by Kit Morgan
“Warren Johnson,” Bernice blurted before Mrs. Riley could.
“Warren … oh, the apple boy.”
Bernice’s head cocked slightly. “Apple boy?”
“That’s what my brothers and I used to call him. He’s all into his farm and not much else. Hardly even comes to town, from what we hear. Aunt Betsy said he ain’t been in the mercantile for weeks.” He smiled at Bernice. “Her guess was because he got hisself a wife, but … wait a minute, you ain’t married yet?”
Bernice shook her head. “No, not yet.”
Arlan scratched his head. “How long ya been here?”
Bernice almost groaned. “Almost a month.”
“And ya still ain’t married?” He looked between the women in confusion. “Did ya change your mind about him?”
“No, I … well …” She sighed. “It’s complex.”
Behind her, Summer stifled a snort.
“Well, I’ll take your word for it, Miss Caulder. Now Samijo and I had best be goin’. Good seeing ya again, Mrs. Riley, Summer, Elle.” He tipped his hat, took his wife’s hand and strode off down the street.
Bernice watched them go and wondered how many more people she was going to have to give the same explanation to. With her luck, it’d be the whole town. She sighed again, then followed the other women across the street to the mercantile.
Where it got worse. When she entered, the three men standing at the counter froze and gawked at her. It was all the more impressive because one of them had Matthew Quinn by the shirt collar, looking as if he was about to yank him right over the counter! “Is that who I think it is?” he asked.
“Looks like it,” another said.
Bernice’s brain managed to register that those two must be The Twins. She swallowed hard.
“Hey, Ma!” another yelled. “It’s a girl!”
A petite woman rushed out from the back of the mercantile, Mrs. Quinn on her heels. “What’s all the fuss about … oh!” she said as she caught sight of Bernice. “So it is.”
Bernice just barely resisted the urge to flee.
“You’ve been holdin’ out on me, Betsy,” the woman said. “I didn’t know there was a young woman in town.” She spun on Mrs. Quinn behind her. “Is she spoken for?”
“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Mrs. Quinn said with a roll of her eyes. “She married Warren Johnson!”
Bernice wanted to shrink against the wall. Here we go again …
“I don’t think that’s entirely true, Mother,” Matthew managed as he pried his cousin’s hand from his collar. He cleared his throat and straightened his clothing. “The reverend hasn’t performed any weddings that we know of.”
Bernice sighed in relief. At least she didn’t have to be the one to say it.
One of the twins took a few steps closer. “Then she ain’t spoke for?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Matthew suggested, rolling his own eyes. It seemed to be a family trait. Either that, or a normal reaction to the Weavers.
The man looked Bernice up and down. He was handsome, he and his brother, and for a second she almost wished she wasn’t spoken for. But then Warren’s face came to mind, and the longing she’d experienced over the last three weeks of separation hit like a thrown brick. When was she going to get to see him?
“Yer purty,” he said, taking a few steps closer.
Mrs. Riley blocked his path. “Good heavens, mind your manners! Now are you Calvin or Benjamin?”
“Calvin, ma’am. How ya been, Mrs. Riley?”
“Very well, thank you.” She turned to Bernice. “This is Warren Johnson’s betrothed, Bernice Caulder.”
“Howdy do, ma’am?” he said with a tip of his hat.
Bernice forced herself to relax. For a moment there, she’d half-expected him to toss her over his shoulder and charge out the door. His manners – once applied – surprised her.
The other twin came forward and stood next to his brother. “And I’m Benjamin,” he said, also tipping his hat in greeting. “So yer gonna marry Apple Boy?”
Their mother marched over and smacked them both on the chest. “Will you stop referring to Warren Johnson as ‘Apple Boy’? For Heaven’s sake, you’re all grown men!”
“Sorry, Ma,” Calvin said. “But we ain’t seen Warren in years – not since ‘fore he went to get his fancy schoolin’.”
“I’m sure that by now he’s just as grown up as you are. Maybe more so.”
“He’s still younger’n us,” Benjamin pointed out.
“Maybe, but I bet he doesn’t act like you just did!” she barked back. “Now behave yourselves while Betsy and I take care of business.”
