by Jay Heavner
“You don’t need to be telling me all this.”
“No, I do. It’s part of who I am. I’m so thankful to be alive and with my uncle, who I call my father. I never knew who my real father was. He may even have been a white man. I don’t know.” She paused, looked away, smiled, and continued. “When I was a baby, just a month old, one winter night, my mother who was very drunk that night, dropped me off here saying she couldn’t care for me. She staggered off in the dark, and they couldn’t find her in the driving snow. The next day, they did locate her frozen to death lying out in a cornfield. I guess I could be mad about my beginnings, but I chose to look at what I have, not what I lost. They adopted me before an Arizona state judge, and that’s why I call my uncle, father. He’s the only father I’ve ever known.”
Tom felt tongue-tied but managed to speak. “That’s quite a story. I wish I could be so accepting and confident things will work out. Let me tell you a story. My mother was either a full-blood or half-blood Cherokee from North Carolina. She died when I was young. I still miss those eyes so full of love. She had female cancer and went fast. I only found out about the Cherokee thing a few months ago. You see, back where I come from, there can be a stigma on people with mixed blood.”
“Here, too. I know how you feel.”
“You know what’s funny?”
“No. What? What’s funny?”
“I can remember one day when I was shooting the bull with Chris; he said he’d like me to meet his sister. You know how guys are when they’re messin’ with each other. I never thought it would happen and put it out of my mind till now.”
She smiled, “I’m glad we were able to meet. Chris was my protector in school, and for him to say that, I know he thought highly of you.” She moved closer to him.
“I, too, am glad we met, but I’m planning on leaving tomorrow. I told my dad I’d be home soon.” Tom thought he saw her face drop slightly, though he was sure she tried not to show it. I wouldn’t mind staying here longer, too, and I would if I hadn’t told dad when I‘d be returning. Don’t know how welcome this white boy is on this reservation. He moved closer.
The front door opened, and again, a gust of cold air poured in as Dark Cloud entered the house. “Sorry I took so long. Several calls came in on the answering machine after I left, and I needed to take care of them. Sarah, Padre over at the church wants to see you at nine. He needs some more information for that daycare job you applied for. Sure is cold. The weatherman on that new Christian radio station, KHAC, says the weather will break about midnight, and then be warmer and calmer for some time.” Dark Cloud looked at the two who had moved apart. “What? Did I interrupt something?”
There was silence for a few moments before Sarah spoke, “We were telling each other about our families and growing up.”
Dark Cloud looked at them with a degree of suspicion. “That’s good,” he said hesitantly. “You two seem to have hit it off okay.” He smiled a little smirky smile. “We need to get to bed. Getting up to meet the dawn will come very early. We’ll get up about five, have some breakfast, and get over to the cemetery about six. Tom, the couch pulls out into a hide-a-bed, so let’s all be hitting the sack.”
Little more was said that night among them. After all made trips to the bathroom, the lights were turned out, and Tom could hear Dark Cloud snoring. The old sofa bed had seen better days. Tom felt every lump and broken spring, but he was tired. It had been a long and interesting day. Before long, he too was sound asleep.
Chapter 19
3 AM, Next Morning
“Incoming! Get down!” screamed Tom as he rolled from the bed and crawled under it. “Incoming!!”
Dark Cloud turned on the living room light. He wore only his underwear and looked around, trying to figure what all the commotion was about. Sarah, half asleep and confused, appeared from her room with a robe around her.
“Incoming! Getdown!”
Sarah asked her father, “What’s wrong with him? Why is he yelling?”
“I’ve seen this before in soldiers just coming back from war. It’s called battle fatigue.”
She stepped forward toward him. “We need to help.”
Dark Cloud grabbed her by the arm. “No, don’t. In his condition, he might think you’re the enemy and hurt you. I’ve heard stories of guys punching their wives when they tried to wake them during their nightmares.”
“Incoming!”
Dark Cloud and Sarah knelt on the floor. “Tom,” he said, but got no response. “Tom,” he repeated. “Tom.”
Tom groaned but continued to lie under the bed, but Dark Cloud could see that his body was starting to relax. Dark Cloud said, “Tom, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
Tom looked around and saw Dark Cloud and Sarah staring at him. He tried to raise up, but the sofa bed stopped him.
