by C. J. Anaya
A haunted look crossed his features, his fixed expression slowly moving out of focus like he remembered some event of significance from long ago. The agonizing pain that seared through his being once he focused on a specific thought or memory nearly dropped me. My legs shook with its intensity. After a moment he schooled his features and solidified the structures surrounding his emotions. I was now looking at the blank mask of an unrecognizable Katsu. His clipped tones once he spoke next came out forced and rigid.
“Your duty is to the world. This idea that your loved ones can take precedence over humanity as a whole is going to get you killed.”
With that, the warrior god turned on his heels and sped out of my room. I relaxed my stiff stance and found that my whole body shook in the aftermath of our confrontation. I collapsed into a sitting position upon my bed and alternated between fear and anger. I calmed a bit after a few minutes and took stalk of the situation.
My plan had backfired. Instead of handing over the evidence needed to imprison my father, I had simply made my situation appear more desperate to Katsu. How would I ever join the rebels now?
I hurried to change out of Saigo’s clothing, carefully withdrawing the dagger from my boot and wrapping it in a linen cloth, stowing it within the large pockets on the inside of my kimono, which I dressed myself in as quickly as possible. That dagger would not leave my person until I could deliver it to Akane.
That’s when my pacing began. Back and forth, back and forth. I couldn’t stop my worried thoughts from wandering to this new predicament, and how on earth I was going to get myself out of it.
A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts, and I rushed to answer. When I flung it open, Yao and Chan stood before me, barely capable of making eye contact. Their concern for me let me know with certainty that something was seriously amiss.
“It’s Saigo,” Yao said. “There is something wrong with him. Kenji thinks it wise that you come back and assess his condition.”
Chapter Nine
I think most of us balk at the idea that we have limitations whether they are physical in nature or simply an emotional crutch that our own insecurities prevent us from overcoming. In the end, all we want is a choice, an opportunity to mend those things that are broken, change those circumstances that have gone terribly awry, and gain some control over the most basic and fundamental aspects of our lives.
My own weaknesses too often became a huge hindrance, especially when it came to my ability to heal. The laws of nature allowed me only so much control, and I’d never chafed at that particular limitation more so than now. Now that Saigo’s situation had gone from stable to critical, and the laws of nature had decided that this particular circumstance was no longer within my power to manipulate.
My guards informed me of the change in Saigo, allowing me to visit him, though Katsu had expressly forbidden this. I was grateful for their loyalty and friendship. They were bound to be in a great deal of trouble for taking me to see my brother. Upon entering his quarters, I spotted Kenji in one corner of the room—no surprise there—and my father sitting next to Saigo, holding him close to his chest.
He didn’t note my arrival, and for one brief moment I saw the visage of a man who was wholly foreign to me. He gazed upon my brother with tears in his eyes and grief etched upon his features. The idea that he could care, even a little, changed the way I had always felt about my father. On some level he possessed human tendencies—though his humanity had never manifested itself before today—and as much as I had always hated him, in that moment, I loved him because he loved Saigo.
I stepped forward, and my father’s anguished look hardened as he acknowledged my presence.
“What are you doing here? Hasn’t your betrothed forbidden you from entering?”
I brushed away the anger and resentment he felt for me, choosing to focus on the grief that consumed him. I could better handle his angry words when they came from a place of sorrow and despair rather than hatred for me.
“Katsu is not aware that I am here, but I am sure he will find out soon enough. I came because my guards informed me that Saigo has taken a turn for the worse. I came to heal him.”
My father glared at me for a moment, but nodded his head in agreement and released his son into my care, removing himself a few steps away.
“It’s about time you came to your senses, Mikomi.”
I glanced at Kenji, who had taken a few steps forward. He studied my eyes, no doubt noticing their change in color and confirming what Katsu had already discovered at the temple. I knew I had quite a bit of explaining to do, but now was not the time.
I sat upon my brother’s bed, scooted forward, and placed both of my hands on either side of his face. His ki was in a state of turmoil. He was half mortal just as I was, but Saigo’s ki did not operate as mine did simply because he was not blessed with the added gift for healing. Though one day he would be able to ascend as a full kami if he wished to, until then, he was essentially as mortal as the next human when it came to life threatening injuries.
The force of the blow to Saigo’s nose had pushed the cartilage back, and a small sliver of cartilage had inched its way into his frontal lobe. It hadn’t been there when I had checked him last. I wondered if transferring him to his rooms had somehow exacerbated his condition. A sinking feeling pooled in the pit of my stomach as I realized that his brain had been damaged. I wasn’t sure if his ki would be able to relay my instructions to his brain.
I sent mental images, instructing his ki to reconstruct the break in his nose and remove the piece of cartilage from his brain, but his ki was unresponsive. I ignored my panic and once again demonstrated how the front part of his brain must be repaired.
I waited, feeling nauseated that his ki continued to remain unresponsive. Then I decided to try one more thing, hoping I was wrong, but dreading that my assumptions were correct. I pushed Saigo’s ki to the foreground, subdued his will and took control of the healing process myself. I gathered the intelligences in Saigo’s body and instructed them to carefully remove the cartilage from the frontal lobe of his brain. My mind hit the veil with such force I felt it reverberate throughout my entire body.
