She turned away, refusing to do what I asked, and whispered, “You found one of me, didn’t you?”
I tucked her hair behind my ear. “Yes.”
She bit her lip, and I could see she was fighting not to fall apart. “I don’t . . . I barely remember that night. Not after we started drinking. I don’t even know how it happened.”
“You were out of it. He wasn’t. He was also persistent. I don’t even think you were conscious for some of it.”
She covered her mouth with the back of her hand, fingers shaking. “You watched it?”
I nodded.
“Oh God.” She looked up at me. “I . . . I don’t even remember us coming home that night. All I remember is that I’d been upset that evening, and Scott insisted we go out to cheer me up.”
“You were upset?”
She swallowed, eyes darting away again. “Yes.”
And he’d used that fact to prey on her. I don’t know why I pushed, but I heard myself ask, “Why?” Whatever it was, remembering it made her uncomfortable. “What had upset you that night, Ruby?” I cupped her jaw and made her look at me. “Tell me.”
“It was nothing,” she said, voice soft.
I suddenly felt like I’d swallowed a lump of lead, because I knew. “It was me, wasn’t it? You were upset because of something I did?”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“It fucking does matter. You were sad, because of me, and Scott took advantage of that, he used that against you.”
Her now glistening eyes met mine. “It wasn’t your fault, Neco. It doesn’t matter what it was. It could have been something small. God, maybe you didn’t talk to me that day at work, or I didn’t see you. My feelings aren’t something you have control over. You were always on my mind. I just, missed you . . . all the time. There was nothing you could have done to change that, and that includes how I was feeling that night . . . what happened with Scott later.”
She was trying to make me feel better, but all she’d succeeded in doing was reaffirming what I already knew. That I’d failed her. I should have held onto her and never let her go. Because even that . . . that fucking horror show I’d watched on Scott’s laptop, was about me. She’d gotten into that situation because of me, because I’d put distance between us, when she needed me. When I should have done the opposite as soon as I was free of Tomas.
When I started working for him, I’d been forced to give up Ruby to keep her safe, giving up on a life with her so I could work for him, the only way to save my mother. At the beginning, I thought I could have both, have it all. I’d been wrong, and Ruby had paid the price. She’d paid it over and over again.
“I can’t believe I let him do that,” she said, cutting through my thoughts.
I held her tighter. “You didn’t let him do a fucking thing. That fucker preyed on you, took advantage of you . . .”
“No, I . . .”
I kissed her, cutting her off. When I pulled back, I shook my head. “None of this is on you.” I kissed her again gently. “I’ll make him pay, I promise you that.” Then I kissed her again, soft and sweet, while she trembled in my arms, as she held on to me tighter.
“I need you,” she said against my lips. “I need you to wash it all away.”
Lifting her, I turned, and walked her to the bed. “I’ll give you anything, everything. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll do whatever it takes, always.”
We dropped to the bed, and she dragged my shirt up and off. “All I want, all I need, is you.”
“You’ve got me, you’ve always had me, even when you didn’t know it. I was always yours, Ruby. Always.” Then I kissed her again while she worked the button on my jeans and slid down the zipper.
I dragged her panties down, shoving her tank up and off. I needed to feel her skin against mine.
Her legs wrapped around my hips instantly. “Now, please. Don’t make me wait.”
I didn’t, couldn’t. Fisting my cock, I guided myself to her and slid home. Then we were moving together, rolling and grinding, kissing the whole time. Ruby fed me every moan and whimper, every cry, as I took her slow and deep, as I did my best to wash it all away.
We were lying together in the dark a little while later when she said quietly, “Please . . . please, don’t lock me out of this. I don’t want to feel helpless. Promise you won’t keep things from me, not when he’s out there, when that motherfucker is still out there.”
I curled her in closer. “I promise.” I kissed the top of her head. “But I need something from you, too. Leave this case to me. I won’t hide shit from you, but just . . . leave this one to me.”
