I knit my brows together. I hadn’t thought ahead far enough. But the last thing I wanted to do was burn down the Lake Rosu woods.
“I don’t know. Can you tell me?”
Marica shook her head ever so slightly. “No. But I can show you.” She took a deep breath then grew very still. I felt a swell of energy come from her and then incredibly, water welled up from the ground around the flames.
The water trickled to the base of the fire, and immediately it began to shrink. Within a few moments there was nothing left but smoldering grass.
Marica turned to me. “I applaud your initiative in trying something new, but it’s wise to look ahead. You must be able to predict the outcome of every magikal action.”
“I guess it’s like driving a car without knowing how to use the brakes,” I ventured.
Marica smiled grimly. “And the results can have a similar consequence.”
I nodded slowly. “So what are we doing today? What am I going to learn?”
“We’re not going to work here today. As you’ve so kindly demonstrated, the most logical element to conquer after fire is water. We need to work by the lake today.”
“Why the lake? You just brought water out of the ground, right here.”
Marica shook her head. “Yes, I did. But that’s significantly more difficult to do, and you need to be able to control it before you can conquer it. I called forth that water from deep below the ground. That will take some time.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “But before we go to the lake, can I show you something?”
Marica lifted an inquiring brow.
“It’s over here. See the burned circle? That wasn’t me, not this time or last. Were you here without me?”
Marica shook her head. “No. I haven’t been here since Monday, with you.” She swept her gaze around the clearing as though measuring something. “It was a group. The witches of King.”
I was more intrigued than surprised. I remembered the day Michael had told me the long history of the supernatural in King, the stories of the carnie families who had settled here years ago. He had mentioned something about the witches still meeting even now, about circles being found in the woods…
“Do you know them?” I asked Marica.
She shook her head. “I know their work. I know they are active here. But their goals are not my goals, and we don’t practice together.” She turned toward the woods, indicating that this conversation was ended. I followed her thoughtfully.
Marica didn’t slow down when the path opened into the parking lot. She headed straight for the lakeshore, and after only a small hesitation, I followed her.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I questioned. “Aren’t there—you know, dangerous things in the lake?”
Marica wasn’t paying much attention to me. Her eyes were fastened on the surface of the lake. She answered me absently.
“Nothing’s going to eat you, Tasmyn. At least not today.” She pressed her lips together in a firm line, and her eyes narrowed slightly. “Watch the lake,” she said softly.
I followed her gaze, but all I noticed were the small waves fanned by the slight breeze. And then there was a difference. The waves weren’t the same. There was a churning, and I wondered what kind of fish was causing it.
The column of water rose suddenly and inexplicably. My mouth dropped open as I gasped.
Marica was still concentrating deeply, but now a small smile played about her lips. “Do you like dancing fountains, Tasmyn?” Before I could answer, the column in the center of the lake began to move. It bent and formed a rainbow shaped arc. All around it, small shoots of water appeared and began dancing in a circle.
“That is… incredible,” I breathed. “How? Will you show me?”
“Water is more temperamental than fire. Water must be coaxed. Focus on the lake. Imagine the water, see yourself as one with it. Don’t use energy, not yet. Unlike fire, which yearns to join with you and come into existence, water must be… seduced. Dance with it for a time, and then see what you can do.”
I was more than a little puzzled, but with a shrug, I found a point of focus about halfway across Lake Rosu. I thought about the water, chilly and dark. I pushed the thoughts of alligators and water moccasins from my mind and tried to imagine the waves dancing. I conjured my memories of swimming, the air bubbles swirling around me, the odd joy of looking up at the sky through the surface of the water.
And slowly, slowly, I felt the connection. The water was part of me, and with just a slight nudge—
A spout of water flew up at my focus point, and I caught my breath. It was beautiful, a feathery shoot. I could still feel the connection, and it made my heart swell with an almost foreign gladness.
