Pax did not respond, but jerked her face away, feeling apprehensive about Suja’s touch.
The enemy woman was quiet for a moment, before smiling. Well, darling, if you’re going to die, it can’t be in that awful black dress. I mean, how morbid would that be? To die while wearing black! Honestly. You need something triumphant. Suja waved her hand, and Pax’s body was immediately enshrouded by the rich fabric of a golden gown. There—now you look like a true fire deva.
Thank you, Suja. Pax looked down at herself with approval; she had never felt partial to any kind of clothing, but she was grateful to be wearing something slightly ceremonial on this day. She knew that her body would never be found after imploding, but she liked the thought that she would look her best in her final moments. Pax gave the woman a gracious nod. Do you mind if I have a few minutes of privacy to be alone with my thoughts before I do this?
Sure, darling. Farewell.
As soon as Suja had disappeared, Pax felt relief wash over her. She really craved the solitude—it was the whole point of teleporting out into space and throwing her body in the path of the missile. She could have chosen to accept Thornton’s offer to spend the night relaxing together, as herself, and it would have surely been lovely—but somehow it did not strike her as the right thing to do. Instead, she had given him half of herself, for only half an hour, and saved the rest of her body and time for the world.
Don’t be upset, Thorn. You deserve to be free of me. Pax could not stop a few tears from accumulating in the corners of her eyes and sliding down her cheeks. The droplets hit the surface of the comet with a fizzle. I wasn’t strong enough to forgive you—but I’m strong enough to do this. I can only do what I can do.
As more tears slid off her cheeks, hissing and sputtering when they touched the fjuyen nucleus, she knew she needed to initiate the attack. She craved just a few minutes more of existence, but she knew she must force herself to begin. She peered through the cloudy mist and through her fuzzy tears, trying to see the outlines of the continents on her beloved planet one last time. She realized that she could blame no one else for her fate; she did not want to blame anyone else. This was her decision, one which she was proud to make.
This is the way I want it to end, Pax informed herself. There were many other possible outcomes, but I chose this one. Here goes nothing.
Jamming her index finger directly against her forehead, she began to release the stream of prana into her skull. As she slowly melted her brain into pure energy, she could feel the migraine of the century beginning in the back of her head and traveling to the sides of her brain. She began to mentally recite the incantation while she was still capable of forming coherent thought:
Matter within me, all that matters
Condense into the supermassive…
* * *
Amara lay in the shallow swamp water, sobbing, but not from the pain of being struck by her friend and thrown to the ground. The water was only a few inches deep, not even reaching up to her elbows or bellybutton, but after a few seconds of crying, she fell over to lie on her side, effectively immersing herself. She continued blubbering, accidentally breathing in some water, and began to cough violently. She pressed a hand on her chest, feeling dreadful.
Yes, the situation with Thornton had been unspeakable and traumatic, and she would certainly have nightmares about it for the rest of her existence; but she felt far worse about Pax’s sudden appetite for suicide. Sure, the giant comet heading toward the planet, completely illuminating the small pond in which Amara lay, was an excellent excuse for self-sacrifice if there ever was one—but it was unnecessary!
Trying feebly to lift herself out of the pond water, Amara tried to rest on her elbows and wipe her eyes. “My bunker’s really comfortable, Paxie,” she whispered into the night, between sniffles. “Come back. I promise you’ll like it. It will be like an awesome slumber party while there’s a huge thunderstorm outside.”
Dissolving into another fit of weeping, she knew that she needed help. Without thinking too much about who she would ask for help, her mind automatically sought out the most familiar telepathic wavelengths.
Ash, she called out mentally, shutting her eyes. Ash, please help me.
She was beginning to feel a sinking feeling in her stomach when there was no response after one second, but before a second second had passed, the man she had called had appeared by her side, kneeling in the shallow pond.
“What’s wrong, Mara?” he asked immediately.
“It’s Paxie. She’s gone to kill herself.”
