by Bella Jewel
“Oh thank god.”
With a wince, I turn my head towards my mother’s voice. She was sitting in a chair beside the bed, but is now rushing towards me. When she reaches me, her hands cup my face and she begins sobbing hysterically. I try to recall what happened and when I remember, I gasp out, “Ripley!”
“Oh honey . . . it’s so bad.”
Bad. Bad? No.
“Nurse?” she calls. “My daughter is awake.”
A nurse comes in before I can ask Mom more about what she meant by it being so ‘bad’. The nurse is young, maybe about twenty-five. She starts checking me over and asking me mindless questions that I mutter responses too. There’s a bandage around my head and my neck is stiff as hell. I don’t care about any of that; all I care about is where the hell Ripley is.
“Mum,” I plead. “Where is Ripley?”
She blinks back tears. “He’s in surgery right now.”
“W-w-w-why?” I whisper.
She takes my hand and I want to vomit. “One of his ribs punctured a lung, so they have to repair that. And . . . he hit his head so badly his brain is swelling and that’s . . . life threatening. He’s been in surgery for a few hours; we don’t know what’s going to happen but the doctor has warned us that it isn’t looking good. There was massive internal bleeding and . . .”
“No,” I scream. “No!”
“I’m so sorry honey, I don’t know what happened but . . .”
“Please,” I wail so loudly she jerks back. “No.”
“Miss, calm down,” the nurse says.
“He doesn’t deserve this,” I sob. “Momma, please.”
Mom chokes back her own sob. “I know honey.”
I start crying so hard, so fucking hard that I don’t even realize Mom is taken from the room. All I know is that a moment later, two hands are gripping my face. “Hey.”
It’s Brody.
“Aria, open your eyes.”
I’m hiccupping and sobbing, but I force my eyes open. Brody is staring down at me, his eyes glassy. God, if something happens to Ripley . . . no. It can’t. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose . . . my family.
“Listen to me,” he says softly. “You gotta clam down.”
“H-h-h-h-he . . .”
“Hey,” he says, firmer now. “You gotta calm down or the nurse is going to make you calm down.”
I hiccup again and nod, but the tears keep pouring from my eyes. Brody strokes a thumb over one of them and murmurs, “He’s gonna get through this, you hear me?”
I sob and nod.
“And so are you.”
He lifts his head and looks to the door, and then lets me go and steps back. I turn my head to see Blade and Jack standing at the door. They look like hell. Jack’s eyes are red and bloodshot and Blade looks as if he’s been running a marathon and hasn’t stopped all day. Their eyes swing to me, and my tears fall harder.
Jack steps forward first and places a rough, scratchy hand to my cheek. This brings me so much comfort. “So fucking glad to see you awake, honey.”
I swallow and nod, trying to stop my tears.
“How’re you feeling?”
Who cares how I’m feeling?
“Jack,” I croak. “I tried.”
“Tried what?” Blade asks, finally speaking.
His eyes are soft and he looks as if he wants to reach out and take me into his arms, but he can’t. No matter how much I want him to.
“I tried to help him,” I whisper, looking away.
“What happened out there, honey?” Jack says. “It might help if the doctors know.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It’s time they all knew.
“Ripley . . . he’s been struggling. He’s been confiding in me about those struggles.”
All the men’s eyes narrow, and set onto my face.
“Struggle?” Brody asks, confused.
I take the time to look each one of them in the eyes before I say, “Ripley is gay.”
They all have a different reaction. Blade’s hands turn into fists, Jack gasps and Brody looks away with a tight jaw.
I go on quickly. “He’s been hiding it because he loves you all so much. He didn’t want to let you down, but most of all he didn’t want you all to hate him.”
“Jesus,” Blade growls. “Stupid fuckin’ boy.”
“He thought I’d hate him?” Jack breathes, looking so hurt it crushes me.
Brody still says nothing.
“He’s scared, he’s unsure, and he feels different to all of you. He feels he doesn’t fit in because he isn’t as rugged and strong. He didn’t want to lose you guys.”
“My boy,” Jack rasps. “Fuck. I should have known.”
“How did that end up with this?” Brody finally says through clenched teeth.
“He’s been seeing someone,” I say softly. “A guy named Matty. A group of guys he went to school with found out and taunted him. He came to my house and we went for a milkshake. We were talking, and luck would have it they were walking past. They started taunting him and saying crude things about me, so Ripley got up and he threw a punch.”
“Ripley threw a punch?” Jack asks.
I smile painfully. “Yeah, he was defending me.”
“What happened next?” Blade asks, his eyes on mine.
“There were five of them,” My throat suddenly gets tight as I remember how desperate I felt. “They were just laying into him. I tried to help; I threw myself in the fight to get him out. He was on the floor and . . .” I start sobbing again and this time it’s Blade who takes my hand, squeezing it. “He wasn’t moving. There was so much blood. Some people had stepped in to help, but I just wanted to get to him.”
“Jesus, honey,” Jack says. “You tried to save my boy.”
“After he tried to defend me,” I cry, dropping my head.
“What happened to you?” Brody asks.
