I frowned at myself in the mirror. I’d loved wearing these casual sorts of dresses once. But nowadays, they made me feel too…exposed. I didn’t like to stand out.
Flying under the radar—that was my style.
“Options. Go without a bra. You could totally manage that.” When I gazed at her sharply, she shrugged. “Sorry.”
I nodded. She was right, after all. It wasn’t unknown for me to opt out of wearing a bra when the occasion called for it. “Or you could wear this pretty blouse you already have on over the dress so it’s more like a maxi skirt.”
I frowned.
“Come on, Gray.” She wiggled the hanger in front of me. “Go change in the bathroom. You know you want to.” I bit my lip and tried to keep myself from smiling when she got into my face with a wide grin on hers. “You’ll look gorgeous.”
I sighed and did as she asked. Not sure if I was more frustrated by her makeover instinct or the fact that she was so cute and charming I couldn’t even hate her for how she’d inevitably capture Ryan’s eye.
I slipped on the dress. The length was perfect, but the dress hung loosely on me. It was still flattering, tucking in around my hips before flaring out in attractive folds around my legs. Of course, my scar was in full view.
But I did as she suggested and put the blouse on top. Buttoning it up part of the way, I was thankful to see the scar remained hidden underneath.
I studied myself in the mirror from several angles, liking the effect. I felt…pretty, feminine. And I’d applied some makeup, so my complexion looked great next to the color. Well, I’d be damned.
No doubt Pari would faint dead away if I walked into XVenture like this. I made a mental note to send her a selfie for shock value.
Sharon was putting the finishing touches on Keely’s blowout at the vanity when I exited the bathroom. The two of them looked me over when she shut off the hair dryer. Keely nodded, smiling. “Sharon, did you end up packing those rhinestone flip-flops of mine? Those would look great with that dress.”
“You were going to wear them tonight, I thought.”
Keely shook her head. “No way, Ty is tall. I need to wear my heels. Besides, they will look way cuter on Gray with that dress.” She beamed up at Sharon, who rolled her eyes.
Keely slipped into the bathroom and came out minutes later asking me to zip her up. She wore a gorgeous formfitting pale-blue silk minidress that came down above mid-thigh. Unsurprisingly, she was glamorous and stunning. Sharon handed her a box of jewelry, and she poked her earrings into her ears.
Though wearing her maxi dress had made me feel feminine and romantic, I now felt shabby beside her. My shoulders slumped, and she immediately tsked me, bringing her hands up to cup them, now several inches taller than me in her heels. “Shoulders up and back. Stand up straight. Oop, let’s do up one more button!” Her gaze met mine, her smile only faltering a little. I assumed she’d seen the scar. Then she turned that grin on full blast. “Gotta show off that pretty dress to the best angle. Make sure our Starman notices you.”
“You’re the one he needs to notice.”
She shook her head. “Only for the cameras. You’re the one he looks at when he thinks no one is watching him.”
My face burned bright red. Wow. She had a vivid imagination, didn’t she? I frowned, shaking my head. “Um, no way.”
Her eyes crinkled as she laughed. “Gray, stop making me laugh so much. I’m going to ruin my mascara! Now…admit it. You’ve got yourself a little crush.”
I glanced at her assistant, who was paying no attention to us as she tidied up the vanity.
I bit my lip. Had it been so obvious? Had I been mooning over Ryan without even realizing it? But what about my emotional intelligence? Why hadn’t that allowed me to hide what I was thinking?
And crap, did everyone know? Did Ryan know?
Keely was now searching around for her clutch, which Sharon dug out of the rumpled bedspread. Then, after looking at the time, Keely ushered me out of the suite, and we walked to the elevator.
She smiled at me when she bent to press the button, picking up our conversation right where it had left off. “I like you a lot.” She beamed amiably. “I think you should be in my squad.”
I laughed. “Not sure I’m the squad type.”
