by Ava Harrison
“Wow, Bae. Excited to see me?” She laughs, and the sound warms my heart. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until this very moment.
“You have no idea, Harp. You have no idea.” I hold her to me, not ready to let her go.
“Well, you look great,” she says as she pulls back. Her gaze trails up the length of me, from my shoes up to my eyes. Her nose scrunches, and she lifts her eyebrow up at me. “I was a bit concerned,” she admits as her lip turns up into a smile, and I can’t help but laugh. I could always count on Harper to be honest. It was the lawyer in her.
“Are you ready to get out of here?”
“Lead the way,” I say, motioning toward the door.
She grabs my hand in hers, and we start to head outside. As we walk out of the sanctuary that has been my home, my eyes squint against the early morning sun peeking out from behind the clouds. Streams of light glisten in the distance of the desert, causing a haze to form and take shape into a mirage.
Harper lets go of my hand and links her arm with mine. Turning my head up so our eyes can meet, I see her eyes glisten with unshed tears. “You okay?” she mumbles, and I give her a small smile as my head nods.
“Yeah, I am, Harper. I really am.”
She lets out an audible sigh. The last thirty days were a real eye-opener for me, but they were also essential for my healing. I learned so much about myself, and for the first time, I believe I have a shot at happiness. I’m going to be just fine. It took me a long time to get here, but I’m stronger than I ever was before. I’m finally able to love myself. That’s the most important thing I’ve learned during this whole ordeal. That if I don’t love myself, I’ll never be capable of loving anyone else. I might have thought I loved Drew, but now that I’ve begun the process of healing, I realize all of what we had before was built on false truths and lies. I’d only showed him half of who I really was, but now I’m ready to give him every part of me.
I just hope he’s willing to accept me for who I am.
Hours later, we land at La Guardia Airport. Harper has arranged a car service to take us back to the city, but as the car drives toward uptown instead of downtown where my apartment is, I turn toward her with a puzzled expression on my face.
“Where are we going? I thought you were taking me home?” I ask.
“We are,” she responds, and I raise my eyebrows at her until she continues. “We’re going to my place first. Don’t be mad, but there are a few people who wanted to see you before you went home. Namely, Mom,” she blurts out and gives me the biggest pair of puppy dog eyes.
I groan and feign annoyance, but I can’t hide the smile that plays on my face. “I’m not mad.”
My time in rehab has helped me make peace with Mom.
A little over thirty minutes later, we pull up to Harper’s apartment. Or what I assume is Harper’s apartment because it’s not where she lived with Cal.
“When were you going to tell me you got a new place?”
“I was more concerned about you getting healthy than burdening you with my problems.”
“I refuse to get out of the car until you do.”
“We broke up.”
I lift my brow. “That much is obvious.”
“He was exactly what we thought he was . . . a lying, cheating, bastard.”
I reach my hand across the space that divides us. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. This isn’t about me. This is about you. I’m proud of you. You have come so far.”
“I love you, sis.”
“I love you, too. Now get out.”
I step out of the car and make my way into the building. Together, in silence, we ride up the elevator until we are on the ninth floor, and she leads me to the apartment.
As I open the door and glance around the room, I notice it’s filled with people who love me, who I now see have always loved me.
My mom, Carter, my sister, and Drew.
I finally understand everything they taught me at rehab. It’s not about where you are or what you have. It’s not about others and their opinions of you. All it’s really about is loving yourself, and the rest will follow. If you don’t love yourself, you will never believe or see the love that surrounds you. I never saw the love pouring out at me in the past. Before, I’d believed my memories were scars marring my skin. I saw them on my exposed surfaces and got high to hide them from others and myself. I’d clung to those memories of everything I’d done wrong like someone who was drowning would cling to a life preserver, and now I know it’s time to move on.
Making my way farther into the apartment, I greet my mom with a giant hug. “Mom, I missed you so much.”
“Oh, Bailey,” my mom cries, burying herself deeper into my neck. Her wet tears are running across my skin. “We love you so much. We’re so happy you’ve come back to us.” We continue to embrace until the tears dry up.
My gaze wanders around the room. Carter beams from the corner, waving frantically. I wave back, smiling widely at my friend.
Standing on the other side of the room is Drew. His tall, lean frame comes into focus. I take him in, and I can see creases fan out along the side of his eyes. He looks tired and worn as though the past month hasn’t been good to him.
Our eyes lock, and his pain is evident. His pupils dilate, and I can see his shoulders tense. I can’t help but wonder if he still loves me. My chest caves in with the thought that he might have moved on. Tears begin to pool in my eyes. The rhythmic beat of my heart echoes through my ears. But instead of sinking back into my own despair, I remember what my therapist taught me in my private sessions.
“With every obstacle you encounter, if you take it one step at a time, you’ll never get stuck.”
Squaring my shoulders, I set on my path. My pulse races so fast it feels as though the ground under me might give way. My body won’t stop until I’m with him.
I lean forward on my tiptoes and place an awkward kiss on his cheek. Pulling back, he stops my retreat, placing his hand to cover mine completely. We look down at our hands, now interlocked. Neither one of us is able to speak. But the silence doesn’t last long as I suck in a loud breath to calm my racing heart.