“Tom, you’re here with us, Dark Cloud and Sarah,” reassured Dark Cloud.
Not again. Tom crawled out from under the bed and sat on it.
“Are you okay?” asked Sarah.
“I think so. What happened?”
Dark Cloud spoke, “You were having a nightmare. I think you were dreaming you were back in Vietnam under attack in the battle.”
Tom nodded his head. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” He said nothing for a few seconds. “Lotta weird stuff been happenin’ to me lately.”
Dark Cloud asked, “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Tom nodded. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’m going crazy. It started in San Francisco, Chinatown. A bunch of kids threw down some firecrackers, and I hit the ground. They all looked like gooks, and I got up and ran. And then in the desert in Utah, I met and talked to a man who’d been dead for a year. He convinced me to come here when I didn’t want to. He said I could give you closure on your son’s death.” He stopped. “I wish that was all, but I saw some things that were there, and then they weren’t near Monument Valley, and now this.”
Dark Cloud said nothing as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Sounds like battle fatigue to me. I seen it before. Had a bit of it myself, you know, when I came back from the war in the Pacific.”
Tom nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I think so, too.”
Sarah said nothing while the two men talked.
Dark Cloud spoke, “I’d have said it could have been a chindi you saw in the desert, but this one was helpful. Chindi are bad medicine, so it must have been some kind of a ministering spirit.”
“Ministering spirit?”
“You may have had a visit from one of the Holy People. They’re good and created us, or it may have been an angel like the Christians believe in.”
“Don’t know what it was, but it sure seemed real. It didn’t seem like a dream, but I sure can’t make sense of it.”
Dark Cloud nodded. “Some things are difficult to understand, but I know battle fatigue when I see it.”
Tom ran his fingers through his hair and said, “Sorry I scared you guys.”
Dark Cloud said, “It’s okay. Maybe that spirit angel sent you here so we could help you, too.”
“Maybe he did. Looks like I can use all the help I can get.”
Sarah finally spoke, “You think you’ll be all right now? The morning’s coming soon.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay,” said Tom. He looked at Sarah and smiled. She returned his smile.
“Okay,” said Dark Cloud. “As Sarah has reminded us, morning’s coming, and we still need some more rest.” He looked at Tom and asked, “You sure you’ll be all right and ready for what we need to do tomorrow?”
Tom nodded his head, “Yeah, I think I’ll be all right. Thank you for your understanding. Good night.”
In unison, Sarah and Dark Cloud said, “Good night.”
Dark Cloud turned off the light switch, and darkness filled the room. Tom lay in bed and tried to sleep. Things weren’t making sense, but in his head, he could hear his father’s voice: “It’ll all work out. Somehow, it will all work out.” Those words comf
orted him. He heard Dark Cloud and Sarah snoring. About ten minutes later, he drifted off to sleep and dreamed dreams of better days when he was a young boy without a care in the world.
Chapter 20
The smell of bacon cooking tickled the nose of sleeping Tom. He opened one eye and checked his watch, 5:00 AM. He rubbed the sleepers from his eyes and looked around the place. Yes, he was still at Dark Cloud’s home on the reservation and not in Vietnam. Thank God. He’d had another bad dream. He slipped his pants on and noticed light coming from the kitchen. When he opened the door, he startled Sarah, who jumped back.
Tom said, “I’m sorry I frightened you. I saw the light and smelled something cooking, so I came to investigate.”
Sarah’s face turned from surprise to a little smile. “You did frighten me now, and last night.”
Tom grimaced. “Yeah, I’ve been denying that anything’s wrong, but after last night, I believe your dad’s right. I’ve got battle fatigue. I hope I can get over it soon. Enough bad talk, this kitchen sure smells like home. Anything I can do to help?”
She said, “The eggs are done. I hope you like scrambled. Could you make some coffee? The pot is over there.”
Tom followed her gaze and saw an old Mr. Coffee. The pot still had about a half-cup left in it. He started to dump this, but Sarah stopped him. “We always save the coffee. Very little gets thrown away here.”
