by C. L. Coffey
“What makes you think that?”
When Michael didn’t disappear to get Joshua, I allowed myself to relax a fraction. “He called me babes,” I said.
“You do not like that?” Michael asked, his eyebrows knitting together as he frowned in confusion.
I started pacing again. “Joshua calls me darlin’,” I explained. “The only time I was ever called babes, it was by Lucifer.”
“You do not think he could have perhaps just changed his term of affection for you?” Michael asked, still not shooting me down.
“Ever since what happened at the cemetery, he’s been acting strange.” I folded my arms, continuing my walking. Even as I thought about it, the signs had been there all along. “When you brought us back here, he wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden. I had assumed it had been the transporting across a big distance in the blink of an eye, seeing as how it had affected me, but if he’s a fallen angel and he’s on holy ground… that would make him feel ill, right?”
Michael nodded. “In the beginning, a fallen angel newly possessing a human would experience discomfort at being on holy ground. The longer they are in possession of that human, and the more the human’s soul is chipped away, the more pain they will feel until, finally, they would feel compelled to leave the body, much like what happened when Leon was possessed. But you were also right when you said Joshua’s discomfort could have been caused by me bringing him here.”
“His personality has changed too,” I told him. “The other day, he told me he was busy with Leon, working a case. I found him in Bee’s with beautiful women draped all over him. He told me he was working undercover, trying to find the Fallen.”
“You do not think it possible that this was the case, and you are simply upset because you found him in a compromising position?” Michael asked, cocking his head once more.
I stopped pacing and turned to him, shaking my head. “I was upset,” I admitted to him. “I certainly didn’t like seeing it, but Joshua, Leon and I had made an agreement with Cupid that they wouldn’t go after the Fallen without one of us there.”
“Is that all?” Michael watched me patiently. Without his poker face, I could tell that he wasn’t convinced, but he also wasn’t saying that it was impossible.
“For his birthday, I manipulated his dream so he could see his sister. When I brought it up earlier, he didn’t remember it,” I told the archangel. “What’s more, he had forgotten that she had gone missing during Hurricane Katrina. He should think she’s dead, not living in Spain.”
“That does sound plausible,” Michael agreed.
I gaped at him. “You believe me?”
“I believe you enough that I would like to meet with Joshua and test your theory,” he nodded.
I wanted to cry. I wasn’t sure if it was from relief that Michael believed me, or because I had been right about Joshua. “We can’t hurt him, Michael. Anything he’s doing, he’s doing under Lucifer’s influence. Joshua is a good guy.”
Before I could get a response from Michael, something came crashing into the room. The next thing I knew, I was on my back, pinned down on my desk, with a dagger at my throat. “Lucifer’s alive?” Paddy snarled at me. “And you want to protect him?”
“I want to protect Joshua.” I gasped in pain as the blade nicked at my neck. “It’s not his fault that-”
I was prevented from finishing my sentence by Paddy backhanding my face. I could taste blood and there were two Paddy’s hovering in front of me. “It’s never anyone’s fault, is it?” she snapped. “The bad guy is always innocent!”
“Paddy, that is enough!” Michael appeared in my peripheral, his sword aimed at the side of Paddy’s head. He hadn’t come to the library with it, so he must have zipped back to get it.
“It will not be enough until Lucifer is dead!” she yelled.
“We do not know for certain he is still alive,” Michael pointed out.
Even though it was Michael who had spoken, it was me who was hit again. “He’s alive, and he’s in Joshua.” Paddy grabbed at my throat, pulling me to my feet. Using the momentum and my own body, she knocked Michael’s sword away. “And this traitor here is trying to protect the Fallen and the nephilim.”
“That’s not the case!” I gasped, clawing at the hand around my throat. “I just want to protect Joshua and-” Paddy picked me up and flung me at the wall. I fell to the floor, plaster showering down over me.
Michael was at my side in an instant. “Angel?”
