He stretched. His shirt might well have been painted on. “Just thinking that I’m down for a few drinks and some barbeque. But I’m worried that, put a little booze in us, and we’re going to face off again. Our little bout with Roman probably had more to do with the Jack Daniel’s than it did with us wanting to clue our boy in about us.”
“Then you should air your grievances with me now.” She smoothed her wrinkle-free shorts for the fifth time in as many minutes.
“Actually, not sure my issue is a grievance.” He stared at her, big blue eyes locking onto her before looking ahead.
“Oh.” Oh?
“You’re breathtaking, you know that?”
Nicola felt her cheeks heat, and she looked out the window. Cash pulled the truck off the worn path, and they drifted to a stop. Panic started in her stomach and climbed into her throat. “What are you doing, Cash?” Shit. Did she sound panicked?
“No idea.” Putting the truck into park, he raked a gaze over her.
She’d never heard him sound anything but Rocky Mountain strong. “Cash—”
“I’ve missed hearing you say my name.” His arms draped over the steering wheel, his head pressed to its twelve o’clock. “Nic, I’m having a problem keeping my head around you, so why don’t you shut your pretty mouth and give me a minute?”
What? There was no way he had the same issues she did. He hated her. Hadn’t forgiven her. “Wha… why?”
He still faced the steering wheel but slid his hands to the nine and two positions and hung on like he was strangling Cupid. “I’m forcing my hands to stay put. Physically willing them away from you. One move, one too-sweet word, Nicola, and I’m done for.”
“I don’t understand.” Because she was the one holding back.
He peered up from his steering wheel pillow. “What’s not to understand?”
“You’re mad at me.”
“Angrier than I’ve been in my entire life.” His eyes held her in place, riveting her to him.
“You said you might hate me.” God, it hurt to say that out loud.
“Yeah, I might.”
“So what else is there?” she asked, scared and hoping at the same time.
“If that isn’t the question, I don’t know what is.”
“You mean…”
“I mean, I’m confused.” He sat upright, straightening his broad shoulders. “I mean, I don’t do this whole soap opera, back from the dead thing. And it’s been so long. But…”
“But?” Her head circled, lungs went on strike, blood pounded in her ears.
Her phone rang. She silenced it without checking the caller, just to hear Cash keep talking, to juggle the want and the worry, to see if he felt the confusion she did.
He cleared his throat. “I have to roll up here to my boys and not look like some moron tripping all over himself to get a date. It’d ruin my reputation.”
There it was, something to protect her heart. Nicola clung to that small shield of defense with everything she had, lest she beg him to take those hands off the steering wheel and do whatever it was that he wanted to do. “Sterling reputation. I heard all about that.” Too bad that defense mechanism just came out screaming I-am-a-bitch. Dang.
He pushed off the steering wheel, stabbing her with a glare. “Jealous.”
“Disgusted.” And sad.
“I’m scared I’m going to kiss you tonight.” He leaned over, put a finger on her cheekbone, and traced a path to her chin. The world spun around them, but he anchored her to her chair, his eyes holding her captive and his touch kick starting a round of goose bumps.
You’re scared? Impossible. Nothing could scare Cash Garrison.
He nodded.
Oh, wait. She must have said out loud. “Would it be the worst thing?” Because heaven help her, she wanted him to.
Cash inched back, his gaze sliding sideways before coming back to her. “I promised Roman. None of you. I’m Nicola free.”
“Why?”
“Who the hell knows.”
“Man up, Cash. Why?”
“You first.”
“I haven’t taken any Cash-free pledges. I have nothing to explain.”
He leaned closer. “You’d be okay if we ended up together? Pressed against a tree, or against my truck? Like old times.”
Her face went hot, thinking about college, about when he’d pushed her limits and she’d loved every second of it.
Cash shifted in his seat. “We wouldn’t stop there. I couldn’t.”
“Why would I want us to?”