“Fuck,” said Asher. He dragged a hand through his messy hair. “Because of what Thorn just did?”
Amara nodded, beginning to weep softly again. “She teleported. We’ll never be able to stop her in time.”
“We have to tell your dad,” Asher said, “and my big brother. They’ll be able to help.”
“You go,” Amara said, putting her arms around her midsection. “I feel too sick to fly.”
Asher hesitated, not knowing if it was appropriate to touch the blonde woman—but he certainly could not leave her crying in the middle of an isolated swamp, wet and miserable. He swallowed at the thought. Not that it would be the first time I left her this way… He pushed all of this out of his mind, and reached out to touch Amara’s back.
Her head snapped to look at him, her eyes wide and alarmed at his touch. He breathed steadily, extending his hand to help her stand. She accepted his help gingerly, and once she was almost fully upright, he slipped an arm under her shoulders and blasted into the air. He moved so quickly that she did not even have a chance to brush her wet hair out of her eyes before they had arrived at her bunker. He deposited her on the ground within two seconds. She was surprised to find that once her feet were firmly planted, and her head had stopped spinning from the whirlwind of his motion, her hair and body were completely dry. He had used his prana to absorb the moisture from her body while they were in mid-flight.
She was stunned by his efficiency. Thanks for being there for me on two seconds’ notice, Ash.
Anytime, Mara, he responded, without a backwards glance at her as he walked forward into the bunker. “Guys! Vince! We have a problem.”
As the devas began to gather around Asher, the man used his telepathy to yell at his best friend over their long-distance connection. Thorn, you had better get over to the bunker fast. Hearing no response, Asher mentally screamed at the man. Thornton Vincent Kalgren, wake the fuck up!
I’m up, I’m up. What the hell is wrong with you, Ash? God, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck…
I don’t care how you feel! Get the hell over to Mara’s bunker now. My niece is going to kill herself because of what you did.
Paxie’s going to… No. No! Where the fuck are my clothes?
Why are you asking me? Asher responded angrily. He was distracted from his psychic argument when he heard Amara yelling at her father. He frowned when he saw that she was actually beating on Vincent’s chest in rage. Wow, Asher thought to himself. If I’m ever a father, I hope my kids beat the crap out of me a little less than the Kalgrens do to poor Vince.
“Why did you teach her that attack!” Amara was shrieking as she pounded her fists viciously against Vincent’s body. The demigod looked down in astonishment at his daughter’s unusually livid show of emotion. “Why, why, why, why, why!”
Vincent was stunned by her outrage. He had never seen the demure, docile Amara act so barbaric.
“It’s your fault, dad!” the blonde woman sobbed. “Do something! You need to stop her!”
“I’m afraid that there is nothing I can do,” Vincent said softly. “Once she initiates that attack, she will be lost to us forever.”
“No. We have to do something,” Asher said. “Let’s put our heads together and figure this out. If we don’t think of something in the next five minutes, I’m just going to fly up there.”
The grown-up Nyssa from the future was standing a few feet away and frowning. “This didn�
�t happen in my time,” she whispered. “This is different.” Her father, Gordin, moved to her side and began to chat with her quietly, asking questions about the future.
“What’s going on?” Thornton demanded, having found his clothes and sped across the miles.
“Thorn!” Amara shouted. “Big brother, please do something. Paxie’s going to die.”
The man’s eyes narrowed, his blonde eyebrows furrowing. “How? She… she didn’t go after the comet with that self-destruction technique?”
When everyone responded in the hushed silence of agreement, Thornton shook his head, refusing to believe what was happening. “It’s my fault,” he said softly. “I wanted to piss her off, but I didn’t know…”
“Just how pissed off she would get?” Asher finished angrily. “Seriously, man! This is Pax we’re talking about. Little Miss Fireballs! I told you that you could mess with anyone except my niece.”
“Ash, I really didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You know I respect you and your family to the highest possible degree. Pax has been pushing me away and giving me the cold shoulder—she told me to see other people. Do you expect me not to live my life?”
