The Only Essence (The White Dragon Book 1)

by Mia Hawkins

  “Yes, I can see the questions all over your face. When I bit you, I claimed you as mine. I’m sorry we didn’t talk about it before; it just sort of happened. I was caught up in the moment.” He looks apologetic, but I am still furious.

  “You should have warned me. What if I didn’t want this bond?” I shake my head in disbelief. I don’t feel any different, but if I look closely enough, I can feel the connection I have with him now. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have claimed him, I totally would have—eventually. I would have done it when we knew each other way better and had established a relationship with each other. Now I have two bonds that I didn’t even try to create. I probably should have asked how bonds were completed before I climbed into the shower with him though. But he still could have asked me. In the moment or not, I want to be given a choice.

  “I’m sorry, please know I would never have done it to hurt you. We don’t even have to recognize that we are bonded. Nothing needs to change if you don’t want it to.” I look at him, and I can tell he feels bad, but with everything going on, I just can’t deal with it right now. In a couple of days’ time, I have found out I am not human like I thought I was and that I have four mates. Top that off with the fact that one of them hates me and wants to turn me over to people that will probably try to kill me. My whole supernatural track record is not looking too hot right now. The last thing I want or need is a bond that I’m not ready for.

  “Let’s go train,” I say, deciding avoidance is the best thing I can do right now.

  “Rayven, please…” he starts to say.

  “No, you said yourself that I need to be able to control my power. I can’t learn to fully do that until I find out what my power is exactly. So let’s go out there and get it done. I don’t want to deal with anything that involves bonds or rogues for right now.” I walk to the door and hold it open. I want to just leave him behind, but I can’t, I am feeling things right now that are completely new to me. I feel almost vulnerable, and it makes me uncomfortable that I am now connected to this man that I hardly know.

  “I will leave you behind. The front door is the one thing I can find in this place. I don’t need you to take me there.” I give him a tight-lipped smile. I’m sure he sees right though my tough girl act, knowing I probably wouldn’t leave him behind. That must be good enough for him, because he walks out the door towards the stairs.

  Chapter 24

  Rayven

  Somehow, the others must have gotten the message it was training time, because they all seem to just appear on our way out to the field. Unfortunately, the fairy decided to show up as well. When we get into the arena, we spend hours trying to get my magic to manifest. I try calling on each of the branches of magic, but nothing is working. “Ok, so let’s try working on something with the earth. Xavier, do you want to tell her how you manipulate the earth and how it feels to you? It might help her know how to do it if you tell her what you experience,” Chaice says while standing in front of me. I glance at Xavier, who has not left his spot on the wall since we got here. He looks like he would rather be anywhere else right now.

  He huffs out a breath and stalks over to me. “Alright, let’s get this over with. I doubt you can do much anyway, but let’s give it a try for shits and giggles. There is nothing but sand right here, so you will have to try extra hard. Now close your eyes,” he demands. I shoot one last glare at him before I do as he says. “Take your shoes off too.”

  My eyes pop open as I think, “You couldn’t have told me that before I closed my fuckin’ eyes? Fuckin’ elves.” As I take my shoes off, I hear someone chuckle, and I see all of the guys have a smile on their face. Maybe that wasn’t in my head. Xavier clears his throat in front of me. When I meet his eyes, I can tell that he really hates being called elf. I shrug my shoulders as if to say my bad and throw my shoes to the side of the sand.

  “Ok, shoes off and eyes closed. I am ready for further instructions, sir,” I say with a mock salute. If he is going to be here, I might as well make it a little more fun for the rest of us.

