Mission accomplished, motherfucker.
Hunt was talking to her now, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The streak in her hair was blue today, to match the blue skirt she was wearing—the kind that was tight all the way down to her knees but hid nothing, cupped her round ass in a way that made my mouth water. Her shirt was white, an old Red Hot Chili Peppers Concert T, and had “Suck My Kiss” written in red across her tits. I hated how much I wanted to suck what was under that shirt. Jesus, I could already feel her hard little nipples in my mouth.
My fingers curled into fists. The way she’d kissed me back, feeding me those sexy little whimpers, her husky groans. I lost it in that elevator. I’d almost done a hell of a lot more than kiss her. The need that had risen in me at that moment had scared the shit out of me. We’d only kissed and I wanted to lock her in my apartment and never let her out of my sight. The warning bells had started ringing in my head. Kissing her was bad enough, but if I got her under me, all bets were off. Stopping, saying what I had to, was the hardest thing I’d done in my whole damn life. But it was the right thing to do. If I hadn’t put an end to it, I would have given in. It would have only been a matter of time before I broke. I would have taken her, made her mine in every way a man could claim his woman.
That couldn’t happen.
I was already fucked in the head over her, having a hard enough time staying away as it was. God, I thought she was bluffing, that quitting her job here was another way to mess with me. I didn’t think that anymore. And truthfully, I was starting to think it had been more wishful thinking on my part. Better that than the reality. Ruby out in the field every day. Putting herself in danger. But that was my reality, wasn’t it? Because something was different about her, I could see it even now. She wasn’t coming back to the King Agency, and I . . . I didn’t know how to deal with that.
I’d also realized something in that elevator—Ruby had been living in denial, she’d still seen me as that boy, her boy, not the monster I was underneath, the monster I’d become when I worked for Tomas.
I knew the moment she saw the real me. I’d seen the unshakable trust between us begin to dissolve before my eyes. She looked at me like she never knew me at all. I’d hated it and felt relief at the same time.
I’d been afraid of her seeing that side of me. Now that she had, I knew she wouldn’t push for anything romantic between us, and not just because of the shit I’d said to her.
She felt like I betrayed her.
The irony was, I’d been the one person she’d trusted when we were kids. And I’d more than likely destroyed that trust, in a way I wasn’t sure I could ever earn back.
It was the right the thing to do.
I needed things to go back to the way they were. I only hoped I hadn’t pushed her too far. I needed Ruby in my life. And I needed to be the one that took care of her.
I ignored the urge to go to her, to apologize, fucking get down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness. Protecting her, in every way, was inbuilt, as natural to me as breathing. Not following that instinct and making sure she was okay after what happened between us was hard as hell.
It’s for the best.
I would never stop being there for her, but it was past time she worked out I wasn’t some goddamn hero. Not even close.
I’d been repeating the same shit over and over in my head the last three nights. I knew I was right. Didn’t make this any easier, though. I just hoped my dick would hurry up and work that shit out.
Or I was utterly fucked.
Hunter turned to me. “I need to go see Raul.” He held up a case file. “Might have a lead for this asshole.”
Raul had been there for Hunter and Van when they were kids, taking on the role of father in their lives when their own had been a violent drunk. He also had good, reliable contacts all over this city.
I dipped my chin and pushed away from the wall. Ruby sat with her head tilted down, loading her stuff into a box, hair forward, concealing those fucking eyes I was getting desperate to see.
Putting some distance between us is the right thing to do. I repeated in my head again.
Didn’t stop me from turning back to look at her as we walked out the door. I couldn’t stop myself.
She still wouldn’t look at me.
A few hours later, I was sat in a booth at Raul’s club, Stilettos. He’d given us the info we needed, but nothing could be done tonight, so Hunter and I, as well as Jude, Zeke, and Van, who had walked in a short time after us, were having a drink and shooting the shit with Raul. Some of the girls offered private dances, tried to climb on some laps. Van shook his head, declining. Jude and Hunter as well. And Zeke gave off such an intense fuck-off vibe, none of the girls went near him.
