by Jojo Moyes
They had been back on the open road for 389 lampposts. Usually it was one of them who asked to stop. Tanzie kept getting dehydrated and drinking too much, then needing a wee. Norman whined to go every twenty minutes, but they could never tell if he genuinely needed one or was as bored as they were and just wanted a little sniff around.
"You're still hungry?" Mum looked up.
"No. I--I need the loo."
Mum went back to her book. "Oh, don't mind us. Just go behind a tree."
"Not that kind of loo," he muttered.
"Well, it looks like Kegworth is the nearest town. I'm sure there'll be somewhere you could go. Or there might be a services if we can get past the bridge."
"How far?"
"Ten minutes?"
"Okay." He nodded, almost to himself. "Ten minutes is okay." His face was weirdly shiny. "Ten minutes is doable."
Nicky had his earbuds in and was listening to music. Tanzie was stroking Norman's big soft ears and thinking about string theory. And then suddenly Mr. Nicholls swerved the car abruptly into a lay-by. Everyone lurched forward. Norman nearly rolled off the seat. Mr. Nicholls threw open the driver's door, ran round the back, and as she turned in her seat, he crouched down by a ditch, one hand braced on his knee, and began heaving. It was impossible not to hear him, even with the windows closed.
They all stared.
"Whoa," said Nicky. "That's a lot of stuff coming out of him. That's like . . . whoa, that's like the Alien."
"Oh, my God," said Mum.
"It's disgusting," Tanzie said, peering over the back shelf.
"Quick," said Mum. "Where's that kitchen roll, Nicky?"
They watched as she got out of the car and went to help him. He was doubled over. When she saw Tanzie and Nicky were staring out of the back window, she flicked her hand like they shouldn't look, even though she had been doing the exact same thing.
"Still want a kebab?" Tanzie said to Nicky.
"You're an evil sprite," he said, and shuddered.
--
Mr. Nicholls walked back to the car like someone who'd only just learned how to do it. His face had gone this weird pale yellow. His skin was dusted with tiny beads of sweat.
"You look awful," Tanzie told him.
He eased himself back into his seat. "I'll be fine," he whispered. "Should be fine now."
Mum reached back through the seats and mouthed plastic bag. "Just in case," she said cheerfully, and opened her window a bit.
Mr. Nicholls drove slowly for the next few miles. So slowly that two cars kept flashing them from behind and one driver sat on his horn really angrily as he passed. Sometimes he veered a bit across the white line, like he wasn't really concentrating, but Tanzie registered Mum's determined silence and decided not to say anything.
"How long now?" Mr. Nicholls kept muttering.
"Not long," said Mum, even though she probably had no idea. She patted his arm, like he was a child. "You're doing really well."
When he looked at her, his eyes were anguished.
"Hang on in there," she said quietly, and it was like an instruction.
And then, about half a mile farther along, "Oh, God," he said, and slammed the brakes on again. "I need to--"
"Pub!" Mum yelled, and pointed toward a light just visible on the outskirts of the next village. "Look! You can make it!"
Mr. Nicholls's foot went down on the accelerator so that Tanzie's cheeks were pulled back. He skidded into the car park, threw the door open, staggered out, and hurled himself inside.
They sat there, waiting. The car was so quiet that they could hear the engine ticking.
After five minutes, Mum leaned across and pulled his door shut to keep the chill out. She looked back and smiled at them. "How was that Aero?"
"Nice."
"I like Aeros, too."
Nicky, his eyes closed, nodded to the music.
A man pulled into the car park with a woman wearing a high ponytail and looked hard at the car. Mum smiled. The woman did not smile back.
Ten minutes went by.
"Shall I go and get him?" Nicky said, pulling out his earbuds and peering at the clock.
"Best not," said Mum. Her foot had started tapping.
Another ten minutes passed. Finally, when Tanzie had taken Norman for a walk around the car park and Mum had done some stretches on the back of the car because she said she was bent out of shape, Mr. Nicholls emerged.
He looked whiter than anyone Tanzie had ever seen, like paper. He looked like someone had rubbed at his features with a cheap eraser.
"I think we might need to stop here for a bit," he said.
"In the pub?"