She lifted up and looked down at me. “I can do more than sit behind a desk, Neco. I wish you could see that . . .”
Every muscle in my body tightened. “You don’t think I see it?”
“I haven’t exactly shown you what I can do. I’ve done one idiotic thing after another to get your attention . . .”
“Yeah, to get my attention. Shit, Ruby, I know how smart and quick, how fucking talented you are. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. And even though I hate it, I know you’ll make an amazing agent.” I met her stare. I needed her to understand where I was coming from. “The reason I don’t want you on this case isn’t because I don’t think you can do it. I’m asking you to leave this to me because I will lose my mind knowing you’re putting yourself in Scott’s line of fire every damn day. That fucker is still out there, and we still don’t know what his motives were for coming after you.”
“I don’t think Scott really wants to hurt me.”
“I hope you’re right, but we have no way of knowing for sure. Promise me you’ll leave this one for me.”
She let out a long breath. “You won’t keep anything from me?”
“I told you I won’t.”
“Fine,” she muttered, then snuggled in closer.
Thank fuck.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Neco
The drink in my hand had gone warm. Not that it mattered much—I wasn’t drinking it. I was waiting on Raul, and hoping like hell he had something new for me. Information wasn’t coming fast enough for me, though Jude had been talking to his contact Connor at the station and apparently Jimmy Mason, Scott’s friend, had been found dead in his apartment after an anonymous tip. My gut said it had something to with Scott. Shit, maybe it was Scott that called it in?
I had no idea. But right then, nothing was adding up.
An image of that fucking video flashed though my head, and my hand tightened around my glass.
I’d been pushing Ruby away from me since she was sixteen in an attempt to protect her, sticking my nose in her business even longer, for the exact same reason. Still, I’d failed, and I’d hurt us both in the process. I couldn’t do that anymore. I didn’t want to. Old habits die hard, though, and standing back while she trained to become an agent under someone else, somewhere else, knowing she was putting herself in danger, was killing me. I’d told her the truth last night. I knew she could do it, I knew she was more than capable. Hell, I knew she’d be an amazing agent, but that didn’t stop the fear, or the inbuilt need to protect her. This profession went hand in hand with danger. Every. Damn. Day. Keeping Ruby safe had been my job for so long, I couldn’t just . . . stop. But if I didn’t, if I didn’t take a step back and let her do this, I could lose her for good.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to give her what she needed and stay sane.
If she got hurt again because of something I did . . . or didn’t do . . .
Fuck.
I dragged my hand over my face. I needed a lead; I needed to find Scott. With him still out there, it was getting harder and harder to let Ruby out the door, and not lock her in my damned apartment and never let her out.
“Hey.” I lifted my head as Hunter slid into the seat opposite. I’d told him I was coming here tonight.
“You know if Raul has anything for me?” I asked.
Hunt shook
his head. “I thought I’d sit in, though.”
I knew exactly why he felt the need to sit in. If Raul did hand me Scott, my friend wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything that could get me locked up.
His beer was delivered and he sat back. “How’s Ruby?”
“Determined to be the best agent in New York.”
Hunter chuckled. “I don’t doubt she’ll do it, too.”
“You’re not wrong.”
“I assume by the scowl on your face that this doesn’t please you?”
I stared across the table at Hunter. “Would it please you? If Lulu was risking her neck every day?”
Hunter scowled as well. “Fuck no.”
“Exactly.”
“At least she’s in good hands. Harry knows what he’s doing.”
“Yeah.” I sucked in a rough breath through my nose. “It’s hard though, to . . . shit, to . . .”
“Let go?” Hunter finished for me. “I can see how hard you’ve been trying with her. You’re doing the right thing.” He shrugged. “Van always thought she’d be good out in the field.”