Tom looked at her curiously and asked, “Doesn’t that make it bitter?”
Sarah nodded her head. “Welcome to the world of Navajo coffee. If you spend much time on the Rez, you’ll get used to it.”
Tom smiled as he looked at her and said, “There’s a number of things I could get used to if I spent more time here.”
Sarah gave him a coy smile as she placed the last of the bacon on a plate and then poured the grease into a jar next to the stove. Several drops splashed on her hand, and she let out a little cry.
“Are you okay?” He put his hand on her arm.
She said, “It will sting a little. I’ll put something on it, and yes, I’m okay.” She smiled as she looked into his eyes. He returned the smile.
The door to the kitchen open with a little screech, and a sleepy-eyed Dark Cloud appeared.
He said, “Hey, I know it’s time to get up, but you two sounded like a cross between magpies and lovebirds.”
They grimaced at this. Tom said, “Sorry to wake you again.”
Dark Cloud said, “No need to apologize. Let’s get this breakfast on the table and eat it. I’ll get the coffee and leftover fry bread. We have important things to do today.”
And so they did. After a quick prayer, the hungry trio wolfed down the morning meal. The dishes went into the sink for cleaning later.
Tom said, “This seemed like a breakfast I get back home, except for the fry bread and coffee.”
Dark Cloud smiled, “You were expecting a slab of buffalo eaten with our fingers?”
“No. It just brought back memories of home. I need to get back to West Virginia soon. My dad’s in the early stages of Parkinson’s. That’s one of the reasons they let me out of the Army. He’s gonna need me.”
“Just trying to make a joke about the buffalo meat. So many white people still think all Indians still live in teepees and run around saying, Ugh and How. Too many cowboy western movies. Hey, I once met and worked with John Wayne and John Ford on a movie filmed here on the Big Rez.”
Sarah interrupted. “Dad, you’re not going to tell him that story, are you?”
“Why not?” Sarah rolled her eyes as a devilish smile came to her father’s face. “Seems in the movie, the Indian’s chief, that was me, and cowboys were talking through an interpreter. The interpreter had written lines, but they told me to make up lines in Navajo for my part, so I had a little fun with the cowboys. I said they all wore women’s dresses and underwear, were as ugly as buffaloes, and their manhood was so small you needed a magnifying glass to find it. They didn’t know the difference, but it about ruined the scene as the other Navajos there in the scene could hardly keep from laughing.”
Tom laughed, too, as Sarah rolled her eyes again. Dark Cloud was a character, and Tom liked that.
Dark Cloud continued, “Tom, if you want to call your dad, you can use the phone at the Charter House. There still aren’t many on the Rez, so we use smoke signals to communicate. It’s rough on a windy day.”
Tom laughed again, and Dark Cloud said, “I better shut up. Dawn’s coming, and we have to be at the cemetery.”
This brought the trio back to earth. They grabbed their coats and hats, left the warm house, and walked the short distance to the cemetery. The weatherman was right. A front had passed overnight, and it was now warmer and calm. A dim light appeared on the eastern horizon. As it brightened, a few scattered clouds became a beautiful orange-red color. They walked through the old gate of the cemetery. There were a few tombstones, but most of the graves had simple wooden crosses. They walked to one that read, Chris Benally, that had some faded plastic flowers attached to it. They stopped at the mounded-up yellowish earth. All three remained quiet for a minute or so. Tom uneasily shifted his weight on his heels.
Dark Cloud looked to the sun about to appear on the horizon, raised his hands, and spoke. “Oh, Great Spirit, Whose voice I hear in the wind, Whose breath gives life to all on this earth. Hear me; I need Your strength and wisdom.”
“Let me walk in beauty. Let it walk before me and behind me. Let it walk above me and beneath me. Beauty is on every side. As I walk, I walk with beauty.
“Make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. Make my hands respect all You have made and my ears sharp to hear Your voice. Give me wisdom to understand the many things as You teach Your people. Keep me strong and calm in the face of all that comes toward me.
“Help me to learn the lessons You hid in every leaf and rock. Let me seek pure thoughts and help others. Help me to find compassion without empathy overwhelming me. Give me strength, not to be greater than another, but to fight my greatest enemy, Me.