"Not the pub," he said, glancing behind him. "Definitely not the pub. Maybe . . . maybe somewhere a few miles away."
"Do you want me to drive?" Mum said.
"No," everyone said at once, and she smiled and tried to look like she wasn't offended.
--
The Bluebell Haven was the only place within ten miles that had a vacancy sign. It had eighteen stationary RVs, a playground with two swings and a sandpit, and a sign that said NO DOGS.
Mr. Nicholls let his face drop against the steering wheel. "We'll find somewhere else." He winced and doubled over. "Just give me a minute."
"No need."
"You said you can't leave the dog in the car."
"We won't leave him in the car. Tanzie," said Mum. "The sunglasses."
There was a mobile home by the front gate marked RECEPTION. Mum went in first, and Tanzie put the sunglasses on and waited outside on the step, watching through the bubbled-glass door. The fat man who raised himself wearily from a chair said she was lucky as there was only one still available, and they could have it for a special price.
"How much is that?" said Mum.
"Eighty pounds."
"For one night? In a stationary RV?"
"It's Saturday."
"And it's seven o'clock at night and you had nobody in it."
"Someone might still come."
"Yeah. I heard Madonna was having a pint and a packet of chips down the road and looking for somewhere to park her entourage."
"No need to be snarky."
"No need to rip me off. Thirty pounds," Mum said, pulling the notes from her pocket.
"Forty."
"Thirty-five." Mum held out a hand. "It's all I've got. Oh, and we've got a dog."
He lifted a meaty hand. "Read the sign. No dogs."
"He's a guide dog. For my little girl. I'd remind you that it's illegal to bar a person on the grounds of disability."
Nicky opened the door and, holding her elbow, guided Tanzie in. She stood motionless behind her dark glasses while Norman stood patiently in front of her. They had done this twice when they'd had to catch the coach to Portsmouth after Dad had left.
"He's well trained," Mum said. "He'll be no trouble."
"He's my eyes," Tanzie said. "My life would be nothing without him."
The man stared at Tanzie's hand, and then at her face. His jowls reminded Tanzie of Norman's. She had to remember not to glance up at the television.
"You're busting my balls, lady."
"Oh, I do hope not," Mum said cheerfully.
He shook his head, withdrew his huge hand, and moved heavily toward a key cabinet. "Golden Acres. Second lane, fourth on the right. Near the toilet block."
--
Mr. Nicholls was so ill by the time they reached the static that it was possible he didn't even notice where they were. He kept moaning softly and clutching his stomach and when he saw the word "Toilets" he let out a little cry and disappeared. They didn't see him for the best part of an hour.
Golden Acres wasn't gold and didn't look anything like even half an acre, but Mum said any port in a storm. There were two tiny bedrooms, and the sofa in the living room converted into another bed. Mum said that Nicky and Tanzie could stay in the room with twin beds, Mr. Nicholls could go in the other, and she would have the sofa. It was actually okay in
their bedroom, even if Nicky's feet did hang over the end of his bed and everywhere smelled of cigarettes. Mum opened some windows for a bit, then made up the beds with the duvets and ran the water until it came hot because she said Mr. Nicholls would probably want a shower when he came back in.
Tanzie inspected the chemical loo in the bathroom, then pressed her nose to the window and counted all the lights in the other stationary RVs. (Only two seemed to be occupied. "That lying git," said Mum.) She had put her phone on to charge for precisely fifteen seconds when it rang. She started and picked it up, still plugged into the wall.
"Hello? Des?" Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, God. Des, I'm not going to make it back in time."
A series of muffled explosions at the other end.
"I'm really sorry. I know what I said. But things have gone a bit crazy. I'm in . . ." She pulled a face at Tanzie. "Where are we?"
"Near Ashby de la Zouch," she said.
"Ashby de la Zouch," Mum said. And then, her hand in her hair, "Ashby de la Zouch. I know. I'm really sorry. The journey didn't quite go as I planned and our driver got sick and my phone ran out and with all the . . . What?" She glanced at Tanzie. "I don't know. Probably not before Tuesday. Maybe even Wednesday. It's taking longer than we thought."
Tanzie could definitely hear him shouting then.