“Are you okay? Why are you shaking?”
My eyes dart back and forth across the room to where my family and Carter are gathered. “Everyone is staring at me.”
“They are. They’re so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re incredible.”
His words wash over me. He’s right. I have come far. My time at rehab has proven that I have what it takes to fight. It gives me the strength I need to have and hope that I’ll only go farther on this journey of soberness.
“I’ve missed you,” he says.
“Me too. It feels like forever. I’m sorry I never returned your calls. I needed—” I take a deep breath. “I needed to find me. Do you hate me?”
“I love you. I could never hate you.” His lips hover over mine. “I missed you.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “Every day you were gone, I craved you, your body, your heart, but most importantly, your soul. Because that’s what you are to me, Bailey. You’re my soul.”
His lips descend, showing me just how much he loves me. Showing me every emotion he couldn’t say with words.
Merging my soul with his.
A bond that could never break.
Wrapping my arms around him, I deepen the kiss. And without words, I pour my heart out to him. At this moment, I finally feel home.
57
Bailey
It’s good to be home. At first, there was an adjustment period, but now, weeks later, I’m getting back into the swing of things. It was hard at first, having to talk to the police about what Monica did to me, but Harper, being Harper, is handling everything. She is going after Monica for second degree assault. A part of me wishes I can put the whole mess behind me, but I know this is for the best, even if going to court brings up terrible memories, I’m stronger than that. My time at Serenity Vista gave me the to
ols I need to weather any storm that might come my way.
I’m no longer working at Silver at all. The sale is almost final, so I have relocated my desk into an office space Drew has rented for us. He comes and goes, keeping busy. It’s definitely a change. It’s quiet, but I like it.
We spend every night together. Mostly at his place.
“Knock, knock,” Harper calls from the door, pulling my eyes away from the document I’ve been staring at.
“Hey! What are you doing here?”
She holds up her hand, clutching a bag from our favorite deli. “I come bearing gifts. Thought you probably needed someone to force you to eat.”
At that very moment, my stomach growls. “You know me too well.” I smile.
She takes a seat across from me, unpacking the food and arranging it between us. We dig in, not saying a word for the first several minutes as both of us are clearly starved.
“How are things going?” I say, breaking the silence. She sighs, and for the first time since she arrived, I see the bags under her eyes. A sign she’s struggling. “Cal?” I prompt, and she shrugs.
“I know I acted all tough about it, but it’s hard. I don’t like being alone.”
“So date,” I say, popping a chip in my mouth.
She groans. “It’s not that easy. In a city this big, it shouldn’t be so hard, but it is. The men I meet are either weak and annoying or intimidated by my success.”
“You are pretty badass.”
We both chuckle.
“I’m going to be single forever,” she cries, and I set down my food and take a long look at my gorgeous, intelligent sister.
“I promise you won’t. The right guy will come along. Be patient.”
“Like he did for you?” she says, grinning.
“Exactly.”
“Have you met the mom yet?”
“No,” I say, defeated. “I can’t help but feel like he’s holding back.”
“He loves you, Bailey. Give it time.”
“I know he does. It’s just . . . I can’t help but wonder if he’s embarrassed to introduce me to her.”
“Stop, Bailey. You can’t think like that. You’re a great girl. Maybe he’s more afraid of his mom than you.”
I sigh. “You might be right.”
“Might be right about what?” Drew asks, walking through the door with a handful of beautiful white roses.
“Hi, Harper,” he calls, making a beeline straight for me. He leans down, kissing the side of my cheek. “For you,” he says, holding out the bouquet.
“These are beautiful. Thank you, Drew.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Barf,” Harper says, mock vomiting. “On that note, I’ll be leaving.” She stands, and I follow, coming around and pulling her into my chest.
“Thanks for lunch, Harp. Love you.”
“Anytime. Love you more.”
We get one final squeeze in, and she heads out, leaving Drew and me to ourselves.
Drew pulls me into him. “God, you smell good,” he says into the crook of my neck. I squirm under him. “I thought she’d never leave.”
“You just got here.” I giggle, sounding like a teenager.
“And still . . . she couldn’t have left soon enough. I want some time with my girl.”
“And what do you plan to do with that time, Mr. Lawson?”
“I have some ideas,” he says, stepping back and looking around the room. “For starters, that desk would work really nice.”
“Nice for what?” I ask coyly, playing into this game.
He taps his chin. “Let me think.”
“Chess?” I say, batting my eyelashes.
“Definitely not chess.” He grins. “I’ve already captured the queen.”
“Oh, you think so, do you?”
“You disagree?” he says, and I back up, preparing to say something contradictory. “Perhaps I need to be more aggressive and solidify my win.” He jumps forward, capturing me in his embrace. I squeal, but it’s lost as his mouth fuses to mine.
I melt in his arms, opening up to allow his tongue entry into my mouth. The expert way in which he kisses me only manages to make me want every part of him. Right now. In this office.
I pull away. “You’re right,” I say, and he quirks a brow, a grin forming on his lips. “This desk will work perfectly.”
“Checkmate.”
I’d lose to him every time if it leads to this.
