugged Mom goodbye, noticing she looked tired and sad, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She’d be working all weekend, while Dad was off playing golf. He knew about the tournament, but he never mentioned coming to watch me play, so I didn’t expect to see either of them until we got home again.
If we won on Saturday, we’d have at least one more game the next day. Coach Nancy was optimistic, and she’d made reservations for the whole team at a hotel near the tournament site that night. Emma and I were especially excited about that. It was our first Varsity overnight tournament.
Emma’s parents got a room in the same hotel as the team. Pam could do her lawyering from the hotel room if needed, and Keith’s job as an engineer for an aerospace contractor didn’t usually require him to work weekends. They were both big soccer fans, or at least big fans of Emma’s. I pushed a sudden pang of longing away, and vowed not to think of home or my parents all weekend.
We won both of our games that day, which assured us that we’d have at least one more the following morning. Coach Nancy was ecstatic. We all gathered in the lobby, tired but happy.
“You were fantastic today! I was so proud of the way you played, but we can’t rest on our laurels,” she said, eyes shining. “We have even tougher competition coming up tomorrow, so I want everyone well rested. Listen up!”
She stared pointedly at the seniors, Jillian, Patsy and Lauren, all three of whom had starring roles in every game. They were whispering together, not paying any attention.
“I want lights out by 10:00 tonight—no later. Okay, I’ve got your keys here, and I don’t want to hear any complaints about the room assignments,” she warned.
I was surprised to find she’d assigned Lauren, the goalie, and Patsy, the best of the forwards to my room. We got along all right, but I knew they looked down on me from their lofty positions as starters and seniors. I was also surprised that there were just three of us assigned to the room. Usually they jammed four players together to share two double or queen-sized beds.
Lauren and Patsy tossed their backpacks onto the beds as soon as we entered the room. I fully expected to be sleeping on the floor that night, since they were already acting like they owned the place.
There was just enough time before dinner to cool off in the hotel’s pool. Emma and I bobbed in the water next to each other. I let my mind wander, feeling pleasantly tired. Both of us still felt awkward, being the youngest on the team, and the fact that we were also starters only made it worse.
I hadn’t realized how resentful some of the other players were until our first game last season. Coach Nancy made two of the juniors sit out, and Emma and I took over their positions. We did so well that the two rarely played again, and only as subs. For the rest of the season, Emma and I tried to ignore their dirty looks and nasty comments. We were relieved when they both quit at the end of the season.
“Who’s in your room?” I asked Emma, dragging my mind back to the present.
“Let’s see. Jillian, Sarah and Katie,” she said rolling her eyes. “Jillian’s mad because she wanted to room with Patsy and Lauren, but Sarah and Katie seem okay. They’re definitely nicer than Jillian, probably because they’re juniors and not as stuck up as the seniors.” I agreed.
We joined several of the girls who were batting around a volleyball in the pool with a group of guys. There was a boys’ tournament that same weekend, and I could feel the tension in the air as the girls and boys checked each other out. My mind was on James though, and I soon tired of all the silly flirting and headed back to the room.
James had been texting me regularly ever since our movie date, and I was dying to know if he’d sent anything new while I was gone. My phone usually went everywhere with me, but the battery had run down, so I’d left it in the room to charge. There was nothing from James, which was disappointing, although I knew my reaction was unreasonable. Why should he sit around all weekend pining away for me?
I took a quick shower, taking advantage of the fact that my roommates were still down at the pool, and settled on the rollaway bed that had somehow appeared in our room. At least that solved the sleeping arrangement problem.
The door banged open, and Lauren and Patsy entered, talking loudly. They tossed their wet towels onto the floor.
“Hey. When did you get back?” Lauren asked, looking around the room and at me in my little bed, which I’d pushed into a corner. I’d piled my stuff against the wall, as far away from the other two beds as I could get.
“I’ve been here for maybe twenty minutes. I’ve already had a shower, so the bathroom’s all yours,” I said trying to sound casually cool. Patsy’s sour expression told me I hadn’t succeeded.
The team met downstairs for dinner, and we carpooled with the coach and a few of the parents to a nearby restaurant. Someone had arranged a massively long table, with enough room for the whole team, the coach and all the parents. The team sat together, ignoring the adults at the other end.
