by C. L. Coffey
“I do not want any more blood to fall, which is precisely why I want to hunt down that nephilim and destroy him – and the others. If Angel is going to stand in the way of that, then-”
“What?” I demanded. “If you kill me, you’ll never find him! What you will do is leave this city with one less angel to protect it!”
“Angel!” Michael snapped at me. “Be quiet!”
“No!” I cried. “I get she’s grieving, but I am not going to stand by and be attacked by my own kind.”
“Own kind?” Paddy spat. “You’re nothing like us. You’re just as guilty as he is. Raphael and the cherubim would be here if it wasn’t for you, siding with evil.”
“ENOUGH!” Michael bellowed.
“She knows where he is,” Paddy growled. “And I will get that location out of her one way or another.”
My hand tightened its grip on my sword. The trust I had in Paddy had evaporated and I fully expected her to come swinging at me again. As though Michael had the same suspicion, he raised his sword. “Do not make me end this, Paddy.”
“Is everything okay here, ma’am?” a voice called.
I pulled my attention away from Paddy and to the two armed men who had appeared to one side, their guns raised though currently not trained on anyone. I gave one of them a brief nod of my head. “Just airing out some things,” I said, switching my attention back to Paddy. “We’re done here, right?”
Paddy let out a growl from the back of her throat but lowered her sword. “We’re far from done, Angel,” she told me. As she shrank her sword and walked away, I sighed, acknowledging that this situation was going to rear its head again. Only next time, would I have Michael or Darell’s men to help out?
Darell’s men waited for Paddy to enter the convent and for my dismissal before they left me and Michael alone. It wasn’t until it was just us two, that I sheathed my own swords. The action had me wincing in pain. As the adrenaline left me, the cut in my arm was beginning to scream in pain.
I sucked in a breath and gritted my teeth as I shrugged my jacket off. The cut was deep. Blood was flowing freely down my arm. “Another for the collection,” I muttered.
“Let me look at that,” Michael said, leading me over to under one of the lights which lit the grounds. With a small frown, he gripped my wrist and the next thing I knew, we were inside the convent. I recognized the room straight away. It was originally one of the guestrooms, but was now being used by Michael.
He led me into the bathroom and sat me down on the side of the tub. There wasn’t a great deal of space in this room. Michael disappeared and reappeared moments later, carrying a handful of medical supplies. “This is deep,” he announced.
I shrugged, then winced at my actions. “Not as deep as these,” I said, raising my wrists and the red and black scars that wrapped around them.
With a feather-like touch, Michael ran his fingers over them. Then he turned, running water in the sink. When his cloth was damp, he crouched down in front of me and began dabbing at the wound. “This will not leave a scar,” he told me.
“Maybe not a visible one,” I mumbled, fixing my attention on my wrists. Like my skin, the friendship I had with Paddy was never going to be the same. I wasn’t sure either were repairable. I chewed at my lip as Michael continued to clean and dress the wound, wondering again if I had made the right decision with Ty.
I sighed. Yes, I had. Hard as it was to see Paddy in pain, it didn’t justify killing anyone. It wouldn’t fix anything, and I was sure that it wouldn’t have bought her any real comfort.
“You know where he is,” Michael stated softly.
I turned my head, finding his close to mine. “Yes,” I said, not feeling the need to lie to him. “But I’m not going to tell you where he is. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
“I understand you feel you are doing things for the right reason, but the nephilim cannot be trusted. You keep saying they are half human, but that Fallen side is more powerful than you think.”
“You think evil is more powerful than good?” I asked. I shook my head. I was tired of having this argument. Michael saw only in black and white. There was no gray for him. Then I shook my head again. That wasn’t the right attitude. If I could convince Michael, truly make him consider what he was saying, that meant that I could maybe get the others to reconsider their stance on this. “You’re forgetting that whether they’re half human or half angel, they still have Free Will.”
“He chose to lead you into a trap, to lead his father to the cherubim,” Michael responded as he secured the bandage in place.
“He also chose to help me. A choice that resulted in him losing a hand and his father,” I pointed out. “I also…” I trailed off as the bells of Zachary started ringing in my head. “Zachary wants me,” I told Michael. With a sigh, I got to my feet.
“Be careful, Angel,” Michael warned me as I left.
I wearily made my way up to Zachary’s office, wondering what bore-fest I was in for now. I was tired and sore, and I wanted to sleep. I did not want or need a three-hour lecture on… anything. When I walked in, I found Zachary and Paddy deep in conversation. “Wonderful,” I muttered under my breath. “Look, whatever you’re going to say, you might as well save your breath. Even if I did know where the nephilim is that you’re looking for, I couldn’t tell you. I swore an oath.”
Paddy looked like she wanted to murder me on the spot. To be fair, so did Zachary.
“Unless there’s anything else you want to discuss, I’m going to go check up on my charge.” I didn’t wait for an answer.
I hadn’t really planned on seeing Joshua, but I now had no desire to be alone in my room. I collected an SUV and drove to his. I didn’t realize until he had answered the door that the lights were off. He opened the door wearing only a pair of boxers. “Angel?” he said, rubbing his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized, the guilt setting in. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I just figured you were reading a book or something.”
