That familiar pressure below the belt promised to embarrass me again very soon if I didn’t get under the covers.
“What side do you like?” she asked, glancing at the bed, then pointed to the book and travel clock sitting there. “I assume this one since your stuff is on this nightstand.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.” I shrugged. And it was true, I usually let my sex partners decide all that.
She pulled her feet off the floor, stretching out before rolling over to the far side, and I watched her, that reserved smile on her pretty face, the way she blushed in the dim light.
“I don’t suppose you do this often, just sleep with a guy.”
She frowned, hesitating, then patted my side of the bed. I lifted and slid in under the covers. It was a king-size bed, and thus, there were miles between us.
The thought of closing my eyes and opening them again to pitch-black made my blood run cold. Usually, even with a woman present, I kept the room illuminated, even if dimly. None of the women usually said anything. By the time we got to sleeping, she was too worn out to complain about the light being on.
But this was different. Not only had I not had a chance to wear her out in the most pleasant way possible, she was also smart as a whip and missed nothing. For the tenth time, I questioned my own sanity for asking her to stay here with me.
Once I was settled, she turned to me, and we stared at each other awkwardly. Then she smiled. I turned my head and stared up at the ceiling, before finally closing my eyes. “Good night.”
“Night.” she answered in a small, hesitant voice. “Are you—were you going to turn off the light?”
I didn’t say anything, trying to ignore how my heart pounded at the pulse point in my throat, and I could feel it there, stealing my breath, my resolve. A trickle of fear entered into my awareness, and my thoughts drifted to that pure blackness on the far side, the dark planet stretched out miles below me as I gasped for breath in my breached suit.
Gray slowly sat up as if she sensed my unease, though I made every attempt to hide it. I was a fucking expert at hiding it. But she was no doubt remembering the incident a few days before when I’d nearly lost my shit at her for habitually flipping off the kitchen light.
My eyes fastened to the ceiling. I focused intently on bringing down my heart rate, taking long, deep breaths and expelling them in a measured way. I turned my head to her when she sat up, then scooted closer to me, looking down into my face.
“You okay? You’re sweating.”
“I’m fine.”
She hesitated and then nodded. “So the light stays on?” Her voice was gentle, inquiring. Of course, she’d figure this out.
“Yes. And I don’t want to answer any questions about it. I only want to sleep.”
She blinked and nodded. “Okay.” Though I could read a thousand questions in her eyes, she still hesitated. Gray had not ever been shy about asking the questions she wanted answered, but I’d already headed her off at the pass.
Instead of moving back to her side of the bed, however, she lay down right beside me. In the silence, I could hear the clicking of her heart valve—much slower and more measured than it had been before when I’d been riling her up.
I squeezed my eyes closed. God, I wanted to rile her up again. I wanted to bury myself in her heat and forget that every time I closed my eyes to try to sleep, all I could see was the blackest black, the emptiest of vacuums.
I realized that I was holding my breath when my chest felt tight. My fists clenched. My entrails cold as ice.
Cold as space. I was a lone, solitary figure fighting for my own life and for that of my best friend in the dark of space.
Her head came up again. “Breathe, Ryan. Stop holding your breath. You’re going to make it worse.”
I looked at her, head pressed to the pillow next to me. We locked gazes. She knew. Somehow, she did. She stared at me with unblinking eyes, then reached a hand out to smooth my face again, her soft hand rubbing loudly against my growth of whiskers.
“Don’t let your mind wander. Just think about your breathing.” I swallowed, noting that the sound of her voice wasn’t unwelcome. It calmed me.
I let go of the pent-up breath, and it exploded from my chest like a pop. “I’m fine,” I repeated after a desperate gulp of air. Even I could hear the lie in my own voice.
She turned toward me, pressing closer to my side, laying a hand lightly on my chest as if trying to check that I was still breathing. “Close your eyes, Ryan.”
But every time I closed my eyes, I had to fight hard not to see what I always saw in the dark—the black panels of the ISS solar array against the stretch of faint stars. The panicked sound in my ear coming from Xander’s frantic questions, the CAPCOM’s equally frenzied responses. The warning alarms from the breach in my own suit.
“Use your SAFER, Xander,” Noah was saying on the comms.
“I can’t maneuver— Everything’s frozen—”
I gasped again, wondering how I was going to make it back to the airlock before my own breach caused the suit to lose all pressure.
The clock was ticking. Would either of us survive?
“Ryan, you’re here in Houston in a hotel room with me. You are safe.”
Maybe I’d said something she could overhear or if she’d just inferred my terror. She placed additional pressure on my chest, resting her head against me. “Concentrate on the sound of my voice and on the pressure of my head on your chest… It could help.”
Her head shifted, and I got a good whiff of her hair. She smelled feminine and strong. Mint, strawberries, the salt of sweat from the arousal my hands and mouth had stirred in her lithe body. She smelled of a country road in spring, and she felt like rain clouds and anticipation.
I turned my head, burying my nose in her hair, feeling a rush of something else—comfort, longing. I breathed her in deeply, feeling that tingle of awareness scatter through my chest, across my shoulders, down my legs to my toes.