  “I want you to feel the earth,” Xavier whispers next to my ear. I didn’t expect him to be that close. I can feel his chest against my back, and I hate myself for liking having him this close to me. “Start at the tip of your feet. Feel the sand between your toes and the wind blowing across your face.” His voice is soothing to me; it sounds intimate, like he is whispering secrets for only me to hear. “I want you to start imagining grass. Once again, start at your toes, feel it tickle your feet. Feel it move as the wind blows it. Imagine the world as your canvas, and you get to decide what grows and what doesn’t. That is the beauty of being attached to something as amazing as mother nature. She lends you her power when you need it.” He finishes talking, and I can feel the cold air on my back as he walks away. The whole time he was talking, I tried to imagine what he wanted me to, but my mind kept going back to the field in my dreams. It is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.

  I hear a gasp and open my eyes. Looking around at the once sand-covered ground, I am at a loss for words. It is now covered with thick vegetation. There are flowers, grass, and butterflies. It is absolutely amazing, and I am smiling from ear to ear. When I look to Xavier, I find him sitting back down on the wall again. He still has his customary scowl on his face, but through our bond, I can feel pride. Is he impressed I was actually able to connect with nature? Take that, elf!

  “That is amazing, Rayven! Now that you’ve gotten a feel for it, do you think you can recreate it on your own? Without Xavier coaching you?” Chaice asks. I nod at him, then close my eyes. This time I want to go big, I want Xavier to eat his words. I think of a tree, growing up out of the ground. I picture how rough the bark would feel against my skin. I can almost hear the leaves rustling in the breeze.

  I hate that Xavier gets to me so badly, but he gets under my skin. I didn’t know anything about mates or supernaturals a week ago. Now I feel like I have been pushed into the middle of something I want nothing to do with. I am out of control of my own life right now, and it is terrifying. I block out the world and push all of my emotions into my energy. When I open my eyes, there is nothing there. Well, that was an epic failure. I can see the smirk on Xavier’s face. I instinctively curl my fists. I am so beyond ready to bash his face in. In due time, Rayven, just calm down. “Guess not, oh well, let’s just call it a day,” I say as I shrug my shoulders.

  “Wait, let’s try to get you to connect with your shifter side at least one more time. I want to try something different. All shifters have a lot of the same things in common. We all have good hearing and eyesight, but we each thrive in different situations. Dragons are good for larger scale things like scoping out places to stop for the night. We can take to the sky and search for miles around where we are. We also have the ability to partially shift, so if we’re in a dangerous situation, we can make our skin as impenetrable as our scales. On the other side, our disadvantage is that we are so big. If we shift, we can’t hide easily, and if people notice us, it would cause a lot of problems.” Chaice looks to the twins to continue.

  “Of course, we are by far the coolest,” Alex says with a wink. “Like Chaice said, we do have a lot in common, but wolves have way better hearing and smelling. Which is important because as a wolf, you need to keep all of your senses on high alert. Not only because of other sups, but the norms as well. There are a lot of people that would like to tag a huge wolf, and we would be perfect. We might not have thick skin, but we have speed to make up for it. We just have to break down your wall and get you to fully connect with your animal.” Alex comes to stand in front of me.

  “So who can heal? I can do things that none of you have said that you can. Doesn’t that mean you guys are wrong?” I look around at each of them. On one hand, I hope they are wrong about me, but on the other, I know in my heart they are not. There just has to be more to the story than any of us knows. “Well, mages can heal, but it’s through potions and spells. I’ve actually never he
ard of anyone who can heal themselves without, at the very least, a potion, let alone heal someone else the way you did Xavier,” Matthew answers me.

  “What do you mean healed me?” Xavier shouts from his make-believe throne he has been sitting on.

  “If you would have listened to me when I tried talking to you, you would already know. Now, this is not about you, so how about you sit your little fairy butt down? Or better yet, why don’t you just go away? We have a date on Friday, so I would like to actually enjoy my time before then.” I shoot him my best don’t fuck with me glare. He seems to take the hint and closes his mouth, but unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like he plans on going anywhere. I face back towards Matthew and ask, “Ok, how do you think we can break this wall or whatever it is?”

  Matthew rubs his hands through his shaggy hair before replying, “I’m not sure. I really need to try to get back in the pack’s library or at least get ahold of Theo and ask him to look. I have been trying to reach him since last night, but he’s not answering.”

