by Bella Jewel
He looks over at me with something in his eyes, something that sparks my chest to life, well, the thing beating crazily in my chest, anyway. I give him a shy smile and reach back for my drink. A hand grazes my leg beneath the water, and my cheeks grow warm. Jack squeezes softly, and my entire body flares to life. I want him again already. I want him so bad.
“So, before we all get to comfortable,” Matilda pipes up. “Some ground rules need to be laid down about this spa.”
We all look to her.
“Firstly,” she begins. “Absolutely no genital touching.”
I snort a laugh, and everyone looks to me. “Sorry.” I giggle. “Got it. No genital touching.”
“We’re all sharing the same water here, and I know for one, I do not want to be swimming in someone’s ...” Her face screws up. “Ick.”
“Next rule,” Diesel mutters and Mercy giggles in his lap.
“No spoofing.”
Roman grunts and Molly bursts out laughing. “I see our word has rubbed off on her,” Molly says to him.
“This is no laughing matter,” Matilda says, wiggling her finger in Molly’s face. “I do not want to have to explain how I somehow got impregnated by Roman’s sperm, or worse, someone else’s.”
Jack chuckles. “Pretty sure you’re safe.”
“It’s a fact,” she says to him. “If you spoof in the water, it can crawl into someone else and bam, pregnant.”
I’m laughing so hard now I can’t stop my body from shaking.
“Okay,” Quinn wheezes. “We’ll keep our junk, in our trunk ...”
“Yes, indeed you will,” Matilda wiggles a finger at him. “Now, rule number three ...”
Everyone groans.
“Look, I think if there is no genital touching, and no spoofing, I’m fairly certain we’ll be safe,” Phoenix points out.
“No peeing,” Matilda goes on, as if she didn’t hear him. “We’re drinking, the urge to urinate comes frequently. You get your sorry asses out and pee in the toilet, you do not let one slip in here.”
I can’t breathe.
I can’t.
Seriously.
So funny.
Jack squeezes my leg again through his laughter.
“I think we’ve got the general fact that absolutely no bodily fluids are to be released into the water,” Roman says, between his laughter.
“Good,” Matilda says, nodding. “Now, carry on, everyone.”
We all settle down from our laughing, when a squeal escapes her mouth and she turns, giving TJ the death stare. “TJ. I said no. No genital touching. Didn’t you hear me?”
“Oh, sweet fuckin’ Jesus,” Diesel mutters.
“Good lord, man has some balls.” Phoenix laughs.
TJ goes a pretty shade of red and gives Matilda a look, but she completely ignores it. “No. Touching,” she informs him again, before focusing back on her drink.
I’m laughing again.
Yes.
Happy.
CHAPTER 23
THEN – MADDIE
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t.
I need to get out. I need to run.
I want to stay. To fight. But I don’t think there is anything left. Rae is so far gone. She’s spending more time away, hiding and doing drugs than she is at home. How am I supposed to help her? She refuses to even look at me, let alone come with me. I’ve got nothing left. I’m here, living in this hell, but I just can’t do it anymore.
He’s going to be the death of me, and for what?
I don’t love him.
I hate him.
I despise him.
Monster.
“I fuckin’ asked you to make me a sandwich.”
I’m standing in the kitchen, staring down at the butcher knife I had been cleaning to make him his sandwich. I wonder if I stabbed him, would I be the one at fault? Would they favour me? Would they let me go? I mean, they’d only have to look at the bruises on my face, on my arms, on my legs, and on my body to see what he does to me. They’d just need to take one look.
Would it be justified?
No.
No.
That makes me a monster, and I’ll never, not ever, be a monster.
“I’m getting it,” I say, my voice weak and broken. “I was just cleaning the knife.”
“Hurry up!” he barks.
I turn, placing the knife down as I gather the ingredients for a sandwich. Turkey. Swiss. No butter. Mayonnaise. It’s the same every day. It’s the only thing he eats now, so it’s the only thing I buy. I pull some bread out, lay it on the counter, and start assembling the sandwich.
