by A. O'Connor
“If you love Mick, Kitty, you’re playing a risky game. You could lose him altogether.”
“I never had him altogether in the first place,” Kitty said, and her thoughts drifted to Helen. “But I do know Mick doesn’t want what he can get easily – he wants what he thinks he can’t have.”
As Kitty turned and continued to stroll down the country road, Maud stared after her, shaking her head in disbelief.
CHAPTER 33
The days and weeks of September sped by as Michael prepared to go to London. At the meetings of the Irish cabinet with De Valera, he felt overwhelmed. He had spent his life for so long in the shadows that he felt terrified at the thought of being in the full glare of everyone from the press to the government ministers to Lloyd George. Even with the truce, Michael steadfastly kept a low profile in Dublin, but he would be completely exposed in London. He tried to get De Valera to change his mind but there was no moving him. In the same way there was no moving him to change his mind about sending Harry back to America.
With everything going on, Michael had no time to visit Kitty or to think about what to do regarding her. But he had concluded that time wouldn’t permit anything dramatic to happen between Harry and Kitty, his rival would be soon across the ocean again and things would have a chance to return to the way they were.
Michael saw Harry regularly at meetings but with the heated and frenzied political climate their communications did not have an opportunity to stretch to Kitty.
The date for Harry’s departure by liner from Queenstown in County Cork was fixed for the first of October and there was a huge going-away party organised for him on the twenty-ninth of September in the Gresham Hotel.
“Let’s keep to the terms of our own treaty tonight, Harry,” said Michael as the two of them walked in the front door of the hotel and saw all their old friends and comrades there.
“What’s that, Mick?”
Michael slapped his hand on Harry’s back. “Let’s not discuss politics tonight!”
“Agreed!”
It was a wild night.
“Just like old times!” shouted Harry across the dance floor to Michael as they swung around with their dance partners to the lively Irish accordion music.
“Indeed it is!” shouted Michael as he swirled the girl he was dancing with around the floor.
The old times, the times that both Harry and Michael were thinking of, were the early years in Longford when they first met the Kiernans – when they first met Kitty. When they never dreamed how things would develop.
It was after four and, apart from a few people who had passed out from booze, only Harry and Michael were still up as they lay stretched out on sofas, drinking beers.
Harry was wondering if he should go to bed at all as he planned to leave for Cork by train early the next morning, in order to give himself plenty of time in case of mishaps.
“I’m just thinking of last Christmas Eve,” said Michael. “When I was nearly arrested here while I ate my dinner. I don’t know how I got away with claiming to be an accountant!”
“And this time next week you will be meeting Prime Minister Lloyd George while I’ll be in Washington,” said Harry.
“I wish you weren’t going,” sighed Michael.
“So, do I! But that’s what is to be. By Dev’s dictate.”
There was an elephant in the room and neither of them wanted to address it but finally Michael raised the courage and said, “How did Kitty take it? Your heading back to the States?”
Harry looked over at Michael and bit his lower lip. “She wasn’t happy at first.”
“It will be hard for you – leaving her again.”
Harry looked at Michael and realised he thought that, with him returning to the States, he would now have a clear run with Kitty.
“She’s coming over to me, Mick,” he suddenly announced, sitting up.
“What?”
“I went down to see her and proposed marriage – and she accepted.”
Michael sat up and silently stared at him.
“I’m sorry, Mick. I know it must come as a bit of a shock for you.”
“Well, I’m disappointed for myself – but I’m happy for you, Harry, truly happy for you and Kitty.” He reached his glass out to Harry.
Harry reached forward and clinked his glass against Michael’s.
“No hard feelings?” asked Harry.
“No – I guess the best man won,” said Michael and he managed to smile.
By the time Michael finally made his way up to his room in the Gresham it was five in the morning. He lay on the bed as he thought of Harry and Kitty’s engagement. As the hours ticked by, he felt a loss. The loss of a life that he would now never know with Kitty – a life that had been held so tantalisingly close to him. And he felt he was losing much more than that … not just Kitty, but Harry as well leaving for America. He felt the friendship was ending and all the good times they’d had with Kitty and Helen and Gearóid and Chrys – that the gang would now be pulled in so many different directions and life would never be the same again.
He suddenly jumped up, put on his coat, ran out of the hotel and grabbed a taxicab.
“Kingsbridge Station!” he shouted at the taxi driver.
Michael arrived at the station and waited at the entrance to the platform. It was seven thirty in the morning and he saw Harry arrive, walking quickly through the station carrying his suitcase.
“What are you doing here?” asked Harry, shocked to see him again.
“Sure, I couldn’t let you go back to America without waving you off,” said Michael.
“Thanks, Mick,” said Harry, feeling moved, as they walked down the platform. The train was due to go to Cork, where Harry would get the liner.
“I suddenly had a thought that things will never be the same again,” said Michael as they reached Harry’s carriage.