I struggled to sit up. My body was still trying to heal, and yet more and more injuries were being inflicted upon it before it was given the chance. My head was pounding, and my shoulder was burning. I shook my head but continued to try to get to my feet.
“You should stay there,” Michael instructed me, gently pushing me down.
I pushed his hand away, gritted my teeth and forced myself to feet. “She knows about Joshua,” I told him. I took a step forward but let out a cry from the pain in my shoulder.
“Stay still,” Michael said again. Before I could protest, he had yanked at my arm. I screamed, stumbling back against the wall. Michael’s hands were on my waist, helping to keep me upright. “You dislocated it. You will be fine in a few hours.”
‘A few hours’ was being generous. This would hurt for a lot longer. “She has gone after Joshua,” I said, breathing heavily. “I need to stop her.” I released myself from Michael’s grasp and took a few steps forward.
Suddenly, Zachary appeared in front of me, Paddy at his side. “Where is he?” the virtue demanded.
I forced myself to stand upright and hide the fact I was in pain. “I’m not telling you,” I said, coolly. “I don’t know for certain that I’m right, and I don’t want to risk Joshua getting hurt.”
“Now you’re hiding the most evil of all fallen angels?” Zachary asked, an eyebrow arched up.
“I’m not hiding Lucifer,” I disagreed. “I’m protecting my charge.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?” Paddy asked.
I sighed. Being an angel was hard work. “I want to confirm that I’m right before having the heavens descend on Joshua. Also, I want to make sure that the angels who are going to descend on him are ones that want to help him, not kill him,” I said, giving Paddy a pointed look. “Why does everyone always think my goal is to help evil?”
“Maybe because everything you do results in evil gaining ground and someone getting hurt,” Paddy suggested.
“I have always said it was a mistake to allow Potentials to be asked the question,” Zachary added.
“This conversation is becoming ludicrous,” Michael interrupted. “We should let Angel confirm whether or not Lucifer is alive before we do anything drastic.”
“Of course you would side with Angel,” Paddy sniped.
“Oh, for goodness sake,” I huffed. “This is just petty and ridiculous. Can’t we all just acknowledge that and then figure out a way to work together?”
“What needs to be acknowledged is the utter disrespect you have for me, this House, and Heaven,” Zachary said, taking two steps towards me. He jabbed a finger just above my heart and I couldn’t stop myself from wincing as it sent waves of pain rippling up to my shoulder. “You are not fit to be an angel.”
“Zachary!” Michael admonished. “Although things have not always gone to plan, Angel has done nothing without good intention and has always tried to make things right.”
“You know what they say about good intentions,” Paddy muttered under her breath.
I shot her a glare. “Maybe we could also acknowledge that I was the one who found Valac, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Lucifer,” I pointed out. “None of which you had any idea were in this country, never mind this city. And along with them are countless other fallen angels. I realize I’m not the most conventional angel, but I am delivering results.”
“You’re delivering death,” Paddy corrected me. “The number of dead cherubim and archangels outweigh the fallen.”
I didn’t think that was true – at least in terms of numbers. We had taken out a large amount of fallen angels at the port and with Lucifer. She was right when it came to the guilt that was associated with it.
“Yet the number of humans that have been saved are unquantifiable,” Michael pointed out. He walked over to Paddy and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I realize this is hard to comprehend when you are still in so much pain, but Raphael’s death was not meaningless. Beelzebub’s reach alone was staggering, and now those humans are free.”
“Don’t you dare stand there and begin to lecture me on my feelings, Michael,” she spat at me. “Raphael is dead, and he shouldn’t be. If Lucifer really is back like that angel suggests, then his death was in vain, and I will not allow him to be dishonored like that.”
“What this all boils down to is that Angel is being disobedient. Some might even consider it to be a rebellion,” Zachary spoke up, looking at me with a smug expression all over his face. “If she knows what’s best, she should tell us where Lucifer is.”
