by Sally Henson
“You got to see her?” Tobi jumps up and down. “Yay!
“Seriously?” Haylee mutters. “How’d you pull that off?”
There’s no way I’m telling them what I agreed to. Instead, I turn away and put Haylee’s present on the table with the others.
Haylee pops off another question, “How’d Cam know about this and we didn’t?”
“I didn’t know anything about it. Just sayin’, if it were me, I’d sneak over to her house and talk her into crawling out her window.” Cam chimes, playfully slugging my arm.
I take a deep breath and turn back around.
Cam wiggles his eyebrows and teases, “Looks like it pays off to be in good with the overbearing father, huh? When you headed over there?”
I want to say, “I’m headed over there now,” but I can’t do that. So I shrug and answer, “I don’t know. Soon.”
Tobi’s mouth hangs open a few seconds before she gets on my case. “Tonight? I thought she was still grounded?”
I shrug, knowing I look guilty. At least I’m here now. “I can go to her house or she can come to mine. Either way I get to see her when I’m home.”
“Lane,” Tobi whines, “this is your birthday party too. We do this every year.”
I hold my arms out to my sides, silently saying sorry, but this is the way it is. “I’m here now. Let’s party.” An hour and a half and I’m out of here.
Cam clamps down on my shoulders from behind, squeezing as if he’s trying to get me to back down from a little pain. “Guess you’re still working out, huh?”
“Had to do something to keep from going crazy lately.” Working out was one of the few distractions I had. It was basically the only Regan free zone on campus that didn’t have memories.
Tobi sighs and ambles to the table where all the gifts are scattered.
“What are we doing first, Tobi?” Cam asks, moving next to Haylee.
Tobi restacks the presents on the table with her back toward us.
Cam leans down and whispers something in Haylee’s ear.
Her eyes widen, and she turns to look at him, grinning bigger than I’ve seen tonight She slides her hands around his waist and nods at whatever he said. He leans down and kisses her. Whatever is going on seems private. It’s making me want to slip away and go do the same thing to Regan.
Let’s get this show on the road. “What’s on the agenda?”
Haylee turns toward Tobi, “Let’s open presents first!”
Tobi spins around, frowning at Haylee. “You can’t open presents until you blow out your candles.”
“Cake it is!” Cam announces, jetting toward the stairs.
Tobi blocks his path with her palm jutting out toward his chest. “I’ll get the cake. You can carry the plates.” They climb the stairs, leaving me and Haylee behind.
What can I do to make Haylee chill about me leaving? I raise my brow and ask, “Motocross?”
She looks up at me through her lashes, sporting a toothy grin. “You’re on.” Motocross used to be her favorite video game.
I crash and burn three times before Tobi and Cam make it back downstairs.
“Gah, who’s idea was this?” Cam asks, referring to the particular game we’re playing.
“It wasn’t mine,” Haylee calls out.
I wreck again, so I drop the controller on the sofa in defeat. “How can I kick butt in Madden but can’t seem to stay alive in this game?”
“Are you gonna play this all night?” Cam asks Haylee. It’s more of a grumpy old man complaint, really.
“Nooo,” she lies, still staring at the screen. “I can quit right now if I want.” Haylee has a problem with this game. She’s addicted and never wants to stop playing it. That’s why I suggested it. Maybe I thought it would be nice of me since it’s her birthday party too.
Cam grumbles, “Yeah? Prove it.”
Tobi fiddles with the arrangement on the table, ignoring the whole lovers spat.
Ignoring me.
I know parties are her thing, but I only got to see Regan for a couple hours last night. I stand and make my way to her side.
“Fine,” Haylee says, “I’m shutting it off right now. See?”
I dip my finger into the cake icing for a taste.
Tobi smacks my arm.
It makes me laugh. “Did you make this?”
Her voice has a chill to it. “Does it look like I made this cake? It’s chocolate ganache. Of course I didn’t make it.”
