by Helen Wilder
The following weekend as soon as I open the front door April, Jordan’s sister rushes into the house, dumping her newborn son in my arms as she passes me, heading straight to the bathroom while her girls jump straight on to Uncle Jordan’s lap. Without hesitation and a giant grin he lifts them both up in his arms and heads out into the backyard. Their squeals of delight follow them out as they go.
I take a seat on the couch with the little sleeping bundle in my arms, admiring his adorable face. April comes back in a minute later, collapsing on the couch beside me. She gave birth two months ago to baby number three, a boy which they named Lucas to join their family. I’m happy for her and her husband but holding this little guy is just another reminder of what I’m missing and so desperately want.
“I couldn’t hold it any longer, my bladder control is nonexistent.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Exhausted, sore and emotional.”
“I bet. If you want to take a nap go ahead, Jordan and I will watch the kids.”
“I know but I’m fine for now, Mom has been around a lot helping. I just needed to get out of the house for a while, the girls have been driving me up the wall so I figured their uncle can entertain them for a few hours.”
“Thomas didn’t join you guys?” I refer to her husband who is never far away from his wife and children.
“He’s caught a cold, that’s another reason I needed to get out of the house. If the kids get sick I swear I’m going to kill him.”
The baby squirms in my arms and I gently rock him, cooing to soothe him. They say baby’s faces are always changing however to me he’s a smaller version of his father.
“Is everything okay?” She peers closely at me. April has been one of my closest friends since I was a child, it’s safe to say she knows me well. I’m not sure what she could see on my face and I don’t want her worrying but at times I can’t hide the longing I’m experiencing.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” I don’t look at her as I reply. Even to my ears my voice sounds a little too high and fake.
“Victoria.” She raises an eyebrow at me and waits. There’s no use hiding my feelings from her, she’s as stubborn as her brother when they want to know something.
“We’ve been trying to get pregnant and so far it hasn’t been happening. I know it hasn’t been very long but I can’t help my emotions. This little guy is perfect and sweet and I just want to hold my own.” The stupid tears fill my eyes and I blink them back.
“I know how you’re feeling. I was the same with Lucas, I was so impatient with wanting another baby, and after everything that happened to you before I get you wanting to feel and hold your baby in your arms, hear it cry and look into its eyes as you see each other for the first time. It’s a powerful emotion, something only a mother can understand. It will happen when it’s meant to, you can’t rush it.” Her hand lands on my shoulder, giving it a gentle and supportive squeeze. I would give anything to have been able to hear my daughter cry or laugh. I don’t even know what color her eyes were. Green like Jordan’s or my hazel or perhaps a mixture of both?
“Your brother said the same thing.”
“For once I’d have to agree with him.”
Smiling down at my nephew I know she’s right. I have to believe and hope that our baby will come to us when they’re supposed to.
It’s been six weeks since Jordan took me to our cottage to unwind. I’ve tried to be mellower when it comes to this baby making business, I really have, but today is a different story. I stare at the blue and white box on the bathroom sink. Do I take the test and have my hopes dashed or wait a few more days?
Knowing I won’t be able to relax until I know either way I take the stick out and pee on it. Setting it aside I wash my hands then brush my teeth and pluck my eyebrows to pass the time forcing my eyes to not even glimpse at it until the time is up.
With nerves, fast breath and a thundering heart I lean over to find out my fate.
The world stops.
I can’t believe my eyes.
Two pink lines. I’m looking at two pink lines. Unstoppable tears run down my face.
“Oh my God! Oh my God!”
My entire body is shaking along with my hands as I pick up the test to get a closer look at it, praying I’m not seeing things. My heart is about ready to jump out of my skin in joy.
“Oh my God!” I jump up and down right there in the middle of the bathroom.
“Victoria? What’s wrong?” I hear Jordan from the bedroom as he tries the door but it’s locked. I open it and hold the stick up at him with a wide smile.
He steps inside, his eyes run over me checking for injuries or whatever it is that has me yelling when his gaze lands on what is in my hand.
“Is that…?”
“Yes. We’re pregnant.” I watch a single tear of happiness run down his cheek.
“Oh my God,” he repeats my words before grabbing me, lifting me and spinning me around our bathroom before kissing me deeply. A large sense of euphoria overcomes me. I could run around the block I’m so happy, I feel light as a feather. Nothing could bring me down in this moment. Putting me back down Jordan drops to his knees in front of me, his hands cradling my stomach. “Hello in there. You have no idea how happy you just made your mommy and me.” His lips touch the bare skin housing our baby.
Running my fingers through his dark hair, he smiles up at me, the dimples showing on his cheeks.
“I told you I was going to knock you up.”
“You sure did, Counselor.”
Jordan
I’m headed to the marina after my appointment with the cardiologist. It’s been six months since my last checkup. Since my surgery where the bullet grazed my heart things look good, everything has healed nicely and I should have no long standing issues, I was so fucking lucky, honestly who gets shot, with the bullet touching their heart and survives, I’m a lucky son a bitch and thankful for each day I wake up to spend with the love of my life.
