And now, as I smiled at Becky sitting next to Mum, my heart just about burst with love and pride at how adorable she looked in her pastel pink flower dress that flared out at the knees. Her basket still had a few remaining rose petals in it, which I strongly suspected that she would be “saving” for later.
‘Shall we sign the registrar?’ Mrs Annabel Briggs asked – the woman who had just conducted the ceremony. ‘Would the two witnesses please step forward?’
Just behind the arch under which Aaron and I stood, was a small and very rustic, wooden pulpit. Mrs Briggs stood behind it, all smiles. Behind her was the backdrop of the ocean, sparkling under the warm spring sun.
I paused for a moment, not daring to believe that this was happening to me. Whatever did I do to deserve this? I wondered. The whole thing was like a beautiful dream, one that I expected to wake up from at any second.
My mum got to her feet, her eyes glistening in the bright sunlight. Gary, too, stood up. The two of them presided over us as we signed the registrar. Hidden beneath the wooden pulpit was a small stereo, and as we retreated down the aisle, “our song” drifted over us, a ballad by Lana Del Rey, a haunting song about a doomed love affair, about being born to die.
As melancholic as the words were, the song resonated with me. It had been playing in the background on our first date, and we had listened to it together a few times since then.
On our short walk back down the aisle, Aaron stopped to kiss me
(…you like your girls insane…)
making my head swim in bliss
(…choose your last words…)
and I smiled up at him
(…we were born to die…)
my heart pounding hard.
‘I love you,’ I whispered.
‘I love you, too.’
* * *
After the ceremony, we posed for more photos in the garden. The wedding photographer snapped us under the wooden arch with the backdrop of the ocean behind us, and we had a group photo in the bandstand style gazebo.
‘You look beautiful,’ Aaron whispered in my ear when I began to feel a bit self-conscious with all those photos being taken. ‘The most beautiful bride in the world.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, still feeling a little over-done in my dress.
As Aaron and I had both done this before, I hadn’t wanted my dress to be too showy. Aaron had laughingly said that I should go for the works with the biggest, whitest dress I could lay my hands on, but I had argued I would feel uncomfortable in a dress like that. Instead, I had opted for a slim-line, floor-length, golden-hued dress in a mix of silky materials with a beautifully embroidered, lace overlay bodice.
Despite the lack of white, I still worried that it was too much. Aaron looked preposterously handsome in a simple black suit with a gold, silk waistcoat to match my dress. I still couldn’t believe that he was my husband; I really did feel like I was dreaming the most beautiful dream.
After the photos, and our wedding officiate plus photographer had left, we all moved to the patio outside the French doors that led to the kitchen. The six of us sat around the new, oblong teak table that had been bought especially for this occasion. I sat between Aaron and Becky, with Mum at the end of the table to Becky’s right. Opposite me and Aaron, sat Linda and Gary.
Aaron had hired a catering company to feed and wait on us, and that sense of unreality clung to me as I basked in the warm, spring sunshine, watching the black and white clad waiting-crew duck in out of the opened patio doors, preparing the food in the kitchen and coming out with bottles of champagne, constantly ensuring that our glasses were topped up.
Everything had taken on a hyper-real quality. I was seeing colours more clearly, like a filmy coating had been stripped from my eyes. I inhaled deeply of the lush, salt-tanged air, grateful for this moment, grateful for this day.
Grateful for my husband.
Around me, happy voices mingled together; my mum trying – unsuccessfully – to get Becky to sit still on her seat. Linda laughing at my mum, and commenting on the lush, white, fairy-tale blossom of the cherry tree we sat under.
It was all too perfect.
Gary suddenly pushed back his chair and stood up. An expectant hush fell over the table as all eyes fell upon him.