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t tell you anyway,” I shrugged. “I don’t know for certain it’s actually Lucifer.”
“Then you should tell me where Joshua is,” Zachary snapped, jabbing at my shoulder blade again.
“Not going to happen,” I scoffed, folding my arms so I could support my shoulder.
Without any warning, Zachary lunged forward and grabbed my shoulder. I let out a yowl of pain, but when Zachary let go, we weren’t in the office anymore. I looked around, grasping my arm as I gasped in pain. It was a private hospital room. “Does he look familiar?” Zachary asked, stepping back so I could see the occupant of the only bed.
I took a few steps towards the bed, trying to work out who it was I was looking at. I almost didn’t recognize him. It was Lucifer. No, it was Luke Goddard, the human Lucifer had been using for a vessel. He was hooked up to so many machines, including one which looked like it was breathing for him. “What is this?” I whispered. “I thought Luke died with Lucifer?”
“For all intents and purpose, he might as well be dead,” Zachary said from behind me. “That machine is keeping him alive.”
Using my good hand, I wiped at my face, then I turned to Zachary. “Why are you showing me this? Why are we here?”
“I’m showing you Joshua’s future,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. “A future that could be changed if you tell me where Joshua is.”
“Why can’t you just sense him yourself?” I mumbled, feeling numb as I stared down at Luke. He looked no different to one of the corpses I had seen on Henry’s table. Was this Joshua’s future? No… I wasn’t about to let that happen.
“I’ve tried. He’s not traceable.”
I whipped around at that. “What do you mean?” Michael was the one who sent me to him. “I thought you would be able to sense him too.” Suddenly, that wasn’t important. I couldn’t sense him. I could feel the blood rushing from my head, and I thought I was going to pass out. I dropped to the floor in a crouch, clutching at the side of the bed. “I can’t sense him.”
“I guess that confirms that,” Zachary shrugged. “Looks like Joshua is on track to that future,” he said, pointing at the bed.
“No,” I muttered, pulling myself to my feet. I was wobbly, and still lightheaded, but I was upright. “I’m not letting that happen to Joshua.”
“Well, if we want to finally defeat Lucifer, I suppose that’s not going to happen. You’re right.”
I looked at Zachary, not liking his words. I disliked the smug expression he was sporting even less. “What does that mean?”
“Only that, if we want to defeat him once and for all, we will need to make sure Lucifer is trapped in a human body, and killed in a human body,” he explained.
I stared at him in disbelief. “What?”
“Michael was able to escape to a new vessel, only because he was able to get out of the trap. If we get Lucifer in a light sigil from which he is unable to escape, then he will perish with the vessel. It’s a poetic reversal to what released him.”
“That…” I shook my head. “That’s insane. You’re suggesting that a human must be killed to kill Lucifer. You didn’t even know he wasn’t dead, so how in Heaven would you know how to kill him?” I shook my head again. “And by doing that, you’re asking an angel to willingly fall.”
Zachary shrugged. “Why, when I have a saint who is willing to lose her sainthood?” I gaped at him, mortified at what I was hearing. An angel who was willing to sacrifice a saint? Zachary sighed, rolling his eyes at me. “That kind of sacrifice will not make her lose her sainthood, but even if it does, we have to acknowledge that the death of one will benefit humanity for the rest of time. It is an acceptable loss.”
“You can’t let her do that!” I gasped.
“Why not? She’s lost everything else.”
My mouth fell open. That wasn’t even what I was implying. I didn’t think it was worth one death. There had to be another option – there was another option. We could defeat Lucifer in a mental state.
Something in me broke then. It wasn’t like something snapped, so much as something faded: it was the last remaining shred of faith I had in the angels. “I’m done,” I said, simply.
“You’re done?” Zachary repeated in confusion.
I nodded. “I’m done,” I said again. “We’re done. I thought the best thing for me to do was ride it out in the House until Michael felt he was strong enough to return, but I can’t. I just cannot follow someone who believes that. I’m done.”
