by C. J. Anaya
“Musubi, we have very little time to make this right. The princess must ascend as soon as possible, but she must do so with the man with whom she is meant to heal the veil. Are you not at all concerned with the fate of this world and the humans who inhabit it?”
“I am only concerned with the fate of one being upon this Earth. I won’t give her up to a kami so wholly undeserving of her.”
Before Katsu could respond to this, a sickening thunk sounded to my right. Akane screamed and went down as a great roar from behind Katsu accosted my senses. I reached for Akane, but she remained on her knees folded over her stomach.
“Akane, where are you injured?”
She looked up, her expression twisted in pain, the arrow protruding from her chest. Musubi grabbed her from behind and started pulling her back toward the temple.
“No,” I screamed. “She’ll die if you move her. I must heal her now.”” He nodded. The horror he felt at Akane’s injury was quickly diverted to other concerns as my father’s soldiers began to pierce through the rebels ranks. He lowered her body to the ground and motioned for Yao and Chan to surround us.
“You two take up position in front of Mikomi and Akane. Kenji and Saigo, you two need to enter the temple and find a place to hide.” It looked as if Saigo was about to argue, but Musubi pinned him with a glare. “Do it now.”
Saigo nodded and he and Kenji fell back.
It was difficult to block out the noise of battle. The worry that the next arrow might be for Saigo, Kenji or any other number of people I cared for distracted me. I placed my shaking hands upon Akane and summoned her ki to mine, assessing the damage, and instructing her body to slowly expel the offending weapon from her muscles and tissues.
I don’t know how it happened, but one moment her spirit was there, and the next moment she was gone. I frantically searched for her ki, for a connection, for some lucid acknowledgment in her subconscious, and all that I received in return was a hollow sounding whisper that echoed through my own awareness. A final goodbye released through an exhaled sigh.
I pulled away from her, unable to think, unable to accept that I had failed to heal her. How could I have failed in this? How could I have lost her so quickly? I stared at the blood pooling around the arrow in her chest and felt myself miles away from the battle surrounding me, the cries of injured men, the furious thrusts of each soldier’s sword. In that moment, I doubted my ability to save anyone or anything and wondered what might possibly be the point to any of this if I wasn’t allowed to keep the people I loved out of harm’s way.
My many failures began to crowd my thoughts, each of them gouging out a small piece of my soul. I failed to save Aiko. I failed to save Akane. I failed to save Hatsumi and Daiki from losing everything they loved. I failed to save Cho, and my father’s general, and so many other countless people I’d worked with over the years. I’d lied to Katsu and broken his trust. I’d lied to Musubi and lost his faith in me. The only thing I seemed to have a real talent for was destroying anything and everything that found its way into my life.
I am poison. A black hole capable of nothing but destruction.
“Mikomi, she’s gone,” Musubi called out. “We must fall back toward the temple.”
I might have lashed out at him for his callous words and unfeeling behavior if his pain and despair hadn’t blindsided me at that very moment.
My eyes felt dry as I nodded and allowed him to pull me to my feet. I stared at the blood soaking my hands and knew I would feel its stain upon me for the rest of my existence.
Musubi grabbed my arm and pulled me forward with Yao and Chan holding our flank.
“I’ll take things from here, Musubi,” Katsu yelled. We both turned around again to find Katsu on higher ground about thirty feet from our position. The rebels had managed to hold back most of my father’s forces, but I thought it unwise for Katsu to expose himself to any flying arrows. I stepped forward to tell him as much, but Musubi tightened his grip on my arm.
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve stated,” Musubi yelled. ““She is mine, Katsu. Your bond is severed. As long as I live and breathe, as long as I exist upon the face of this Earth, Mikomi will belong to me.”
Katsu’s voice rang out, imperious and commanding. “Then as protector of the veil, this Earth, and The Healer of the world, it is my duty to make certain you cease to exist.”