‘Aaron asked me to say a little something after the ceremony, so I’ll keep it short and sweet,’ he said. ‘Not that I had much choice in the matter, seeing as I’m the only bloke here today besides the groom, so it looks like I’m stuck with the best man’s speech.’ An uneasy, nervous laughter rippled through us. Oh God, I thought, this is what happens when you ask a non-friend-friend to give the best man’s speech. ‘In another life, this might be the part where I tell wildly inappropriate stories about the mischief we got up to together in our misspent youth, or an anecdote about his family or his first girlfriend. Or some lame joke along the lines of being loyal, caring, sincere, and a great man, but that I’m not here to talk about me, I’m here to give a speech about Aaron.’
I laughed at that one, and next to him, Linda rolled her eyes. Gary’s face fell suddenly serious.
‘But the truth is, Aaron and I don’t have a shared past together. In fact, we barely know each other at all, despite having been work colleagues for the best part of four years. That isn’t to say that this isn’t changing, because moving forward, I think Aaron and I will become close friends. I think him meeting Joyce was a turning point in his journey, that he’s slowly coming back to life again. I’ve always known that there was something more to him; still rivers run deep, and all that. Well, I believe that now we’re starting to see the real Aaron – the kind, good, loving man that has thrown open the doors of his heart and decided to live his life with the love of his life. I feel honoured to be here today, to bear witness to his commitment to Joyce. I understand that they both have known deep pain and loss in their pasts, and I also know that together, they will heal and live a life filled with love, laughter and happiness.’ He paused to raise his glass in a toast. ‘So here’s to Joyce and Aaron and to their love-filled future. To the happy couple.’
‘The happy couple,’ my mum and Linda murmured before they sipped their champagne.
‘To us,’ Aaron and I said in unison, smiling into each other’s eyes.
Hastily, I wiped away a tear, caught off-guard and unexpectedly moved by Gary’s speech.
Aaron squeezed my knee under the table, and when Gary sat down to be met by a kiss from his wife, Aaron got to his feet.
‘Thank you, Gary, your kind words mean a lot, and they were more true than you’ll ever know. Up until recently, I was turning into an emotional recluse. I readily concede that I haven’t been so good at letting people in, but all that changes, from this day forward. Everything changes today. Meeting Joyce has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Meeting her is like letting the sunshine back in. I want to fill this old house with laughter, family, and friends. I look forward to watching Joyce’s amazing, wonderful little girl grow-up. I look forward to a life worth living. Joyce has taught me how to do this, she was the catalyst that helped me to overcome my fear of emotional intimacy. She is my heart, my future, my everything. I can say, hand on heart, that today, our new life together officially starts. And not just me and Joyce, of course, but the special little girl to whom I have the honour of co-parenting along with my wonderful wife. And to my new mother-in-law – I am so looking forward to you becoming an integral part of my life. Joyce and Becky love you more than anything in the world, and I am humbled to join your family. Today, I am the luckiest guy in the world, and I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for being here with us today.’ He smiled down at me and heart leapt in pure joy. ‘And I have a final surprise for you, my darling. You remember I said we were going to wait to take our honeymoon? Well, I may have lied about having to wait. You, me and Becky are going to the Maldives in three days’ time for seven nights.’
All I could do was stare dumbly at him. I could feel that my mout
h was hanging open and I promptly shut it again.
‘What’s the Maldives, Mummy?’ Becky asked me.
She had her wicker basket in her lap and was playing with the remaining rose petals, seemingly entranced by their vivid colour and silky feel of them as she twirled them between her fingers.
‘It’s a place, baby. It’s a cluster of islands in the middle of the ocean,’ I said, feeling decidedly unreal as the full magnitude of his words sunk in which were also accompanied by more than a little sliver of excitement. ‘We’re going to spend a few days there and celebrate our marriage.’
‘I bet you will,’ Gary said opposite us, followed by a putout ‘hey,’ when Linda elbowed him in the ribs.
Ignoring Gary, I gazed up at my husband. ‘The Maldives? That’s so…’
So what, I wondered? Extravagant? Romantic?
He visibly winced. ‘Oh God, maybe I should’ve asked before I booked it…’
‘Oh Aaron, I can’t believe it. The Maldives,’ I said, lurching ungainly to my feet and almost tipping over my chair in the process. ‘Thank you.’