  Alex takes my hands. “Let’s try to connect. I know we are not mated, but hopefully we can do something,” he says, closing his eyes, and Matthew clears his throat. Alex turns towards his brother, who looks sheepish as he begins to speak.

  “I think I should try, since we accidentally bonded this…” Matthew trails off, seeing the look in his brother’s eyes. Alex looks ready to challenge him until he is pushed out of the way by Xavier. His eyes are glowing gold, and if looks could kill, Matthew would never breathe again.

  “MY MATE!” Xavier bellows as his power starts breaking free. I hear snarling and look over at where Matthew once stood, to see a beautiful wolf in his place. I have never seen a wolf up close, but I have a feeling even if I had, it would never compare to Matthew. His brown fur is shaggy like his hair, but it looks so soft I just want to go run my fingers through it. I have to remind myself now is not the time to pet the wolf, I can always do that later.

  I move to stand in front of a growling Matthew. Xavier registers the movement and hisses at me. Did this fucker seriously hiss at me? I am not fully convinced that he won’t try to kill me. Yes, the gold-eyed him might be hardwired to protect me since I am his mate, but he might just hate me enough that his primal side decides to end me. I can’t think about that right now, as the only thing I can think about is that there is some part of me that cannot let these two fight. Even though I want nothing more than to watch Matthew rip Xavier apart, I can’t, my body will not allow it to happen.

  “How about everybody just calm the fuck down,” I say, looking between Xavier and Matthew. They don’t look like they have any intention of listening to me, so I do what any logical person would do in my situation. I poke the bear. Well, in this case, I poke the fae. I walk up to him and start poking him in the chest. “Hey, listen here, Goldie. You have no right to claim me; you have been an ass to me since I met you! If you even want a chance to have a piece of this”—I wave my hand from my feet to my head so he can get a decent look at my goods—“you better get a grip and pull your head out of your ass.” I poke him in the chest one last time to get my point across. He looks me in the eyes, and I’m sure he wants me to be submissive and look away, but it would go against my nature to let him think he is more dominant than I am. Fuck him, I got all night to stare him down. I don’t need to eat or sleep; let the staring contest commence.

  He must see the determination in my eyes, because he huffs one more time, then looks away at the other two standing behind him. He knows he is outnumbered. Even in his primal state, he knows when to not fight. That’s good to know. Just when I think we are in the clear, he rushes forward and grabs me on either side of the face. He brings our lips together, and as soon as he touches me, it is like the world melts away. It is only Xavier and me just like it was when he grabbed my arm that first day. Then I remember the pain that came next, and suddenly everything comes crashing back. My body floods with energy, and he is thrown away from me. He lands in a crouch about ten feet away and looks pissed. His eyes are no longer golden but the moss green I am accustomed to. “Don’t you ever touch me again! Next time, I will not be nice enough to leave you on your feet, and I most definitely will not heal you a second time.”

  I put my back to him because I am done with his drama. He claims he hates me, but he tries to claim me. Then he says he doesn’t care if the council kills me, but he kisses me. He makes no sense, and I am honestly over it. I’ve never thought I would ever fall in love, or even be loved for that matter, but I knew that if I did, I would want it to be a love like the ones that you see in movies. Completely and utterly life consuming love. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I would never feel that way about Xavier. You can’t come back from the things he has said. Therefore, I’m not going to waste my time on him.

  “Ok, teach me to connect with my wolf side.” I look to Matthew who is still in wolf form. I walk up to him and pet him behind the ears. I can’t help it, he just looks so soft. Just like I imagined, his fur feels like satin. It’s a deep brown with white on his chest, and he is stunning. I bend down to his level. “It might help if you change back into your human self, Matthew,” I whisper in his ear, like it is our little secret. His wolf shakes his head and starts rubbing up against me.

  “Lucky fucker,” I hear from behind me. It sounded like Alex, so I shoot a smile in his direction.