A hand slams down on the counter. “Are you intentionally being fucking slow?”
“No,” I snap.
I don’t think about it.
It just comes out.
I keep my mouth shut at all times, but I feel worn down and broken, and my words came out before I could think them through. My head jerks up, and I meet his eyes, and I know, I know I’ve just raised an angry bear. He storms around the counter, and I stumble backwards, dropping the knife. I try to move out of his way, but there’s no use.
He’ll catch me.
He’ll always catch me.
Fingers curl into my hair and he tugs my head back so brutally I can feel the strands being torn from my scalp.
“What did you just fuckin’ say?”
“I’m sorry,” I plead. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just tired. I’ll make your sandwich right away and—”
Thump.
His fist connects with my face, his fingers let go of my hair, and I drop to the ground, a familiar pain radiating through my skull. It used to hurt so badly, now it just feels numb. I don’t cry anymore. I just stare at the floor, head hung low. A boot connects with my ribs, then his angry voice hisses, “Get up and finish that. Right fucking now.”
I push to my feet, keeping my eyes to the ground.
I want to hurt him. Every single piece of me wants to hurt him. I want to give him just a glimpse of what he makes me feel every single day.
For one second, I want him to scream in pain. I want him to be powerless. I want him to have nothing. I just want him to suffer. For one moment, I just want it to hurt like hell.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t try and save anyone.
No, the time has come.
I have to save myself.
I have to run.
~*~*~*~
Run.
Run as fast as you can.
Don’t look back.
No matter what. Do not look back.
My feet pound the pavement as I charge towards the trees, the thick, brutal looking trees. Even those trees are heaven sent. Their branches will tear the skin from my arms, their trunks will trip me, they will scratch and scrape me, but even then, what they’re offering is so much more than what’s coming behind me.
“Running won’t save you, bitch!”
Angry. Terrifying. The bark of a voice that once sounded kind, soft even. The anger of a man that I once called my boyfriend. The love of my life. The man I wanted to spend eternity with. How can one change so quickly? How can someone go from loving to a monster in a matter of months? How can everything good be stripped from their soul, only to be replaced with ugliness?
So much ugliness.
I know the answer to that.
Drugs.
I reach the trees and take a staggering breath before shoving my body amongst them. I’m right. Skin is torn from my arms, I’m being scratched and scraped at every turn, but they’re sheltering me. Even in their worst moments, they’re sheltering me, and I’m grateful for their protection.
“If you don’t fucking stop, it’ll fucking hurt!”
Threats.
Only they’re not really threats, they’re promises. If he gets hold of me. If his hands curl around my throat, if his fists find my face, if his feet find my body, those threats will be promises. And I’ll hurt.
I’m not sure that running will do me any good. I don’t honestly know that it’ll help anything. But I’ll do whatever it takes. Even if it means I fail. I’ll fight with the last piece of strength I have left. I will because I have to. Because I want to. Because I need to taste freedom on my tongue again. I need to remember what it feels like to not be afraid.
Panting, I push deeper and deeper into the trees. Where I’m going to go, I don’t know. I’ll find somewhere. I’ll start again. I’ll change my name. I’ll do whatever it takes. I will.
My hands go out in front of me, shoving branches out of the way as my feet navigate the thick woodlands that surround me. It’s dead silent. Not a sound to be heard. Do they all hear him coming and run too? Do the animals duck for shelter? Do the birds fly away?
They’d be smart to.
Run, run.
I’m nearly there.
I’m nearly free.
I’m nearly ...
A hand curls around my throat, jerking me backwards. Pain explodes in my body as something tugs my hair so hard my eyes water. My feet give way, I fall backwards into a hard, muscled chest. No. No please. I was so close. I was so damned close. I could taste it. I could feel it.
Please.