She shrugged. “We can talk about it later. Right now, back to the subject. It is completely understandable that you would have a thing for the astro-bae. So don’t feel self-conscious about that. Ty is smoking hot. Who doesn’t have a crush on him? I’d do him in a second if I had the chance.”
I blinked, nauseated at the thought of having to listen to her and Ryan bang the headboard against the wall in his house.
“I suppose that would be good for your public romance if you did,” I said in the tiniest of voices.
She grinned. “He’s not interested. I’ve tried a couple times. He’s…preoccupied.”
I looked away. “I can’t imagine it’s been easy for him to come back to Houston.”
She shrugged, checking the clasp on her bracelet. “I have no idea about any of that. I was mostly referring to the fact that he’s preoccupied with you. And I think you should go for it.”
I stared at her, wide-eyed.
“Stop blushing, Gray. You look like a teen virgin.”
I sputtered in response, and she laughed, bending to press the elevator button again. “I’m so going to make this happen. But be warned, I’ve got my eye on that hot-as-hell Russian friend of his, and I may be hanging a sock over the doorknob tonight if you know what I mean.”
My eyes widened. “Jesus.”
“I have a feeling he’s going to have me saying that a few dozen times too.” She winked as we stepped in and the doors closed.
Down in the lobby, we met up with the others. Naturally, my eyes gravitated to Ryan—like they always did, despite my brain chastising me for the action. It didn’t matter. It was like they had a mind of their own. And damn, he was gorgeous in dark brown chinos and a button-up blue shirt. It matched the deep azure color of his eyes and managed to emphasize his powerful physique underneath the clothing. His short dark hair was combed back as if having come straight from the shower.
Stealing my breath. He was a virtual thief when it came to my breathing. In truth, constantly guilty of making me forget to draw the next one. Like he himself was the vacuum of space.
Maybe I needed to don a spacesuit to protect myself from him.
His gaze met mine, then slid slowly down my body, apparently taking the surprising wardrobe choice in stride. When his eyes returned to my face, my skin warmed thinking about Keely’s revelation about how much he looked at me, when he thinks no one else is looking.
The air felt thick, riddled with tension. I yanked my eyes away and tried to think of something else—as if mentally donning that suit of protection.
I was feeling vulnerable and shaky tonight, twisting and turning in reaction to Keely’s revelation.
A hired driver opened doors for the four of us, and we filed into the SUV. Keely shoved me toward the back door, and in my haze and without realizing it, I ended up sandwiched in between Ryan and Keely. I guess that was what she meant by making this happen.
Subtle, she was not.
And though it was a wide car and there was plenty of room for the three of us to sit back there, Keely inexplicably “needed space.” She scooted as far over as she could get away with, pushing me up against Ryan and his amazing smell.
I turned and scowled at her, but she jerked her head away, keying something into her phone intently before holding it up to her face and angling it to include us.
“Smile for a selfie!” she sang.
“Sorry,” I murmured to Ryan for invading his personal space.
“You’re okay,” he muttered back, his posture seeming to relax against me.
I swallowed, my heart racing with its ubiquitous clicking. My cotton-clad thigh pressed against his muscular, iron-hard one, and through the material of his
trousers, I could feel the warmth of his body.
He bounced his knee up and down, and then the pressure increased as if he was doubling down on the close quarters. He turned his head to me and breathed in deeply.
Which reminded me. I could smell those sexy alpha-man pheromones. Man of Action scent. We rode in tense silence, the scenery of Houston melting away on both sides of the car. I stared straight ahead, my fingernails digging into my palms.
I forced myself not to think about how amazing it felt to be pressed up against a stunningly attractive man who kissed like freaking Casanova. Don’t go there, Gray. Don’t even think of that kiss right now.
Holy cripes. I had a feeling this fifteen-minute car ride was going to last a whole lot longer. Or maybe I was merely hoping that.
