Roguelike

by Paul Bellow

  I closed my eyes and cringed, waiting for the final damage to my favorite character, but nothing happened.

  “Doom,” the ogre said in a low, monotone voice.

  I opened my eyes and saw the creature staring blankly into space.

  “Get away from me,” the gnome yelled from further down the hallway.

  I scooted backward and scrambled to my feet with the Wand of Fire & Fury in my hand.

  Time to finish this up…

  I zapped the wand.

  Your Fire Fury DISEMBOWELS the ogre for 102 damage.

  The ogre is dead! (+3,000 xp)

  Your Fire & Fury MUTILATES the gnome for 65 damage.

  Your Fire & Fury MAIMS the troll for 57 damage.

  The Wand of Fire & Fury has [24/134] charges.

  I walked forward, the flames dying down.

  “Stay away,” the gnome yelled as the troll ran around on fire in the background.

  I approached the room where they’d been waiting for me.

  The gnome raised his hands to cast a spell.

  I stopped then stepped back as a fireball blasted toward me.

  Not ready to die again, I grabbed two potions of healing out of my bag of holding.

  The fireball reached me, exploding in a brilliant ball of flames. When I didn’t take any damage, I realized it was only an illusion.

  Time to heal up and finish this battle.

  I quaffed a few of my finer potions to heal.

  You feel better.

  You have [159/776] health remaining.

  You feel better.

  You have [242/776] health remaining.

  Not good enough, but it’ll have to do for now.

  I ran into the room. The gnome had fled, but the troll continued running around, fanning the flames burning him. I hefted Thor’s Hammer and put him out of his misery.

  You MUTILATE the troll for 69 damage.

  The troll is dead! (+3000 xp)

  I ran toward the door the gnome had run through. He’d made it to the far end of the next room when I went through the doorway. Not wanting to chase him, I zapped my favorite offensive wand.

  Your Fire Fury DISEMBOWELS the gnome illusionist for 112 damage.

  The gnome illusionist is dead! (+3,000 xp)

  The Wand of Fire & Fury has [23/134] charges.

  Combat is Over!

  You have [695,000/700,000] xp

  Where’s Tabby?

  I ran back to the other room and saw her gently nibbling at the troll’s burnt body.

  “Extra crispy,” she said. “Just the way I like it.”

  I shook my head, still pumped up by the adrenaline rush of the battle. The idea of being in a virtual reality felt like a distant memory. I’d spent so much time in the Tower of Gates. I pushed the thoughts aside and got back to the roguelike.

  Close to leveling too.

  On the way to check the ogre’s body for loot, I drank the last of my extra healing potions and returned to full health. Just one more monster in that group, and I might not have made it through. The realization hit home as I saw the destruction in the tunnel around the still burning ogre. So much for loot.

  I returned to find Tabby still contentedly munching on the crispy troll.

  “We should go,” I said. “That shop’s around here somewhere.”

  The cat glanced up at me, blinked, then went back to eating.

  “Fine,” I said in frustration then left her to her feast.

  The gnome’s body in the next room also hadn’t survived my mighty flames, but I found an unburned scroll. A quick identify labeled it as a Scroll of Create Illusion. Could be handy, I thought as I stuffed it in my backpack of holding. I peered through the doorway where the gnome had tried to escape. A short hallway led away from the room.

  A sign painted with “Gary’s Edibles” hung over the door at the end. Might as well check it out. I walked toward the entrance.

  “Hello,” an utterly too cheerful man said as soon as I entered his shop. “Care for a pastry or three?”

  “Just looking,” I said, glancing around.

  Luckily, word hadn’t reached him about my status as a thief. I glanced around, seeing dozens of pastries carefully placed on the tables. Prices aren’t too bad.

  “They’ll leave you feeling good,” the shopkeeper said then winked. “I’m Gary, and you have my word on it.”

  I nodded, smiling politely.

  “You can try one free if you want,” he said. “Go ahead.”

  I paused.

  Would this shopkeeper poison me with a free Danish to exact instant karmic justice?

  “Hold on,” I said, pulling out a Scroll of Identify. I read the words then looked down at the Danish.

  Rustic Raspberry Danish

  This sweet treat will heal all damage.

  Expires in two days. You gain 5 pounds if you eat.

  “No thanks,” I said, then reconsidered. “Might as well take a couple. How much?”

  Gary grinned.

  “Only five-hundred gold...each.”

  The rising inflection of the last word made it sound more like a question.

  “Fine.” I grabbed a handful of coins. “This’ll take a minute.”

  Gary’s smile widened as I piled a thousand gold coins on one of his tables. I picked up two of the raspberry pastries and placed them on top of everything else in my backpack. They’d probably rot before I used them, but I didn’t have any healing potions. Gary stepped away from the door after my purchase.

  “Come again,” he said, oblivious to the destruction I’d caused just outside his shop.

  I smiled and nodded, then walked past him. We only had one more room to explore on the level, so I expected it to have a staircase leading down to level thirty-seven of the dungeon.

  “Tabby, come on,” I yelled into the room with the troll. “Time to go.”