I, on the other hand, was feeling antsy as fuck, near crawling out of my skin, so when Jayne, one of the girls that worked the bar, told me her shift was over and took my hand, asking if I wanted to go to a private room, I got up and followed her. Jayne and I had fucked around on more than one occasion. She was a nice girl, gave amazing head. And right then I could do with a distraction. I refused to analyze my actions, to think too deeply about what I was doing or why I was doing it. I didn’t want to fucking think. Period.
She shut the door behind us and I sat my ass in the seat. These back rooms got used for all kinds of shit. I should probably scrub the chair my ass was on, but right then I just wanted to get off, wanted to get Ruby out of my goddamn head. Jayne was the kind of woman that knew what she wanted and went after it, in and out of the sack. I admired that about her. No bullshit. No emotions. Just a good time.
My own hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. The trait I admired in Jayne was the same that made me fucking bat-shit crazy in Ruby.
Because you don’t care about Jayne.
She walked up to me, all fluid and sexy, and I jammed all those fucking thoughts about feelings way down deep before they could take hold.
Her hands went to my knees and she leaned in. “I’ve missed spending time with you.” She slid one of her hands higher. “How about I take care of you first?”
That suited me just fine tonight.
“Sure. On your knees.” My dick stirred behind my zipper when I eyed her dark hair. It was the same almost black of Ruby’s. No streaks of color and a little longer, but still . . .
Fuck.
She popped the button and slid down my zipper, freeing my cock. I was barely hard. She dropped to her knees, licking her lips, fingers curling around my dick. “You ready?”
I felt numb.
Then she looked up at me, brown eyes clashing with mine and I jolted. This felt wrong, so damn wrong. I couldn’t do it. Jesus fucking Christ. A beautiful woman was on her knees in front of me, my dick in her hand, and I couldn’t fucking do it.
My phone rang right at that moment, thank fuck, saving me from having to come up with some bullshit excuse. I gripped her chin and shook my head. “Gotta take this.”
She pouted prettily. I felt nothing. I just wanted her to get the fuck out.
“You mind?” I motioned to the door.
“Come find me later?” Then she quickly picked herself up and walked out the door, shutting it behind her.
Dragging the phone from my pocket, I stared at the screen. A contact for one of the jobs I was working.
It bordered on insane how badly I’d wanted it to be Ruby calling me.
Shit. I dropped my head back against the wall, a rough, shaky breath bursting past my lips. I was sitting in the back of a strip club, limp dick still out after turning down a blow job, hoping the woman I wanted more than anything in this world would call me. Yeah, this felt wrong on so many levels. In ways I was not prepared to think about too deeply. My situation, how out of control I’d allowed myself to behave with her these last few months, became clear. I’d let down my guard. I’d fucked up, in a big way.
I held the phone, so damn tempted to call her. Stay the hell away from me. She wanted me to back off, leave her alone. I didn’
t blame her. If I called, we’d be back to square one. I couldn’t do that to her or to me. I had to quit Ruby, get my damn feelings under control. And the only way I could do that, was cold turkey.
I was too damn weak. If I caved and called, if I heard her voice, I’d do whatever she wanted me to. I’d kiss her again, and this time I wouldn’t stop.
I turned my phone off, shoving it back in my pocket, my dick back in my jeans and, feeling sick to my fucking stomach, got the hell out of that fucking club.
CHAPTER SIX
Ruby
Grabbing a beer and my book from my room, I hit the couch.
I’d thought going back to the King Agency today to get my stuff would have had me regretting my decision to leave. Surprisingly, it hadn’t. If anything, my resolve was even stronger.