“You’re going to wish you never fucking did that.”
The hiss in my ear comes only moments before a fist hits the side of my head so hard my world goes black.
I was so close.
“Get up!”
My eyes flutter open, and I realize I’m being dragged across the floor. The hands around my arm are brutal, and they’re pulling with a ferocity that terrifies me. I start squirming immediately. My head pounds. My body aches. And I know he’s brought me home.
I was so close.
So. Damned. Close.
“What were you running for?” he bellows. “Running to another fucking man? I knew you were cheating on me. You little fucking bitch. I’ll make sure no man ever fucking touches you again.”
My blood runs cold.
“York, stop, please!”
Rae’s voice calls out from somewhere, I don’t know where, but it seems almost distant.
“I won’t have any woman of mine disrespecting me and trying to leave me for another man.”
My body is thrown across the room, but I have no energy left. My legs won’t work. I feel numb, weak. I look up at York, and see him striding towards me with ... No. No. I scurry backwards, trying to flip myself to my hands and knees, but I’m in so much agony. My head is spinning. Why can’t I stop?
“Rae!” I scream. “Rae!”
“Stop, York, please!” Rae cries.
“I’ll make sure you never look in a different direction again.”
He grabs hold of my ankle, jerking me towards him. I kick, claw, scratch, do whatever I can but nothing works. Nothing works. He’s too strong. Too big. He pins me with his body, and fear unlike anything I’ve ever felt floods my veins. No. Please. Someone help me.
“Rae!” I scream again. “Oh, God. Please. York. Don’t.”
“No,” Rae screams, over and over. “York, no!”
The first plunge of the knife brings an agony I’ll never forget. A burning fire that rips through my body. My screams become gurgled, and I can no longer make sense of the world around me. Blood soaks my clothes, and I know this is it.
He’s going to kill me.
The knife drives into me again.
I don’t care anymore.
Now I want to die.
I want this pain to end.
CHAPTER 24
NOW – BAYLEE
“Thank you so much,” I say to Shania, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her close. “I had such an amazing time, I really needed it.”
“You’re so welcome. But, I’m not leaving until you give me all the juicy details.”
I flush and she claps her hands together. “Oh, my God,” she squeals. “And juicy details there are!”
“Shhh.” I laugh. “I don’t want Rae to hear, the last thing I need is more of her attitude.”
Shania waves a hand dismissively. “She’s far too round to do much but sleep and complain these days, you’re safe. Now. Spill.”
“Well, I told him about York. Not all of it, but I showed him the scars and told him what happened. He was so kind, Shan. God, he made me feel so beautiful. He didn’t freak out. He just took it for what it was. I was always so afraid someone would look at me and think I was hideous, but he looked at me with such affection, and warmth, it was beautiful.”
“Aw,” she says, pressing her hands to her heart. “I knew he was a good one.”
I giggle. “Anyway, we, you know ... on the beach.”
“You what?” she squeals. “Oh, my God. I need to know it all. Was he good? Big? Was it incredible? Painful?”
I put a hand up. “Slow down, tiger. I’m getting there. Yes, it was incredible. God, it was so amazing.”
“And his ... you know ...” She holds her hands apart, indicating a size.
I roll my eyes. “Let’s just say, he has absolutely nothing to complain about.”
“Gosh, I’m so happy for you. Seriously.” She sighs. “You deserve this more than anyone I know.”
Warmth spreads through me. “Yeah, I’m happy. I mean, I’m not going to rush anything, I’m still not sure he’s going to like all of me when he sees it, but I’m willing to at least try.”
“What are you talking about? He’ll love all of you. What’s there not to love? You’re incredible, babes.”
“You have to say that, you’re my best friend.”
She laughs.
“Baylee!” Rae calls. “I’m hungry.”
I roll my eyes. “So good to be home.”
Shania turns around and bellows back, “She’s not your damned slave, and you’re not a damned cripple. Get up and get your own food, Rae. Now.”