I swallow. “I leapt onto this guy’s back, trying to get him to back away. I was just ripping into his hair, trying to make him hurt, and he slammed me backwards into a tree.”
Blade’s hand goes so tight around mine I feel as if he’s going to snap it off.
“Oh sweetheart,” Jack says. “I’m so sorry.”
“What for?” I sob, wiping the tears away furiously. “It isn’t me who . . . who . . .”
“Hey,” Jack says, stepping over to my left. He leans down and cups my face. “Don’t you dare. We’re all prayin’ for Lee, but honey, when you were down and out . . . we were all prayin’ for you, too.”
I start crying harder and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. Blade’s hand releases mine and right away I want it back. Jack holds me and I clutch his shirt, crying so hard my body shakes. The nurse comes in, offers some ‘assistance’ for my hysteria, and Blade tells her to fuck off, literally. When my crying has subsided, Jack finally pulls back and swipes my cheeks dry with his shirt.
“You stood up for my son,” he says softly. “I can’t thank you enough for that, honey.”
“I’m sorry, Jack,” I whisper. “I’m sorry I pushed you all away and said I didn’t want another family. The truth is . . . I have come to realize just how much I love all of you.”
Jack smiles and leans back. “Well, it’s safe to say we’re pretty damned attached to you, too.”
My bottom lip trembles again and Mom enters the room. She’s composed now and as soon as Jack sees her, he goes over and pulls her into his arms. She clings to him and they stand there, holding each other for the longest time. When she pulls back, she rushes to my side. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Don’t be,” I croak. “We’re all here now. It’s the best we can do.”
“You need to rest. You look exhausted.”
I nod. She’s right; my head is pounding now.
“Can you, ah, get the nurse to bring me some pain medication?”
She nods and kisses my head. “I love you, Aria.”
“Me too, Mom.�
�
She leaves and five minutes later returns with a nurse. They give me more medication, and then Mom tells me she’s going to sit with Jack while I rest.
“Are you going to be okay on your own?” Mom asks.
My eyes flick to Blade and he says, “I’ll sit with her, Nancy. I know where you are if you need.”
She nods and smiles at him. “Thank you honey.”
I get a few hugs and then everyone leaves. When they’re gone and the door is closed, Blade turns to me. The smile he had on his face slips and he walks over, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and lifting my face up to his. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”
“I’m sorry,” I breathe.
“God baby . . . I fuckin’ thought . . .”
I reach up and cup his face. He turns into my palm and closes his eyes. He’s hurting. He not only thought he was going to lose me, but Ripley too.
“Get in with me,” I croak.
He doesn’t hesitate. He climbs into the bed with me and tucks me into his arms. I cling to him and we’re silent for a while. We’re silent because his body is shaking softly, and I know he’s crying. That hurts me—it hurts because I can’t imagine the pain he’s feeling right now. After a few more minutes, his fingers sift through my hair and he rasps, “I love you, Aria.”
My body goes tight and I whisper, “What?”
“Should have said it before, but I was too fuckin’ proud and too scared to let you in, but it’s the truth. It’s been the truth since the start. I don’t want anyone else but you, and baby, I’m tired of tryin’ to deny that.”
More tears flow. I can’t believe there are actually any left.
“I love you too,” I breathe.
“I’m sorry, darlin’. Sorry for the way I treated you when Peyton was at the garage.”
“You were right; it wasn’t the time for my jealously. I was wrong to even think about anything else but her.”
“I told her everything.”
I blink. “You did?”
“Yeah. I told her I’m sorry for what happened and I’d be there for her, and I will, but I couldn’t pretend that my feelings for her were even close to what they are for you. It wouldn’t have been fair to her, and she deserves someone amazing because she’s an amazing girl.”
God, he’s a good man.
“Is she okay?” I ask.
“She didn’t take it too well at first, but when she calmed down she said she was happy for us, and she hoped I found what I was looking for.”
Damn, I really do like that girl.
“I hated hurting her, especially after what happened, but I can’t lie anymore. I can’t pretend anymore. I want this, Tulip, and I want it for the rest of my fuckin’ life.”
I cling to him. “Me too.”
“For now, though, I just want my brother to come out of this alive.”
I couldn’t be more with him if I tried.
Please, God. Let Ripley pull through.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Blade and I must fall asleep because a soft hand on my face soon awakens me. I blink a few times and focus to see my mom standing beside the bed. She’s looking at me, but her eyes are flicking to Blade and then back again. Panic grips me and I want to leap up and start throwing out excuses, but I can’t. I would be a lie, and I’m tired of lying. Instead, I carefully shuffle out of Blade’s arms and slide off the bed.
He doesn’t move. He must be exhausted.
Mom and I go and sit on the chairs nearby and she leans in close so we can whisper. “Aria, what is going on? Why is Blade in your bed?”
I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
“I love him.”
She blinks and her entire body jerks. “W-w-what?”
“I love him, Momma. I have for two years now. It was never meant to happen like this. I met him before you and Jack and then when I found out, I tried to stay away . . .”
She’s silent. Oh God. She hates me. I start rambling.