Letting go of Saigo with a start, I sat back, clutching my shaking hands to my chest. I shook my head, unwilling to accept this outcome.
“Why isn’t he awake? Didn’t you fix him?” my father barked.
I raised my eyes and stared at him. “Saigo’s brain has been damaged, and the veil won’t allow me to heal him. He’ll be dead within twenty-four hours.” I felt hollow and broken as I said it.
My father reached forward and roughly grabbed my arm, yanking me forward and forcing my hand on Saigo’s head.
“If you could breach the veil for your mother then you can breach it for Saigo. Do it now, Mikomi. Now!”
I was about to tell my father that I had every intention of saving my brother, whether the veil was present or not, but before I could utter a single word, Katsu came charging into the room, captured my father by the throat and threw him against the wall. I stared in shock at the violence he dared to inflict upon the emperor with so many palace guards within summoning distance.
“Do you care so little for your daughter that you would repeatedly endanger her life and the entire fate of this world by forcing her to breach the veil once again?”
“You can easily repair the damage she sustains. You have done so before,” the emperor shot back.
“You stupid kami. You never once understood the gravity of what you took on, the assignment you were given. How do you think you or Saigo will survive with Mikomi dead and the world exposed to the demon god? How will any of us survive if she isn’t alive to save us?””
I ignored them both and connected to Saigo again, but Katsu pulled me back.
“Mikomi, you cannot endanger yourself any further.”
I turned to Katsu and gave him a pleading look. “He is my brother. You can’t possibly expect me to sit here and do nothing when I know h
ow to breach the veil.”
His expression was thunderous. “You aren’t meant to breach the veil, Mikomi! Don’t you understand? You have a responsibility to protect it with your very life. You are the key, the source of healing for all mankind. You are the only one who can save this world from certain destruction at the hands of Amatsu, but it will all be for naught if you take on the role of the fates and decide who does and does not die. As a kami that is not your role nor is it your gift. You cannot risk damaging your ki again. You cannot risk your ascension as a full kami. I will not allow this.”
“You will allow this. I am the emperor,” my father shouted. “And you will not prevent this healing from taking place. Guards!”
“Stop it, both of you,” I shouted. I looked at Katsu and my father as shock spread across their faces. I wasn’t about to take a back seat to this discussion and allow anyone to decide whether or not my brother lived or died. Katsu would never allow me to breach the veil again, and my father would most likely find a way to strike out at me by killing those I loved, starting with Kenji. It was an impossible situation to be forced into, and I chafed at such stifling limitations being placed upon me by anyone.
It was imperative that I be left alone with my brother without any interruptions, but distracting my father and Katsu would not be easy.
I stood and allowed that blank mask I had held so effortlessly over the years to melt away, revealing my anger, outrage, and frustration for a man who should have loved me more than life itself.
“You no longer have the right to dictate my actions nor force my hand through threats or beatings.” I took two steps forward and planted myself in front of my father. “Katsu is my betrothed, and the man I am now beholden to. If he forbids me to heal Saigo then I will obey him, and there is nothing you can do to change that.”
I waited as the full force of his rage took hold of him and spread throughout every cell of his body. I had baited the beast, and now it was simply a matter of pushing him over the edge. I thought hard about what exactly my father desired most, and then verbally raged against it.
“You do not have the authority to order me about and use my gift as you please. With Katsu as my betrothed, you no longer hold a position of authority. You’re just a powerless kami with an empty title.”
His rage snapped and then centered, focusing on me, and I waited, fully expecting what was to come. With unparalleled force, my father broke from Katsu’s grasp, pulled out a lethal looking dagger at his side, and threw himself upon me, stabbing me in the chest, barely missing my heart in the process.
I didn’t pay much attention to the commotion surrounding me. I simply stayed on the floor as everything proceeded in sweet slow motion. I locked eyes with my father. He blinked once then twice, as if trying to pull himself out of the rage induced stupor he had allowed himself to succumb to. He let go of the dagger embedded in my chest and stared at the blood in surprise.
He shook his head in disbelief. “I just wanted you to save Saigo…I…” He looked at me again, and I could have sworn the emperor of Kagami felt a hint of regret and possibly a smidgen of guilt as he prepared himself to say something more.
Katsu was upon my father, pulling him off and shouting for my guards who were already by my side attempting to help me. Kenji rushed to me, grabbing my face to make sure I was still conscious and then attempting to stop the blood from pouring out of my chest. His horrified expression hinted at the extent of the damage my father had managed to inflict.
My father’s eyes never left mine. I let a slow victorious smirk spread across my lips and then cried out, “Katsu, the emperor is a nekomata.” I had the satisfaction of seeing a glimmer of understanding darken my father’s face just before Katsu knocked him unconscious.
Several other guards rushed in, taking in the situation and following Katsu’s orders of imprisoning the emperor. I thought I heard Katsu tell them that the emperor was, in fact, a nekomata in disguise, and that under no circumstances was he allowed to be disposed of until the nekomata had revealed the emperor’s whereabouts.