I lifted my glass and downed what was left. “I know, and I agree. I still don’t like it.” I shook my head. “I saw what she came from, how Valery treated her, picked up the pieces when she was done, kept her safe. Now somehow I’m supposed to just . . . step back?”
Hunter gave me a sympathetic look and took a sip of his beer. “I know Valery was abusive, but Ruby kept that to herself, only shared with you. I wish I’d done more to help her back then.”
“I wish I’d put a bullet in the bitch’s head.”
Hunter’s head tilted to the side. “Why didn’t you?”
That was one kill I would’ve never felt remorse over. I sat back. “Ruby went missing this one time. I hadn’t seen her at all, not even walking to school. I waited until Valery left the house, broke in, thought she must be sick or something. I found Ruby in the kitchen, tied to one of the cabinets by a rope around her neck. She’d been there for three days. Valery had been calling her dog, made her eat off the floor, not even allowed to use the bathroom. She was ten.”
“Jesus,” Hunter choked out.
“I was going to kill her that day.” I’d wanted it more than I’d wanted anything in my life. If Ruby hadn’t pleaded with me not to, I would have executed the evil bitch. “Ruby freaked out, terrified I’d get caught and go to jail.” That I’d leave her. I shrugged. “I was all she hand, and I couldn’t guarantee that wouldn’t happen, so I let Valery live.”
We sat in silence for a while after that, until Raul finally walked through the door. He spotted us, said something to one of the girls, and headed in our direction.
Sliding into the seat beside Hunter, his eyes went to mine in that direct way of his, assessing me. Obviously seeing I was close to the edge, he muttered something under his breath. His drink arrived. Whiskey, neat. Raul usually drank beer. When he downed it in one shot and those usually hard eyes turned sympathetic, I knew shit was bad.
“Tell me,” I gritted out.
Raul tilted his head. “I didn’t get anything on Imperious; well, nothing new. You’re right, the players are determined to stay anonymous.” I’d sent the name through to Raul that morning.
“Fuck,” Hunter said, voicing my thoughts.
“But I have a contact, one of my kids.” Raul had looked out for a lot of street kids over the year, still did. Not all of them stuck around, or made it, but the ones that did would do anything for the guy.
The older man shook his head. “We parted ways a long time ago. I didn’t like the company he kept, but he owes me, so I called in my marker. I’d heard whispers, that name mentioned more than once. Like you, my contact doesn’t know the players, but he confirmed they’re the backers of that website and where those images of your girl were going.” He rubbed his jaw. “The site from the outside is legit, says the girls signed up for it, and maybe some do? Fucked if I know, but the whole thing’s a cover.” He glanced at Hunter and I felt my friend brace. Whatever Raul was about to say, I wasn’t going to like it. “The majority of the girls on that site have no idea they’re on it. Basically, the person sourcing these girls and setting up the cameras gets a cut, a percentage per view. They go in, get out, then sit back and rake in the cash.” He motioned for another drink. “This asshole that hurt your woman, he didn’t do that, he stuck around. Why? Who knows?” He shrugged and rubbed a hand over the scruff on his chin. “I wish I could tell you more, but my contacts just aren’t that high up the food chain.”
“Any word on Scott?”
“There were sightings, same day he tied to snatch your girl off the street . . . since then . . .” He shook his head. “Nothing.”
The tight coil inside me fucking exploded in my chest. The feeling of helplessness was damn near overwhelming. I needed Ruby. Now. She was the only one that could pull me out of the dark shit sucking me under. I shot to my feet. “I need to go.”
“Stay. Calm down before you leave,” Hunter said, standing as well, blocking my goddamn way.
“Not gonna happen. No one knows where that fucker is,” I bit out. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
Hunter didn’t budge. “Where are you going?”
“Home. To my woman,” I growled.
Hunter held my stare, then finally stepped back. “Call me if you need anything.”
I dipped my chin and strode out of the club. I needed to hold her in my arms, hear her breathing, smell her skin, and maybe then I’d feel human again.
