She’d never quite understood the expression of the jaw dropping. Until now. Her mouth opened, in shock, in horror. He’d really, actually gone without a word to her. “Where’d he go?”
“No idea. But I heard him talking to the landlord. I don’t think he’s coming back.”
Chapter Five
Ethan hefted the ax over his head. It landed with a satisfying crack. Wood flew on either side, skipping over the brittle grass like pebbles on water. Shards of wood dotted the frosted landscape.
He made no move to pick them up.
Christmas was yesterday—not that it mattered. The firewood pile beside the cabin already reached his shoulders.
That didn’t matter either.
What mattered was the endless, empty frost-glazed hills.
Dearling was a small, tightly-knit community nestled deep in Texas Hill Country. The people here worked hard labor, drank hard liquor, and trained all year for the annual pie eating contest. They had welcomed Ethan with curious smiles and begrudged respect—for his uncle, he assumed, who was a bonafide military hero. And maybe some for Ethan’s own history, even though he’d just done a couple tours before getting out. It gave him something in common with the husbands and fathers and brothers around here, a connection he’d never felt on the bustling UT campus or the teeming sixth street clubs in Austin.
Though for all that he liked Dearling, it didn’t seem to matter much either. What mattered was the force of the ax and the burn in his shoulders. They distracted him—at least for a while.
He reached for the next log and centered it on the stump. This was between him and the earth, a little mutual destruction to pass the afternoon. By nightfall he’d be sore as hell and hopefully tired enough not to see her in his dreams.
A foreign sound traveled through the thin winter air. Tires crunching on gravel. He frowned. Who the hell would come out here?
Maybe some local Good Samaritan had come to make sure he was prepared for the coming frost. He’d reassure them, though. Uncle Griff’s cabin had come fully stocked with a lifetime supply of beef jerky. Besides, Ethan was used to it. Most people imagined Afghanistan as a hot, dry desert, but the nights could be brutally cold. And the high elevations near Bagram got snow year round.
Oreo was going wild from inside the cabin. The pit bull whined through the door, clearly eager to serve and protect. Either that or to check for snacks. But he’d been locked inside so he wouldn’t lose an eye from a stray shard of wood.
Ethan turned the corner of the cabin, expecting one of the dusty trucks he always saw when he stopped into town. Dearling, Texas, was quaint and country and the perfect escape for him.
Instead he saw a familiar blue sedan with a dented fender that had been like that when Lia bought the car.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered to himself. First he saw her in his sleep and now he had visions of her car while he was awake?
How far did a man have to run to get a little peace?
But Oreo wouldn’t be barking his head off for a vision. This was real. She was real. Jesus. His pulse quickened. He squinted, but the glare on the window made it impossible to see. A hollow space opened up in his chest, knowing she’d followed him out here. Knowing she’d probably called his cell and gone to his empty apartment long before this. He hadn’t seen or felt much of anything in the month since he’d dragged his ass to Dearling, but that was already changing.
The door opened and a boot landed on gravel. Pointed toe, slender ankles.
He wondered idly how terrifying he looked right now. Women tended to shrink away from him when he stood at full height. And when he glowered. Lia had teased him about the glowering, and he’d responded that this was the way his face looked. That had only been partially true. That was the way his face looked when he had to watch the woman he loved kiss and hug and fuck his best friend.
Lia stood and wobbled slightly, finding her footing on slippery rocks and the sloping drive. She spotted him and did a little wave, more reserved than he’d ever seen her. She reminded him of the young Lia, the lanky preteen with hopeful eyes.
“Merry Christmas,” she said quietly.
Remorse tasted bitter in his mouth. There was a time she would have thrown her arms around his neck. She would have made him wear a Santa hat, and he’d have pretended to hate it. “Merry Christmas.”
“Nice digs,” she said, lying her pretty little mouth off. His uncle was career army, which meant he travelled more than he didn’t. That gave Ethan a place to crash when he needed it. Far as he could tell, that was the only function the barebones cabin could serve. He didn’t mind, especially since he could be alone. Just him and Oreo.
Up until two minutes ago, anyway.
“You get lost on the way to Lake Travis?” he asked pointedly. As in, what the hell are you doing here? It wasn’t nice, but he was done being nice. Done pretending he could be friends with her.
There was a big fucking difference between friends and lovers.
She cocked her head. “I’m going to have to invite myself in, aren’t I? Yes, I think I am. Honestly, Ethan.”
Then she was pulling a large paper bag from the car and strolling toward the cabin. He managed to remember his manners and took the bag as she passed. Denim hugged her ass exactly the way he wanted to, up close and personal. He couldn’t stop staring.
So much for manners.
She pushed the door open and Oreo leaped onto her chest, knocking her directly into Ethan. The press of her body was so much warmer and sweeter than any time he had imagined it.
Jesus.
He set her aside and batted Oreo on the side. “Get off of her, you big lug.”
She wasn’t mad, though. She was laughing, and her smile made his heart beat faster. This was exactly what he didn’t need. Her, him, and a raging erection the cold had done nothing to stop. He slammed the door before all the heat escaped.
