by Jenny Jacobs
Though Sadie sometimes wished she’d known her parents and would have liked a sister — or maybe a brother — she’d always been part of a family and never doubted her place in it, never doubted how loved she was. Even now that Gran and Gramps were dead and all she had left was Aunt Gertrude, the love continued. The family went on.
She glanced at the ring on her left hand. Symbols mattered a great deal, and not just to children.
“Here we are,” Peter announced as the car slid to the curb outside the hospital’s main entrance.
“Give me an hour,” Jordan said, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut behind him before Sadie could even get out. Peter put the car in park and came around to open the door for her before she could even gather her wits. Did Jordan want her to accompany him or not? Had he shut the door because he’d already forgotten she was there? Or was it simply that he expected her to get out on the other side of the car instead of sliding over? He was an extremely perplexing man.
She saw that he’d left the bag with his book on the seat. She picked it up. Peter made a significant gesture with his head so she climbed out of the car and went into the hospital after Jordan. She caught up with him as he checked in at the front desk and was being directed to his mother’s room.
With an exasperated sound, she tugged on his arm as he turned away from the attendant. She’d heard of men being able to compartmentalize the various aspects of their lives, but this was ridiculous. “Hello. Remember me?” she said. The dratted finger of compassion had her using a nicer tone of voice than she intended.
He glanced down at her and blinked as if it was taking him a moment to place her. Then he said, “I’m distracted,” running a hand through his hair. She stifled the urge to smooth it down. Soothing tormented souls was so not in the job description. How pathetic was it that she had to remind herself of that?
“It’s been a long day,” he added. “And I’m not used to having people with me.”
Apparently, that was his idea of an apology. She shrugged philosophically. He did have a lot on his mind. She took his hand and almost dropped it. She’d forgotten about the tingle. Even in a hospital corridor, even after he couldn’t remember she existed, her hormones were revving up. Willfully ignoring the sensation, she pulled him toward the elevator. She tried for a flippant tone. “We’re engaged. Try to remember.”
The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. Sadie, like anyone with any kind of imagination, did not like hospitals, but she was willing to overlook her own discomfort to offer support when a friend or family member needed it. She knew you just had to square your shoulders and be as cheerful as you could about it. Jordan seemed more reluctant, staring at the panel of floor numbers before selecting one, then watching the indicator lights as they blinked with each passing floor. She could practically feel him willing the elevator to slow down.
Sadie understood. When Gran had gone into the hospital for what turned out to be the last time, Sadie had dreaded each visit while also wanting to spend as much time with her beloved grandmother as possible. Gramps had died without warning, a heart attack while he was puttering in his shop out back. She had never figured out if that was easier or harder, getting the pain all at once.
She looked up at Jordan’s tense profile. Had his father died in a hospital? The memories made when you were young often hurt the very deepest. If his mother died, he would only have Randall Matthews left. She doubted that was any comfort to him. At least she had Aunt Gertrude still.
She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. He gave her an unreadable look but she thought his shoulders relaxed a little. Then the elevator doors opened at the appointed floor and he let go of her hand as they stepped into the brightly lit hallway, which was just as well. She didn’t need to tingle in his mother’s hospital room.
She let him lead the way beneath the bright fluorescent lights. Now that he was almost to his destination, his reluctance was gone. Maybe she’d imagined it. He stopped at the nurses’ station and introduced himself, then followed the direction indicated by the unit secretary’s pointing finger. They seemed to be on a general surgery floor, and Sadie kept her eyes averted as they passed other rooms. Others people’s suffering shouldn’t be so readily exposed to outsiders’ curious looks.
They stopped in front of a partially closed door. She saw the tension creep back into Jordan’s shoulders. Then he knocked on the door to his mother’s room and said his name.
“Jordan!” his mother called happily. “It’s fine to come in.” At least she sounded strong and in a good mood. Gran had been tired and a bit resigned. Sadie hoped it boded well that Mrs. Matthews seemed upbeat.