Then I had a call to make, and a favor to ask.
One I knew would come at a price.
One I’d pay no matter the cost.
The apartment was quiet when I walked in. My mind was racing, every muscle in my body bunched tight. Jesus, the women on that site had no say, no knowledge that they were being watched. These women had their choice taken away. My mother had been treated like nothing more than an object most of her life, bought and used by men who didn’t care about her, until she finally broke.
That’s what Scott had done to Ruby.
I walked to the bedroom on autopilot. It was dark, but I could see her clearly, enough light streaming through the windows from the street. She was on my side of the bed, arms curled around the pillow, dark hair in a wild tangle. I stripped off, unable to take my eyes off her, even for a second, then I climbed under the covers and rolled her to her back.
She moaned softly, eyes blinking open. “Hey. You’re home.”
I kissed her, harder than I should, but she didn’t complain, just wrapped her arms around me and clung like fuck. Her lips were soft and warm, like the rest of her. I trailed my mouth along her jaw, tasting her skin. “Need you,” I rasped against her ear, then lifted up to look down at her.
She stared up at me, lids heavy as I dragged off the T-shirt she was wearing, one of mine, then tugged her panties down her legs.
She reached up and cupped may face. “What’s going on?”
“I just need you,” I choked out, the emotions inside me swirling, shit, fighting for dominance.
“Then take me,” she whispered through the darkness, pressing her lips to my jaw, my shoulder. “I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
I ground into her, kissed her deep, fucking lost in her. I was driven by a base need inside me, to claim what was mine, to mark her, own her. To make sure she knew she was mine and I was hers.
“Please tell me you’re ready for me, sweetheart?”
“I’m always ready for you,” she said back. “Give it to me, let me make it better, let me do that for you.”
I growled, and dropped down on top of her, using my thighs to shove hers apart . . . and slid home.
She moaned against my neck, arms tightening around me.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped as I slammed into her hard and deep, setting a frantic pace that was completely out of my control. “I’m so fucking sorry I let you go.” I was close to coming in minutes. I doubted
she was anywhere near ready. She didn’t complain, though, just clung tighter to me, whispering words of encouragement. Telling me it was all right. That everything would be all right. Reading me like she always had, absorbing my pain, the battling emotions inside me. Giving me what I needed without question.
Ruby was stronger than I’d ever be.
Rearing back, I slid my hand between our bodies. I needed Ruby with me, every step of the way. I slid my thumb over her clit and she arched beneath me.
“That’s it, baby, come with me.”
She moaned then I felt her start to tighten around me. I grunted, fucking into her harder, a sound tearing from me that matched the animal inside as I came. I fell forward and bit down on her shoulder as I pumped her full of my come, marking my territory, covering her in my scent, shuddering and growling as I did.
She lay under me silent as I tried to catch my breath, her hands sliding over my overheated skin while I tried to get my shit back under control.
Finally, she kissed my throat and said, “What’s going on, Neco?”
I felt shaken from my loss of control, for how I’d come to her tonight, so close to the edge.
Fuck.
I dragged the covers away, grabbed my shirt, and started cleaning her up. “Jesus. I didn’t even use a condom.” But I’d known what I was doing, didn’t I? I’d appeased the monster inside me.
“I’m on the pill, it’ll . . .”
“Shit . . . Ruby . . .” Guilt slammed through me. “I’m gonna take care of you, baby.” I flung my shirt aside and kissed up her inner thigh. “Lay back, let me get you off again, sweetheart.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need to get off. I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
I kissed her hip, the Superman symbol. I was the complete opposite of a damned hero, but somehow, I had to give her back everything she gave me. I didn’t know how I could ever do that. “I’ll make you come so hard . . .”
“Neco . . .”
“Let me take care of you.” I kissed her pussy.
She tried to squirm away. “Neco . . .”
Broken Rebel: A Lawless Kings Novel Page 16