Musubi withdrew his sword and pushed me behind him. “I’m ready when you are, old friend.”
If only I had foreseen that Katsu had no intention of fighting Musubi with a sword. Within the blink of an eye, Katsu stepped forward and lifted a black object that glinted wickedly in the moonlight. I registered the black bow from the underworld just as Katsu knocked and released the matching arrow. It was in that moment I thought I might have a chance at redeeming myself and all of my collective failures. My one desperate thought was to protect Musubi from the certain death that awaited him if that arrow found its target. I had failed him on so many levels, but in this one thing I would somehow make it right.
“No,” I shouted.
I flung my arms wide as I jumped in front of Musubi and a million memories began to parade themselves across my mind’s eye.
Akane’s encouraging smile. Katsu defending me against my father. Saigo and his endless attempts at getting out of his studies. Kenji’s humorous banter and fatherly affection. Hatsumi and Daiki and their constant love and support during my deepest moments of despair. Aiko’’s warm hugs and sweet voice when she sang away the remnants of a nightmare.
Musubi.
His frosty blue eyes as they glowed with mirth, sarcasm, and curiosity. His fluid movements with the sword. His relentless drive to protect me. His eagerness to tease and torment me during our trainings. His misplaced anger and bitter hatred for a situation he had no control over. His stubborn refusal to accept the love we felt for one another, and then his stubborn refusal to accept anything less. The love and warmth that replaced the chilling indifference within him. Our first kiss and then our second and then our third, until every touch and caress had been revisited and savored with fervor by a young girl faced with her own certain demise.
I watched the arrow release from Katsu’s bow, watched it speed forward, an unyielding executioner gaining speed and force. The arrow landed squarely within my chest and catapulted me backward into Musubi’s arms.
Distant ringing and frantic voices assaulted my senses, but I floated peacefully over the chaos that surrounded me.
Hands gripped my shoulders. My body was lifted in the arms of someone who resembled an angel.
“Mikomi,” he yelled. The urgency with which he shouted my name allowed me to break a little from the pull of peaceful slumber.
I lifted my bloodied hand and rested it against his cheek.
“Musubi,” I whispered. My voice seemed to come from a distance and echoed hollowly within me.
Katsu was suddenly there, hovering over me and placing his hands on my head. “Musubi, I need your powers, we have to stop the damage the arrow has inflicted. The darkness is spreading.”
Both sets of hands were on me now and heat suffused within my ki, regaling it with a measure of light. However, there was little focus for where that light was meant to be utilized. It wouldn’t be enough, but I didn’t feel saddened at this realization. Instead, a large measure of peace settled over my entire being, and I raised my other hand to touch Katsu.
“I love you both,” I wheezed out. Every breath, every word was a struggle. “I know…not fair…or right how I hid…truth from you. I’m sorry to hurt you.” I looked at Katsu. His face was growing dim and his sobs shook his entire frame. “Not your fault,” I tried to assure him. “Always my friend.”” I moved my eyes to Musubi. The strain of those few movements nearly made me let go completely, but I had to say this to him before I was gone. Whether he believed me or not, I had to say the words. “Already…” I sucked in more air, straining against the suffocating sensation of death creeping stealth
ily over me. “Yours…my heart…already……yours.”
Musubi’s sobs were explosive. He kissed my hand over and over again, muttering apologies and promises if I would continue to fight against the darkness.
But Death is not one to take heed to compassionate pleas or desperate promises. It takes what belongs to it with very little compunction.
I had to let go after that. Fighting against death brought fear and pain, but accepting it released me into a peaceful state of existence. I floated happily upward, resting my eyes upon the people I loved most one last time.
Musubi and Katsu hovered over me on either side. Their desperate fight to keep me there drained them of energy and power. Saigo and Kenji stood behind them, both unable to hold back the aching sobs that wracked their bodies. Yao and Chan were situated a few feet back, on their knees with their swords drawn and embedded in the ground, one fist held to their chests. I looked further behind them and saw the entire rebel army on bended knee, swords stuck in the ground with hands fisted to their chests along with my father’s soldiers. The entire battle at a standstill due to my death. Their touching tribute might have brought fresh tears to my eyes if I had been capable of shedding any.