I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him square on the mouth, positively giddy at the prospect of seven whole nights in the kind of luxury that I had only had ever dreamed of. But more than that, I would be doing so with my two favourite people in the whole world. In the space of two seconds, my imagination conjured up countless images of what the holiday would be like – snorkelling in crystal-clear lagoons, building sandcastles made of the finest, whitest sand with Becky, swimming in our infinity pool overlooking the ocean in our overwater bungalow…
Okay, so I might’ve been getting ahead of myself, but I could just see it all so clearly.
‘Thank God you’re okay with this,’ he laughed, hugging me tight. ‘For a second there I thought you didn’t want to go.’
‘Are you kidding me? My God, Aaron, it’s a dream come true.’
‘So when you pick Becky up from me in a few days, you’ll be jetting off on the trip of a lifetime,’ my mum said.
She was beaming up at me and I sat back down again, reaching across my daughter to squeeze her hand. ‘Thank you.’
‘What are you thanking me, for? This is all Aaron, not me.’
Aaron laughed. ‘It’s not all me, Margaret. You helped me arrange the honeymoon.’
In that second, a strange look flitted across her eyes – something that might have been sadness – but just as quick it was gone again and I assumed that I had imagined it.
‘Yes. I did, didn’t I,’ she said softly.
Next to me Aaron sat down again, briefly putting his arm around my shoulders and giving me a squeeze.
‘I’m sorry this is such short notice, but I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could hit some online clothing catalogues and get next-day delivery for swimsuits and anything else you and Becky might need.’
‘Oh, wow,’ Linda piped up, ‘a man that is actually encouraging online shopping? I think you may have married the perfect man.’
‘Hey, your husband is sitting here, you know,’ Gary said with a comical frown. ‘Your cruel words cut me to the quick.’
‘Oh, poor darling,’ Linda purred. ‘The male ego is such a fragile thing.’
‘It’s true,’ Aaron said. ‘Us men need to be treated with tender love and care.’
‘Hear, hear,’ Gary laughed. ‘I hope you get more of that than I do.’
One of the waiters took that moment to appear behind me, making me jump. There were three of them with the catering company – two younger men and a woman in her late forties.
‘Your starter, Mrs Bailey,’ the waiter said with a cheeky grin.
He was wearing a tucked-in white shirt and black trousers, just like the other two. But unlike his male counterpart, this young lad was utterly gorgeous. He filled out his shirt perhaps even more than Aaron did, which was really quite the feat. Not that I found him remotely attractive – I genuinely didn’t – but the amount of time he must have spent in the gym was plain for all to see. He wasn’t a patch on Aaron, though; not even close. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five, and his broad shoulders and bulging arms had that “pumped” look. Aaron looked all man, as strong as a bull and as solid as a rock. This guy was more of a pretty boy, like his muscles were pumped with air. He lacked Aaron’s substance and masculinity. He was all floppy blonde hair and big, white teeth, a far cry from Aaron’s no-nonsense brand of masculinity.
‘Thanks,’ I said, smiling up at him.
‘You are most welcome.’
I giggled nervously, feeling my cheeks heat up. Surely he wasn’t flirting with me? I’d just got married, for God’s sake; honestly, some people really were the limit.
I turned my head and caught Aaron watching me, which made my cheeks flame all the harder. For a moment his expression was unreadable, and a chill settled over me. Just like with my mum earlier, a bad feeling prickled on the very outer-limits of my euphoric mood – the disorientating sense that something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was exactly, that could possibly be wrong on this truly perfect day, but that misplaced feeling washed over me, nonetheless. And just like with my mum, the fleeting sense of foreboding dissipated as soon as it had come. It was like the sun had disappeared behind a black cloud for a second, but now that Aaron was smiling at me again, the sun had broken through once more.
‘This looks lovely,’ I said, staring down at my plate, keen to thoroughly brush off the awkward moment.
It did indeed look lovely. It was a medley of shellfish, my all-time favourite. There were king prawns, lobster claws and monkfish tails, served with a selection of Thai-style dips.