I loved the guys that worked there like brothers. Which was exactly why I had to leave. They were all too close to me. All of them had known me as the scared, emotionally abused little kid I’d once been, and I was starting to get the feeling that was how they’d always see me. I wanted to do P.I. work. I wanted to be out in the field making a difference, and if I stayed where I was, I was never going to get my chance. I’d finally let go of that last sliver of hope, that one day Neco and me would be more.
He felt responsible for me. Saw me as someone that he needed to protect. Probably because he’d saved my ass too many times to count. But I didn’t need that from him anymore. I could save myself. Unfortunately, the damage was done. He’s seen me at my worst, and he couldn’t see past it, to the Ruby I was now.
The truth hurt like a son of a bitch, but it shouldn’t be a surprise.
My mind drifted back to that place, that time, before I could stop it.
Neco had given me some money for my birthday and he’d looked so proud when he handed it to me. I didn’t like that he was working for Tomas, but it seemed to make Neco happy. He could buy things for his mom. He told me all the time that when he could finally make real money, he’d make sure she never had to be with another man she didn’t want. I didn’t know exactly what he did for Tomas, but I didn’t care, I was proud of him, too.
I pulled my new dress over my head. I’d bought it with the money he’d had given me. It was deep purple and I loved it like crazy. It had thin straps that showed off my shoulders and sat mid-thigh. I was sixteen now. Mature. I wanted Neco to see me that way, too.
Pushing my door open, I peeked out to check the coast was clear. Valery was not in a great mood. She hadn’t even wished me happy birthday. Not that that was anything new. Neco’s mom had made me a cake, though, a chocolate one, and we’d had it for breakfast. I’d walked out of his room this morning and she’d been standing in the kitchen waiting for me, the cake in the center of the table. It’d had candles and everything. She was more like a mother to me than Valery had ever been. Neco’s mom didn’t care that I slept there most nights. She also never asked questions, which I was grateful for.
Valery was asleep on the couch, the TV blaring. Yes! I started to sneak past the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Crap. I should have gone out the window, but I was scared I’d catch or tear my dress on the way out. I ducked my head back around the door. “For a walk.”
“Let me see you,” she said.
I moved into the doorway.
“You look like a slut.”
I swallowed.
“You been whoring yourself out to that black boy across the street?”
“No.”
“Little slut,” she muttered. “You get pregnant, you can fuck off and find somewhere else to live.” Then she turned back and stared at the TV.
I spun away and ran out. Not as bad as I expected. She’d said worse. Luckily for me, her favorite program was on and she was more interested in that instead of me, for once.
The street was dark, but there was a full moon. It was also warm, and I was glad, I didn’t want to cover my dress with a sweater. I walked along the street, following the thumping beat of the music coming from Tomas’s house. I could hear people talking and laughing and my belly flip-flopped. I’d never been to one of his parties before, but I wasn’t a kid anymore, and Neco would be there to look out for me.
I walked down the broken concrete driveway. Several guys were standing around and I felt their eyes following me.
“Who do we have here?” one of them said, moving toward me.
I ignored them all and quickly walked toward the back.
There was a bonfire in a drum, and most people were back there. I stopped, searching for Neco, and some guy slung his arm around my shoulders.
“Hey, baby . . .”
That’s all he got out before Neco was in front of me. I smiled up at him. “Hey.”
He stared at the guy still with his arm around me and shook his head. The guy dropped his arm instantly and backed off. My heart did a little flutter.
Neco’s eyes slid back to me. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
I jerked back. I thought he’d be happy to see me. “I, ah . . . I thought . . .” Suddenly I didn’t know what to say. That never happened when I was with Neco.
He dragged a hand over his cropped hair, eyes dropping to my dress. “Fuck.” His nostrils flared. “You can’t be here.”
“But . . .”
“These aren’t the kinds of guys you need to be hanging around, Ruby. You’re a fucking kid.”
“I’m not, and you know it.” I could see several girls from my class standing around. “And I . . . I wanted to show you my dress. I bought it with the money you gave me.”