“Dude, you weren’t living your life. You were specifically trying to spite her. You told me so.”
Thornton groaned at this reminder. “Dammit, Paxie.” He looked up at the sky, imagining her exploding her body against the comet at any moment. Don’t do it, Pax. Please don’t—I’ll do anything you want. I’ll be your slave for life if only you keep living.
“It’s okay, Thorn,” Amara said softly. “It’s my fault. I was a shit friend and I got her into so much trouble with my stupid…” When both men looked at her, Amara flushed hotly, knowing she could never tell them about Para—especially not now. “Never mind.”
“Wow,” Nyssa remarked from where she stood. “This is really sad and entertaining to watch. You guys were totally immature twenty years ago.”
Asher ignored this barb. “Look, we need to get my niece back. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to head to Sakra’s point, where my brother is. We’re going to ask Sakra to make us a portal…”
“He can only open a portal to locations on the planet,” Thornton said.
“Well, maybe if we give him our energy—and if we all help him perform the technique—maybe he can open a portal to the comet,” Asher suggested.
“Pax would know what to do,” Amara said softly. “She’s read all the old literature, and she would know an incantation to bend space or time. Or both.”
“She knows too much for her own good! She shouldn’t know an attack like this in the first place,” Thornton said angrily, turning on Vincent. “How could you do this, Father? How could you teach her something so dangerous?”
“It may have been a minor lapse of judgment on my part. I should have realized she was too volatile to hold that knowledge right now.” Vincent paused. “But truthfully, there was no one else I could trust. There was no one else as devoted to my teachings as Pax Burnson.”
“Is,” Amara said angrily. “There is no one else. So let’s go save her.”
“There is nothing we can do,” Vincent said firmly. “It is her choice. If she successfully detonates her body, then she will be giving us all a great gift—she will be saving this pathetic little planet and all of your miserable souls.”
Thornton moved suddenly, grabbing his father by the throat. His body was instantly surrounded by a fierce golden glow, and his eyes were ablaze. Everyone nearby shielded their eyes from the hot energy exuding from his body.
His eyes were hard, but his voice was even harder. “We are going after Pax. Now.”
* * *
Matter within me, all that matters
Condense into the supermassive…
Pax paused in the middle of performing the incantation, even as the touch of her index finger was liquefying her brain. She had begun to feel her inner energy beginning to crush itself, compacting into the beginning of a black hole at her center. She knew that once she finished the final sentence, her body would explode, and she would cease to exist. A few more tears tumbled from her eyes as she gazed at her home, thinking about her lover. Images came to her of their private moments together; her fingers tangled in his blonde hair, and his lips against her neck. Pax Burnson, you drive me utterly insane. She could hear his words, echoing in her mind, even as she tried to focus completely on the technique.
Light into me, flow ever beyond…
She suddenly noticed a small amount of dark steam rising from where her tears had hit the surface of the comet. Pax stared down in surprise as her tears fizzled against the fjuyen substance, burning holes directly through the mineral. She gawked, unblinking for a second before she realized what she was seeing. She jerked her index finger away from her forehead violently, and groaned as her head spun with the migraine of her melting brain. Her vision was blurry and distorted with the decay of her occipital lobes, so she used her fingertips to scrape against the fjuyen substance, desperately checking to make sure it was really damaged by her tears. It was. Underneath her palms, she could clearly feel that the rough mineral had been vaporized upon contact with her tears. She was even able to stick her finger directly into a hole in the surface.
“Yes,” she tried to whisper, but being in space, was unable to speak. Nonetheless, she tried again to scream the word, lurching herself upright into a sitting position. “Yes!” Ignoring the ache in her brain, Pax victoriously pounded her fists against the section of the fjuyen which had been softened by her tears, feeling it yield beneath her blows. That was the key all along! Deva tears. She instinctively wanted to thank the heavens, but in this particular moment, she was so far above the heavens that it seemed silly to do so. Instead, she thanked the stars. Turning her head upwards, she tried to look through the mist to honor the stars, but she saw only darkness. She could not even see the mist.