“It’s so light,” I murmured. “So different from the fire.”
“Very,” agreed Marica. “Can you move it? Shift it from its place?”
I concentrated, almost shyly asking the water to move, tracking my eyes across the lake. Merrily the spout leaped to the right, and then to left, and to my surprise, a second flume joined it. They entwined and moved sensuously back and forth.
“Beautiful,” I approved. The water pair made one more tremendous leap before slowly sinking back to the surface. I slid my smile to Marica.
“Excellent. For now, you’ll practice with visible bodies of water. You can do this at home, in the bathtub, with water in the sink. Eventually you’ll work on calling forth the water from beneath the earth. It’s more difficult and requires some finesse.”
“So that’s two elements I’ve learned now,” I observed. “Still two more to go. Can we work on earth and air today?”
Marica shook her head. “No. I understand your anxiety to learn it all, but it will not serve you well to be overwhelmed. If you’ve mastered water fairly well next week, we’ll perhaps work on air.”
“Is that like water or fire?” I asked.
“It is completely different. Each element has its own unique requirements and nuances.”
“I think I understand controlling fire, water and air,” I mused. “But I don’t really get where the earth comes in. Is it like throwing dirt or rocks?”
“Hardly,” Marica answered dryly. “Manipulating the earth involves growing things. But be patient, please. I’ll explain that when you are ready.”
Patience wasn’t really my strong suit, I decided. I wanted to know it all, and right now. But I smothered a sigh as she continued.
“We are finished for today. I will see you here again on Monday.” Her eyes skittered away for me, and I sensed a vague discomfort in her. “Do you have… plans for the weekend?”
I shifted my weight from one foot to another, trying to decide how to deal with this. “I’m not sure. I… I haven’t been in touch with Rafe.” Actually, the last two days had been extremely uncomfortable. Rafe had virtually ignored me at lunch both Thursday and Friday. I felt his hurt, his confusion and his frustration, but I hadn’t been able quiet my own inner turmoil long enough to talk with him. I knew something had to give, and I had a sinking feeling that it was going to have to be me again.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll make the right decision… for you.” Marica gave me a quick, tight smile before she turned to leave.
Hey, Tas. I don’t think I’ve told you how much I dream about you. I do. Every day I rush to get my homework done so I can go to sleep early. My roommate thinks I’m weird. But when I’m asleep, we’re together, and we’re happy. And you love me as much as I love you. Call me, Tas.
I drove home through the gray light of dusk, a rare lightness in my spirit. Usually I left my time with Marica somewhat exhausted and a little depressed. I wasn’t sure if it was using my powers that drained me or if it was that my lessons so completely took my mind off Michael and the rest of the mess that was my life these days.
Wistfully I imagined what I might be doing right now if Michael and I were still together. I would have been so eager to call and tell him about how I made the water dance.
I wasn’t sure he’d understand the attraction and excitement of casting fire, but I thought he would like my water play. It felt so right and so positive.
I drove past the road that led to the Brooks’ home, and a small twinge of guilt struck my heart. I knew Rafe was hurting, but I’d let my anger shield me from feeling his pain too deeply. He wasn’t going to make the first move this time. If I didn’t do anything, neither would he. I faced an endless age of silent sulky lunchtimes with Amber desperately trying to put a happy face on everything.
I debated with myself the rest of the ride home: could I live with simply letting Rafe disappear from my life? In some ways, it would solve a lot of my problems. Amber would be relieved; so would my parents, I was sure. But the idea of hurting someone else, especially Rafe—no, I couldn’t do it. Not if I could avoid it.
My mother had dinner on the table when I got home. She smiled at me tentatively, and that guilt was back. My parents both walked on eggshells around me these days, never sure whether I was going to be a screeching banshee or a silent zombie. I really had to pull it together.