“Things are never the same, Mick – every day brings a new change. Our mistake is when we think we can ever keep things the same.” He climbed into the carriage and put his head out the window.
“And don’t worry about anything here,” said Michael. “As I said, I’m truly happy about you and Kitty.”
“You’re not too heartbroken?”
“I’ll live!” called Michael as the train began to pull away from the station.
Harry waved out the window until the train gathered speed and Michael became a small speck on the platform. He then sat down, feeling scared at the lies he had told. But he had to tell them, he had to scare Michael away from Kitty. This was the only way he knew how.
CHAPTER 34
Kitty sat in the parlour looking through her post for that morning. She opened a letter and, not recognising the handwriting, turned the page to see who the writer was. It was Harry’s mother. She had never met the woman or his family and was curious as to why she was writing to her. Her eyes widened as she continued to read the letter. To her shock, Harry’s mother was under the impression that she had become engaged to her son! As Kitty read on her mouth dropped open as Harry’s mother wished them all the luck in the world for their forthcoming wedded life together and said she was so looking forward to having her as a daughter-in-law.
Having finished reading the letter, Kitty crumpled the paper up in her fist.
Maud walked into the room. She had just returned from Dublin where she had been visiting Gearóid.
“I swear that train service is getting slower,” she declared. “We had a delay for an hour on the line. I mean, they had excuses for the delays when the war was raging – what’s their excuse now?” She stopped and stared at her sister. “Is everything alright, Kitty?”
“Did you see Mick in Dublin?”
“No. He’s very busy arranging to go to London next week for the treaty negotiations,” said Maud.
“Next week! But he might be gone for months … I need to see him urgently,” said Kitty, standing and beginning to pace up and down frantically. “Can you get Gearóid to arra
nge for Mick to see me – it’s urgent!”
“I’ll try – but he’s the busiest man in Ireland right now.”
“He’s always the busiest man in Ireland! Tell Gearóid to tell him it’s a matter of life or death if he has to!”
The arrangements for the delegates going to London were being carried out at a frantic pace. The delegates were going to stay at Hans Place, but Michael insisted he wanted his own building for himself and his team and it was arranged for him and his people to stay at 15 Cadogan Place in Chelsea. The building was rented by the Irish government.
“I could be over there months with these fucking negotiations!” he declared to Gearóid who had just arrived. “I want my own place and to be with my own people, not having to watch my p’s and q’s all the time with the likes of Griffith and Childers!”
Gearóid laughed. “Don’t blame you!”
“I don’t want them carrying stories back to Dev and the others about me either,” Michael confided. “I want to be able to have a bit of peace with people I can trust.”
“Of course you do,” agreed Gearóid. “But, listen, Mick, I have a message from Kitty for you – through Maud.”
“Right – what is it?”
“She wants you to meet her.”
“Meet her! But I’m going to London the day after tomorrow with the delegation!”
“Kitty says it’s urgent. In fact, she called it ‘a matter of life or death’.”
“What? What’s happened? What’s it about?”
“Something about Harry. That’s all Maud would say.”
Michael stared, alarmed.
“Very well,” he said at last. “I’ll not be heading over with the delegates on Saturday – I’ll need another couple of days in Ireland.”
“What? But you can’t do that, Mick! The British government is waiting!” Gearóid was shocked.
“The negotiations aren’t starting until Tuesday – I’ll travel over on the Monday.”
“That’s leaving everything to the very last minute!” Gearóid pointed out.
“It will have to fucking do! I have to meet Kitty.”
Kitty could barely contain her nerves as she waited to hear back from Dublin. It was just her and Maud having breakfast that morning.
“Are you sure Gearóid delivered my message?” Kitty asked.
“For goodness’ sake, Kitty!” said an exasperated Maud. “How many times do I have to say – yes! He did. Yesterday.”
Molly came in and flung the morning’s newspaper on the table.
Kitty picked it up and looked at the front page which was dominated by how the Irish delegation would be travelling to London the next morning.
“If you ask me – it’s a waste of time!” declared Molly. “The British government will make mincemeat of our lads! Sure, how could our lads talk to the likes of Lloyd George and Churchill! They don’t stand a chance! Sure, I’ve seen one or two of them sitting around this very table – they wouldn’t inspire much confidence as the saviour of the nation!”
“Thank you, Molly – but we are not asking you!” snapped Maud.
Molly huffed and walked out of the room.
“She’s getting worse!” declared Maud.
As Kitty studied the newspaper article, which was all about how Michael would be leading the delegation, she said, “What planet am I on? Thinking that Mick would drop all this to come and see me! I’ve lost him for good. I thought if I played it cool and Mick saw Harry chasing me, then he would come chasing me as well. Now I’ve lost him forever.”
Tears trickled down her face as Maud reached over and comforted her.
Molly came sauntering into the room and announced, “Telegram!”
She flung it on the table beside the newspaper and walked out.