“You, me. One of us will get hurt. I lost you once, and I don’t want to do it again. We gotta go down the platonic river.”
“You’re talking about friends?”
“We were friends once. For a long time.”
“Guys can’t be friends with girls.”
“We were.”
“No. We played the longest game of will-they, won’t-they in the history of hook ups.”
“Shit, Nicola. I’m trying to respect your brother’s wishes. I’m trying to do right by you. Shit, I’m trying.”
“Nope. You’re scared.” Why was she pushing him? What did she even want?
“You are too.”
Called out with the truth. He could always see through her see-sawing arguments when it came to him. The hot, the cold, and eventually, she had fallen into his arms. But what they could and should do now? She had no idea.
He laughed quietly. “It’s that simple, huh? You fall, literally fall, ass first into my line of sight, and I’m just supposed to pick up where we left off.”
“I never said that, Cash.” Again, her phone rang, killing any confession that may have fallen from his lips. Words she’d die to hear. If she could’ve thrown the damn thing out the window and begged him to continue, she would have. But she couldn’t and checked the caller ID. “Jared.”
Cash shook his head. “Jared?”
She glanced at him and accepted the call. Cash hardened, seemingly not thrilled that Jared had called her. Jared grumbled in her ear. Something about making sure she made it to his Titan get together. She nodded as if he could see it. Bad habit. “Yeah. Almost there. See you.”
Nicola clicked off the phone, then dropped it into her purse.
“Why’s Jared calling you?” Cash looked pissed.
Fucking Jared. He hadn’t talked to Cash yet. “You know why I’m coming out here for your boys’ retreat?”
“Dunno. You’re going to fill us in on Smooth Enterprises? Have more to tell us after we debriefed?”
“Fucking Jared,” she repeated, but aloud this time, then finished another slew of curses in her head. She didn’t want to act crass in front of Cash.
“What?” No, now Cash looked pissed. Whatever that look before was, it was clearly a warm-up to this face. “Talk. Now.”
“Someone needs to read you in.”
“Nicola, you have two seconds. Then I get pissed.”
Hmm, not pissed yet? Could have fooled me. “Me and Jared.”
“You and Jared?” He stared hard. “You and Jared, what, Nicola?”
“We’re working together on this one.” She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t. Why was he acting like this? See, this was the problem that scared her, that kept her from wanting to get too close to Cash.
“The hell you are.”
“I already told the CIA and Jared I’d do it. We’re going after the butler.”
“No,” he growled.
“Yes.”
“Fucking Jared.” That’s what she said. Wasn’t he listening? He slapped the steering wheel, then threw the truck into gear.
“Cash, calm down. Why are you mad? This is my job! This is my assignment.”
“Nic, you can’t do this shit. You can’t go running around with guns and spies and infiltrate fucking arm dealing networks. You cannot. End of discussion.”
And there it was. He didn’t trust her to work for no other reason that he didn’t think she should be in the field.
She knew it. Tears stung behind her eyes. Her throat was raw, and she tried like hell to swallow the boulder, but couldn’t. “Why?”
It came out as a whisper. He hated her. He didn’t trust her. Now, he wouldn’t respect her on the job. Her mind and her body hurt from the rejection. Her biggest fear and the truest love slammed together. Pain overwhelmed her thoughts.
“So many reasons why this—you and me—is a bad idea.”
“None of what you just said matters, Cash.”
He looked up, seeming almost relieved, as though she’d provided the secret code word to cool-rinse their heat. Then he laughed, a hard and unfeeling sound. “All of them matter.”
He slammed the truck into gear. Cash parked near the bonfire, jumped out, and left her alone in the truck with all of her insecurities.
***
If there were two things Cash could control, it was the cadence of his heart, and then in turn, his breathing. The simple in and out of air and the pace of his blood pressure. He was a sniper. His life depended on it. Control all the things and live to see another day. But as he pounded grass, putting as much distance between him and Nicola as possible, he couldn’t.