It was easier to be human tonight, with the sweet memory of the water play still fresh in my mind. I lingered at the dinner table, listening to my mother rave about her co-workers—apparently she really liked the job—and my dad talk about his plans for mulching in the garden over the weekend. When I had cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher (two chores I had abandoned weeks ago), I slipped into my room to face another round of reparations.
I dialed the number carefully, wondering if he’d even answer. After five rings, I was about to give up when I heard the slightest click and a very cautious voice.
“Yeah?”
I winced. There was a load of meaning in that one syllable, and none of it was good.
“Rafe. Hey, it’s me. I’m just checking in, as promised.” I tried to keep my tone light.
“Really? So you don’t talk to me for days and then I’m supposed to be grateful that you remembered to call me?”
I drew a deep breath. He was going to make this hard. Had I really expected anything different?
“I just thought—” I began, but he interrupted me angrily.
“And what are you doing checking in anyway? You don’t hang with the witch on Fridays. Or is this something new? Thanks for keeping me in the loop.”
I swallowed hard. “I did see Marica today. She says I’m doing so well that we should meet more often. And it was good, I learned so much today.”
“I don’t think I want to hear about it.” His voice was curt.
“Oh… okay.” I sniffed. “I… Rafe, I’m sorry about this week. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
I heard a hiss of breath through the phone. In my mind, I could see Rafe raking his hand through his hair in his typical gesture of frustration. “Tasmyn, you can’t have it both ways. One day everything’s fine, then I do one thing wrong—and sometimes I don’t even know what I’ve done—and you’re either not talking to me or you’re mad and yelling. I can’t do it. Sometimes I don’t even know who you are.”
Join the club, I thought wryly. Aloud, I said, “I know. I know, Rafe. I know I’m a mess. I’m way too much trouble.”
This time it was a deep sigh, loud enough for me to hear. “Tas, I don’t want to do this over the phone. Can you come over here?”
I considered briefly. I really didn’t want to rock the precarious peace between my parents and me, and the idea of getting back into the car made me tired. But I knew Rafe was right. It would be better to hash this out face to face.
“I don’t think that will fly with my parents tonight. And I’m kind of trying to keep things mellow between them and me. Could you come over here?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I guess so. But we won’t have much privacy there, unless your parents are cool with me being in your bedroom.”
I tried to picture my father’s face if I led Rafe into my room and closed the door. Even in my head the image made me shudder. My parents had relaxed lots of house rules since we moved to King, but that wasn’t one of them. Michael, who had won my parents’ complete trust, had never seen the inside of my room; Rafe didn’t have a chance.
“We can sit outside,” I answered him. “It’ll be plenty private.”
After we ended the call, I went in search of my mom, determined to be as open and considerate as I could manage under the circumstances. I found her in the office, completely involved in sketching on a pad.
I cleared my throat. “Hey, Mom? Would it be okay if Rafe came over for a little while? I thought we could just hang out on the porch.”
My mom’s eyes were still distant, and she blinked, coming back to the real world. “Rafe? I guess so.” She frowned, and I could feel her mind working, though I carefully blocked her thoughts. “I’m still not clear on what’s going on with you and Rafe. But…” She lifted her gaze to my face and attempted a smile. “I guess you’ve got it under control, right? And if you didn’t, you’d talk to me?”
There didn’t seem to be a good answer to those questions, so I decided to only answer the last one. I nodded.
I waited for Rafe on the front porch swing, idly pushing myself back and forth with the toe of my sneaker. I had only been rocking for a few minutes when his red car purred to a stop at the curb.
He didn’t bound up the steps as he usually did. He walked up slowly, hands in the pockets of his jacket, and I realized he hadn’t seen me yet. I took advantage of the opportunity to watch him… and listen.
This is a waste. I should’ve just ended it on the phone. Or let her end it. Why drag it out?
I knew the minute he spotted me. There was a stutter in both his step and thoughts.
“Hey,” I said softly.
He huffed out a breath. “I didn’t see you up there. What, are you taking stealth lessons from the witch now?”