No use. The generator had choked and coughed its way through last night. Apparently it had a hangover today because nothing in the way of warm air had emerged from the vents this morning.
“Sorry about the cold,” he said, gruff enough to sound insincere. But he meant it—she deserved better than this. At the very least, she deserved a functioning central air system and decent insulation. All he had to offer was a moth-eaten knit throw.
He held it out to her.
She took the blanket and settled in on the lumpy futon, looking right at home. Oreo curled up on her lap to get rubbed, his ass hanging off because he wasn’t a puppy anymore.
Well, wasn’t that cozy. He scowled. “I’d offer you something to drink but I don’t have anything except water.”
Lia’s expression was playful, as if she knew a secret he didn’t. Hell, she knew a whole passel of secrets he didn’t. Like what the hell she was doing here. “I figured you were roughing it when I found out the address. But I didn’t realize it would be this… Survivor Man.”
He shoved some magazines off a crate and sat down opposite her. “How did you find out the address?”
“Uncle Griff.”
Damn. She’d met his Uncle Griff at Ethan’s high school graduation, when she had already been dating Chris. Uncle Griff had taken to Lia hard and fast. Why can’t you find a girl like this one? his uncle had asked, then laughed like it was hilarious.
Then Ethan had punched him in the face.
No, he hadn’t. But he’d thought about it. Griff had seen his interest in Lia, and that was why he gave him a hard time. A girl like her? No, he wanted the real thing. He wanted Lia, but he couldn’t have her.
“Why are you here, Rosalia?”
“Oh, I’m Rosalia now. Well, you can relax, okay? Chill. I’m just here to chat.”
“What am I, a book club? I don’t chat.”
She shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid you’re wrong, Ethan. You’re very chatty.”
He shot her an annoyed look, even though it felt so damn good to be near her again. Especially because
it felt so damn good. “I’ve never chatted in my life. Once I clicked into a chatroom by mistake and then left before saying anything.”
She smirked. “I’m storing that topic away for future reference. I want to know exactly what you read that made you back away slowly. And I mean chatting in public. You know, with actual words?”
“Never happened. I don’t even know you. Why are you in my house?”
“I see your sense of humor hasn’t improved in the past month.”
“Nothing has improved in the past month,” he muttered.
“Hah! I knew it. I knew you couldn’t be happy out here. I came to chat with you, like we always did. We talk every day and then suddenly poof; you’re gone. No phone calls. No emails.”
His chest tightened. Despite her flippant tone, real hurt flashed through her eyes. He was an asshole.
“It was rude,” she continued. “We almost booted you from the book club, but we decided to give you one last chance. There was a quorum and everything.”
He stared at her for a full beat before his mouth quirked. He couldn’t help it. Everything seemed so fucking amusing when he was around her. She was like some sort of clown, except instead of a red nose and rainbow hair she had a killer smile and black curls he wanted to crush in his hands.
“Have you ever actually been in a book club?” he asked.
“Yes, and we’re reading Lia tells Ethan to stop moping and then he does.”
Sadness weighted his chest, and he closed his eyes. If only it were that simple.
“How’s the boyfriend, Lia?”
* * *
The question stopped Lia cold. It was the same casual way he’d asked after Chris so many times they’d talked. A little playful, a pretense that he didn’t know Chris as well as she did—or better.
Now she heard the bite in the question. The bitterness.
She looked down at Oreo while she played with his ears, giving herself time to contain her disappointment. On the two hour drive out of Austin, she’d built up images of Ethan looking sexy, smiling, and welcoming. He had only been one of the three—sexy as hell in the thin T-shirt that barely contained his muscles. She’d built up fantasies. Castles in the sky built from pecs and a dimple coated with scruff.
But it was time for a reality check. And a confession.
“We broke up.”
He blinked once. Twice. “No, you didn’t.”
She tried to pretend that didn’t hurt. “Yes, we did.”
“You can’t break up. You’re perfect for each other.”
So, this reality check was coming in the form of a sledgehammer to the heart. Okay then. “Our goals didn’t align,” she said tightly.
“What are you talking about? You both wanted the same things. A house, a family. The whole picture.”
“A lot of people want those things,” she snapped, knowing she sounded grumpy and not caring at all. “That doesn’t mean they should pair up and get married because of it.”
Ethan ran a hand over his face, looking stressed. Looking more stressed than Chris had been when she’d left him. “This can’t be happening.”
She rolled her eyes. There were a lot of things she’d do for Ethan Montgomery, but holding his hand through her breakup wasn’t one of them. He was just going to have to deal with it. Or maybe he could finally return to Austin, where he and Chris could hang out and commiserate over how dumb she was for ruining a good thing.
Her impulsive trip into the country had gone from ill-advised all the way to completely humiliating. They had years of friendship between them. And there’d been that moment at the Trail of Lights that hinted at more. But that was the old Ethan. The familiar Ethan. This Ethan was barely tolerating her presence. He didn’t want her here even when he thought she was with his best friend. Without that tie, she was nothing to him.
Her stomach turned over, and she nudged Oreo’s head from her lap. “You know what? I think I’m going to leave.”
“You can’t leave.”