"Can't Chelsea cover it? I've done enough of her shifts. I know it's the busy period. I know, Des, I'm really sorry. I've said I--" She paused. "No. I can't get back before then. No. I'm really . . . What do you mean? I've never missed a shift this past year. I--Des? . . . Des?" She broke off and stared at the phone.
"Was that Des from the pub?" Tanzie liked Des from the pub. Once she had sat outside with Norman on a Sunday afternoon, waiting for Mum, and he had given her a packet of scampi fries.
At that minute, the door to the RV opened, and Mr. Nicholls pretty much fell in. "Lie down," he muttered, and he pulled himself briefly upright, before collapsing onto the floral sofa cushions. He looked up at Mum with a gray face and big hollow eyes. "Lying down. Sorry," he mumbled.
Mum just sat there, staring at her mobile.
He blinked at her. "Were you trying to reach me?"
"He's sacked me," Mum said. "I don't believe it. He's bloody sacked me."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jess
The night took on a weird, disjointed quality, the hours running into each other, fluid and endless. Jess had never seen a man be so ill without actually hacking up a kidney. She gave up trying to sleep. She stared at the caramel-colored, wipe-clean walls of the caravan, read a bit, nodded off. Mr. Nicholls groaned beside her, occasionally getting up to shuffle backward and forward to the toilet block. She closed the kids' door and sat waiting for him in the little caravan, sometimes dozing on the far end of the L-shaped sofa, handing him water and tissues when he staggered in.
Shortly after three, Mr. Nicholls said he wanted a shower. She made him promise to leave the bathroom door unlocked, took his clothes down to the launderette (a washer-dryer in a shed), and spent three pounds twenty on a sixty-minute cycle. She didn't have any change for the dryer.
He was still in the shower when she arrived back at the caravan. She draped his clothes from hangers over the heater, hoping they might dry a bit by morning, then knocked quietly on the door. There was no answer, just the sound of running water, and a belch of steam. She peeped around the door. The glass was clouded but she could make him out, slumped and exhausted on the floor. She waited a moment, staring at his broad back pressed against the glass panel, a pale inverted triangle, surprisingly muscular, then watched as he lifted his hand and ran it wearily over his face.
"Mr. Nicholls?" she whispered behind him, then again when he didn't say anything. "Mr. Nicholls?"
He turned then, and saw her. His eyes were red rimmed and his head had sunk deep into his shoulders.
"Fucksake. I can't even get up. And the water's starting to go cold," he said.
"Want me to help?"
"No. Yes. Ah, Jesus."
"Hold on."
She held up the towel, whether to shield him or herself, she wasn't sure, reached in, and turned off the shower, soaking her arm. Then she crouched down, so that he could cover himself, and leaned in. "Put your arm around my neck."
"You're tiny. I'll just pull you over."
"I'm stronger than I look."
He didn't move.
"You're going to have to help me here. I'm not up to a fireman's lift."
His wet arm slid around her, he hooked the towel around his waist. Jess braced herself against the wall of the shower, and finally, shakily, they stood. Usefully, the RV was so small that at every step there was a wall for him to lean on. They made their way unsteadily to the couch.
"This is what my life has come to." He groaned, eyeing the bucket, as she placed it beside the sofa.
"Yup." Jess viewed the peeling wallpaper, the nicotine-stained paintwork. "Well, I've had better Saturday nights myself."
It was a little after four. Her eyes were gritty and sore, and she closed them for a minute.
"Thanks," he said weakly.
"What for?"
He pushed himself upright. "For bringing a loo roll out to me in the middle of the night. For washing my disgusting clothes. For helping me out of the shower. And for not once acting like it was my own fault for buying a dodgy doner from a place called Keith's Kebabs."
"Even though it was your own fault."
"See? Now you're spoiling it."
He lay back on the pillow, his forearm over his eyes. She tried not to look at the broad expanse of chest above the strategically placed towel. She couldn't remember when she had last seen a man's naked torso other than at Des's ill-advised Pub Beach Volleyball Match the previous August.
"Go and lie down in the bedroom. You'll be more comfortable."
He opened one eye. "Do I get a SpongeBob duvet?"