Another man came forward, just as handsome but obviously a few years younger. “How come you and Warren ain’t married yet? Did ya just get here?”
Bernice opened her mouth to speak, but Mrs. Riley beat her to it. “She’s been here a month, if you must know.”
Oh no, don’t tell them that! Bernice thought. She looked at the three, who were now all leaning in her direction, and took a step back for safety’s sake.
“A whole month!” Calvin exclaimed. Or was it Benjamin? She couldn’t really tell either, especially as they were dressed alike. “And ya still ain’t married?”
“Must be somethin’ wrong with Warren,” the other commented.
“Hush now, the lot of ya!” Ma Weaver scolded. “And mind your own business!” She turned to Mrs. Riley. “So why aren’t they?”
Bernice blanched and gave Mrs. Riley a tiny shake of her head.
“Well, I’ll be!” the youngest piped up. “There really is somethin’ wrong with Apple Boy!”
“Will you stop calling him that!” his mother yelled. She again looked at Mrs. Riley. “Good heavens, is there?”
“They’re just taking time, nothing more,” she said diplomatically.
The three men looked at her, their faces screwed up as if deciding whether or not to buy her explanation, or lack thereof.
Finally the youngest went straight to Bernice. “My brothers are fixin’ to get married. I know they don’t look like much, but they’re both fine men. Either one’d be willin’ to die trying to protect ya from harm. And they’re both good hunters – ya’d never hafta worry about not havin’ enough to eat. And whichever one ya pick will make sure ya stay nice and warm at night. I hope you’ll consider one of em’ to marry in case Apple Boy don’t come through for ya.”
She stared at him in shock. Everyone did, including his brothers.
“That was a mighty kind thing to say to the gal, Daniel,” their mother told him. “I’m right proud of ya.”
“Just sayin’ what needed to be said, Ma. She looks scared.”
Bernice straightened. “I’m not scared,” she said nervously.
Benjamin and Calvin both leaned forward again at the sound of her voice. “Ya ain’t?” Calvin asked. “Ya ain’t scared to marry App … er, Warren?”
“Of course not, why should I be?” she asked.
“Then why ain’t ya married?” Benjamin asked.
“Oh good grief!” Bernice snapped. All the despair, the frustration of the last several weeks broke through like a bursting dam. “Because we both got sprayed by a family of skunks, that’s why! It’s darn deadly difficult to court when you stink to high heaven! This is the first chance I’ve had in weeks to even come to town without making people ill!”
The men, as one, gaped. Even Matthew Quinn’s jaw almost hit the counter.
“Satisfied?” Bernice growled.
After several seconds of silence … “well, that would explain it,” Benjamin (or Calvin) mumbled.
“Good.” She spun on her heel, headed for the door and flung it open –hitting Warren Johnson with it!
Sixteen
Warren grunted at the impact, stepped back, then stared at the three hulking forms behind Bernice, all standing there in shock like cigar-store Indians. His eyes widened in recognition. The Weaver clan! What were they
doing in town? More specifically, what had they been doing with Bernice? His temper flared at the thought, and he quickly stepped past her.
“Well, lookie here!” Calvin chortled. “If it ain’t Apple BoOOF!”
“Howdy, Warren,” Benjamin said as he removed his fist from his brother’s gut. “How ya been?”
Warren took a step back, practically shoving Bernice behind him. “Fine. And you?” He caught a glimpse of Matthew behind the counter, looking as if he couldn’t decide to come to his aid or not. He settled for pushing his glasses up his nose and watching.
“We was just talkin’ ‘bout ya,” Benjamin continued with a grin. “How’s your grandpa feelin’ these days? Good, I hope.”
Warren stared at him in disbelief. Other than the blow he’d delivered his brother – which he didn’t much mind; he’d always hated being called “Apple Boy” – Benjamin was being downright polite. “He’s doing quite well, thank you.”
“Glad to hear it!” Mrs. Weaver said. “My, but you’ve grown up big and strong.”
Warren smiled. “Thank you, ma’am.”
“And I hear congratulations are in order?”