I pinched my lips together. “Please, Rafe. Let’s not start out that way. Come on. Sit down.” I patted the seat next to me on the swing. Rafe hesitated, and then dropped into the chair across from me. I smothered a sigh. Yup, he wasn’t going to make this easy.
He sat forward, with his hands dangling between his knees and his eyes downcast. His jaw was tense.
“Rafe… about what happened Tuesday. What made me mad was that you used me to make a point. You didn’t trust me to take care of the situation with Marica. Can you understand that?”
He nodded without looking up. “Sure. You didn’t like it. I get that. But I called right away to apologize. And you wouldn’t even listen.”
I pulled my leg under me on the swing. “I was so annoyed. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to listen. I needed some space.”
Rafe finally raised his eyes to mine. “So I’m supposed to just hang around until you get your mad off? Wait until you’re ready to play nice again? That doesn’t sound like a relationship to me.”
“That’s not fair,” I protested. “It was—I needed to deal with it. And Rafe, you’re talking like we have some kind of long-term thing going here. It’s been a week since I went out with you the first time. A week. That’s it. I think it’s a little early to be tossing around words like ‘relationship’.”
Rafe winced, and I felt horrible all over again. I wasn’t wrong, but I could have said it better. More gently.
“No, I guess not,” he said slowly. “What we have is just… what? Some groping and kissing? Making out? Purely physical? It’s not something romantic and beautiful. Not a love for the ages. Not like you and Michael.”
My eyes stung, and I curled my legs in against my chest, trying to stave off the pain. “That’s… cruel. Why do you say things like that? Are you trying to hurt me?” I buried my face into my knees, swallowing the sobs that threatened. The swing moved back and forth.
Rafe was silent for a few minutes. I felt turmoil, confusion, pain. Finally, he spoke.
“No. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on here. A week ago, you w
ere kissing me in the park. By Monday, you just wanted to be friends. Then you showed up at my house, and you didn’t seem to mind being near me then. And then the next day, I kiss you in the parking lot, and it happens to be in front of the witch. I didn’t exactly plan it that way, but I thought it worked out okay. And it’s like you were just waiting for me to do something wrong. You had your excuse for avoiding me, for not talking to me. So I figured that was it.
“But then you call me tonight, and suddenly you want to be my friend again. Do you want more than that? I don’t know. I can’t tell. I’m not the mind reader, after all.” He dropped his head again.
I rested my chin on my knees, unshed tears still swimming in my eyes. “You’re right, Rafe,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve been really unfair to you. I don’t blame you if you want to just leave and never see me again.” I swiped at my eyes furiously, trying to make the tears disappear.
Rafe didn’t answer, but he did lean back against his chair and look at me steadily.
“I feel like my life is out of control,” I went on. “I don’t know why I’m doing what I am. When I’m with Marica, it seems right, but then I leave and I feel so anxious. When you and I are together, it makes sense. I like you. But then I keep hurting you. And I don’t want to do that. I’m miserable.” I sucked in a sobbing breath.
“Tas.” Rafe moved quickly, and the swing moved back as he sat next to me. “I’m sorry. I was frustrated and mad—but I should remember that you’re dealing with a lot of stuff. Please don’t cry.” He pulled me closer, holding me with one arm and stroking my hair with the other hand.
“I’m not—crying,” I hiccupped.
“Okay. You’re not.” He was humoring me, but I appreciated the comfort so much that I didn’t protest.
“Are you going to accuse me of using you to satisfy my physical needs again?” I sniffled.
I felt Rafe’s smile against my hair. “Nah. Not tonight anyway. I’m willing to put a brave face on it all and make that sacrifice.” He dropped his hand to my chin and tipped it up toward his. I felt those blue eyes boring into mine, as though he were really trying to see into my head. In the end, though, he settled for covering my mouth with his. The swing creaked, and I held onto Rafe.
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