Jordan pushed the door all the way open and walked into the room, Sadie a step behind. He went directly to the bed, his tension and hesitation gone now, or at least well-hidden. He bent to kiss his mother’s cheek and she turned her face to him, like a sunflower. Sadie saw she was a slender, elegant blonde, beautifully preserved, as Aunt Gertrude would put it. Her blonde hair was carefully styled and she wore her own robe and nightgown in a light blue silk. She set aside the magazine she’d been leafing through and once she and Jordan had exchanged their greetings, she gave a calm look in Sadie’s direction.
“And who is this, darling?” she asked, perfectly polite but still clearly enunciating the unstated question, Why are you bringing strangers to my hospital room?
Jordan reached behind him and hauled Sadie up to the side of the bed. “Mother, may I introduce you to — ” here he stumbled a bit and for a moment she thought he’d forgotten her name but he recovered and said, “Sadie Perkins. Sadie, this is my mother, Elaine Matthews.”
“I’m glad to meet you,” Sadie said. She wasn’t sure about protocol. Should she offer to shake hands? Mrs. Matthews kept hers folded together on the blanket in her lap, so Sadie guessed not. She had the impulse to keep talking but forced it down. Nervous babbling was the kind of thing that was likely to get her into trouble.
“I’m pleased to meet you, too, Sadie,” Mrs. Matthews said, then turned her beautiful blue eyes back to Jordan and raised a perfectly manicured brow.
I don’t want to do this, Sadie thought, suddenly overwhelmed at what she’d agreed to do. Real people with real lives would be affected, even hurt. This wasn’t some adventure on paper, where mistakes could be erased, or in her head, where she could rewrite her lines until she got them right. She stared at her toes. I don’t want to do this. I really don’t. But it was too late for such qualms now. She should have thought of that this morning.
“Sadie and I — ” Now Jordan seemed to be having qualms because his jaw tightened and he didn’t seem to know that to say.
She didn’t want to jump in with an explanation in case Jordan had reconsidered, and she wouldn’t blame him if he did. “We brought you this,” she said instead, to give him a minute, and handed Mrs. Matthews the blue bookstore bag.
“Thank you, darling.” Though Sadie had handed over the bag, it was Jordan Mrs. Matthews thanked. Well, why not. She opened the bag and took out the book. “Oh! Edna St. Vincent Millay,” she said, stroking the cover. “She’s among my favorites. Do you remember my reading her poetry to you, Jordan?” She leafed through the book, pausing at various pages to read a line and smile. Jordan didn’t answer. Obviously, he didn’t remember. Did men ever remember things like that? Gramps had, Sadie reminded herself, although he’d been a very special man of course and you couldn’t expect the rest to be like him.
“I’m glad you like it,” Jordan said, which answered his mother’s question, even if he didn’t mean it to. Then he cleared his throat and reached for Sadie’s hand. He said, “Sadie and I — ” and trailed off again. Sadie gave him an encouraging smile. Did he intend to go through this or not? “What I mean is that I wanted you to meet Sadie.”
Very reasonably, Mrs. Matthews turned to Sadie for the coherent explan
ation.
“It’s very sudden,” Sadie said. “But he was in Cedar Valley today — that’s where I live, and it’s where we met — and we decided it was time we made our engagement official.” She disentangled her hand from Jordan’s grip and displayed the ring.
“It’s lovely,” Mrs. Matthews said faintly, sparing it a bare glance before searching Jordan’s face. “Jordan, I had no idea. What happened to Paula?”
Yeah, what did happen to Paula? Sadie glanced up at Jordan’s expressionless face. Why hadn’t he mentioned the complication of a girlfriend? Hadn’t it occurred to him that you couldn’t very well have a girlfriend and a fiancée, not if you were trying to make your mother happy, anyway? Sadie had assumed there wasn’t anyone in his life. Why couldn’t he have asked this Paula to play the part of his fiancée? That would have made it more believable. Sadie could tell from Mrs. Matthews’ expression that she found Sadie completely unexpected — and unlikely.