“It’s good.” I shrug. “Your cakes are good.” It’s probably not fair for me to bail on them like this, but I’m going to anyway. “Where’s Rex?”
The stiffness of her shoulders loosens. Her icy voice changes to a disappointed whine. “He couldn’t make it. Since the cold weather’s come on, he hasn’t been able to get away as much.”
Tobi finally finds a nice guy, and he’s hit and miss. I reach for her shoulder and give a little squeeze. “That sucks.”
“Yeah.” She sighs, lighting the two number one candles. One for Haylee and one for me.
Cam and Haylee join us at the table. “Finally! Cake time,” Cam says, as if he hasn’t eaten in days.
They sing “Happy Birthday,” Haylee and I open presents, and we play video games. The whole time I feel like a racehorse stuck in the starter gate, waiting to blast through and sprint to Regan.
When I can’t take it anymore, I stand and announce, “I need to get going.” Yes, it’s a need.
“You just got here and you’re ready to leave?” Tobi complains.
“I didn’t just get here.” I give her a big hug. “Thanks for the party, Tobi. You’re the best.” When I pull away, she wears a half-hearted smile.
“I know I am. At least my other friends are going to hang out with me the rest of the night.” She drapes her arms around Haylee and Cam.
“Hey!” Haylee whines. “You made me crash.”
Cam shakes his head and grumbles. “Good. Cause I’m done playing this game.” Cam turns to face me. “Lane, when you gonna be back in town? We need to hang out sometime. Just dudes.” He glances to the girls. “Sorry ladies.”
“We miss you too, ya know,” Tobi adds.
Haylee turns around, her face still crumpled from the game being over. “Don’t you think it’s weird Regan’s dad won’t let her do anything or go anywhere but she can see you on the weekends? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Couldn’t she have come with you tonight?” Tobi asks. “Did she say she didn’t want to be here?”
My gaze travels to my shoes. Are they even listening to themselves? “Come on, Tobi. You know she wants to be here.”
“Yeah, I guess. Haylee’s right, though. It doesn’t make sense.” She shrugs and swigs some of her soda.
“See ya, Lane.” Cam winks where the girls can’t see him, tossing a wave at me.
“Thanks for everything, guys,” I say. “I love the iTunes card, and I already have a plan to mess with my roommate with the fart spray.”
“See, I told you he’d love it,” Cam utters to the girls.
I hold my hand up in a wave and slowly climb the stairs.
Haylee mumbles in a low voice. “Do you think Regan’s really grounded?”
“Haylee,” Cam calls her out. “I can’t believe you said that,”
“Why would she lie?” Tobi asks. “She wouldn’t lie about something like that, would she?”
I stop on the stairs for a minute and call back down. “She’s grounded, okay? Don’t even go there.”
“Enough of this crazy talk. See ya, Lane.” Cam steers the conversation in a different direction. “So, what’s next, Tobi?”
I continue my trek up the stairs and out to my truck. It probably is confusing to them why Mr. Stone would let me see Regan on the weekends if she’s grounded from everything. Tobi’s feathers are a little ruffled. That’s all. She expected me to stay for hours. If it becomes an issue, I’ll have to tell them what’s going on. But they know better than to think Reg
an would rather stay home than be here.
24
Regan
Lane’s headlights guide us away from the heavy cloud hovering over my house. It’s been there since the explosion with my dad.
I take a deep breath and blow out the darkness. The further away we drive, the lighter I feel. If only we could keep driving until we hit the coast.
I’m almost dizzy with freedom, and I wish we could have some time together by ourselves. “Anyone at your house?”
He glances my way. “Yeah. Everyone’s home. Why?”
“It would be nice to be able to talk without an audience.” I unbuckle my seatbelt and scooch toward to him.
He lifts his arm for me to snuggle into him. “We could take the long way home. Get lost on the backroads?” he hints, squeezing me closer to him.
“Dr. Love,”—I kiss his cheek— “I like the way you think.”