Warren felt his face flush. “Yes, ma’am.”
“We also heard why ya ain’t hitched yet!” Calvin laughed, then made a show of sniffing the air. “Well, ya smell fine to me now!”
Benjamin and Daniel caught the look from their mother, and stifled their laughter.
Matthew and Warren shook their heads at the same time. “I’m sure my cousins can remember what it’s like to have a run-in with a skunk.” Matthew said. “Isn’t that right, boys?”
“Ya got that right, cousin!” Calvin said, nodding ruefully. “Daniel done got it good one year!”
Daniel smacked him upside the head. “’Cause ya threw it at me!”
“Mind your manners, you pack of ruffians!” their mother barked. “There are ladies present!”
The men looked at Mrs. Riley, Summer and Elle – Mrs. Quinn had disappeared, possibly to take cover. “We’re sorry, ladies,” Benjamin apologized. “It just … struck us as funny!”
“I hardly see where getting sprayed by a skunk is funny,” Mrs. Riley commented.
“Well … it kinda is,” Calvin replied, suppressing a smile. “I mean, when ya ain’t the one that got sprayed!” He gave Daniel a wink.
Daniel ignored him and gave his attention to the women. “My brothers and I are sorry for the way we just acted. It’s just that … well, we have trouble helpin’ ourselves sometimes. We ain’t used to being around other folks, ya see.”
“No need to apologize, young man,” Mrs. Riley told him. “I’m glad that you’re here, and I’m sure I speak for the rest of the family.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t,” Summer muttered to Elle, who bit her lip to keep from laughing.
“Maybe if they came to town more often,” Mrs. Weaver said, “I wouldn’t have to take a switch to them as much.”
“Ma!” the twins said at once.
“Well, what do you expect when you come in here acting like a pack of wild hogs?”
“Ma, we ain’t actin’ so bad,” Daniel pointed out.
Behind him, Matthew Quinn grumbled otherwise and readjusted his collar.
“But we just got excited when we saw that pretty little gal hidin’ behind Warren over there ... uh …”
Warren realized Daniel was looking confused, and turned. No one was there!
“Where’d she go?” Calvin asked.
“Tarnation, Warren!” Benjamin laughed. “Can’tcha keep a hold of yer bride?”
But Warren was already headed out the door “Bernice?” he yelled
“Merciful heavens,” Mrs. Riley said, eyes wide. “Where could she have gone?”
“I’ll go look,” Summer said, heading for the door. Warren had already left, presumably to do the same.
“Heck, if the gal’s gone missin’, why don’t we all look?” Calvin suggested with a laugh and moved toward the door himself.
But Benjamin barred his way with an arm like an oak branch. “Ya know, maybe we’ve caused enough trouble.”
“There’s no maybe about it!” Mrs. Riley admonished. “The poor girl probably just stepped outside to get away from all your gawking and questioning!”
The men stilled and looked at her. “All right,” Calvin said, seemingly chastened. “We got business to see to anyway. Ain’t that right, cousin?” he added, turning to the counter
Matthew gave them a stiff smile. “Yes. If you can keep your hands to yourself.”
“Cousin Matty’s gonna help us write letters to our mail-order brides,” Benjamin said with a smile. “We ain’t real good at purty words ourselves. But Matty sure is!”
Matthew sighed behind the counter in a way that said he acknowledged the truth of the statement, but was not necessarily looking forward to the task.
“Sounds like you gentlemen have a full day,” Mrs. Riley said. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d best go see where Bernice has got to. Provided Warren or Summer haven’t found her first.” She looked at Elle. “Do you mind waiting for us here, dear?”
Elle had already found a comfortable chair to sit in and take the load of her growing baby off her aching feet. “You go right ahead. Hopefully she’s just on the porch.”
Mrs. Riley nodded, then gave a sharp look at the Weaver boys. “No shenanigans while I’m gone, or I’ll be finding your ma a good switch to use.” And off she went.
* * *
Warren was standing in the street, hands on his hips, when Summer caught up with him. “Any sign of her?”
He sighed, tipped his hat back and shook his head. “Not a one.”