Every molecule in my body was aware of her. Ready for her. Aching for her. I didn’t move my arms, but I imagined touching her soft skin again. Fuck, I’d give anything to rest my hips between her open thighs, feel her underneath me.
Her hand reached out toward mine, and her fingers threaded through mine, tightening their hold. “I’m here with you. You are safe,” she was repeating over and over again.
Home.
I pulled her close, that hollow ache inside intensifying. And then she did something that surprised me—she molded herself to my side, lifting a leg to interlock with one of mine.
I wanted to kiss her again.
Want was a weak word for what I was experiencing.
Crave. Desire. Need.
Damn. Was I starting to need? That was an alien experience for me. I’d never needed anyone.
But as my heart rate slowed and my nerves calmed, I concentrated on the gentle sound of her regular breath and that clocklike ticking of her heartbeat until it was clear that she was sleeping. I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me peacefully.
Chapter 16
Gray
I awoke to a tangle of sheets and limbs, with Ryan’s very solid arms wrapped around me. And I had to admit it was very hard to remove myself from that warm, secure place. This feeling of safety, calm wrapped tightly in his embrace made it near impossible to contemplate leaving that bed.
But the thought of being seen while I snuck from his room was enough to induce me to leave those very muscular arms. Without making a sound, I returned to my room as the sky was lightening with a predawn glow. With relief, I saw that the hall was empty, and thus, there was no one to misinterpret my two-hundred-meter journey as a walk of shame.
But it might as well have been. I couldn’t stop thinking about the night before and how I’d let Ryan kiss me and touch me and make me feel so… How I’d allowed it all in the name of getting questions answered. Important questions, yes. But at what cost? My integrity?
The hotel o
ffered breakfast in the lounge. I was the first one there, but others filed in quickly. And though I tried to prevent myself from doing it, I scanned the room constantly for Ryan’s presence. But he hadn’t shown up yet. Next to the coffee machine, Keely grabbed my arm. “How are you, Gray? Did you have a good time last night?”
I smiled, pondering a way to dodge her question while filling up my mug. The rich aroma of freshly brewed joe hit my nostrils. The smell of coffee alone could wake me up and get me going when I was still half asleep. This morning, with my jumbled thoughts and feelings, I particularly welcomed the magic of the bean.
“The dress was adorable. Thank you for the loan.”
She smiled but thankfully did not push for details about last night. I couldn’t help but notice how put-together she looked, even this early in the morning—full makeup, perfect hair blowout, complete with fresh curls. Not only that, she’d already signed a few autographs for the staff. Her lipstick was a pale, creamy taupe and perfectly applied to her beautiful full lips. I felt like a wilty daisy beside her.
“I think our Starman liked it too. He couldn’t stop looking at you all night.”
I shushed her, looking around to make sure no one would hear—especially Ryan himself. But he’d still not entered the room, and I wondered if I should text him to wake him up. Judging from the difficulty he’d had falling asleep, he probably needed the extra winks.
I cleared my throat and scrambled to change the subject. “Did you, uh, did you get home okay last night? I sent the driver back for you.”
She smiled again. “I slipped out early with the Russian, and we caught an Uber. We had our own fun.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, is that man talented. He’s got some mad skills.”
I blinked. “But no one saw you together, right?”
She laughed. “Girlfriend, I’m an expert at dodging paps when I need to.”
“Thank goodness.” I stirred my coffee. “I’m glad you had fun.”
She glanced across the room over my shoulder then back to my face. “I think you and Ty need to have that kind of fun too.” She waggled her finely shaped brows at me. She was like a dog with a bone over this.
I glared at her. “Please don’t tell me he’s right behind me. Please.”
She glanced over my shoulder again and waved. “Not right behind you. He can’t tell we’re talking about getting him laid. But I’m sure it would make him happy if he did hear.”
My eyes bulged, and I shushed her, which only seemed to amuse her more.
Still, all her talk of getting laid and having “that kind of fun” was not lost on me. I was already getting radiation burns from the blushing and also from the remembered touches and kisses from that exquisite man in his hotel room last night.
“Oop!” she said after taking a sip of coffee. “Here he comes.”
“Don’t—” I reached out to grab her hand, but she slipped away. “—leave me.”
Keely turned and waved at me over her shoulder, and the next thing I knew, I felt a presence at my side.
“Morning,” he intoned, his morning voice gruff and two octaves deeper than normal. He cleared his throat noisily, throwing me a sidelong glance. “How’s the coffee?”
I hadn’t even taken a sip of mine yet. “It smells great.” I rushed to grab a packet of sugar and pour some milk into my cup. He grabbed a mug and filled his to the brim—hot and black.
Raising the steaming mug to his lips, he sipped, and then gave a shrug. “It’s okay.”
I was still stirring mine. I sipped at it and watched him over the rim. Our gazes met and then seemed to bounce off each other. My breath seized. Talk about awkward.
Was it going to be like this from now on because I knew how amazing his hands felt on my body and he knew what color my nipples were?
My face burned hotter. Stupid question, Gray.
I was saved from further self-consciousness when my phone chimed, and I fished it out of my back pocket. It was a voice mail notification from my dad, received because the do-not-disturb setting had timed out.