It wasn’t how I wanted my life to end. I didn’t want my death to cause those I loved so much pain. I moved to comfort them, but my insubstantial form didn’t respond to my commands. I remained suspended in air, several feet above my body while my loved ones mourned me below.
The bald man with the scar was at my head now. He spoke harshly to both Musubi and Katsu, who were shouting at one another. Once they quieted he whispered indecipherable words and motioned for Katsu to take out his sword. Curious, I hovered just low enough to hear his instructions.
“Katsu, we must do this quickly before she passes through the veil.”
“What can be done, Hachiman?” Katsu’s words were choked with tears. “The sword hasn’t the power to bring her back to us.”
“Maybe not as Mikomi, but certainly as someone else. Either way, her spirit has already been formed and she remains The Healer.”
Hachiman reached for the sword and rested it across my body.
“You’re talking about rebirth,” Musubi stated. Hope radiated from his eyes. “The sword is already designed to place her soul in a holding area beyond the veil. What exactly is it that you intend to do?”
“If her spirit is sent to that holding area, we’ll have no way of knowing when or where she will be reborn. Nor will we know her new identity. We must retain her spirit here. The sword must hold her where we can find her once she is reborn,”” Hachiman stated.
His words continued, a soft mantra playing over and over again, an ancient dialect of Japanese I failed to grasp or understand.
I felt my spirit jolt upward and then move forward, past my loved ones and further into the grounds of the temple until I hovered in front of the Holy Cherry Tree. I wondered if I was moving on to the next phase of my journey and prepared myself to pass through the veil, but something altogether otherworldly occurred. The tree began to hum and light slowly engulfed it, growing blindingly bright until it reached a level of whiteness so brilliant that I could no longer keep my eyes open. There was a compressed groaning from the earth and then light exploded outward. I shielded my face with my hands and waited as the light from the tree slowly darkened and disappeared, leaving a large stone of massive proportions behind. It stood a few feet from the tree.
I stared at it in wonder, not understanding why I was still here or what this large block of stone was meant for. I was abruptly pulled forward by some unknown force. I didn’t fight it at first, fully believing my spirit was readying itself to pass through the veil, but then I began to enter the stone, moving to the center of it as the cold and dark of its interior became pliable, slowly embracing my spirit. I felt it shifting and moving as it encased my form from the tip of my head, to my fingers and then toes. I turned myself around and faced my loved ones. The movements were strained as I pushed against the hardening material of the stone while it continued to form itself around my body.
Musubi suddenly stood a few feet in front of me, reaching forward and speaking words I failed to hear. I lifted my arms against the binding material, the unforgiving stone, and reached for the man I loved. My fingers barely managed to touch his and then I was frozen, the stone hardening and solidifying before I could embrace him as I had intended. One look at my arms confirmed my fears.
They were completely encased in stone.
Tears continued their slow descent down Musubi’s cheeks, but he was ripped from me by a furious Katsu. Their arguing and bitter fighting continued on as I watched, helpless to stop it. Then more fighting began as my father’s armies attacked. Time behaved differently for me with moments standing still and then moving forward at a rapid rate.
I fought to keep my focus on the battle at hand, wishing to give my support and love if nothing else, but my heart cried out in anguish as the rebels were cut down left and right. I frantically searched for my loved ones only to watch in horror as Saigo stood fighting a kami twice his size. The kami feinted to the left and knocked his weapon free, his sword sailing from his hand. The kami wasted no time and stabbed him in the chest. I screamed for someone to help him, but my words were swallowed up within the hardened stone.