“Paula isn’t the kind of person you settle down with, as I believe you mentioned a time or two,” Jordan said, taking Sadie’s hand again in a determined gesture, probably to prove she was the kind of person you could settle down with.
“But are you sure — ” Mrs. Matthews stopped, giving Sadie a glance. She frowned, and Sadie supposed she was worried that this was some kind of rebound relationship. Which meant she wasn’t far from the truth, because just as she guessed, it wasn’t a real relationship at all.
Sadie hurried to fill the silence. “Oh, we’re going to have a nice long engagement,” she said. “You don’t have to worry that we’re rushing into anything.” Wasn’t that what mothers worried about? Sadie thought about the romance section of the bookstore and remembered all the secret babies, so she went on to assuage that concern. “We haven’t set a date yet and we’re not in any hurry to do that. Not at all.” Now, to finish. If there was no hurry, why did they get engaged now? Sadie had the answer. “But Jordan wanted to take me off the market.”
Jordan made a strangled sound and Sadie stopped talking to go back over her words and see what she’d done to produce that sound. Well, off the market could have been phrased more eloquently, but she was under the gun here and Jordan wasn’t helping matters any.
“So to speak,” she added cheerfully. She was quite accustomed to amending her sometimes infelicitous phrasings. When she was nervous or excited, she didn’t always think before she spoke.
“Yes,” Jordan said woodenly. “Off the market. Didn’t want someone stealing her out from under my nose.”
Sadie burst into laughter. They were hopeless. No one would ever believe they were engaged to be married. They were much too unlikely a couple.
“Would you two like a few minutes alone?” she asked, recovering herself as Jordan and his mother stared at her. There was no way this was going to work. The best chance they’d have of convincing his mother they really were a couple was to let him do the convincing without Sadie in the room. Together, their dissimilarities were too apparent. Alone, he might be able to spin a story that his mother could believe.
“Thank you, Sadie,” Jordan said. “Why don’t you go down? Peter will be waiting. I’ll catch up in a few minutes.”
“You bet,” she said, wishing she’d done a better job for him, though with what he’d given her to work with even Julia Roberts or Meg Ryan would have fallen flat.
Then she realized she’d better kiss him goodbye or no matter what he said after she left, his mother would never believe they were newly engaged.
• • •
Jordan should have realized he would have to kiss her to make the ploy seem convincing. Not that there was anything distasteful about kissing Sadie. She was a pretty little thing with lots of blonde curls and bright blue eyes that saw everything. So not distasteful, no. But it was going to be hard to convince his mother because Sadie was so much not his type that he doubted he’d manage anything remotely realistic.
But Sadie paused before turning to leave and she looked up at him and an understanding leaped between them. We have to do this or admit it was a stupid ploy.
He hesitated. She left it entirely up to him, which he appreciated, but then he would be entirely to blame if he didn’t get it right. So no pressure.
He took one hand out of his pocket, reached out and cupped her chin with it, the kind of possessive gesture he wasn’t much giving to showing, but which would impress his mother. “I’ll be just a minute, Sadie-belle,” he heard himself say. Her blue eyes widened at the affectionate tone in his voice. Where had that come from? He didn’t know, either.
Then he took his other hand out of his pocket and touched a golden curl that lay against her shoulder, rubbing it between his fingers. It felt like fine silk in his hand. He had been wondering since he’d first spotted her in the bookstore.
She caught her breath at his touch. Then he couldn’t help but stroke his palm against her neck, smooth and soft like the rest of her. Her lips parted the tiniest bit, as if she meant to say something, and then forgot what it was, and he couldn’t blame her because at the moment he wasn’t too sure he remembered his own name.