“Make me always ready to come to You with my hands clean and my eyes straight.”
Dark Cloud lowered his hands and looked at his son’s grave. “And so when life fades as the sunset fades, my spirit may come to You without shame. Amen.”
Tom and Sarah said in unison, “Amen.”
Dark Cloud looked over to Tom, “Would you now, please tell us about the time you and Chris served together in the Army?”
“Okay.” He tried to clear his throat unsuccessfully. He tried again, this time and succeeded. “I met your son and brother on my first day at Fort Benning, Georgia. For reasons only the Army knows, they had all of us digging foxholes in a swamp. I was paired with Chris, and we tried, as did the rest, to make a hole. By noon, everyone including our drill sergeants was covered with this thick, gumbo mud. We got C rations for lunch that must have been left over from World War I. In the afternoon, a monsoon of a thunderstorm came up. It made the swamp muddier if that was possible, but it did rinse most of the mud off us, at least to our knees. Finally, someone with a lick of sense realized that all the lightning could kill us off before we ever got to face the enemy, and we were ordered onto an old Bluebird bus. It was pretty trashed out. It was obvious this wasn’t the first time this bus had a bunch of soaked and muddy soldiers in it. The rain poured for over an hour, and I had a lot of time to talk with Chris. He took up most of the seat, by the way. Don’t know if this exercise was to bond us or not, but it sure did. We all, including the drill sergeants, hated whoever was behind this crazy exercise.
“I met another fellow, a black man from a neighboring town back home, named Bill Hairston, and he rounded out our usual group. We hung around together and watched each other’s back when we went to town. The town near the base in Vietnam wasn’t much, smelly and dirty, a good place a GI could get a knife in his back for his paycheck. We hit the bars to try to drown our sorrows of being in this hellhole. There was every kind of deviant entertain
ment in that stinking village, but we only hit the bars, and then the Three Amigos staggered home together.” Tom could see Dark Cloud knew precisely what he was hinting at and, he also noticed a sigh of relief when he said they did not partake of the available entertainment.
“We weren’t there long when word circulated through the men that a bigwig general wanted to find the enemy and engage them, so we were sent into western Vietnam to the Ia Drang valley. They thought the enemy was there and boy, oh boy, were they right. I think we found the whole regular North Vietnamese Army. Horribly outnumbered, we fought for our lives. Death and destruction were all around us as bullets flew, mortars howled, and jets dropped bombs and napalm.” Tom paused for a moment. “Our friend, Bill, died the first day in the afternoon. I was there with him too, when he died. I’ve often wondered if I should tell his family what happened like I’m telling you now.” Tom looked at Dark Cloud, who nodded a yes. Sarah stood stoically nearby, but Tom could also see she nodded slightly also.
“The next day was hell-on-earth. It was more like the first day, only worse because we were so tired. I don’t think anyone slept. It was a full moon, a Hunter’s Moon. Going into this, we thought we were the hunters, but now we were the hunted. We were just trying to stay alive. The helicopters, Hueys, came in with much-needed supplies, mainly ammo, and carried the dead and wounded out. Without the Hueys’ support, we’d been overrun several times. Somehow, we two got through day two of the battle with only ant bites and a few minor cuts from a grass with razor-like leaves.
“We got no sleep that night either as the enemy tried to sneak up on us under cover of darkness. The full moon gave them away, and we fired off illumination flares that lit up the area. They were right upon us, and we mowed them down with 50 calibers and our M16s. They attacked at dawn again. We were so hungry and thirsty and worn out, but to quit was to die. Everyone, no matter how tired, had to keep going, and we did somehow.
“Around two in the afternoon under heavy fire, the Hueys returned with more ammo and removed the dead and wounded. Our sergeant yelled for Chris and me to help with the tasks which we did. The cargo area floor was covered with blood from the bleeding men.” Tom stopped for a moment. What was that? It sounds like, it can’t be, but it was. Tom heard the distinct thud-thud-thud sound the rotors of a Huey makes. The noise got closer and louder. Thud-thud-thud it went, and as he turned his head, he saw the Hueys coming from the north right at them. Was he hallucinating? Were they really there?