‘A favourite starter for the star of the show. The blushing bride.’
There was no malice in his words, or at least, I didn’t think there were, but my head snapped round sharply in his direction. Was he referring to the way I had blushed around the waiter, or was it just a more generic, “blushing bride” reference?
I decided that I was being utterly silly and pushed the paranoia to one side.
‘Mummy? Can I do sandcastles in Mawdives?’
‘Yes, sweetie, you can make a sandcastle. You can make as many sandcastles as you like.’
That answer seemed to satisfy her and she stared down thoughtfully at her seafood platter.
‘It’s an overwater bungalow,’ Aaron whispered in my ear. ‘The height of five-star luxury.’
‘It’s so extravagant, I would’ve been happy with a dirty weekend in Blackpool.’
My mum threw me a sharp look, and across from me, Linda and Gary burst out laughing.
Sorry, Mum, you weren’t supposed to hear that.’
The conversation turned to how marvellous the starter looked – which it did – and then general chitchat about the garden, which led my mum onto the subject of gardening, and what planting she was in the throes of this Spring. Luckily, Linda was just starting to get into gardening, either that or she was just being polite, and the conversation turned to bulb planting.
Aaron squeezed my knee under the table. ‘You make me so happy.’
I playfully bumped shoulders with him. ‘Yes, you too.’
‘You two really do make the most amazing couple,’ Gary said, and my mum and Linda stopped nattering about plants, turning their attention back to me and Aaron.
‘I am so happy for both of you,’ my mum said. ‘I couldn’t ask for a nicer son-in-law.’
Her eyes shone with unshed tears, and yet another moment of confusion assaulted me. It was crazy to admit, but I thought that perhaps those were tears of sadness rather than joy.
TWENTY-FOUR
Up until that point, saying goodbye to Becky was the hardest part of the day. It was seven-thirty and Gary and Linda had left half an hour ago in a taxi for their hotel, amidst a flurry of promises to get together for a weekend when we got back from our honeymoon. The catering company had long taken off.
‘Want Mummy,’ Becky sobbed, burying her face in my thighs
.
‘I’ll see you in three days,’ I said soothingly, alarmed to feel a lump in my throat.
‘That’s right,’ Aaron said, crouching down next to my sobbing daughter who was clinging onto my legs for dear life. ‘You don’t want to be sad for Granny, do you? She wants to spend some time with you before you go on holiday with me and Mummy.’
‘Mummy and Aaron are right, sweetheart,’ my mum said, reaching out to place a hand on the back of Becky’s head. ‘It’s only for three days. Well, actually, it’s only for two days, because on the third day you’ll be flying off to the Maldives. Isn’t that just so exciting?’
Aaron straightened up and walked over to the middle of the living-room. He smiled at my mum and gestured with the faintest flick of his head for her to follow. She wandered over towards him and I stroked Becky’s head very close to her ears, partly to comfort her, and partly to drown out what they were saying. But I suspect that she was too busy crying to hear, anyway.
‘You know Margaret, you and Becky are more than welcome to stay here tonight.’
‘No, no, I wouldn’t dream of staying on your wedding night.’
‘Are you sure? You’re family now, Margaret, I want you to think of this as your home, too.’
‘That’s very kind of you, Aaron, but like I say, it is your wedding night and I’m not going to take that away from you and my daughter. We’ll see how she is tomorrow. If she’s still upset, maybe you can just have the one night alone.’
‘Well, if you’re sure. And of course we’ll have her tomorrow if she’s still upset.’ Aaron said.
I threw my mum a small smile, knowing that I should step in and say that it was okay, that Aaron and I didn’t want to be alone on our wedding night, but somehow, the words got stuck in my throat. Because the truth was that it did matter to me. I wanted to adhere to that tradition. I didn’t want to jinx the marriage. I knew I was being silly, that I should put Becky first, but I also knew that Becky would understand in a few years. Hell, she’d probably even understand and forgive by breakfast time tomorrow. It was our wedding night, for God’s sake – was it really so much to ask to be alone with my husband?
The Silenced Wife Page 18