Her eyes drifted closed as he leaned down. He wondered how much experience she had. Not too much, he thought. Then she stood on her tiptoes to clasp her hands behind his neck but she wasn’t quite tall enough to reach. Something twisted in his heart. He thought maybe she’d never been quite tall enough to reach what she wanted, though he doubted that had ever stopped her trying.
“Sadie-belle,” he whispered and kissed her.
She surprised him. Her lips were soft and warm, eager and welcoming. A woman who liked to be kissed, who wanted to be kissed. A man might kiss her whenever he liked, and she would be willing, and not play games.
She kissed him back with enthusiasm, and he hauled her closer to him, because there was something joyful and happy about kissing Sadie.
Then the connection between them shifted and the very air grew charged. Heat flowed, heat and desire, and Jordan deepened the kiss, delving into her, and she made a sound and brought him closer, and he held her hard against him, her soft curves a relief against the demands and challenges that stalked every one of his waking moments. He could kiss her forever —
The door burst open and a cheerful nurse called out, “I need to check your vitals, Elaine,” and Sadie jumped out of his arms. She stared at him, wide-eyed, for a long moment and he couldn’t help the silly satisfied smile on his face. Then she turned and darted from the room, nearly knocking the nurse over on her way out the door.
He remembered where he was and what he was doing. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned to look out the window as the nurse bustled about his mother’s bed.
“I have to admit that at first I was a little puzzled about your Sadie,” his mother said dryly as the nurse fitted her with the blood-pressure cuff. “But now I see why you felt compelled to take her off the market.”
“So to speak,” Jordan said, and watched his mother smile.
• • •
Sadie scooted down the hallway to the elevator, pressing a hand against her trembling lips. She smacked the down button and leaned against the wall, taking a deep steadying breath. Good heavens. What had she been thinking? Better make this convincing? Any more convincing and she’d have been ripping off his shirt. In front of his mother. The annoying thing was her fingers were still itching to do it.
She hadn’t realized how much sexual deprivation could affect a woman’s judgment, though Aunt Gertrude had always tried to warn her about the power of biology. Working quietly in the bookstore, in the absence of pirates, she hadn’t realized she was so seriously deprived, but exposure to Jordan had shown her the light. Which would be fine if there was any hope they might walk hand-in-hand to the future together. But she had never met a less likely man.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Sh
e stumbled inside the car and stabbed the lobby button with her finger.
The solution was simple enough. They weren’t doing that again. Then there would be nothing to worry about. Jordan wasn’t the kind of man who had any intention of getting involved with her — she knew she wasn’t his type — and he was not someone she would want to have a relationship with, kisses like that notwithstanding. She might as well spare herself the emotional roller coaster. She just had to make a promise to herself. She’d done it before. She knew she didn’t seem like it, but she could be determined, stubborn even, when she set her mind to it. That was what she needed to be now, determined. She would just decide not to kiss him, and she wouldn’t. She would just decide to be emotionally unavailable to him, and that would be that. No emotional roller coaster necessary.
A moment later, she pushed open the lobby doors and spotted the town car in the visitors’ lot not far from the entrance. Peter saw her coming and was out of the car and had the back door open for her before she could reach for the handle. Gratefully she slid into the backseat, the soft leather embracing her like a friend (she had to wrestle a moment with her conscience for enjoying the luxury) and he shut the door behind her.
“He’ll be down in a minute,” she said, when Peter resumed his position behind the steering wheel. She supposed he could have figured that out without her help but she was still pretty rattled by what had happened upstairs.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, adjusting the rearview mirror, probably so he could see the hospital doors without moving from his position.
“Mrs. Matthews seemed in good spirits,” Sadie ventured.
“She dotes on him.”
Sadie relaxed against the leather seat. Mrs. Matthews tried to make Jordan feel better and Jordan tried to make Mrs. Matthews feel better. It was nice but kind of sad. Maybe it would be better if they just felt awful together. But every family was different, and she could hardly expect everyone to act the way she would.