A grin started to creep over Zachary’s face. “You’ve left.”
It wasn’t until he said it that I realized he was right. I could no longer feel my connection with Zachary. I was expecting a panic to take over me then. I had told Cupid I would stay at the House to protect it and the angels, but I couldn’t do that anymore. I wasn’t sure where that left Darell’s men. I hoped they would stay there a while longer.
“You won’t be able to return to my House,” Zachary pointed out. He was beaming at this point.
“I don’t want to,” I sighed.
With that, I turned wearily on my heel, and walked out of Luke’s room.
Now what…?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Rogue Angel
The hospital Luke was in was East Jefferson. Although it was still very early in the morning, it was a busy hospital, and there was a constant stream of people and traffic. I didn’t really pay much attention to where I was going. I no longer had a destination. I had never made it to archangel status, and therefore didn’t have the ability to nip anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye. I had been brought here by an angel and there inconveniently wasn’t an SUV to hand. Then again, I had just left the convent, so there would never be an SUV to hand.
I ended up at a Wendy’s. I wasn’t hungry, but I ordered a meal on autopilot, taking a seat in the window. What had I just done? I had nothing other than my weapons – my swords, at least – the clothes I was wearing, and one of the convent credit cards. I had abandoned the angels and left them alone to be ruled by Zachary, and most likely, Savannah.
More important than any of that, what was going to happen to Joshua now? Heaven would surely know Lucifer was possessing him by now. Had I done the opposite of protecting him? Would Heaven really see the sacrifice of one to be worth the lives of humanity?
If I was being completely honest with myself, the answer to that would be yes. If it was anyone other than Joshua, I would probably be agreeing with them. But it was Joshua. I refused to believe that I was made his guardian angel for him to die like that.
At that moment, despair flooded me. That. That was what I was supposed to be protecting him from. I had failed. I had let Joshua down in a way so catastrophic, there was a good chance it could end his life. My head sank into my hands, but no tears would fall. I felt empty and numb. It was like when Michael had died – I’d handed Joshua a death sentence.
And now what?
/> I discarded the meal I’d bought, leaving it untouched, and left the fast food chain. Outside, it was raining. I didn’t pay any attention to it. For the first time in a long time, my head felt clear of thoughts. Everything had been replaced with fog.
At some point I realized I had made it to the underpass of the I-10. The traffic on the interstate above was now at the rush hour peak. I stopped underneath, sitting down abruptly against one of the support columns and stared down at my lap, watching the water drip from my hair and pool in front of me.
“You look like you need this more than me.” I looked up as a cup of steaming coffee was thrust in front of me.
“I can’t take your coffee,” I told the homeless man.
The man sat down beside me, wincing as his knees cracked at the effort, and offered the cup again. “Call it a gesture of friendship,” he said.
“You don’t want to be my friend,” I muttered. “I’m too dangerous for that.”
“No one with an accent like that and a face as pretty as yours could be that dangerous. You have to trust me on this because I’ve seen a lot of dangerous faces.”
Seeing as the cup was going nowhere, I took it from him. “Where?”
“Vietnam. There was a lot of unspeakable evil out there,” he said, his eyes glazing over.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
The man seemed to settle back in this time period as he looked to me, shaking his head. “There’s a lot of unspeakable evil out here still,” he told me. “But what a lot of people seem to forget is that for every evil act, there are a hundred people performing acts of kindness and love. Life isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about performing miracles or being perfect all the time. It’s built up by moments. A kind word here, a simple gesture there. They’re the things that people don’t speak of, but they’re the important things that help one another get through each day.”
I twisted my body to look at him, half convinced he was an angel. I wasn’t sure who exactly would be sending me an angel, irony aside, but his speech almost sounded like something Michael would say. I almost asked him that, but he wasn’t fitting the stereotype of an angel I was used to. His aura certainly didn’t match with any celestial being.