His pulse thumped in his temples. His heart exploded with every single beat, lust and memories of love ricocheting off every inch of his body.
Forget taking his blood pressure. He could tell that it was sky-high, and he had a beautiful, confused, lost, wanting-to-prove-herself blond CIA agent driving the numbers higher and higher.
That woman! Damn, that woman…
He wanted hands on her in the worst of ways. Damn it. He had to go and remember years ago when they’d had their first fight as a couple. Or not a couple. No one had known they were together, eerily similar to tonight.
That was the night he’d decided, as some bleary-eyed-in-love frat boy, that he was going to marry her one day. Because they fought like champs, for all the right reasons. Because she loved him, and he loved her, and they couldn’t get enough of each other. All they had to do was chill out and grow up.
Cash bunched his fists. Damn her for fucking up their lives.
But God. That night, what a fight, and how they’d made up. Holding her against the side of his truck, he’d kissed her until she was wet and moaning. Smiling, Cash could almost feel the bite of her teeth when he pressed his cock deep inside her. That innocent beauty of a girl transformed into a wild woman. That was his Nicola.
Too bad she was now a CIA spy, someone who Jared called for jobs, a person who Cash had to look at objectively as a field agent.
His lonely heart hurt, and he just wanted a beer.
***
This is what it would be like to hang out at a superhero convention? Nicola nursed her beer and watched. They were all dressed head-to-toe in varying versions of tactical gear. Tight shirts, pants with too many pockets. She was sure there was enough firepower to invade a small country stashed in their vehicles.
Roman hovered over her for a while, checking in and presumably fending off anyone who might want to talk to her. Typical overprotective Roman. It almost felt good, familiar, to have him breathing down her neck, glaring at anyone with testosterone. Cash worked the crowd with his lazy laugh, ignoring her, and the rest of the Titan men filled their roles by shotgunning beers and chowing down on barbeque.
Jared walked over to her with two beers in his hand. Her butt was numb from sitting on Cash’s tailgate, and she was a tad lonely. Yeah, she’d talked to Roman. But there was very much an invisible line drawn around her. No one approached her without what looked like an okay from Roman, although Jared didn’t look as if he’d asked for or cared about the Roman go-ahead.
Maybe she was the problem, looking like she held a sign that said Beware: I bite. Or maybe, I came back from the dead. Who knew?
“How goes it, princess?”
“How goes it…” She needed a name for him too, and dickhead wasn’t going to work in front of his men. “Twinkle Toes?”
He would have reacted, she thought, but he was too alpha to show the flicker of surprise. “You got jokes. Beer?” He held out a fresh one.
She raised her beer. Its label had long ago been peeled off. “Still got this one.”
“So finish it.”
Jared was growing on her. She turned the bottle up and drained the last drops of the warm beer. She’d had it in hand too long. Yuck. A chilled longneck would be good. “Done.”
“Good girl. Here.”
She nodded her thanks, appreciative for anything that would lessen the buzzing feelings in her head. If Jared had handed her a horse tranq, she might have tried to kiss the grumbling jerk. “I needed this.”
“I see brother and sister are reunited and acting brotherly-sisterly. You and Roman cool?”
“Of course. He’s pretty forgiving or, at least, not as much of a bastard as you might think.”
“Good. So what’s the deal with you and Cash?”
“Why?”
“Something came up. I can’t partner with you on Operation Smoke-‘Em-Out, and I need a man working with you.”
“I don’t need a man.”
“Not what I meant. All I got is men. I need a person working with you.”
“I work fine by myself.”
“I’m not a work-on-an-island kinda guy. You get a partner, or you lose the job.”
“Fine. Whoever will do.” She shrugged like she really didn’t care and looked over his shoulder.
“Actually, not fine. No one will work with you.”