He stilled and his eyes did another sweep, from head to toe, and his chest expanded to twice the size on his next breath. “Ruby . . .”
“Do you like it?”
“It’s not safe for you here. You need to leave.”
I wanted to hear him say he liked it; I wanted to hear him say I looked beautiful. I ran my hands over my hips. “But my dress . . .”
“Go the fuck home, Ruby!”
I jumped. Neco had never yelled at me like that. Ever. He looked so angry, angry at me. Oh God, I’d gotten it all wrong, I’d made a mistake . . .
“Now!” he barked.
I spun and ran away.
When I hit the street, I was struggling to breathe through the pain his words had inflicted. I loved him, so much.
He didn’t love me, not the way I loved him.
He didn’t want me.
“Hey, baby,” a deep voice said behind me.
I spun around, and the guy that had put his arm around me was following me. Another guy behind him. “Where are you going, sweet thing?”
“Home.”
“Now why would Neco let his girl walk off all alone?”
“I’m not Neco’s girl.” I shook my head, as another wave of pain nearly overwhelmed me.
He grinned and I knew I’d made a mistake.
Neco may try to shelter me, but I lived on the same streets as him. I knew how things worked around here. I tried to walk away. “I need to go.”
“Not so fast, baby.”
They moved in on me before I could make a break, grabbing me roughly.
“You wanna have a little fun, girl?” the other guy said.
“No.” I shook my head. “I want you to let me the hell go.”
They laughed and started dragging me further from the party. I struggled, letting out a scream. One of them cursed then backhanded me. My mouth filled with blood and tears stung my eyes. I tried to fight but I couldn’t get away. They took me to the park across the street then shoved me to the ground. One guy held me down while the other climbed on top of me. The sound of fabric tearing filled the air, and another scream tore through my lips. The guy holding me down kneeled on one of my arms and covered my mouth again with his hand.
“Hurry up, man, I want my turn.”
They guy on top of me undid his jeans.
I was shaking my head frantically, fighting as hard as I
could. They laughed at me and the guy on top of me gripped the front of my underwear . . .
Then he was gone . . . flying across the dry grass. The other guy holding me looked up and his eyes went round, then he let me go suddenly and I could hear him scrambling back behind me.
Then Neco was there. He had a gun in his hand and it was aimed at my attackers.
“Can you get up, Ruby?” he said to me, without looking down.
A sob of relief escaped. My body ached from being thrown down, I was shaking uncontrollably, and I had to spit the blood still filling my mouth to answer. “Yes.”
Neco pulled me into his side as soon as I got to my feet, doing his best to cover me since my dress was ripped right down the front.
“They hurt you?” he growled.
I knew what he meant. He wanted to know if they’d raped me. “No,” I whispered.
“Don’t fucking move, you hear me,” Neco growled to the two men now cowering on the ground.
I saw Hunter crossing the street toward us, and relief washed over me. Neco couldn’t take on these guys on his own.
“Nec, what’s going on? You left the party so fast . . .” Hunter’s voice trailed off when he took in the scene.
Neco spoke to him without taking his eyes off his targets. “Give her your shirt and hold this.”
Hunter dragged off his shirt and tugged it over my head then took the gun.
“Come on, then,” Neco barked out, motioning for the two assholes on the ground to get to their feet. “Show me how fucking tough you are.”
I’d seen fights, a lot of them. I’d even seen Neco fight before. But nothing like this.
He fought both of them until they stopped coming at him, until they stopped getting back up, then after giving the guy that ripped my dress one last brutal kick to the ribs, making him scream—he took me home.
A shiver slid down my spine and I quickly shook off the memory. I’d held on to the fantasy of us for far too long. Now I was putting it behind me and going after something that was actually attainable.
I was still reading my book and onto my second beer when Scott stumbled through the door. Jesus. He looked more strung out than I’d ever seen him.
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