“Why would I do that?” he asked, turning his nose up at the suggestion. He stepped back to allow me in. “Is everything okay?” his eyes fell on my arm: covered in dried blood and a stark white bandage. “Have you been fighting with the Fallen again?”
“Just a saint,” I sighed.
“You want a beer?” he offered, heading into the kitchen.
I watched him with a frown as he pulled two cans of Budweiser. “You do remember I’ve taken a covenant and can’t drink, right?” I asked him as he cracked one open. “And since when did you make the switch to cans?”
Joshua shrugged. “It was cheaper.” He took a drink, then stretched, yawning. “Can we have this discussion in bed? I’m assuming you’re staying the night?”
There was something about the way he said that which had me frowning, but I nodded. I was tired and crawling into a bed with him sounded like a good idea. And then it didn’t. Where was the line with the covenant? I shook my head.
“Is that a yes, or a no?” Joshua asked, narrowing his eyes.
“It’s a, ‘I don’t think sharing a bed with you is a good idea, because I’m not willing to take that risk’. The covenant-”
“The covenant says no sex,” Joshua snapped, putting the can down with a little more force than was necessary.
“Are you okay?” I asked him, folding my arms. “Because you’re not acting like you right now.”
Joshua closed his eyes and I watched as his muscles relaxed. When he opened them again, he seemed a little calmer. “Work was rough,” he explained. “I’m sorry. Do you want to watch a movie?”
I nodded and allowed him to lead me over to the sofa. We settled on one of the Die Hards, though I was only half watching it. I was beginning to drift off to sleep when Joshua’s hand, which had been resting lazily on my side began tracing circles across my rib cage. I smiled, snuggling closer to him.
In a quick movement, Joshua shifted himself into a more uprigh
t position and pulled me into his lap. “What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Getting comfortable,” he responded, pulling me back to him.
I arched an eyebrow, but nestled back into him, using his shoulder as a pillow. His hands took up the circular motion again, hypnotic rubs that were sending me back to sleep. Then one crept higher, gently squeezing my breast. I pulled back and looked at Joshua. “What are you doing?” I asked him again. When the hand didn’t move, I moved it for him. “Joshua, no.”
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, pulling me back to him. He reached over and kissed me, the kiss started off as something sweet, but very quickly he was tugging at my lips with his teeth. His hands were reaching up under my top.
“Joshua,” I groaned, getting up off him. There was nothing I would rather do than take my mind off things and have some fun with him in the bedroom, but I couldn’t. And I’d told him this. “What is wrong with you?”
Joshua sat back in the couch, staring up at me with a lazy grin on his face. “I want you, babes. I can’t help it.”
I rubbed at my forehead, feeling torn. It wasn’t this hard before. “You’re going to have to, Joshua. I’ve actually signed the covenant. If I do what you want, I fall, lose my wings, and then who is going to protect you?” I shook my head. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” Joshua muttered, scowling at the floor.
I arched an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Look, it has been a long day at work and I just wanted to take my mind off things,” he said, folding his arms. Was he… sulking right now?
I sat back down on the couch but left a reasonable distance between us. Instead of focusing on the television, I angled my body towards Joshua. “What happened at work?” I asked him.
“Nothing,” he shrugged.
I frowned. “Then what things do you need to take your mind off?”
“Paperwork,” he snapped. “Why the inquisition?”
I stared at him, wondering where the hostility was coming from. “I’m only asking because I’m concerned, and I want to know if there was anything I could do to help.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve already shot me down on that one. There’s not much else you can do to help.”
I took a deep breath, trying to remain patient. He and Leon were still working through the mess Asmodeus had left them. Even though I didn’t like it, there were still plenty of fallen angels in the city, and I knew we all wanted them gone, especially if they held positions of power. I wasn’t trying to justify his current behavior, but it had inflicted a change in our dynamics. We’d gone two steps forward and suddenly eight back, and I’d made the decision to sign the covenant without talking to him about it. I couldn’t really blame him from being upset. I’d also turned up and woken him up.
“The covenant means no sex,” Joshua said, breaking my thoughts.
I nodded. “Yeah,” I agreed, wondering where he was going with this.
He shrugged. “It doesn’t mean other things are off the table though.”
“For the time being, I think it does,” I disagreed.
He rolled his eyes. “Then maybe I need to be going elsewhere, if you can’t, you know.”
My mouth fell open. That suggestion hurt more than being stabbed by a tainted blade. “Are you kidding me right now?” I demanded. “It wasn’t an issue before, so why is it an issue now all of a sudden?”
“Because I am a man and I have needs. No one denies me of my needs.” Joshua’s fist shot out, punching the can that had been sitting beside him. It went soaring across the room.
I leaped to my feet, glowering down at him. “Don’t be such an ass-hat about this!” I cried. “It sucks. I know it sucks, because, newsflash, you’re not the only one who is missing out.” I took a few steps backwards as he got to his feet, not because I thought one of us was going to hit the other, but because I physically didn’t want to be near him. “Joshua, I took that damn covenant to protect you. As a guardian angel, you are the single most important person in my life and it’s my job; my whole reason for being here. While you’re incredibly important to me as a person, guardian angel trumps boyfriend. They made you my charge for a reason, and I’m going to do all I can to keep you safe, but I don’t know what from. What I do know is that I sure as heck can’t keep you safe from something unknown as well as trying to keep myself safe from the angels.”