I thought it a brilliant ploy, effectively preventing anyone from suspecting that the real emperor had been imprisoned, and I was grateful Katsu had taken my lead and furthered the deception. Maybe now he would change his mind about our hasty departure and allow us to stay.
I finally began to notice the pain from the dagger as Yao and Chan gently laid my body all the way back while Kenji applied pressure just underneath the wound. The skin, tendons, and muscles kept attempting to repair the damage to my body, but the dagger’s presence made that virtually impossible. My punctured lung began filling with blood. The dagger needed to be removed before I suffocated.
Katsu was before me in the next instant, gripping the hilt of the dagger with one hand, and lacing his fingers through mine with the other.
“Are you ready?” he asked. He felt true anguish at the pain he was about to inflict.
I put on a brave face and prepared myself for how excruciating these next moments would be.
I coughed up a little bit of blood, and Katsu took that as his cue. He expertly pulled the dagger from my chest, and I bit back on the cries of pain begging for release. I leaned forward and vomited after nausea took over, but my body immediately began repairing the damage.
I took in the bloodied floor and my stained kimono, and for some morbid reason felt incredibly proud of myself.
Katsu lifted me to a sitting position and pulled open my kimono, checking the skin underneath.
“Are you healed? Do you feel any more pain?” His soft touch turned to a light caress as he searched my face in concern.
Yao and Chan still flanked me on the floor, and Kenji had only moved back far enough to allow room for Katsu to move in. Though they weren’t touching me, I still felt their emotions of concern for me and anger at the emperor’s actions.
“Well, that worked out beautifully. Wouldn’t you say?” I took hold of Katsu’s hand and squeezed it. “If everyone assumes the emperor is a nekomata, I doubt he’ll be released anytime soon.”
Katsu’s jaw dropped. “You baited him.”
I nodded.
Kenji’s strangled chuckle carried across the room. Peering up at him, I offered a wide smile.
“You planned the whole thing, sacrificing yourself in order to imprison the emperor.”
I nodded again.
Katsu just sat there in stunned silence for a few moments. “Mikomi, you seem to be absent of that innate inclination to preserve one’s life.”
“Thank you.”
He vacillated between fear at my own reckless behavior and pride at what I’d managed to accomplish. Considering our most recent conversation, it surprised me that he felt anything other than anger toward me.
“Child, I quite understand your motives, but I hope to never be on the receiving end of that quick witted mind of yours,” Kenji said. An air of approval laced his words.
Katsu chuckled at that, and then pulled me into his embrace.
“I’ve bought us some time. There’s no reason for us to leave until Saigo recovers.”
At that, he pulled back.
“Mikomi, we are still leaving within the next hour and your brother is not coming with us.”
“How can you say that when my brother is lying here dying? I cannot leave him to his fate.”
He swallowed hard, looking at my brother as guilt, sadness, and sympathy coursed through him before he managed to tamp down on all three and make a decision he felt duty bound to see through.
“I have no idea how long this ruse will work. At some point his generals will want proof that he is a nekomata, and then what? Not to mention the number of unknown kami who are sympathizers to the demon god.”
“What are you talking about?” Kenji asked.
I was about to protest, but Katsu held up his hand. “I won’t change my mind, Mikomi. Your brother sacrificed his life for you. He did his duty to you and all of us. You won’t throw his offering away
by choosing to remain here and endanger yourself any further. We are leaving him to his fate and that is that. I can offer you one simple mercy and give you time to usher his soul toward the veil so he no longer suffers.”
“What are you saying?”
“His death is a foregone conclusion. There is nothing you can or should do to change that, but you can curtail his suffering by helping his ki travel through the veil. Are you amenable to that?”
If Katsu thought I might ever be amenable to that scenario then he didn’t know me at all and hadn’t paid attention to a single word uttered in my room not thirty minutes earlier. Still, I had to convince him, didn’t I? The time for saving Saigo was quickly slipping away.
“I…” I rounded my shoulders and nearly caved in on myself in defeat. I summoned a few tears, digging deep for that bit of acting since I was unaccustomed to crying in front of anyone let alone so many men. “If you will allow me that one kindness, then yes, I will cooperate on that front, but Kenji is still accompanying us.”
I felt my tutor’s questioning gaze fall heavy upon me.
I peered up at Katsu and held my breath as he weighed my words and my countenance. He must have felt satisfied that I had been thoroughly cowed because he nodded and moved to stand.
“I must finish our preparations for our departure and when I return I will help you send Saigo’s spirit through the veil.”
“You will help me?” I asked.
He gave me a sad smile. “Of course, Mikomi. I would never leave you to face the loss of your brother on your own. I will be there to support you when the time comes.” He looked at Yao and Chan. “You will watch over her until I return.”
My guards fisted a hand to their chests and bowed from the waist. I took Katsu’s orders to mean that they were not to allow me to attempt a healing on Saigo in his absence. I despised being manipulated and backed into a corner like this.