  Looking back, I can see Xavier standing off outside our little circle. For a moment, he looks lost, like he wants to walk up and be a part of our group, but the look is gone so quickly I almost question whether I saw it or not. Alex starts to talk, so I give him my attention. “Well, Matthew is officially out of the training for the day. When he shifted, he tore his clothes apart. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like waiting for him to go back to the house and change.” I look back down at Matthew’s wolf, who ducks his head in embarrassment.

  “That stinks. So you have to take off your clothes every time you shift?” I ask Alex. He nods, offering me his hands. I take them and follow him over to the bench.

  “We have been standing for long enough. What we are going to do doesn’t involve much, so let’s take a little break,” Alex suggests. When we sit down, he looks into my eyes and says, “I don’t know if you will ever be able to shift into a dragon or a wolf, but we know you already have some of our abilities. You can hear really well, and you are fast. Although I have never seen a shifter as fast as you, I’m not sure where else you would have gotten it though.” Alex looks lost in thought until I clear my throat. “Anyway, let’s get back on track. So I want to see if you can change your vision. I want you to really focus on opening your eyesight to everything around you. When you tap into your wolf, you can see even the tiniest movements. You can see people start to sweat way before anyone else can. You say you just focus your energy on something and it happens, so why don’t you try to do that? Focus your energy on your eyes,” Alex finishes with a smile.

  Chapter 25

  Rayven

  I try for ten minutes before I am finally able to achieve anything, but when I do, I cannot contain my excitement. I start jumping up and down. “This is amazing! I can see everything!” I can see each blade of grass as if I am looking at it with a magnifying glass. As I think about what I want to look at, my vision gets sharper. “Do you smell that! Someone is cooking something; it smells like a steak.” My mouth starts to water at just the thought of food. I missed breakfast this morning, and I am feeling it now that I think about it. When tapping into my vision, I must have also tapped into my sense of smell. That will come in handy when I leave on Thursday; with the way these men smell, I will be able to sense them from a mile away.

  I try to see inside the tree line, but I can’t make it out from this distance. I force more energy into wanting to see the trees, because I want to see how far I can push myself. One second, I am sitting on the bench with Alex, and the next second, I am standing in the tree line I was just trying to see. I look back over at t
he guys, expecting them to be looking for me, but instead, they are still sitting beside me. What in the world? I look down at myself to make sure I am not dreaming, but my body is covered in a white mist, almost like I am mentally here but not physically. When I try to walk back over to my body, I end up gliding. You have got to be shitting me. Why does all the weird stuff happen to me! I internally groan.

  As I am gliding, I try to go faster. Maybe if I push really hard, a fan will kick on and blow my ass all the way over to them. I didn’t realize how far the field was from the forest until I was actually standing in the trees. Suddenly, everything starts to blur, and I am standing in front of myself. That was kind of cool. I must have phased in this cloud form. That just saved me so much time. I would give myself a pat on the back if my arm wouldn’t go through it. Now that I am in front of myself, I can see that I am surrounded by a blue and green mist, and my eyes are completely white. I notice the guys aren’t close to me anymore because there is a glowing white field keeping them away from me.

  “What is happening to her?” I hear Chaice ask.

  “I have no idea. I have never read anything about this before. She seems alright, I think,” Matthew, who is now nakedly pacing around the barrier, says. They must not be able to see me. That is convenient. I must say, I think I should try to get him to lose his clothes more often. I am liking the view, and I love that they don’t even know I’m staring. I laugh at myself; I always find the silver lining in every situation.

  “Why is she glowing white? No one’s magical signature is white.” Xavier actually sounds worried. I try to tap into my connection with the guys. I find Xavier’s first, and as soon as I feel it, his head jerks towards where I am standing. I know he can’t see me, because his face isn’t in a scowl. He swings his head from side to side, trying to make sense of what he just felt. I find Matthew’s next, and he does the same.