My mouth drops open.
“Wow,” I say. “And she takes that?”
Shania shrugs. “She doesn’t get a choice if she wants to eat. You can’t keep letting her walk all over you, honey.”
“No,” I say, nodding. “I’m starting to realize that. I know I have to start being harder on her, being away made me realize she’s dragging my life down, and I know that isn’t entirely her fault, but I’ve catered to her for too long, and I don’t deserve it.”
“No, you absolutely do not. She cannot go around treating you like this. You didn’t give her this life, her brother and she did. You saved her. You took her with you. You look after her and her unborn baby. You’ve done it all. She needs to show you some respect.”
Shania is right. I know it.
Jack and I spoke a lot about it on the drive home, and he was fairly firm in his words when he told me I can’t keep living like that, and that eventually I need to make Rae stand on her own two feet. I’m not her mother. Hell, I’m not even her sister. But I’m still doing the best I can by her and her baby.
When her baby is born and free to live a life away from the horror she’s providing, then I’ll get her the help she needs and put her in a place that is better equipped to handle her. I need to live my life.
I just need to breathe again.
“You’re right, and I’m going to start doing something about it. I lived like a doormat for too long, and for the first time in my life, I’ve met somebody that makes me truly happy, in a way I honestly never believed existed. I’m not going to let anything ruin that.”
“God, whatever this man has done to you,” Shania says. “I love him for it.”
I laugh softly. “Me too, sister, me too.”
“Now, get your butt out there and put that girl in her place. I’ve got to run, I need to be at work.”
I hug her tight. “Thank you so much again for doing what you did for me.”
“Not a problem at all. I liked bossing that spoiled little brat around.”
I laugh. “Love you.”
; She smiles at me. “Love you, too.”
She leaves and I finish up unpacking my suitcase. Rae is silent, which is strange. She’s never silent. Certainly not when I’m around. Concerned, because she is a pregnant, drug-addicted teen, I go out into the living room to find her staring pale-faced at the phone in her hands.
“Rae?” I call, and she doesn’t move.
“Rae?” I try again.
“He ... he called me.”
I blink. “Who called you?”
She looks up at me from her phone. “York.”
My body goes stiff, my blood runs cold, and for a second, I can’t breathe. “W-w-w-what did you just say?”
“He called me.”
No.
God.
No.
“Rae, what did he say? I need to know.”
“He just said that we couldn’t hide forever, and he would be coming for us. Then he hung up.”
No.
My vision blurs, and I stand there for a moment, unable to move, unable to even breathe. No. He can’t have found us. He can’t have.
Calm.
Be calm.
If he found us, he would have come here. He would. No. He’s just somehow managed to track down our phone numbers. That’s all. That’s all. Right? Oh, God. What do I do? My chest seizes and my heart pounds, my palms sweat, and I can’t move, the only thing I can do is sit and stare at the ground, wondering how the hell I’m going to deal with this.
“Baylee?” Rae calls. “What do we do?”
I can’t move.
“Baylee!” she cries. “What do we do?”
What do we do?
What do we do?
If I go to Jack, he’ll flip out. But I can’t do nothing. If I go to the cops, they’re just going to put me on a back list, I know it, I’ve been through it, they’re not going to protect us. No. We need protection.
My head snaps up.
“Get in the car. We’re going for a drive.”
There is only one group of people that can help us.
And it terrifies me to have to lean on them, and ask them.
But there is no one else.
~*~*~*~
“Hi,” I say to the man standing at the gate to the Jokers’ Wrath Compound. “I’m here to see Maddox, if he’s in. I’m, ah, Jack’s girlfriend.”
I’m using Jack, but it’s the only way I figure they’ll let me in without me calling someone in the group and explain why I need to see his or her parents. No. I can’t involve any of them. It’s too dangerous. Maddox is the only person I can tell. The less people who know the better. But I have to do something.