by Barbara Park
Hurray for Barbara Park and the Junie B. Jones® books!
“Park, one of the funniest writers around … brings her refreshing humor to the beginning chapter-book set.”
—Booklist
“Park is simply hilarious.”
—America Online's The Book Report
“Park has a wonderful ear for the dialogue of five-year-olds and an even better grasp of how their minds operate.”
—Booklist
“Park is truly a funny writer. Although Junie B. is a kindergartner, she's sure to make middle graders laugh out loud.”
—School Library Journal
“Junie's swarms of young fans will continue to delight in her unique take on the world. … A hilarious, first-rate read-aloud.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Junie B. is a darling of the young-reader set.”
—USA Today
“The honesty and inventiveness of this savvy kindergartner make the Junie B. books accessible and completely enjoyable.”
—School Library Journal
Laugh out loud with Junie B. Jones!
#1 Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus
#2 Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business
#3 Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth
#4 Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying
#5 Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake
#6 Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday
#7 Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren
#8 Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed
#9 Junie B. Jones Is Not a Crook
#10 Junie B. Jones Is a Party Animal
#11 Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy
#12 Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy
#13 Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl
#14 Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime
#15 Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket
#16 Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day
#17 Junie B. Jones Is a Graduation Girl
#18 Junie B., First Grader (at last!)
#19 Junie B., First Grader: Boss of Lunch
#20 Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder
#21 Junie B., First Grader: Cheater Pants
#22 Junie B., First Grader: One-Man Band
#23 Junie B., First Grader: Shipwrecked
#24 Junie B., First Grader: BOO … and I MEAN It!
#25 Junie B., First Grader: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May.)
#26 Junie B., First Grader: Aloha-ha-ha!
#27 Junie B., First Grader: Dumb Bunny
Top-Secret Personal Beeswax: A Journal by Junie B. (and me!)
Check out Barbara Park's other great books, listed at the end of this book!
With smiles and hugs and happy thoughts,
to a real-life superhero, Andrew Park
Contents
1. Chatting
2. C-A-P-T-A-I-N
3. Capes and Lightning
4. New Thelma
5. Event Number One
6. Losing
7. Skunked
8. William
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all.
This morning, I woke up very excited! ’Cause today we were having kindergarten Field Day at my school, that's why!
I couldn't stop shouting that happy news!
“Field Day! Today is Field Day!” I shouted to my dog named Tickle.
Then I quick ran to my baby brother's room. He was sleeping in his crib.
“Field Day! Today is Field Day!” I shouted to baby Ollie.
He woke up very fast. Then he started screaming his whole entire head off.
Mother came running right in there.
“Junie B. Jones! For goodness' sake! What has gotten into you this morning?”
I looked at that woman real curious.
“Field Day,” I said. “Field Day has gotten into me, Mother. How could you even forget this important occasion? I have been talking about it all week, remember? Field Day is when Room Nine goes against Room Eight. And we have different races and stuff.”
Ollie kept on screaming.
“Could you quiet him down, please?” I asked Mother. “He is taking the edge off of my good mood.”
She picked him up and patted him.
“Thank goodness Field Day is finally here,” she said. “Maybe now we'll be able to talk about something else for a change.”
I danced all around that woman.
“We will Mother! We will be able to talk about something else! After Field Day is over, we'll be able to talk about how Room Nine creamed Room Eight! Ha!”
I jumped up and down. “You're coming to watch me, right? And Daddy's coming, too! Right? ’Cause Room Nine is going to win all the races, probably. So we will need lots of clapping and cheering.”
Mother ruffled my hair. “Don't worry. We'll be there,” she said. “I think Grampa and Grandma Miller might come, too.”
“Hurray!” I said. “Hurray for the whole darned family!”
After that, I ran out of the room. And I called my bestest friend named Grace on the phone.
And wait till you hear this! I didn't even have to look up her number in the phone book! ’Cause I finally got it memorized right in my head!
Its name is 555-5555. And that was a hard number to remember, I tell you. ’Cause I kept forgetting the five.
I pressed the numbers very careful.
“Hello?” said a voice.
I did a frown.
“Grace? What's wrong with your voice? How come you don't sound like yourself today? Do you have a froggie in your throat?”
All of a sudden, I did a gasp.
“Oh no, Grace! You didn't catch a cold, did you? You can't be sick today, Grace! Today is Field Day! And you are the fastest runner in kindergarten! Go tell your daddy that you have to come to school, Grace. Go tell him right now! Go, go, go!”
Just then, the voice talked again.
“This is Grace's daddy,” it said.
I looked at the phone.
“Oh,” I said. “Hello, Mr. Grace. No wonder you don't sound right. ’Cause you are not even Grace, that's why. And so where is she, anyway?”
Pretty soon, that Grace said hello.
“Grace! Grace! It's me. It's Junie B. Jones! I am so glad to hear your voice! You're not sick, are you, Grace? You're still coming to Field Day, right?”