Kitty reached out, took the telegram and opened it.
“It’s from Mick,” she whispered. “He wants to see me.”
CHAPTER 35
As time was so short and there was so much for Mick to still do before his departure for London, he could not travel to Longford. And as there was a frenzy of excitement with the newspapers trying to locate Michael before his departure to London, they decided to avoid Dublin. They hastily telegrammed each other, arranging to meet at the Grand Hotel in Greystones.
As Kitty travelled on the train, she remembered the last time she was there. It was just after the raid by the Black and Tans and the whole family had taken refuge there. Now she was travelling back nearly a year later, to try and save her life from imploding.
She booked into the hotel, changed into one of her most flattering dresses and waited for him in the hotel reception.
As the hours ticked by she became overcome with worry that he would not show.
“More tea, miss?” asked the waiter as he went to fill her cup and found the pot empty.
“No, I’m fine,” she said, her voice nearly a whisper.
Suddenly the hotel front door swung open and Michael stormed in and looked around. Kitty rose to her feet. He looked at her and, hurrying to her, enveloped her in a hug.
That evening they walked along the beach. There was a chill in the air, and she wrapped her fur-lined coat close around her.
“I didn’t think you’d come. I thought you’d have to be in London tomorrow,” she said.
“I managed to wrangle another couple of days,” said Michael. “What’s this all about, Kitty? Why did you need to see me so urgently? What’s this ‘matter of life or death’?”
She stopped walking abruptly and turned to him. “I’m not engaged to Harry!” she said.
“What?”
“Did he tell you I was?”
“Yes! He told me the last night in Dublin that you were engaged,” Michael stated as he stood, hands on hips, in front of her.
“Harry seems to have told everybody that we are engaged – but we aren’t! I swear to you it’s not true. It’s wishful thinking on his part.”
“Did he propose to you?”
“Yes, he did – but I didn’t say yes.”
“But you didn’t tell him no either? Am I right?”
“I told him I needed to think about it,” said Kitty.
“But what is there to think about?” demanded Michael, his temper rising. “You either want to marry him or you don’t! We have an expression at home – piss or get off the pot!”
“But don’t you see – can’t you understand – I’ve been waiting for you! I’ve been waiting for you to say something – to tell me you love me – to tell me you want to marry me – to tell me something – anything!”
“Me? But, sure, since Harry came back, I’ve been made feel not welcome – that I was intruding on the two of you.”
“Not by me! By Harry – maybe,” said Kitty.
“He’s my best friend and I didn’t want to upset him if I thought there was no future between us two,” Michael said.
“And if you did think there was a future – what then?” she demanded.
He stared at her and then blurted out. “Then – then I’d walk through fire for us to be together.”
She blinked a few times and then went to him and held him. “Oh, Mick – that’s all I needed to know. That you cared – I don’t want anyone or anything else but you. Don’t you know, I’m madly in love with you.”
He held her tightly and kissed her.
That night, Kitty lay in Michael’s arms on the couch beside the roaring fire in her room.
“I wish you had been a little more honest with me along the way – it might have saved us all time and heartache,” said Michael.
“Well, how many hints did you need? When I broke off with Lionel and went running after you – wasn’t that reason enough to think I might be in love with you?”
“All you ever did was mock me,” said Michael with a laugh. “How was I supposed to know you cared?”
“You gave as good as you got, you big eejit! Besides – you were always so big-headed and full of yourself, I was too fright
ened to show how I felt in case it went to your head and you had no time for me anymore.”
“You’ve been playing a lot of games,” he said.
“And then I realised I nearly lost you for good.”
“I’m so scared going to London. Having you here, waiting for me, will make me feel as if I’ll be able to do my job there.”
“I’ll be here waiting for you, Mick – nothing will ever get in my way again.” She sat up, her face growing anxious. “But what about Harry?”
“He’ll be alright – he’ll have all the women in America to choose from.” Michael tried to make a joke of it.
“He did say that no matter who I chose it would never affect his friendship with either you or me,” she said, her voice filled with hope that this might be true.
“Well, if Harry said it, he meant it,” said Michael and then his eyes got a faraway look as he stared into the fire. “I wonder can you ever really be happy if your happiness is the cause of another person’s misery?”
The next day Kitty sat brushing her hair at her dressing table in the hotel. She bit her lower lip as she thought of the previous night and how she had finally secured her relationship with Michael. She felt elated but terrified. Terrified that after coming so far she could lose him. She checked her appearance in the mirror and then left the room.
Downstairs, Michael was waiting for her in the restaurant for lunch, studying the menu, a bottle of red wine open before him.
“You look lovely,” he said as she sat down.
A waiter approached. “Are you ready to order, sir?”
“Well, I’ll be having the beef, but the lady needs some time to look over the menu.” Michael looked at Kitty.
“The beef is fine for me as well,” she said, smiling at him.
The waiter poured them each a glass of red wine before leaving.