Then Musubi was at his side, while Yao moved in front of Saigo and took a blow to his shoulder. Chan and Kenji threw themselves in front of him just as another blow rained down from their assailant. Kenji was struck dead before my eyes. I saw a flash of green from Katsu’s sword and then time sped forward and suddenly Katsu and Musubi were both dragging Saigo and Kenji backward while Chan and Yao brought up the rear. Musubi paused as Saigo said something to him and then his head dropped forward, death descending upon his pale features. Katsu’s sword glowed green the moment he departed.
My agonized screams gurgled forth, but didn’t reach beyond the walls of my prison. It was an absolute bloodbath, and I was helpless to defend or heal them. Yao fell next, an arrow breaking through Chan’s defenses, piercing him in the neck. Another flash of green from Katsu’’s sword.
After this I shut down completely, my vision blurring in and out. Something within me broke after watching the death of so many people I loved, and I couldn’t bear to witness one more. I shut my senses off and drifted out of consciousness.
I’m uncertain as to how long I remained in that state, but every so often I heard my name being whispered from a great distance. In those moments I knew to open my eyes and allow myself to become more aware of my thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. Musubi always stood before me, speaking my name and talking to me as if I was capable of giving an audible response. For the longest time he spoke of love and a promise to wait for me no matter the length of time. Eventually his words spoke not only of love, but of regret and a desperate plea for forgiveness. After each of these visits I allowed myself to drift back into that hazy state of nothing. I had no desire to mark the passage of time.
Eventually, I began to ignore the visits I received from Musubi, acknowledging to myself that it was simply too painful to have him within arms’ reach, yet never touching, never holding and never truly speaking to him. I turned myself off forever, convinced I would never be allowed to hold him in my arms or feel the soft brush of his lips against mine. I accepted the numbing monotonous darkness for what it was. An eternal punishment with no end in sight. A fitting sentence for someone as flawed and damaged as me.
And then one day something changed.
Chapter Sixteen
Musubi stood before me, hands clasped behind his back. His hair was much shorter than I was used to seeing and his clothing appeared so foreign. Strange blue leggings fit snug against him and a flimsy shirt bore writing in a language I couldn’t understand. No matter the foreign cut of his clothing he still looked just as wonderful to me as he ever had. The longing that gripped me at the sight of him sent waves of pain coursing through my soul.
I wished to delve into the darkness surrounding me, but Musubi reached forward and grasped my outstretched hand, something he had done thousands of times over the course of my miserable incarceration, but never before had I been able to feel his touch until now. Nothing definitive in texture or substance, but a familiar warmth that engulfed the stone surrounding my fingers, bleeding into their tips and infusing me with life.
“It’s nearly time, Mikomi. The moment of your rebirth is near, and with it a promise I’ve made to you over the years that I intend to keep.””
Promise? What promise? How much time had passed?
“Chinatsu, Katsu, and Hachiman wish for you to remain here to be trained up as The Healer.” He paused, taking in a deep breath and letting it out in measured puffs. “But I intend to give you what you deserve. Something you never had the first time you lived upon this Earth. You deserve love, Mikomi. Love from parents who won’t beat you, belittle you or take your opportunities and choices away from you.”
He swallowed hard and lifted a hand to my face. Sweet warmth enveloped my senses, and I basked in it, delighting in the brightness of it like flowers delight in the warmth of the sun’s rays.
His eyes glistened with love and tears and he cleared his throat. “You deserve a normal life with friends and family who support you. You’ll have eternity to be The Healer, but only a few years to simply be Mikomi. These people on their way are good and kind. They will love and take care of you, and I will make certain you have as much time as you need to lead a normal life. And when I do return to fetch you, Mikomi, though you won’t remember who I am, and Katsu will be the one meant to hold your heart, I’ll love you from a distance, always. I will help you become exactly what you were meant to become.”
I opened my mouth to speak, to explain the flaws in the prophecy and convince him of the rightness of us, but my words echoed back to me and were mercilessly swallowed up within the walls of my stone prison.