Grace giggled real loud.
“Of course I'm coming to Field Day, silly,” she said. “I have to come to Field Day, remember? I am the fastest runner in kindergarten.”
I did another frown.
“Okay, here's the thing, Grace. You're not actually supposed to brag about yourself like that. My grampa Miller said that is called ‘tooting your own horn.’ And it is not even polite.”
That Grace did a huffy breath at me.
“I am not tooting my horn, Junie B. I'm just saying the truth. We have lots of slow runners in our class, you know. Like Lucille won't run fast because she doesn't like getting sweaty. And you're not exactly speedy yourself, Junie B.”
I sucked in my cheeks at that girl.
“Yeah? So?” I said.
“So I'm going to have to give us a big lead,” she said. “’Cause I'm the only fast one we have.”
I made a grouchy face.
“You just tooted again, Grace,” I said.
“Did not,” she said.
“Did too,” I said.
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
Just then, my mother called me.
“Okey-doke. I've gotta go now, Grace. See ya, friend,” I said.
“
See ya, friend,” she said.
After that, we both hanged up. And I skipped to my breakfast very happy.
’Cause a nice conversation always starts the day off right!
That day at school, Room Nine was very excited. We kept laughing and jumping and giggling and shouting.
Me and my bestest friends Grace and Lucille runned and skipped all over the room. ’Cause we had to warm up our muscles for Field Day, that's why!
All of a sudden, my teacher hollered our names.
“Lucille! Junie B.! Grace! Please take your seats right now!”
We stopped real fast.
My teacher's name is Mrs. She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that's all.
“Yes, but we need to keep on skipping,” I said. “’Cause Grace said we have to warm up our muscles for Field Day. If you don't warm up your muscles, your legs will get clams.”
“Clamps,” said Lucille.
“Cramps,” said Grace.
Mrs. smiled a little bit.
“You girls will have plenty of time to warm up outside,” she said. “But right now, we have an important job to do. Right now, we're going to pick a captain for our Field Day team.”
Just then, everyone got excited all over again.
A boy named Meanie Jim waved his hand in my teacher's face.
“Me! Me! Pick me!” he hollered. “I will make a great captain!”
“No, pick me, Teacher!” shouted another boy named Paulie Allen Puffer. “I will be better than him!”
“No! Pick me! I'm the fastest runner in all of kindergarten!” hollered that Grace.
Mrs. sat down in her chair. She crossed her arms and waited for the yelling to stop.
I hurried to her desk speedy quick.
“Mrs.! Mrs.! Guess what? I did not shout just then!” I said. “Did you hear me? Huh? Did you hear me not shouting? I was the only one in the whole room who didn't shout, I believe.”
I pulled on her sleeve.
“Maybe you should reward me for that behavior,” I said. “Huh, Mrs.? What do you think? Maybe you should make me the captain of Field Day. ’Cause that would teach the other children a good lesson, probably.”
Mrs. stood up. She walked me back to my table. And she pointed her finger at me.
“Sit,” she said.
“Stay,” she said.
After that, she went back to her desk. And she held up a little basket.
“Boys and girls, please listen carefully. In this basket, there are eighteen folded slips of paper. Seventeen of the papers are blank. But one of the papers has the word captain printed on it. Whoever picks that one will be the captain of our Field Day team.”
After that, Mrs. carried the basket around the room.
She stopped at every table. And she let all the children pick a paper.
“Keep your papers folded until everyone has chosen,” said Mrs. “We'll all open our papers together.”
My stomach felt nervous and jumpy inside. ’Cause I didn't want anyone else to pick the captain paper, of course.
When Mrs. got to my table, my heart was pumping very much.
She held up the basket for me to pick.
I reached in real careful. Then I digged and digged all around in there.
Mrs. tapped her foot. “Please, Junie B. Just pick one, okay?” she said.
“Yeah, but I don't think my fingers have touched the right paper yet,” I said. “I am waiting to get the right vives.”
“Vibes,” said Mrs. “It's short for vibrations.”
“Whatever,” I said. Then I digged and digged some more.
“For the love of Pete!” said Mrs. “Just pick one.”
After that, I quick picked a teensy paper from the basket. Then I waited at my seat very patient until all the rest of the children picked, too.
Mrs. smiled. “Okay, everyone. When I count to three, you can open your papers.
“One … two … three!”
I opened mine up.
Then I did a gasp.
’Cause I saw letters, that's why!
“MRS., MRS.! LOOK! MY PAPER HAS LETTERS ON IT! IT IS THE WORD CAPTAIN, I THINK!”
I zoomed to the front of the room to show her.
And guess what?
She said I was right!
I skipped around in a circle. “HURRAY! HURRAY! I AM IT, PEOPLE! I AM CAPTAIN FIELD DAY!”