Now Summer was worried. “But … where could she have gotten to?” She looked up and down the street. “She’s only been to Nowhere once, the day she arrived. Where would she go?”
Warren thought about that. “Tell you what. If you feel you’re up to it, you walk down that way, toward Doc Brown’s, and I’ll go this way.” He pointed in the opposite direction. “If one of us finds her, we’ll bring her here. If not, we’ll meet back here regardless. She can’t have gotten far, unless …” He gulped. Anything that would fit after the word unless didn’t bear thinking about.
“Sounds like a good idea,” Mrs. Riley replied, having just caught up with the pair. She and Summer headed off toward the doctor’s house.
Warren glanced one last time at his surroundings, still seeing no sign of his betrothed, then took off down the street the other way.
* * *
Benjamin and Calvin looked at each other with huge grins on their faces. “Think he needs any help?” Calvin asked with an exaggerated wink.
“Don’t,” Matthew snapped from behind the counter. “If he wanted your help, he would’ve asked you.”
“Just ‘cause a man don’t want help, don’t mean he don’t need it,” Benjamin argued.
“We have business to attend to, remember?” Matthew reminded him.
“Sure we do, but we ain’t leavin’ for a few days.”
“And poor Warren looked like he was ‘bout to bust a gut over his little bride up and leavin’ like that,” Daniel offered.
“You said you wanted help with your letters …”
“Let the letters wait!” Calvin said. “This looks like more fun!”
“Boys!” Ma Weaver warned. Then an empty chair caught her eye. “Wait – where did that other gal go?”
Benjamin turned around. Sure enough, the chair Elle had been using was now vacated. “Another one’s gone missin’?” He spun a full circle. “And where’s Aunt Betsy?”
“It’s an epidemic of disappearin’!” Calvin announced, wide-eyed. “Tarnation, if that don’t beat all!”
Daniel glanced around, then looked at Matthew, who could only shrug. “Ma, what’s goin’ on? Why are the women disappearin’?”
“They aren’t disappearing, child – at least not the way you think. They probably just … have other things to do.”<
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“But where?” Benjamin asked as he kept turning in circles. “Aunt Betsy?” he called.
Matthew came out from behind the counter. “I’m sure there’s an explanation, Aunt Mary. Mother probably took Elle to the back for a cup of tea. I’ll go fetch them for you.”
“Thank you, Matthew,” she said. “I’d appreciate it. And soon the others will bring that young lady back, you’ll see,” she told her sons.
Matthew headed to the back of the building, but returned within moments, a puzzled look on his face. “I don’t understand it. There’s no one there. Where could they have gone?”
“Maybe some skunk snuck in and stole ‘em!” Daniel said dramatically.
“Daniel, that may be the dumbest thing ya ever said!” Calvin replied.
“Calvin!” Ma Weaver scolded.
“Want to or not want to, Ma, we should prob’ly go look,” Benjamin said. “Ya gotta admit this is kinda strange.”
“Oh for Heaven’s sake! You and Calvin go ahead, but as soon as you find Warren’s gal or Spencer’s wife or your Aunt Betsy, you come back right away. If I find out you’ve gotten yourself in trouble, you won’t have to worry about me – I’ll let Arlan take care of the disciplining!”
Most of the time, that would’ve been warning enough to sober the twins. Not this time. “Yee haw!” Calvin cried. “We get to go huntin’!”
“You don’t have to be so excited about it,” Matthew groaned. “Just find out where they went.”
Benjamin slapped Calvin on the back. “You heard the man – let’s go!” They hurried from the mercantile like a pack of hounds on a hunt.
Matthew cringed when Calvin slammed the mercantile door shut on the way out. “Thank the Lord! Now maybe I can get some work done around here. Er, no offense, Aunt Mary.”
“None taken,” she said with a sigh, then turned to Daniel. “And no, dear, you aren’t stupid. You just spoke before thinking.”
“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. “Even a skunk the size of a bear couldn’t carry off three grown women.” He paused, then asked, “Ma? Ya think I could get a mail-order bride too?”
“Well … I don’t see why not. Though I’d feel mighty old, seeing my baby get married.”