  She strutted out and walked over to me, rubbing against my leg and purring.

  “Had enough?” I asked.

  She purred in contentment.

  In the final room of the level, I found the staircase leading downward.

  “We’ll rest here for a while,” I said.

  She didn’t answer.

  “Tabby?”

  I glanced around the rectangular room. She’d already found a spot near the wall and had curled up to sleep.

  “Guess I’ve got the first watch,” I said, sitting down with my back against a stone wall.

  I watched her sleeping peacefully as I thought about the game. Beyond my abilities, stats, skills, and inventory, I thought about my chance of escaping the roguelike. Even if I did, I would still be stuck in the Tower of Gates. My mind turned to the quest ahead of me. After finding The Graveyard, I’d need to defeat the ghost of another player.

  I rested a few hours then stood and stretched, ready to get going.

  “Come on Tabby,” I said. “Time to go.”

  She opened her left eye, stared at me a moment, then closed it again.

  “I’ve got some catnip for you,” I said, reaching into my backpack.

  She picked herself up then lumbered over.

  “You’re not lying to me, are you?” she asked.

  “No,” I said. “Here you go.”

  I tossed a handful of catnip on the stone floor.

  “Hurry up, though. We need to get going.”

  “Okay,” she said then sighed.

  Her mood perked up after ingesting some of the fine herbs.

  ()xxxx[:::: Chapter 11 ::::>

  Rusty the Monster

  You are on level 37 (-1850’)

  You are a Level 35 Orc Samurai.

  You are well rested.

  You smell catnip nearby.

  You are blessed.

  I grinned at the string of notifications as I entered the new level. The map sticking out of my belt glowed a bit brighter. Was I ready to take on the ghost of another player?

  The rewards might be tremendous. On the other side of the coi
n, I could die and start all over from the beginning. The thought helped me understand the dwarves more.

  Would I want to quit after hundreds or thousands of attempts? They hadn’t beat the game. What made me think I could do it on my own? I took a deep breath and glanced around.

  The room had two doors on the opposite wall, both next to each other. I noticed the tiles on the floor had a slightly different pattern but looked like those of level thirty-seven.

  I pulled out the map to The Graveyard and saw it glowing more brightly than ever before. We’re close. I can feel it. After putting it away, I stepped over to the two doors and listened. Nothing. Good. We could use an easy level or two before hitting the graveyard.

  “Keep your eyes open,” I said as I opened the left door.

  Tabby walked through my legs to the next room.

  “Yet another dungeon room that looks the same as hundreds of others we’ve been in.”

  “Don’t get smart,” I said. “Keep your eyes open for the entrance to The Graveyard.”

  “Now you’re specific,” the cat said.

  I noticed a suit of rusty chain mail against one wall. Another door, open, led to a hallway.

  “Aren’t you getting that armor?” Tabby asked. “You’ve been stuffing everything else in that bag of yours.”

  “No,” I said, walking forward. “We’ve got bigger problems…like finding the entrance to The Graveyard.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “You’ve been going on about it a while now. What’s so important about confronting a ghost anyway?”

  “We’ll get better equipment,” I said.

  “And then?”

  “Then we’ll be able to dive down deeper in the dungeon.”

  “And then?” Tabby asked again.

  “What are you getting at?”

  “It’s all the same,” the cat said. “We clear a level, get some items, lose some items, and then go onto the next one.”

  Why is she suddenly so interested in philosophy? I wondered. The question receded in my mind as a dark figure approached in the hallway. I hefted Thor’s Hammer with both hands and waited.

  “Zap it,” Tabby said impatiently.

  “Hold on…”

  I squinted my eyes as the hooded humanoid walked closer.

  No visible weapons. A spellcaster? That could mean trouble.

  I raised my hammer as he reached the room. Or was it a she? I glanced closer and saw it was a cloaked female with bright red hair. She raised her head and arm as she approached. Mesmerized by her beauty, I couldn’t force myself to attack.

  “Why are you waiting?” Tabby asked then leaped at the woman, claws out.

  My fearless, or foolish cat companion, landed on her cloak, clinging on for dear life. Without looking down, the red-haired woman swatted her away. The spell broke, leaving an open window for an attack.

  You MAIM the fierce beauty for 57 damage.

  You DECIMATE the fierce beauty for 36 damage.

  The fierce beauty is not concerned.

  Another amazing Armor Class. That cloak is going to be nice.

  She stopped and zapped a long, thin wand. A thick, gooey web shot out of the tip. I dodged and rolled to the right, avoiding the sticky mess. Back on my feet, I fought back and overcame her.

  The fierce beauty is dead! (+6000 xp)

  Combat is Over!

  You have [701,000/700,000] xp.

  LEVEL UP!

  You get +31 health

  You get +2 stat points

  You get +2 skill points

  The next room, a long one with a bumpy gravel floor, had a fountain on a wall. Water poured out of a mage’s palm and fell into a stone basin below. I walked over and peered in.

  Looks clean enough. Maybe I’ll get lucky.

  I scooped up some of the crystal-clear water and brought it to my lips.

  Tastes fine.

  You feel better.