"You get my pink stripy one. But I promise not to regard it as any reflection whatsoever on your masculinity."
"Where will you sleep?"
"Out here. It's fine," she said, as he started to protest. "I'm not sure I'll sleep much anyway."
He let her lead him into the tiny bedroom. He groaned as he fell onto the bed, as if even that caused him discomfort, and she pulled the duvet over him gently. The shadows under his eyes were ash colored and his voice had become drowsy. "I'll be ready to go in a couple of hours."
"Sure you will," she said, observing the ghostly pallor of his skin. "Take your time."
"Where the hell are we, anyway?"
"Oh, somewhere on the Yellow Brick Road."
"Is that the one with the godlike lion that saves everyone?"
"You're thinking of Narnia. This one is cowardly and useless."
"Figures."
And finally he slept.
Jess left the room silently and lay down on the narrow sofa, trying not to look at the clock. She and Nicky had studied the map while Mr. Nicholls was in the toilet block the previous evening and had reconfigured the journey as best they could.
We still have plenty of time, she told herself. And then, finally, she, too, fell asleep.
--
All was silent within Mr. Nicholls's room well into the morning. Jess thought about waking him, but each time she made a move toward his door, she remembered the sight of him slumped against the shower cabinet and her fingers stilled on the handle. She opened the door only once, when Nicky pointed out that it was possible he had choked to death on his own vomit. He seemed the faintest bit disappointed when it turned out Mr. Nicholls was just in a really deep sleep. The children took Norman up the road--Tanzie in her dark glasses for authenticity--bought supplies from a convenience store, and breakfasted in whispers. Jess converted the remaining bread into sandwiches ("Oh, good," said Nicky), cleaned the caravan--for something to do--and left a voice mail for Des, apologizing again. He didn't pick up.
Then the door of the little room opened with a squeak and
Mr. Nicholls emerged, blinking, in his T-shirt and boxers. He raised a palm in greeting. A long crease bisected his cheek from the pillow. "We are in . . . ?"
"Ashby de la Zouch. Or somewhere nearby. It's not quite Beachfront."
"Is it late?"
"Quarter to eleven."
"Quarter to eleven. Okay." His jaw was thick with stubble, and his hair stuck up on one side. Jess pretended to read her book. He smelled of warm, sleepy male. She had forgotten what a weirdly potent scent that was.
"Quarter to eleven." He rubbed at the stubble on his chin, then walked unsteadily to the window and peered out. "I feel like I've been asleep for a million years." He sat down heavily on the sofa cushion opposite her, running his hand over his jaw.
"Dude," said Nicky from beside Jess. "Jailbreak alert."
"What?"
Nicky waved a ballpoint. "You need to put the prisoners back in the pen."
Mr. Nicholls stared at him, then turned to Jess, as if to say, Your son has gone mad.
Following Nicky's gaze, Jess looked down and swiftly away. "Oh, God."
Mr. Nicholls frowned. "'Oh, God' what?"
"You could at least have taken me out to dinner first," she said, standing to clear the breakfast things. She felt her ears go pink.
"Oh." Mr. Nicholls looked down and adjusted himself. "Sorry. Right. Okay." He stood, and made for the bathroom. "I'll, uh, I . . . am I okay to have another shower?"
"We saved you some hot water," said Tanzie, who was head down over her exam sheet in the corner. "You smelled really bad yesterday."
He emerged twenty minutes later, his hair damp and smelling of shampoo, his face clean shaven. Jess was busy whisking salt and sugar into a glass of water and trying not to think about naked bits of Mr. Nicholls. She handed it to him.
"What's that?" He pulled a face.
"Rehydrating solution. To replace some of what you lost last night."
"You want me to drink a glass of salty water? After I've spent all night being sick?"
"Just drink it." While he was grimacing and gagging, she fixed him some plain toast and black coffee. He sat across the little Formica table, took a sip of coffee and a few tentative bites of toast, and ten minutes later, in a voice that held some surprise, acknowledged that he did actually feel a bit better.
"Better, as in able-to-drive-without-having-an-accident better?"
"By having an accident, you mean--"
"Not crashing into a lay-by."