Chapter 13
Ryan
I had to admit, I more than enjoyed the car ride to the restaurant with Gray’s slight body pressed against mine. There definitely should have been enough room for the three of us in the back seat of that car. We didn’t have to push up so close to each other, but I didn’t care. Kirill had peered back at us from his front seat—the bastard. He’d grinned and muttered quietly to me in Russian when he noticed the same thing. “Cozy.”
Gray looked more fetching than ever tonight, much younger than even her twenty-five years. She wore a white sleeveless blouse and a long dusty-pink skirt that floated around her ankles when she walked, giving a peek of glittery sandals underneath.
And in the back of that car, I’d taken advantage of the situation and got my share of that strawberry scent of hers. The only thing it made me want was more—more feeling her body against mine, more heavenly smell. Even more of the rushed clicking of her unique heartbeat.
That teasing I’d dished out to her today at the Center with the kid? That was nothing to what she was in for tonight. Getting out of the car, I held the door for her and Keely, trying to suppress a wicked grin of anticipation.
But as we entered the restaurant, it didn’t take long to see that things were not going to go as I had anticipated. My first clue was the sign at the entrance indicating that the bar and accompanying section of the restaurant were closed down for a “Private Party.”
And I’d hoped, though I knew better, that my group of half-dozen close friends had not morphed into a horde of folks from NASA. That happened all too often, and I should have known better. Once word got out, gatherings like this grew like strings of particles in a chemical chain reaction. Houston was a big town, but the smaller NASA community in Clear Lake and the surrounds was close-knit.
I stopped and stared at the sign, overwhelmed by the urge to turn around and blow Dodge. Kirill’s shoulder nudged mine, and I looked up. His expression was somber as he nodded to me then moved into the restaurant. “Let me go see what that’s all about.”
The women stood on each side of me, Keely’s eyes scanning the room. Gray took Kirill’s place beside me, her eyes on my tense shoulders before flicking up to meet my gaze. “How can I help?”
Not, how’s it going. Not, is there anything wrong. No.
She’d perceived those things immediately in the half minute I’d had to react to this new development. Putting her hand on my upper arm, she narrowed her eyes and I tensed. I’ve got your back, she’d said, and I’d been so quick to blow her off.
I’d been skeptical, of course. Like she didn’t even understand, fully, what it meant to have my back. The most astonishing thing about her statement was the way I’d responded. With hope that she meant it. That she’d be around long enough to. But I still didn’t know yet.
I clenched my jaw.
“Should we step outside?” she asked.
I shook my head, my gaze flying back to where Kirill had disappeared. I’d stand here until he returned to fill me in.
An impromptu get-together of the local NASA community—astronauts, control directors, and other support personnel to the astronaut office—wasn’t unexpected. And shouldn’t be dreaded. It was just…
Facing my past. Facing the reality that I hadn’t fully admitted I’d run from.
In California, at that safe distance, it was easy to forget. It was easy to imagine Xander still alive back in Texas living with his family. It was easy not to notice his gaping absence from all our lives.
Here. Not so much.
The subject of Xander would come up in our conversations tonight. We’d laugh and reminisce. We’d toast him, for sure. It was unavoidable—and deservedly so. I would never ask anyone to forget Xander. But he would be here, like a ghost, haunting the back of every sympathetic look, weighing down every sad smile, every hushed memory—even the happy ones which people would repeat to try to make each other laugh.
And God, I wasn’t ready for this.
Kirill came back and filled me in—yes, the restaurant was sectioned off for us, and there were a lot of familiar faces. “Come, Ty.” He nodded toward the bar and lifted his hand to flick his throat with his middle finger—a Russian gesture indicating alcohol was in our near future.
Great minds thought alike. I followed him toward the bar. I had to properly numb myself with alcohol to get through the night. Or maybe indulge in some raucous sex with a willing and lovely participant. Depending on how shitty this evening went down, I’d have to avail myself of comfort by any means possible.