  You have [807/807] health remaining.

  You gain +1 CON.

  CON is now 96.

  That’s nice, I thought then quickly took another drink.

  You feel better.

  You have [808/808] health remaining.

  You gain +1 CON.

  CON is now 97

  I quickly drank my way to one-hundred constitution. The effects stopped, including the health increases. Checking my stats, it appeared to be permanent.

  You have [811/811] health remaining.

  Nice find.

  “Can I have some?” Tabby asked.

  I smiled then reached down to grab her.

  “Don’t overdo it,” I teased as I sat her on the edge of the fountain.

  She lapped at the water. My smile faded when I saw fur growing all over her body.

  “Whoa,” I said, pulling her back. “Something’s not right.”

  I set her on the stone floor of the room beside the fountain.

  “Your face,” she said then laughed.

  “What about it?” I asked as I felt my chin.

  Hair? There’s hair everywhere!

  “You look hilarious,” Tabby said, still laughing.

  “The constitution buff is worth it,” I said. “Let’s go find the staircase down to the next level. We have to be getting closer to The Graveyard.”

  “You know, Alex. Having hair isn’t half-bad,” Tabby said then licked a paw.

  I shook my head then backed away from the fountain.

  With a constitution score of a hundred, I’d be able to gain more health every level. Between that and the ghost’s equipment, I’d be able to defeat the Wizard of Yendro.

  Two rooms away, to the west, I found yet another staircase leading down. As I walked to the next level, I pulled out the map to The Graveyard. When the glow dimmed instead of getting brighter, I stopped halfway down the staircase then went back up.

  The parchment glowed with more intensity. Did we miss the entrance to The Graveyard somehow? I stopped at the top of the stairs.

  “What’s wrong?” Tabby asked. “Don’t tell me it’s too cold with all that hair.”

  She snickered, her hair still growing.

  “No. The entrance to The Graveyard has to be on this level. We must’ve missed it.”

  “You must’ve missed it,” she quipped. “I’ve not been looking.”

  I sighed.

  “We’ll start in this room. Can you detect secret doors?”

  “Not unless I have catnip,” she said.

  I didn’t want to argue with her, so I pulled out what remained in a small pouch.

  “Here you go,” I said. “This is the last of it.”

  “Until we get more,” she said. “You’re the best half-orc I’ve ever met.”

  “You’ve met a lot, have you?”

  “No, you’re the first one,” she admitted.

  I shook my head then poured out the last of the catnip. As she devoured and played with it, I walked over to the closest wall and began examining every inch for anything out of the ordinary. This took quite a bit of time.

  After a few minutes, Tabby wandered over, staring at the wall. Her pure white hair hadn’t stopped growing. I reached up and felt my long locks. Would it stop? I pushed that problem out of my mind and returned to looking for a secret door.

  This is going to take forever. I need to be smart.

  Calling up the map, I guessed the best place for a hidden room.

  “Let’s go,” I said, walking toward the door. “We’re going back to that room in the northwest of the level. That has to be the area with the secret room.”

  “Sure thing,” Tabby said then continued staring at the wall in front of her.

  “Did you find something?” I asked.

  “Huh? What? Oh, no…”

  She stood then sauntered over, leaving the room in a daze. I followed her, hoping to find The Graveyard entrance quickly. I kept expecting the Wizard of Yendro to pop out and attack at any moment. When we made it across the dungeon level, we searched the room where it made se
nse to have a connecting secret area but found nothing. After three hours, I gave up. Tabby had fallen asleep, curled up in a corner.

  “Are you sleeping on the job?” I asked, annoyed at her.

  She opened her eyes, barely able to see with the long, white fur in the way.

  “I can’t see,” she said. “I’m blind.”

  “You’re not blind. It’s your hair.”

  I walked over and brushed it out of her eyes with my fingers.

  “Stop that,” she said then stood up and arched her back.

  “We’ve got to find a way to trim you up,” I said.

  “You too.” She nodded her hair head at me then giggled. “You’re going to start tripping over that beard.”

  “Maybe we’re cursed,” I said.

  “You think?” she asked sarcastically.

  “We’ll find something to help in The Graveyard.”

  She shook her head, looking like a little cat-hippy.

  “You hope we’ll find something. I don’t like the sound of a graveyard.”

  “I think the Egyptians buried their animals with catnip,” I said, not sure if it was true or not.

  Tabby took the bait, perking up.

  “You think so? Are you messing with me? You wouldn’t mess with me about catnip, would you?”

  “Only one way to find out,” I said. “We need to find the entrance. It’s around here somewhere.”

  Tabby walked across the room and into a hallway. I shook my head to get the hair out of my own eyes then followed her. We searched two more rooms for three hours each. Near the end, I stopped to finally eat something so I didn’t pass out.

  Roguelikes could be tough when it came to nourishment. I had a ring to help, but I still needed to eat occasionally. Tabby sat next to me, licking her long hair to groom herself. She’d already coughed up a couple nasty hairballs.

  After eating, I stood and stretched. The walls of the room we were in looked solid and similar to many of the other walls in the dungeon.