He laughs and I tease him a little more about his last name meaning love.
“So…how was the party?” I ask. “What did Cam get Haylee?”
He laughs, “You’re not going to believe it.”
“What? Was it bad?”
He shakes his head, still chuckling. “It’s bad. He got her one of those whoopee cushion things.”
I gasp. “No way.”
Lane nods. “He so did.”
“Why is he so obsessed with fart stuff? He acts like a ten-year-old sometimes. Poor Haylee.” I elbow Lane. “You better never do that to me.”
“That was just his goofy gift. He got her a gift certificate to get a manicure or pedicure or whatever.”
“Nice. Did she like what Tobi and I got her?” Haylee loves reading.
“Yeah, she loved it.”
“What about your Eastern gear?” I ask.
He shrugs. “She said she liked it.”
“What else happened? You act like it was boring”
“It was without you,” he sings, strumming his hand down my hair.
I roll my eyes. “I can’t imagine Tobi’s party being boring.”
Lane squeezes my shoulder. “Turn this song up. I’ve been learning to play it.”
I reach for the volume button of his old truck and do as he asks. The smooth sound of Lane singing softly mixes with the radio and his woodsy cologne. My body relaxes a tiny bit more. There’s no place I’d rather be. Except maybe a thousand miles from this town.
“Can I tell you something?” Dreaming about getting away from here with Lane revives a memory I can’t keep in.
“Of course. You can tell me anything,” he answers in a soft, sincere voice.
“I don’t think Dad really likes me anymore. Maybe because I remind him of Lincoln or something.” It sounds crazy when I say it out loud, but why else would he treat me like this?
Lane winds a piece of my hair around his finger like a ribbon. Another layer of tension lifts. “Don’t say that,” he pleads in a gentle voice.
He’s close with his dad. Friends even. Mr. Cary may want him to become a teacher, but he’d never demand Lane drop the idea of being a game warden. But I think Lane’s more shocked than he’s letting on about the way Dad reacted to us. As long as I have Lane, though, I can handle stowing away in my room while I’m at home.
I didn’t tell Lane everything that was said that night, but right now if feels like it’s us against the world and he should know everything. Even the crazy impossible things. “When we had our big fight, I told him I was moving out when I turned eighteen.”
“No, you didn’t.”
I nod and turn my body toward him. “I meant it too.”
“Are you serious? You’ll still be in high school. How are you going to do that?” Lane slows and turns onto a path that leads to an oil pump jack. The area between his house and mine is riddled with them.
I shrug as if leaving home at eighteen is no big deal. “Not sure. Maybe I can graduate early and go to college the next semester.”
Lane parks and turns off the engine but keeps the key on, so the radio continues to play. When he unbuckles, he angles to give me his full attention, and asks, “Why?”
I have lots of reasons why. “He wants to make every decision in my life. I’m surprised he doesn’t pick out my clothes every morning. It’s pretty obvious he wants me to disappear.” I sigh and add, “Mom’s not much better. She hasn’t even tried to talk to me since I asked why she wasn’t helping like she said she would.” Their rejections become a dull numb pain. The kind of numb where you get stabbed in the back and you walk around for so long with the knife still there that it becomes a part of you. A constant. “Why would I want to stay there if they don’t really love me?”
Lane takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb softly on my skin. I love it when he does that. “Can I tell you something?” His voice is serious and thick.
Warning signals pop in my mind. I don’t want to hear him defend my dad. “What?”
“If he didn’t want you around, he probably wouldn’t ground you, so you’d be home all the time.” He takes my hands in his. “I’m sure your parents love you. But no matter what,”—he reaches up to cup my face gently between his hands—” I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right? Always.”
His words seep into the cracks of my armor that seems to get heavier and heavier. Lane always knows how to break through. I’m not going to hold back my feelings for him anymore, even if that decision is what got me in this situation in the first place. My ticket out of this gossip ridden town can be both Lane and marine science. He’s part of my plan now too. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He reaches under my knees, pulls my legs over his lap, and wraps me in a tight hug. “Then don’t.”