The lights were low, but every surface glowed with the reflections of the silver and red neon lights in the brushed nickel that covered the bar, the tables, the chairs. This was the futuristic—and somewhat cheesy—décor of one of Houston’s several space-themed hangouts—The Gantry.
Loud music with a pounding dance beat came from a live band in the other room. The smells of beer, barbecued beef and tangy bacon assailed my senses.
Once the four of us hit the bar area, every eye in the place gravitated to us. Kirill filed off to the side to slap hands with a couple of our compatriots. And he called upon his well-known talent for procuring a shot of vodka whenever he wanted one. Russians and their unique skills.
I picked up oohs and aahs over Keely, who gravitated to my side and flirtatiously hung on my arm. People were talking about her latest movie, how beautiful she was in person, how much of a lucky bastard I was. Without a doubt, Keely would get pestered for her autograph. Better her than me for a change.
“Ty!” a familiar voice called behind me. I spun to face my former commander, Thor Mickelson, from my first mission on station.
I shook his hand heartily as his grin grew, and he offered me a bottle of beer. I introduced him to Keely, and he did his usual awkward sort of nerd flirting we’d often teased him about. Thor tended to get tongue-tied around pretty girls, which was amusing since he had no trouble attracting them with his tall and fair Norse looks.
Kirill appeared at my other side, and I nudged him. “Did you know this thing would get so big?” I asked in Russian. The other astronauts would probably understand us to one degree or another, but aside from Kirill, I spoke the best Russian of the crew, hands down.
“No idea,” Kirill answered. “I didn’t even think you had this many friends in NASA.”
“Fuck you,” I answered. We laughed. He pushed a shot glass in front of me and asked the bartender to fill it with vodka.
I took a shivering breath, my body aching with tension. When the shot appeared, I snatched it up, gripping that little glass like my lifeline. I’d only have to tighten my grip a little to turn my knuckles white.
“Commander Ty, it’s an honor,” the young bartender said when he recognized me. “First one’s on the house, sir.”
I gave him a tight smile. “Thank you.”
Turning to Kirill, I clinked my glass to his. “Poyekhali!” Russians had thousands of different ways to toast, depending on the occasion. But for this night, I chose the famous words of the first man in space, Yuri Gagarin, right before being launched into orbit. Let’s go!
Kirill and I drank in unison and slammed our glasses down. Before I could get a refill, how
ever, there was a nudge at my elbow. I expected it to be Keely, so I turned to ask her what she wanted to drink.
Instead, the woman standing there was much shorter. With long dark hair gleaming over her shoulder like a shining curtain. My entrails froze. Karen.
Oh fuck.
“Ty,” she said with a tremulous smile on her lips, her doe eyes wide. She was a lovely woman. And as always, I knew exactly what Xander had seen in her.
She’d cut her hair and looked a lot thinner than the last time I’d seen her—at the memorial six months before. That usual mischievous gleam in her eyes—the hint of one of the sharpest tongues I’d ever come in contact with—was gone. Now, they only reflected sadness. Seeing it was like a punch to my gut.
I swallowed hard, and to cover my utter shock, I took her in a gentle hug and kissed her cheek, like old times. As if I hadn’t been blowing off her emails and texts for the past six months.
“Heya, KareBear.” The nickname was my joke from our college days. She’d always hated it, and I had no idea why it jumped out of my mouth at this particular moment.
Maybe deep down, I did want to offend her so we wouldn’t have to have the confrontation I knew was sure to come. My chest tightened so much it was hard to draw the next breath. She stepped back and gazed up at me again, the hurt in her dark eyes stabbing at me like twin daggers.
“We missed you,” she said simply. “They have Internet and phones in California still, right?”
It felt as if things around us were moving in slow motion—colors blurring, sounds fading into silence. Eyes were on us from all directions. I swear I felt so much like I was in a fishbowl that I was about to grow gills and start breathing water. I’d certainly welcome the fins so I could swim away. And God knew it was getting harder and harder to breathe by the minute.
High Risk (Point of No Return Book 1) Page 16