Parking in the lot, I make my way past the ships docked in the water towards the Spencer Shipping offices. After that mess my father involved the family company in with my ex-father-in-law I made the decision to step up and take a role in it, coming in one day a week to see how things are going. My relationship with my father is still a little strained at times after years of anger and arguing but if the last year has taught me anything it’s that life is short and family is more important than anything, therefore bringing me to being here today and making an effort to improve the bond we share. Walking through the front door I greet the receptionist who has been working for the company for the past ten years then head on back to my father’s office. He’s seated behind his desk sipping a cup of coffee.
“Son.” He nods at me as I enter.
“Hey, Dad.” I take a seat at the smaller second desk set up in the corner of his office and log on.
We came so close to losing the company my grandfather built from the ground up. I still get mad thinking about it. When my grandmother found out the mess things were in she was close to committing murder. I have never heard such a sweet old lady swear so much. Spencer Shipping is the final link she has to my grandfather, as long as the company is around, we all have a connection to him, his blood and sweat went into creating it. Now that I’m going to be a father myself I want this legacy to continue for the next generation, it’s important, it’s more than the money it provides, it’s something to leave behind, a continuation of our family’s existence.
“How are things at the office?”
“Busy. I’m working on an environmental bill with the help of a North Carolina congressman. I reached out to him after seeing a speech he made on the climate change issues. He seems passionate about it and working together and would like a face to face meeting in Washington in the coming weeks.”
“Sounds like you’re doing some important work. If I haven’t told you before, I am proud of you. So, how’s Victoria?” It’s not often my fath
er pays a compliment like that so he quickly moves on with another question.
“Thanks and she’s great.” The smile that finds my face thinking about her tells him all he needs to know about how my wife is.
After a couple hours of going through numbers and spreadsheets, I’m satisfied with how things are shaping up and I shut down the computer. My eyes move across to my dad, and I wonder how he felt when my mother told him she was pregnant with my sister and I. Did he have the same euphoric feeling of happiness as I did? I can’t imagine the serious and strict man in front of me being giddy from joy. I guess he wasn’t always this way and the pressure and stress of running the company has played a role in who he has become today. I would love to share our news but I can’t just yet, it’s too soon, instead I say bye, letting him know I’ll see him next week.
Driving home I replay yesterday’s events over again in my mind. Hearing Tori yelling in the bathroom scared me, I thought she had hurt herself, she sounded so panicked. Once I saw the positive result on the pregnancy test my heart swelled with so much love. My incredible wife was going to have our baby. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I’m not sure how the timing of it works, but if I was to guess correctly, our baby will be here before the end of the year.
Stepping through the front door I dump my bag and jacket on the sofa. Hearing my mom’s voice coming from the kitchen I head that way. I find them flipping through more baby photos of my nephew with mugs of coffee sitting at the table. Should she be drinking coffee? I say hi as I step into the room then lean down and kiss my wife.
“How did your appointment go?” I see the worry in her widened eyes.
“Everything is perfect.” I kiss her again to reassure her. “Hey, Mom, guess what?” I say as I stand back up.
“Victoria’s pregnant.” She calmly answers.
“Yeah.” My answering grin is all the confirmation she needs. I’m proud as fuck and need to share the good news with at least one person.
“How did you guess that?” My wife enquires with wide shocked eyes.
“You’ve had this light in your eyes ever since we sat down. You, my dear girl, are glowing. Congratulations.” She moves across hugging us both tightly. “I’m going to be a grandmother again.” The excitement is evident on her face.
“We only found out yesterday, I haven’t even been to the doctor yet,” Tori explains.
“I understand, my lips are sealed until you’re ready to share the news, it’s going to be hard keeping it from your father when he asks why I’m smiling like an idiot, but I am so happy for the two of you.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m going to go shower, I won’t be long.” I leave them to it as talk turns to pregnancy.
As I’m finishing up I hear Tori come in to our bathroom. Stepping out of the shower she hands me a towel. Her eyes travel down my chest, biting her lip in appreciation. My dick starts to rise in response to the heated look I’m receiving from my wife.
“Where’s my mom?” I move to stand in front of her, drying my hair and chest.
“She got a phone call so I came up here to give her some privacy and ogle my naked husband.” She offers her lips to me so I take them in a deep kiss, pushing her backwards until she’s leaning against the vanity.
“Are you mad I told her?” I whisper against her swollen lips. I should have run it past her before saying anything but I was too excited.
“No, I’m not mad, but I would have liked to have enjoyed it for a little while with just us knowing, but it’s fine if she knows, she won’t tell anyone and if my mom was here I would have been on the phone with her straight away too. Besides you didn’t really tell her, she guessed.”
She fights the tears back but I see her eyes water. After wrapping the towel around my hips I take her in my arms, her head finds my shoulder and her arms find their way around my waist.