By the time we got back to the hotel it was already 9:45, just fifteen minutes before official lights out. I changed into baggie shorts and a T-shirt in the bathroom and brushed my teeth, racing against time. But when I came out, the other two were still dressed, lying on their beds and staring at the TV and their cellphones.
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sp; “I’m done in the bathroom,” I chirped as I plopped onto my bed.
“Good for you,” said Lauren, not looking up. Patsy said nothing and kept texting. It was like my presence didn’t even register.
“When’s it supposed to start?” Lauren asked a few minutes later.
“I think not till 10:30,” Patsy responded, still texting furiously.
“When does what start?” I asked, completely baffled, since we were just a few minutes from lights out.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s got nothing to do with you. We’re going out for a while, and you’d better not tell anyone,” said Patsy, flashing me a threatening look.
“Umm, okay,” I mumbled, wondering what they were up to, but not daring to ask. I picked up a magazine and tried to read, but before long, I gave up. I decided to text Emma.
“Lauren and Patsy are going somewhere at 10:30. What’s happening?”
A couple of seconds later, she responded, “There’s a party in one of the boys’ rooms. Jillian’s going, too.”
“WTF? We’ve got an 8:00 game!!!” I texted back.
“Can’t do anything about it,” she responded.
I read for a while after the other two left, but fell asleep with all the lights on. Sometime much later, I awoke when I heard voices in the hall outside the room. The key clicked in the lock, and Lauren and Pam came in giggling. I pretended to be asleep, as I watched them through a half-open eye.
Patsy rooted through her backpack, tossing its contents into the air. Clothes rained down around her as she guffawed drunkenly. She stripped off her clothes, pulled on a T-shirt and turned off the lights. I heard a thud as she landed on one of the beds.
Meanwhile, Lauren had gone straight into the bathroom. I heard retching, followed by moaning and finally, running water. When she came out, I got a good look at her, backlit by the bathroom light. Her mascara had run down her cheeks in black lines, and she looked pale and wobbly. The bathroom light clicked off, and I heard her stumbling around before she landed on the other bed. Both of them snored, and before long, the tell-tale smell of beer had wafted through the room. I turned up my nose in disgust, and covered my head with a pillow.
The alarm on my phone woke me at 6:00, and I realized I was starving. I pulled on my uniform as quietly as I could in the dark room and took the elevator down to breakfast. I’d already grabbed a plate and been through the buffet line before I noticed Emma at a corner table with Sarah and Katie. Jillian was nowhere to be seen.
“Hi,” I greeted them, sat down and started eating. “Did you sleep okay?” I asked, looking at each of them, not sure how much I should say about what had gone on the night before.
“Not really,” said Sarah. “I was finally asleep when Jillian came crashing into the room. She was totally blitzed. She passed out and was breathing disgusting beer breath all over me, so I ended up sleeping on the floor.” Emma and Katie nodded in sympathy.
“So where are Lauren and Patsy anyway?” Katie asked.
“Still in bed. They came in drunk sometime in the middle of the night, but I pretended to be asleep. They’re still up there,” I said. We ate silently for a while, everyone a bit subdued.
Suddenly Coach Nancy bounded into the dining room, looking raring to go. Her smile faded when she noticed that several of her players were missing.
“Where are the other girls?” she asked, looking in turn at each of us. I stared at my lap and hoped she’d interrogate someone else.
“Katie, have you seen Jillian?”
“Umm, she was still asleep when we came down,” she said, fidgeting with her ponytail and avoiding the coach’s stare. Coach Nancy looked like she was about to explode. Her face turned brick red, and she stood, hands on her hips, frowning.
“Who else is missing?” she demanded. Her brown eyes snapped angrily. No one spoke up.
“Come on girls, we’ve got a tournament to play. Who’s missing?” I could see her mind whirring. Then she shook her head, her dark curly hair dancing back and forth wildly.
“Where are Lauren and Patsy?” she asked, looking right at me.
“They were still asleep when I came down,” I croaked weakly.
“Okay, everyone. Finish up and be down in the lobby and ready to play in fifteen minutes. Make sure you’ve got all your belongings with you, because I’ve already checked us out. Just drop your room keys into the box at the front desk. Understood?”
We nodded vigorously and watched her storm out of the dining room toward the elevators.
My appetite was gone, which was just as well, because there wasn’t any time left anyway. I shuddered at the thought of going back into the room to pack up.
“I hate this. What am I gonna do? My stuff’s still in the room, but so are Lauren and Patsy,” I whispered to Emma.