“You seem to think you can tell me what to do. You can’t break up. You can’t leave. Well, guess what? We broke up a month ago. And I’m leaving right now.”
She grabbed her purse, her movements jerky. Oreo tangled in her legs, as if conspiring to keep her there. Ethan’s palm landed on the door just as she reached it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was being a dumbass.”
“Some kind of ass,” she muttered.
“Every kind of ass. It took me by surprise and I said stupid shit.”
“Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have showed up uninvited. So how about I go and we pretend this never happened?”
“Stay. Please stay.”
She sighed. He really had no right to look so adorable when he’d just been so insensitive. Between Ethan and Oreo, she had two pairs of pleading eyes on her, and she was helpless to say no.
“I’m leaving,” she said, but Ethan looked so stricken that something inside her softened and gave way. “I think the tacos survived the trip, but if they sit in the cold much longer, they’re probably not any good.”
Both man and dog perked up.
“Tacos?” Ethan asked, still wary.
“From your favorite taco truck. With extra pico.”
The low sound from his chest made her think of tangled sheets and pulsing shadows. And that was only for tacos. They were amazing tacos, but still. Imagining him actually tangled in sheets or bathed in shadows sent a shiver down her spine that had nothing to do with the chill.
By the time she had returned to the cabin with her paper bags in hand, Ethan had built a fire. Oreo danced at her feet as she passed out tacos for everyone. Two for her, a handful for Ethan, and a special meat-only taco for the pit bull. She watched the canine dig into his dinner on a foil plate.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked.
She realized she’d been staring at the dog with something like longing. “I was the one who found him. Remember that?”
“How could I forget?” he asked, and she saw that night in his eyes.
Oreo had been half-starved and incredibly skittish. Chris had wanted her to leave. Call animal control if you’re worried, he’d said, and probably that would have been the smart thing to do. But she didn’t know how long it would be until they came or if the dog would still be around. So she’d lured the dog into the backseat.
“I had these protein bars in the trunk. They didn’t even taste good, but he went crazy for them. Got him inside the car because he knew there was more where that came from.”
“And I’ll be eternally grateful you did that.” Ethan’s lips lifted in a wry smile, almost shy. “But then, that’s you. Always looking out for someone else.”
She shook her head. Not that time. The apartment she shared with Chris didn’t accept animals, and he hadn’t been interested in having a pet, so the dog had gone to Ethan. It was Ethan who took him to the vet. Ethan who fed him tacos and half-pound burgers until he’d reached a normal weight.
You both wanted the same things. Once upon a time, she’d thought so too. But this was what she valued—Oreo and meat-only tacos. And a man who wouldn’t give up on a dog when everybody else did.
The mood grew solemn. As if he read the direction of her thoughts, his eyes grew curious. “Why, Lia?”
At least he hadn’t called her Rosalia again. The only person who called her that was her aunt. And her mother when she called on major holidays. And Ethan, apparently, when he wanted to pretend they weren’t close friends. “Chris and I… we care about each other, but not like we should. We were together out of habit. You were part of that habit, like the glue that held us together. When Chris started focusing on his internship, when we felt you starting to pull away, there was nothing left holding us together.”
He winced. “I never should have come back that night.”
Images flashed through her mind. Ethan, walking into their apartment, the shock on his face. And before that, at the apartment door, Chris, looking
surprised and… smug? Ethan’s eyes widening in the moments that she climaxed, his fingers easing her through her orgasm.
“I know I acted like a jerk that night, but walking in on you… seeing you…” He looked more uncertain than she’d ever seen him.
She felt herself soften. “It was a weird night. For all of us.”
How could she explain to him how she’d felt, when she barely understood it? Guilty, as if he’d caught her doing something she shouldn’t have done. She and Ethan had spent hours together, talking, laughing, even when Chris wasn’t home. She’d never done a single sexual thing with Ethan, but when he’d opened that door and found them naked…she’d felt like she was cheating on him.
He shook his head, looking genuinely miserable. “But then it happened, and I knew I needed to leave. That was the best thing I could do for you. Leave.”
Her heart broke a little at that. “You were my best friend.”
Even if that had been wrong, to be best friends with him while she was with Chris.
“I wasn’t trying to break you guys up,” he said, jaw clenched. “I acted like a jackass, but I never would have done that on purpose.”
“You aren’t responsible for us, Ethan. You couldn’t break us up or keep us together. Only we could do that.”
He fiddled with his empty foil wrapper. His gaze met hers, wary and kind. “I thought you were happy there. With him. I wanted you to stay happy.”
A sense of relief unfurled inside her. She had known breaking up with Chris was the right decision. But coming here, seeking Ethan out, that had felt like jumping off a cliff.
Those earnest words, the longing in his eyes—they were her net.
She leaned forward at the same time he did. They held that way, her lips inches from his, warm air forming a cocoon. Like breathing against the glass and watching it fog up. Her mind had clouded, blocking out any thoughts of defenses. She had no way to protect herself from the soft press of his lips or the ache it inspired in her. There were no walls left standing when he kissed her more firmly. She crumbled into pieces—into the lips that fused to his and the hand that held his arm and the toes that curled in her boots.
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