“I tried to stop it, I swear I did. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to bring you shame. I could imagine nothing worse than knowing I took away the only happiness you’ve had since Dad and Milly died. I didn’t want to cause any heartache, so I really did try but . . . I love him. I don’t want to love him, but I do.”
She still says nothing.
“Please don’t hate me, because I couldn’t take it if you hated me.”
Her hand flies up and I close my eyes, thinking she’s going to slap me, but instead she cups my cheeks in her hands. “Sweetheart, how could you ever think that I’d ever hate you?”
I start crying. Damn crying.
“Look at me,” she says gently.
I look at her, but she’s blurred through my tears.
“You’re not doing anything wrong.”
“B-b-b-but he’s my step-brother and you’re married to Jack. It’s wrong.”
“Honey,” she says softly, “it’s not.”
“People will frown upon it and say horrible things. They’ll make your life hard and then you and Jack might never last. What we are doing might not be technically wrong but it can cause so many things to go wrong and I don’t want that. I want you to be happy.”
“And you don’t think you deserve that, too?”
“Mom,” I sob.
“Honey, look at me.”
I do.
“I’m not angry at you. I’m disappointed you hid it from me but I’m not angry. How can I choose who you love? That isn’t my place. Love finds us for reasons unknown and when it finds us, it latches on. If Blade is the love that found you, then it must be for a reason.”
“It can go so bad,” I whisper. “When people find out . . .”
“Who cares what people think? Honestly? Do you think I care what people say about Jack and I? No, of course not, because he saved me from a dark place, and I’ll never let anyone tell me that I’m wrong for loving him.”
Oh God. She loves him. My heart melts.
“But . . . what if something goes wrong between Blade and I? That’ll cause problems. What if we want to get married and have kids? It’ll be awful. It’ll never work.”
She laughs softly and I stare at her, horrified. “Life is a whole lot of what ifs honey, but I’ve learned that things can happen when you least expect them and those things can turn your life around in one day, one hour, or one damned second. What ifs mean nothing to me. Something could happen tomorrow, or it could last the rest of your life. Live for the moment and live for your heart, not for everyone else’s.”
My mother is amazing.
“It’ll be weird,” I whisper.
“Why?” she says. “What’s so weird about it?”
“You’re married to his dad and . . .”
“And?”
What real excuse do I have to give her? The truth is, there’s nothing awful about what we’re doing. There is no relation, we’re not playing on the incest cards—we’re four people who met, and it happened to be the way it was. Mom loves Jack, I love Blade, but really . . . there’s no wrong with what we’re doing.
“What about if we have kids? It’ll be so strange.”
She scoffs. “Why?”
“How will we explain that?”
“Sweetheart,” she says more firmly now, “you’re more worried about what everyone is going to think, when really you should only be worried about what you think. Do you love him? Is he what you want? Then let the rest fall where it will fall.”
I blink up at her. “And you’re not mad about this? Horrified?”
She shakes her head. “Of course not.”
“And Jack?”
“I can’t answer for Jack, but I know you both need to tell him. Right now isn’t the time because he’s praying for his son’s life, but when it’s done, and things have settled, you need to tell the truth.”
“Isn’t this even a little weird for you?”
She shakes her head and smiles a warm, beautiful
smile. “No, because I don’t see that there’s anything wrong with it and sweetheart, neither should you.”
She leans down and kisses my head. “I’m going to go back and sit with Jack. Sleep, and we’ll talk more about this another time.”
“I love you, Mom.”
She smiles. “And I love you.”
With another kiss, she leaves. I slump back in the chair, my head starting to ache again.
“Well fuck me,” Blade rasps in a sleepy voice from the bed. “I thought I liked your mom before. Now I fuckin’ love her.”
I smile and turn. “Eavesdropper.”
He smiles and wiggles his fingers at me. “Come and get back in here with me. I’m not done with needing you.”
I walk over and slip back into the bed. “I hope you’ll never be.”
“Me too, darlin’.”
Then we both fall back to sleep.
~*~*~*~
We all sit around, nervously waiting for the doctor. It’s been twelve hours and we still haven’t heard much except that Ripley made it through the surgery. Now we have to hang in there as we wait for the rest of the news. Twenty minutes later, the doctor finally joins us. He’s a tall man, with salt-and-pepper hair and kind green eyes. He smiles warmly at us. That’s got to be a good sign. Right?
“Thank you all for being so patient. I have an update on Ripley.”
Jack stands. “Please Doc, just tell me.”
He nods and says, “As you know, Ripley had quite severe internal bleeding and a punctured lung. We managed to fix those and he’s stable. The swelling on the brain has subsided, but we’re lowering his body temperature just slightly to bring it down more. I have highs hopes of a full recovery, but of course we won’t know until he wakes up the extent of the damage to his brain.”
“So you’re sayin’ my boy might be . . . brain damaged?”
“There’s a possibility, but as I said, I’m hopeful. Ripley’s swelling wasn’t severe, and I’ve seen more cases than not with that kind of swelling who go home with no further problems, however right now I can’t promise that.”