“I should get this.” I didn’t have to, but, saved by the chime.
I stepped into the hallway outside the lounge to listen to the voice mail. It wasn’t urgent. He wanted to chat, probably fishing for info on how the trip to Houston had gone. As always, Dad had lost track of time and hadn’t realized we weren’t even back yet. And he wanted me to meet him for lunch or dinner sometime this week. He gave me several open slots and asked me to text his assistant my answer so I’d be on his calendar. Dad always made sure we touched base regularly.
We left for the airport right after breakfast. During the short trip, I fielded some texts from Pari.
Well, you’ve been distracted or something because I’ve texted you four times with no answer, she said, pointing out that I’d missed her previous texts. I scrolled up and read her snarky remarks about Texas. She also linked me the mention and photos on TMZ about Ryan and Keely’s hot dinner date in West Hollywood. And then, after I hadn’t answered her, she’d texted: Houston, we have a problem. Gray’s phone is broken beyond repair. Either that or her thumbs are.
I zapped off a quick answer to her. Owe you a phone call and some lunch. Will touch base. We’re about to take off. Home soon! We’ve been on a super tight schedule since we’ve been here.
Her answer came back in less than two minutes, right before I hit the stairs to the plane. If your schedule is half as tight as Ty’s ass, then I completely understand. BTW, any clandestine shots of dat ass you can snag for me would be much appreciated.
I laughed. Not doing that for you or anyone else! Then I stared at my answer before hitting send. I might be inclined to do it for myself, though. In a rush, I remembered what it had felt like this morning to wake up beside him. His arms, pinned across my waist, his breath hot on the back of my neck. His hard body pressed to mine and—yeah, it wasn’t hard to figure out which other parts were particularly hard, given the fact that it was early morning and he was very male.
Not only had it been a good idea to hightail it out of there before anyone saw, but also before he woke up. Before I’d be tempted to let him do things he’d surely want to do. And I’d surely want him to do.
Or maybe he was cursing his beer goggles. Who knew?
Nevertheless, about an hour into our flight, most of the others were napping—Keely had stretched out across a long bench and Kirill snoozed across from her. Sharon had headphones on, her head pushed up against the bulkhead at an awkward angle, snoring with her mouth open. I was finishing off an article in Behavioral Health Today when he plopped down opposite me.
“Hey,” he said quietly, throwing a glance at our sleeping contingent.
“Hi.” I followed his gaze. “Amazing how exhausted everyone is but us.”
His brow cocked knowingly at me. “Yeah, I’m thinking there was a lot of activity in other parts of the hotel last night.”
I threw a look at him out of the corner of my eye before ducking my head to feign intense interest at the article in my lap. “Yeah, too bad for my no-partying rule. I’m sure you must have been bored beyond words.” I gritted my teeth after I said it. But hey, might as well get the elephant in the room out into the open, right?
His brow scrunched in puzzlement. “What the hell are you talking about?” His voice was tinged with gruff amusement. “Last night was definitely not boring. And in fact…”
I looked up, raising my brows, but I didn’t dare say a word. My next breath was held tight in my chest. In fact…what? In fact, I want to spend more time with you. In fact…I find you very intriguing, Gray, and I want to know you better. In fact…
“In fact, I got the best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages.”
My breath released with a sound much like a deflating balloon. Wahh wahh waaaaaaah. Sad trombones.
Not the answer I would have dreamed up. I frowned, and his sexy mouth broke out in a grin. He was messing with me, infuriating man.
“Yeah, about t
hat,” I said, adjusting my glasses to formulate a fierce stare. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. “You still owe me an answer to that last question. I, ahem, paid for it in advance, if you’ll recall.”
“I do recall.” His eyes flicked down to my chest for only a split second, and I grew hot all over, feeling his mouth on my chest again. His warm mouth lining the length of my exposed scar, his lips encircling my nipple, sucking. Oh Jesus. Heat washed over me, and desire threatened to immolate me where I sat. I fidgeted in my seat, and his smile turned smug.
Smug. Damn him.
He knew what he was doing to me. There was no question about it. Was it a game? And did I have the strength to stop it, if it was?
“Obviously, here is not the place to answer that properly. Especially now that I’m sober. How about we have dinner together tonight, for once?”
I puzzled, tilting my head and trying to find his angle, wondering why I’d thought we would go back to him wandering around the house and ignoring me once we got home.
“We can’t go out to eat. You’re supposed to be dating Keely.”
“We’ll order in. Maybe watch a movie or something afterward.”
Or something. He’d put a strange emphasis on that as if implying he wouldn’t mind it one bit if we engaged in similar activities to the night before. What to do about that? I’d probably have to approach that subject with him too. Something I could address over dinner as well.
I bit the inside of my cheek and tested him by making two of the most ridiculous suggestions I could think of. “How about Armageddon or Gravity?”
He laughed. “Those are the worst astronaut movies. They fuck up almost every single detail.”
I didn’t say anything but was quite happy I’d gotten away with not answering him. I looked down, closed the magazine in my lap, and set it aside.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to turn away now.”
High Risk (Point of No Return Book 1) Page 21