Something I said seemed to ring through to Joshua and his defensive posture relaxed. “I’m sorry, babes,” he said, tilting his head. “I guess I thought us not being together would mean you would leave. Then I’d be without a girlfriend and a guardian angel.”
My eyes went wide. “When have I ever given you reason to think either of those things?”
He took several steps towards me, reaching for my hands. “Things have felt different since we killed Lucifer.”
“Of course they do,” I said, allowing him to hold onto me. “Michael’s back, and he knows about us; Zachary, who hates me, is in charge of our house and seems set on watching my every move so that he can find a reason to kick me out of Heaven; Raphael and the cherubim are dead and Paddy now has me on her hit list… And there are still way too many Fallen in the city, who I know you’re trying to find. How can we relax? How can we work out how we’re going to work together?”
“But your feelings for me haven’t changed?” he asked, his eyes studying my face intently.
“No,” I said, firmly. “I love you, Joshua.”
He stared at me for a moment longer. “I love you too, babes.”
In the back of my mind, something didn’t feel right, but I pushed it back. There was too much going on. “I think I’ve worked out what I’m going to get you for Christmas,” I said, changing the subject to something a little more positive. “Though I’m not sure I’m going to be able to beat the birthday present, so don’t be too disappointed.”
“My birthday present?” Joshua repeated. He was frowning, as though he was… confused?
He wasn’t the only one feeling that way. “Yes,” I said, slowly. “Seeing your sister?”
“Oh, yeah,” Joshua nodded. “It was great. I haven’t seen her in ages.”
I let go of Joshua’s hands before I could stop myself. That feeling I had just pushed back, the one of something not being right – all of a sudden it was screaming at me. “Yeah, it’s been a while,” I said, carefully.
“What’s the matter?” Joshua asked me. There was something about the way he was looking at me. Suspicion was darkening his eyes.
I gave him a bright smile. “I’m sorry, I was just thinking about Bethany. Maybe we could see her again soon? I know you miss her.”
The suspicion disappeared. “That would be nice,” he agreed. I could feel the relief start to take a grip on me. And then he uttered the next words. “Maybe I should give her a call.”
“You can’t do that,” I blurted out. The suspicion was back.
“Make up your mind, babes. You’re the one who brought her up.”
Why did he keep calling me that? It wasn’t unfamiliar, but it wasn’t the term of endearment Joshua used when talking to me. The second the realization hit me, I felt sick to my stomach. I was either going to throw up or pass out.
There had only been one other person who had called me that before…
Lucifer.
The person in front of me was not Joshua.
It was Lucifer.
It had taken me days to realize that! How could I not see it? How could I not tell?
The thoughts raced through me, but somehow I fought to keep the realization from my face. Instead, I fixed Joshua an apologetic smile. “Because it’s late. Bethany is in Spain and it’s even later there,” I said, the lies running off my tongue, as I prayed that he would call me on them.
“Yeah, I guess it can wait until the morning,” he shrugged. “I’m not sure I can stretch a vacation to go visit her though.”
“Maybe she can come back,” I said, battling to kee
p the overwhelming feeling of despair from taking over me. “And if not, maybe we can look at taking a short break there at some point in the future. I’d love to see Spain with you.”
“Yeah,” Joshua agreed, relaxing. He yawned and headed back to the couch. “You going to finish this film with me?” He looked at me, still standing.
I needed help. I needed Lucifer to look after Joshua a little while longer so I could get someone to perform an exorcism. To do that, I needed to make sure he thought everything was normal. I shook my head. “You’re tired. I’m tired. I think I’ll just call it a night and head back to the convent.” I walked over to him and kissed him, even though it made me want to throw up. I needed to get out of there.
“Call me tomorrow?” he asked.
I nodded, leaving. I managed to keep it together for three whole blocks before I had to pull over because I was shaking so much. I stumbled out of the car, emptying my stomach in the gutter. Finished, I sank to the ground and sobbed.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Hope
I had pulled into a gas station to buy a bottle of water to wash away the taste of vomit from my mouth. While I leaned against the side of the car, watching the occasional vehicle drive past, I tried to gather my thoughts. My first instinct had been to go to Michael, but in between throwing up and buying the water, I had changed my mind. I had spent months trying to convince the archangel that I had released Lucifer and I was sure he had never really believed it until the King of Hell had been standing in front of him.
Zachary was out, for obvious reasons. So too were the angels – even if they did believe me, there was nothing they could do. I had also toyed with the idea of consulting Gabriel, but I had no direct way of getting in contact with him.
That left Cupid and Veronica. I felt confident that they would believe me. Veronica, at least, had never doubted me. The problem there was that Lucifer was going to be a huge reminder that there were no longer any other cherubim in New Orleans, and I wasn’t sure how they would react when I told them he was possessing Joshua.