“Well, suck it up. We’ll have to face them sooner or later, and we have to hurry or we’ll be late,” she said. I noticed she looked worried despite her brave words.
We rode the elevator in silence and parted at our respective doors. I put the key into the lock and opened the door as silently as I could, not knowing what to expect. All the lights were on, and Lauren and Patsy were furiously stuffing their backpacks. They had on the same jeans and shirts they’d worn to dinner the night before, and both of them looked sick, nearly green. I debated saying something, but decided it would be a stupid move. Instead, I went straight to my corner, packed up and got out of there as fast as I could. I met Emma in the hall, and we hurried to the elevator, catching it just before the door glided shut.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. I didn’t say anything and neither did they. Did Jillian have her uniform on?”
“Nope. She’s not playing, and I’d bet Lauren and Patsy aren’t either. Coach was leaving our room just as I got there, and Jillian was crying.”
Our game was a complete disaster without the three seniors. Even though the rest of us did our best, we got clobbered, 1 to 4. We sat through Coach Nancy’s dispirited postgame pep talk, then dragged ourselves and our backpacks over to Emma’s parents, who were waiting for us in the stands.
“That was a tough one,” Keith said, as he climbed down and put an arm around each of us. “But you two played your hearts out.”
“You sure did, and we were very proud of you and the rest of the team,” Pam said. “What happened to all the seniors?”
“They got kicked off the team for the next month. They went to a party with a bunch of guys they met at the pool and got drunk last night,” Emma relayed, eyes on the pavement under her feet.
“Well, serves ’em right. But it’s too bad the whole team had to suffer,” said Keith.
“Let’s head home. We’ll stop for lunch on the way, if you want,” Pam suggested. Emma and I were exhausted and fell asleep before we’d even reached the freeway.
Chapter 11
The days passed in a whirl of activity, punctuated by more and more of my parents’ arguments. I stayed out of their way as much as possible, busy with school and soccer. James became an increasing part of my life, too. We spent nearly all our free time together, and just about all our weekends. It was soon obvious to everyone at school that James and I were a thing. We ate lunch and attended every school event together. On weekends we’d hike, go to the beach for long walks, or just hang out, either at my house or his.
I preferred his house, since I could never predict the next upheaval at mine. Besides, his parents were cool, and Janie was so cute. His parents had no problem with us going to his bedroom and closing the door. In my wildest dreams, I couldn’t imagine mine being so accommodating. Thanksgiving break loomed, and James would be away visiting his grandparents in Northern California the entire weekend. Even with texts, I knew I’d miss him.
Emma and I had taken on increasingly important roles on the soccer team since that awful weekend tournament, and we felt like we belonged at last. Even though the three seniors were technically back on the team, their hearts didn’t see
m to be in it, and the rest of us were still pissed that they’d let us down. For the most part, no one said anything; the constant tension just ate away at us. The official season hadn’t even started yet, and it wouldn’t until after Thanksgiving, but I already looked forward to the following year, when they’d be gone. Maybe we could rebuild.
“I’m so glad we’re coming to your house for Thanksgiving,” I said to Emma one afternoon on the bus ride home. Since practice had been canceled, we’d get home before dark.
“Me, too! Mom asked if I wanted to make the pumpkin pies, rather than buying them this year. What do you think? Wanna help me? It might be fun. It’s better than watching football on TV all day.”
“Sure, why not. It’s not like I’ve got lots of plans this weekend,” I responded glumly. I was feeling sorry for myself about James being gone.
The smile faded from Emma’s face. She stared at her lap for a moment before pulling her earbuds out of her backpack. When she handed me one, I saw the hurt on her face, and I felt terrible. I’d been so caught up with James that I’d been neglecting her. Emma dated occasionally, but she hadn’t found anyone special, and I knew that bothered her, too. I realized we were in danger of growing apart, and the thought really scared me. I took the earbud from her, but held it in my hand.
“You know I didn’t mean anything by that remark, don’t you? You’re my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Just knowing you’re right next door makes things at home bearable. I’m sorry for what I just said. I’ve let this thing with James take over so much of my life, and it’s not right.” I looked deep into her eyes and willed her to see how bad I felt.
Emma cracked a smile that lit up her whole face, put in her earbud and turned the music on. I smiled back, and we bounced to the music the rest of the way to our stop. On the walk down the hill, I decided to try again, just to make sure.