“You miss her.”
“I do. Who’s going to tell me what I’m doing wrong? Who am I going to call in the middle of the night when the baby won’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do? I need her.” Her shoulders shake while she cries. I rub her back, comforting her.
“Baby, you have all the Spencers, and Becca will be here practically every day. I’m going to be here every step of the way with you. I know you want your mother to share this with. I’m sorry she’s not here but we’ve got this, I promise.”
Lifting her head I wipe her cheeks with my thumbs. “You’re right. I just wish it was different.” She gives me a sad smile. “Get dressed, your mom is still here.”
Once I’m dressed we join my mother again who is pacing back and forth in the living room.
“Mom? What is it?”
“That was the hospital, your grandmother was taken in by ambulance. She had a fall at the house. I don’t know how or if she’s seriously injured herself. I’m heading over there now.”
“We’ll come with you.”
Grabbing keys and phones we head out to the cars. The drive over passes quickly. When we arrive my mother goes off to find the nurse who called her while we follow behind her until we’re led to a room. It turns out my grandmother was out doing some gardening when she tripped over some pavers, landing on her side. At her age they were worried she might have broken her hip but she’s just a little banged up.
“What are you all doing here?” She asks seeing us all walk in together.
“I was at the kid’s house when the hospital called me. What happened?” My mother starts on her about being more careful, straightening the blankets on the bed, asking if she needs anything.
“Stop fussing. I’m fine.” Grandma snaps at my mother.
“If you were fine the ambulance would not have brought you here to be checked out.”
“I’m going home tomorrow, so I say I’m fine.”
“I’m going to go call your father. Stay with her until I get back please.” With that my mother walks out leaving us grinning at the scene that played out between them.
I take a seat at the end of the bed and really look closely at my grandmother. She’s getting older. Seeing her in the hospital it brings home the fact that she won’t be around forever. She appears so frail, her white hair not styled like it usually is.
“My dear boy, don’t look so worried. I’m okay.”
“For now, Nana but next time you might not be so lucky. I hate the thought of losing you.” Taking hold of my hand, she reaches across to Tori and grabs her hand as well, joining them in her lap together.
“I realize I’m getting older, it’s no big secret. All I’ve ever wanted was to see my family happy and creating families of their own. Now that you two are married there is nothing more I could ask for. I used to worry over you but I don’t need to any more. Jordan, whenever my time comes just remember that I will always be with you in one way or another. I hope it’s not for a while yet but I have made my peace with death, I promise, I’m okay with it. Besides I’m certain your grandfather is getting tired of waiting for me.”
Holding back tears at her words I lean over to kiss her wrinkled forehead. Tori squeezes my hand. Looking over at her she raises an eyebrow at me in question. Should we tell her? I nod in response. Before either of us gets a chance to say anything my phone rings. The name that appears across the screen is the last person I expected would ever call me.
“Excuse me, I need to take this.” I stand then lean down to whisper in Tori’s ear, “Tell her about the baby, I won’t be long.” With a kiss to her cheek I walk out of the room as I answer the phone. “Eve?
Victoria
I hate hospitals. Almost every time I’ve stepped foot in one it’s been an awful and terrible experience, first with my mother and then Jordan. I can’t deal with more loss right now however Grandma Maggie is going to recover nicely, she’s looking like her usual chirpy self. Honestly she was very lucky that she didn’t fall and hit her head or anything more serious.
“What was that all about?” She asks as Jordan leaves the room, pointing her chin in
his direction.
“Well we have some news. It’s very early and weren’t actually planning on telling everyone yet but given the circumstances, we want you to know that we’re having a baby.” Saying those words out loud gives me a sense of reality. The more people that know, the more real this is. I’ve been in a bit of a daze since yesterday, not quite believing that this is actually happening and I’m not dreaming.
“That’s wonderful, darling, come over here.” I rise from my seat and step closer to her, where she takes me in her arms. “You have made an old lady very happy. I used to worry about that boy. He loves you so much and I know you’ll take care of him.”
“I will.” I promise her.
“There is nothing better in this world than creating your own family.” Sitting on the hospital bed, with my hands in hers she begins to tell me her own experiences of having children and that’s how my mother-in-law and Jordan find us when they return.
On our way back home Jordan is very quiet in the car. His hands clench and unclench on the steering wheel as he drives. He’s very close to his grandmother and I know this episode has frightened him. He even gave me her engagement ring when he proposed to me, that’s how much she means to him.
“Are you okay? You seem preoccupied.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just the thought of losing her has me a little shaken.”
“Believe me, I know how you feel but she’s still with us.”
“You’re right, she’s still here.”
“You’re not keeping something from me are you?”
“What? Why would you ask that?” His head spins to look at me with a frown then back onto the road.
“You said everything went fine today but then you got that call and left the room and have been a little weird ever since. It wasn’t your doctor with bad news was it?” His hand finds my thigh across the console.