After that, I laughed and danced and clapped and clapped.
Only what do you know?
Nobody else clapped with me.
Mrs. hurried over to me. She said to please stop dancing.
“Yeah, only I can't even control my feet that good. ’Cause they are excited about being Captain Field Day!” I said.
I jumped up and down. “I've always wanted to be the boss of these people! And now I am the captain of everybody! Captain means the same thing as boss! Right, Mrs.? Right?”
Just then, my whole mouth fell open. ’Cause I thought of something very wonderful!
“Mrs.! Hey, Mrs.! Guess what else captain can be? It can be the name of a superhero, I think!”
I clapped my hands. “Yes! Yes! I heard of that before! I heard of a superhero named Captain somebody-or-other. And so that makes this job even better!” I said.
I hugged myself real happy. “Maybe I can even wear a whole entire superhero outfit! Like a leotard and tights! And a cape! And a belt with lightning!”
Just then, Mrs. held her hand in the air. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” she said. Then she quick took me into the hall. And she bent down next to me.
“Junie B., you are very mixed up about being a team captain. Team captains are not superheroes. They're not even close, in fact.”
I did a frown at that woman. “Why? Why aren't they?” I asked. “Captains are the bosses, right?”
Mrs. shook her head. “No, Junie B. Not in this case, they aren't. In this case, a team captain supports the team. A team captain keeps the team united.”
She looked at me. “You know what united means, don't you? You've heard of that word before, right?”
I thought and thought very hard. But I couldn't actually remember it.
Mrs. explained it to me.
“Unite means to join people together, Junie B.,” she said. “A team captain keeps her teammates working together in good spirits. Instead of bossing them around, she cheers them on. Do you think you can do that?”
I did a little frown. ’Cause this was not the job I expected, that's why.
Finally, I shrugged my shoulders.
“I guess I can do it,” I said kind of quiet. “But I still wish I could have a cape.”
I looked at her real serious. “I wish that really, really bad, Mrs.,” I said.
Mrs. stood up.
“Well, I suppose if we looked around the room, we could find a towel to pin on your shoulders. How would that be?” she asked.
My eyes got big and wide at her. Then I jumped way high in the air.
“Perfect! A towel will be perfect, Mrs.!” I said. “’Cause then I will look like the real actual Captain Field Day! Plus also, I can dry my hands occasionally!”
After that, I runned straight to the sink in the back of Room Nine. And guess what? Mrs. found a towel in the cabinet. And it was a red one!
She pinned it on my shoulders.
I zoomed all around the room.
“Look at me, Mrs.! Look at me! I am fast as lightning in this thing!”
Finally, Mrs. grabbed my hand and she walked me over to the door.
“Boys and girls, it's time to get things started,” she said. “Let's all form a line behind our team captain.”
I spinned around and looked at them. “That's me, people! I am your captain! I am the one with the red cape! The cape will remind you that I am Captain Field Day!”
Just then, Room Nine groaned and groaned. Only I don't actually know why.
After that, they lined up behind me. And all of us marched outside to the playground.
&nbs
p; Then we waited real excited for Room Eight to come out.
’Cause Field Day was ready to begin!
I know two people in Room Eight.
First, I know a boy named Handsome Warren. He was a new kid at school.
I used to love him. Only now I don't even see him, hardly. So he is just Regular Warren, and that's all.
I know another new kid in Room Eight, too. Her name is New Thelma.
The first day she came to our school, my boyfriend named Ricardo chased her all over the playground.
I hollered and hollered for him to stop. But he said chasing New Thelma was fun. And so that is how come he dumped me.
Dumped is the grown-up word for when you have to find a new Ricardo.
Just then, the school door opened. And Room Eight came running out to the playground.
The Room Eight teacher was at the front of their line. She was holding someone's hand.
I did a gasp.
’Cause guess what?
It was New Thelma! New Thelma was the captain of Room Eight, I think!
Mrs. smiled at me.
“Okay, Junie B. Here's what happens next. As soon as they get out here, you and the team captain of Room Eight shake hands. And then Field Day can begin.”
I felt kind of sickish inside.
“Yeah, only here's the problem,” I said. “I don't actually like that girl. And so I will just shake hands with the Room Eight teacher instead.”
“No, Junie B.,” said Mrs. “That's not how it's done. Team captains shake hands with each other. It's the way teams show good sportsmanship.”
After that, Mrs. marched me right over to New Thelma.
And wait till you hear this!
That pushy girl grabbed my hand without even asking!
“Hey, I know you!” she said real giggly. “I've seen you on the playground before! You're a friend of Ricardo's.”
After that, she shaked my hand very hard.
I did not shake back.
Mrs. leaned next to my ear. Her voice did not sound happy.
“Wish her team good luck, Junie B.,” she whispered. “Now.”
I did a huffy breath.
“Okay. Fine. Good luck, Thelma,” I grouched.