58
Drew
My phone rings. I ignore it, but it starts ringing again.
I answer. “Yes, Mother?”
I haven’t spoken to her in over a month. Not since the last time when she did what she did. At first, I was avoiding her. Then I was dealing with the club, then Monica and Bailey. I can’t avoid her forever.
“I’m sorry, Drew. I shouldn’t have ambushed you with Allison last month.” I stay quiet. “I know you’re still angry, but will you consider coming tomorrow for dinner? Let me make it up to you,” she says, her tone hopeful.
“I’ll have to get back to you.”
“But, Drew,” she whines. “Gretchen Long is in town from London and would love to catch up with you. She’s such a beautiful girl, and her parents—”
Unbelievable. She should save her apologies since she clearly isn’t sorry. “No. Mother, you are ridiculous.” I look over at Bailey, whose eyes are wide in question.
“Then just come for dinner. No girls. No setups. I promise.”
I want to say no. I should just tell her to go to hell, but then I have an idea. “I’ll come, but I’m bringing a date.”
“Oh? A date! Fabulous. Who is it?” she says excitedly.
“A girl I’ve been dating. She’s a nice girl, Mom. Please, don’t frighten her.”
Bailey’s eyes go even wider as she mouths, “What?”
“I wouldn’t. Do I know her? Who are her parents? Are they members of the club?”
And so it begins.
“No, Mother. You do not, and no, they are not members of the club. I like this one. Please be cordial.”
Bailey smiles her big, beautiful smile. I can tell she’s thrilled with this.
“Drew Lawson, you insult me. I would never. I’m excited. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
I hear the click on the other line, and I look up at Bailey.
“Going to see your mom?”
I nod. “Yep. Hope you’re ready.” I chuckle.
59
Bailey
Holy. Shit.
I’m meeting his mother.
Now what am I supposed to do? I’m so not ready for this. Drew Lawson is in a class of his own, and I’m petrified of the woman who birthed him. I can only imagine what she’ll be like. Perfect, that’s for sure. Skinny. No flaws. She definitely has never worked a day in her life.
I groan as my fingers start clawing at the skin on my arm. In the past, there was only one thing that could fix the anxiety coursing through me. Thank God I found a meeting for tomorrow morning, or I don’t know how I would ever survive this.
I dress quickly for bed and only give Drew a small kiss on the lips. It’s soft and sweet, and even though our lips barely touch, it’s filled with passion. It knocks the breath out of my lungs. How can something so trivial affect me so much? I got it bad for him. We both fall asleep quickly.
The next morning, when I finally walk out of his loft, I make my way west to the church I regularly go to now for a meeting when I stay at his place. The meeting starts at eight, so I pick up my pace. I debate finding a cab, but the truth is, although I can afford it, I need to save money to go back to school. That’s one of the things I have been working on since leaving rehab. Looking into a school I can go to in the city to get a degree while I work.
Fifteen minutes later, and with only a few seconds to spare, I make it. A light sweat has broken against my brow from the exertion of trying to make it here on time, and my breath is coming out in short bursts. I lean against the brick a
nd wait for my heartbeat to regulate.
Pulling the door back, I enter and head down the stairs to the basement where the meeting is being held. My gaze scans the room as I take in the ensemble of people gathering to find strength. Just being here calms my frazzled nerves.
“Hello, my name is Thomas, and I’m an addict. Welcome. Can we open this meeting with a moment of silence for the addict who still suffers, followed by the WE version of the Serenity Prayer?” He takes a slight pause before his eyes shut, and his head bows as he repeats the familiar words. My eyes flutter closed, and silently I repeat his words.
When the session ends, I am one of the first to stand. Facing the back, I’m ready to leave when the air leaves my lungs as I see Carter quickly exiting.
He came.
I told him about how much I liked this meeting and that he should come, and he did.
A sense of pride washes over me for my friend. I hope it’s the beginning of a life change for him. Should I call him? The more I contemplate it, the more it becomes clear. I need to leave this one alone. It’s his fight, and he has to do it his way. If he needs me, he’ll find me.
An hour later, I feel rejuvenated. A huge weight is lifted off me as the craving has passed. As long as I keep up with my meetings, I think everything will be okay. No slipups.
I head back to my apartment, and I stare blankly at my closet once there. Holy hell. What does one wear to dinner with one’s brand spanking new, wealthier than God boyfriend? And worse, what does one wear when meeting his pretentious mother? Because if it’s one thing I’m sure of, this woman is going to be a spoiled witch. Why did I push for this?
Bailey, Bailey, Bailey . . .
You really are an idiot.
I feel like my blood pressure is climbing. I take deep breaths and silently repeat the serenity prayer.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I got this.
I see a baby blue wrap dress that falls just to my knees. It’s nothing fancy and certainly not high-end, but it will work. Paired with a nude peep toe and simple makeup, it will probably look good, but not good enough for his socialite mother. Oh, there you go again. Freaking out. Shaking my head back and forth, I dismiss all doubt that I won’t be accepted and proceed to the bathroom to redo my hair and makeup from this morning. Luckily, I don’t have to shampoo and rinse it, but I need to run a brush through it.