“Like I said—”
“You’re hard-headed like Roman. Great. Fuckin’ fantastic. Roman doesn’t trust himself to work with his little sister. I talked to him. He won’t do it.”
“He’s a moron.”
“Right. And Rocco must have spread the word, ’cause him and two other guys I wanted to partner you with won’t. Hell, they won’t work with you to save their lives.”
“I’m a good agent—”
“It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with Cash. So spill it, woman. What do I need to know?”
“We dated before I left.”
“You loved him?”
Nic rolled her eyes toward the bonfire, taking in Cash’s amazing silhouette. “And how is that your business?”
“Everything’s my business when it comes to my ops. Let’s try this. You love him now?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Can you keep it in your pants?”
She shot her gaze back to him. “Christ, Jared.”
“That wasn’t an answer.” He laughed.
“He and I are fine. We’re not jumping into bed. Not confusing the past and the present. But I’m not working with him.”
“Yeah, you are.” He looked so certain.
“Nope.”
“No choice.” He laughed again, and it was more irritating each time he did the cough-grumble thing he used as laughter. “You don’t partner well, do you?”
“Cash won’t do it either.”
“I have a feeling he would jump at the chance to—”
All right, that strategy went down fast. Try, try, try again. “We’ll distract each other. Not a good idea.”
“So, you’re walking away, princess? Didn’t take you as a quitter.”
“God—”
“That works much better. God. It has a good ring to it. Better than Twinkle Toes.”
“Jared—”
“Okay. Jared or God. Your choice.”
“Would you shut up?”
“I like you, princess.”
“Fine. Cash. I’ll do it. Go away.”
“I knew you’d see it my way. Don’t forget to grab some potato salad. Mia Winters can cook like you wouldn’t believe.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jealousy. It wasn’t a logical response, but Cash fought back a growl, wanting to physically remove Jared from Nicola’s proximity. She sat on the tailgate to his truck. Her long legs dangled, and the bonfire light danced across her skin.
No doubt about it, Cash was jealous. His fists bunched in his jeans pockets, but he knew he wasn’t hiding his reaction from anyone.
He threw a piece of meat to Winters’s dog. The pup had been running around the fire soliciting donations like he was starving to death. Winters swore he fed the mutt. Cash laughed. He knew better than to think that Mia, Winters’s wife, would let the dog go hungry.
“Hey, asshole. Don’t give the dog any more food.” That’d been Winters’s line all night long. Too freakin’ bad. He should feed his dog.
“Call me asshole again, the pup gets beans. And Mia told me the dog sleeps next to you.”
Roman sidled up to Cash and joined him in throwing scraps to the dog. “So Nicola drove out with you?”
“Yup.” This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with Roman in front of the guys. Hell, he didn’t want to have it at all. The girl was throwing him an ice-cold shoulder, and he wasn’t at all sure why he cared. Except for the whole maybe he still cared for her thing. But other than that…
“I’ve calmed down about you two back in the day. It was more than what you said? You know. The other night.”
“Yup.” He picked up his beer and drained it. Maybe they were standing too close to the bonfire. He started to sweat a little.
“Huh.” Roman genuinely sounded at a loss for words, which was unlike the guy.
Cash grabbed a fresh beer from the cooler behind them. “You going to ask more questions or something? Or are we done talking about me and her?”
“You two really done?”
Well, shit. If that wasn’t the question, he didn’t know what was. “Not sure I want it to be.”
“Huh.”
Cash cracked half a smile. “Yeah, how about that?”
“Well, then maybe you should do something about boss man leaning into our girl and her giggling. It’s enough to make me sick.”
It didn’t take much of a push. His boots were moving before he realized he was closing in on her. Why? Something to prove? Something to say? Who knew? Maybe he wanted to be closer and make sure no one thought she was a free agent. But then again, she was. Shit, he had no claims to her. Even if there was a flicker of interest in her eyes.
What he felt was more than a flicker. Too bad he still couldn’t catch his breath.
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