Susanna’s words of caution try to push their way into my brain, but I shove them to the back. She didn’t have to deal with a tyrannical dad like mine. Besides, Jesse’s nothing like Lane. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. He’d never turn his back on me like Jesse did to Susanna. I can count on Lane. I can trust him with everything. I press my forehead to his.
“You and me?” I ask, ready to let my walls crumble around us.
“No one else,” he finishes. It’s the phrase he came up with at the beginning as a way to explain what he wanted us to be without actually labelling it. We hold on to each other as if one of us might disappear. After the torture my parents put us through, we need something to hold on to until we can get out of this place.
I plant my lips on his. Kiss after kiss I realize the more we practice the better it gets. I deepen our kiss and curl my arms around his waist, trying to express all the emotions flowing through me at this moment.
Butterfly wings tickle my insides. They don’t want to stay in my stomach anymore. I trail my mouth along his neck, inhaling the sigh worthy scent of cologne on his skin. This is where I want to be—with Lane. “I’ll take on a new identity and enroll at EIU next semester. Stay in your dorm room. No one would know.”
Lane combs his hand through my hair and lets out a breathy chuckle, “Yeah, set all that other stuff up and I’ll let you hide out in my room. It’s a great idea.” He turns his body forward, facing the steering wheel, and starts the truck.
It would be nice to go back with him. If only it were that easy. “What? You don’t want me cramping your style by staying with you?”
He leans over and gives me a sweet, dreamy kiss. “You are my style, Regan Stone.”
25
Regan
Haylee’s at the top row in the gym this morning. She’s reclined in the corner with her knees pulled to her chest. The phone resting on her knees has her laser focus. She’s reading. Maybe a new book she bought with the birthday gift from me and Tobi.
I climb the stairs and sit on the row below her, ready to share my good news. “Guess what?”
Without breaking the line of vision from the screen, she replies, “What?”
I’m still excited about the whole thing. “My parents are letting me see Lan
e on the weekends! Can you believe it?”
“Yeah, I heard,” she grumbles, glancing at me for a split second. “Why didn’t you come to the party?”
Geesh, she’s grouchy. I look down at my fidgety fingers on my lap. “My parents wouldn’t let me. Sorry. Lane said you liked the gift cards. How was the party?”
Her face brightens. “Oh, they’re great! Thanks. I’m reading one of the new books I bought with it right now. It’s really good.”
“Yeah? What is it?”
She ignores me and swipes her screen.
“Haylee?”
“Huh?” she answers with her finger waiting to swipe again.
“What book are you reading?”
“Shh. This is a good part.”
Okay. I swivel, plunk my elbows on my knees, and rest my chin in my hands. Haylee’s not the kind of person who blows people off. Usually she finishes her paragraph or page and is ready to chat. Except this morning…apparently.
Tobi or Cam is bound to walk in any moment ready to talk about the party and hear about my weekend. I bite my lip and keep watch on the double doors across the gym. A few minutes later, Cam makes his entrance, causing me to straighten my slouch. He struts across the gym nodding at the guys shooting hoops. Whoa, no cowboy boots today. He takes the stairs two at a time.
I reach back and nudge Haylee’s leg. “Your boyfriend’s here.”
Her feet clap against the concrete. “Hmm.”
“Morning, ladies.” Cam smiles great big as he continues climbing the stairs.
That blue-green Henley shirt makes his eyes pop. He walks past me, and I notice his old school button fly Levi’s. Not his usual farm boy attire. He smells good too. I wave my hand back and forth in the air. “Dang, Cam. Did you shower in your cologne this morning? Holy cow.” I pull the neckline of my shirt to cover my nose, exaggerating, teasing.
He smirks, and I can tell he’s about to feed me a smart-aleck remark, pull my hair, tickle me, something. “Jealous you can’t touch this?” he asks, running his hand down his own chest.