She blinked in surprise, realizing that she had gone blind. The battle had not been won yet—her brain was dissolving in her skull, thanks to her own efforts. Having made significant progress at initiating the technique that would destroy her body, she would very likely die anyway—she needed to work quickly while she still had her wits about her. Pax knew that emotional human tears had a special chemical make-up, containing certain hormones that served various purposes—even one that acted as a natural painkiller. She would have loved to know what specific ingredient was responsible for melting the fjuyen, but unfortunately, there was no time to pause in the name of science. She had to keep crying.
Lifting her hands to either side of her face, allowing them to hover in a relaxed posture near her temples, she coaxed a cocktail out of her tear ducts, mixing two parts prana with one part tears. The resulting mixture streamed forth from her sightless eyes in iridescent rivulets, burying into the comet beneath her. She felt no small measure of joy when she felt a crack in the ground beneath her, similar to an earthquake. Many little tremors followed, jostling her body violently and making her head ache further.
Pax fell forward to her hands and knees, not capable of keeping her balance. She focused on directing her streams of tear-dust-infused prana throughout the fjuyen comet, breaking it into half. Moving to lie down on her back on one of the halves, she moved her hands in flourishing circles, as if she were pulling silvery ribbons forth from her eyes. Controlling her newly brewed chemical weapon, she broke the chunk of the comet on which she rested, creating a small bed for her to work on. She then began using her mind to maneuver the tear-dust to break the largest pieces of the comet into smaller fragments. She knew that her brain and body might give up at any moment, and she wanted to inflict as much damage as possible before losing consciousness.
She might be a goddess, but she could not survive with a liquefied brain.
Although she could no longer see the pieces of the comet, she could sense them. Her body felt similar to when she had pumped her blood into Amara’s body. There was a constant, weakening drain
—except now she was pumping all of her energy out through her eyes. She could sense the comet disintegrating as she directed the torrents of tear-dust in harsh zigzag patterns throughout the material. She concentrated to disperse pockets of the tear-dust in little napalm grenades, exploding the comet wherever she could manage. Her head was growing dizzy, and her aim was beginning to fail.
A pleasant feminine voice crooned into her mind: Well done, granddaughter of the fire deva. Now the real fun begins.
Suja, Pax responded, and it was somehow uplifting even to hear the voice of her enemy in her broken, debilitated state. She needed someone to gloat to. I broke your fucking giant contact lens of doom. You won’t be slapping that onto the eyeball that is the Planet Earth… not anytime soon!
Very fine job. You’ve passed my test, sweet girl.
This was a test? Pax asked in amazement.
Of course. I needed to see if you were really as special as I believed you were. You are stunning, darling. A creative genius, passionate and powerful. We will meet again very soon.
I doubt that, Pax responded. I’m still dying.
Maybe. But at least you’re doing it in a pretty dress. Suja’s lyrical laughter rang loudly through Pax’s throbbing skull. It’s not over. This war is far from over. The things I have planned for you! Goodnight, darling.
Somehow, nothing about Suja bothered Pax more than when the demon queen wished her a good night. It was disconcertingly companionable and unnervingly intimate. It is over, Pax told herself. At least it is for me. I’ll keep chopping this thing into smaller pieces, and the earth’s atmosphere will hopefully take care of the rest. It should melt me along with the comet. Even if the atmosphere doesn’t do much damage to the fjuyen substance, hopefully the smaller chunks will cause less of an impact. I have achieved something—this was worth the effort!
Pax smiled as she lay limply on her rock, her golden dress spilled out around her. She used two fingers to point at her eyes, extracting the genuine tears and instantly converting them into liquid weaponry. She could not see the planet in her blindness, but she could imagine its beautiful blue waters and white swirling clouds. Like Thorn’s eyes.
Thirty Minutes to Heartbreak Box Set (Books 1-3) Page 61