by Sally Henson
“Hmm,” she starts, “it would be against the rules, but I’ll give you five minutes.”
I clench my fist and pull my elbow to my side. Yes. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”
I hear her knock on Regan’s door. “Okay, Lane, sweetie. You have a good rest of the week.”
My heart ticks faster, knowing what’s coming next. “Thanks, I will. You too.”
Her muffled voice speaks to Regan, “You have five minutes. And then you bring the phone back to the kitchen.”
“Lane?” Ah, her voice…is music to my ears.
I open the door of the building and step outside for some privacy. “Hey.”
“What are you doing?” Her bed squeaks as if she fell back onto it, accompanied by a tiny grunt. “How’d you get Mom to let me talk to you?”
“Sweet talked her. It must work on all the Stone ladies.”
She snickers. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“I miss you too.”
“Where are you? I hear a band in the background.”
I clear my throat. “I’m at band practice. That’s why I’m calling. I need to talk to you.”
“About what? Are you coming home tomorrow?” Hope hangs in her words, and I’m about to rain on that idea.
“Uh, Ross just let us know that we got a last-minute gig for Saturday. The band they had scheduled canceled, and Ross says this could be a big deal for us. We have to mix our songs up from Friday night. Add a couple new ones we’ve been working on.” I don’t mention it’s a Greek thing. Regan gets a little uptight about sorority girls after the coffee house incident. If she doesn’t know, she won’t get any crazy ideas about it and spend her weekend worrying.
I wait patiently, and then not so patiently for the dead air to be filled with her voice.
“Saturday too?” Disappointment crackles through her response.
When I take a deep breath, the chilly air burns my throat. My mind goes there, she’s in high school. She doesn’t get it. I suck in another lung full of air and push that out of my head. Not Regan. She’s not like that. “You don’t mind, right? I know that takes our Saturday, but it’s not like this is going to happen every weekend.”
She sniffs. “There’s been a lot of drama at school.” She pauses for a beat. “I was just…looking forward to being with you this weekend.”
Her voice is off. Is she crying? “What’s going on? What drama?”
“Haylee. Tobi.” Her voice cracks, adding, “I feel like I have to constantly be on guard around them. It’s like I can’t do or say anything right.”
Drama’s never been an issue with us or our friends. “What do you mean?”
Guitar riffs spill from the door when Luke pokes his head out, stopping my conversation, “Hey man, we need to get started.”
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” I answer. The door squeaks as it closes, and I continue with Regan. “I’m sorry. I need to go. Maybe I can sneak in a call one day after school next week?”
“Wait, you’re not coming home? At all?” she squeaks out.
My back thuds against the rough wall. I run my hand through my hair, squeezing the back of my neck. “The only time I could is Sunday for a couple hours, but I’ll have homework and laundry to do. So, I won’t have time. Besides, it’s just one weekend,” I try to convince her that it’s no big deal. Which for me and her, it’s not. “Next week will fly by. You’ll see.” I sing, trying to change her mood a little.
“Yeah.” One little, sad word drops off her lips straight to my gut.
My eyelids slide shut. I knew she wouldn’t be thrilled about me not coming home, but I thought she’d still be excited for me. “This is such a good opportunity for the band.” I blow out a breath. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”
In the background, Mrs. Stone calls out a faint warning to end our call.
I scrub a hand down my face and groan, “How ‘bout I text you on Tobi’s phone Monday?”
Regan sighs, “Don’t bother. They don’t even know about you being in a band. She’ll just get mad that you’re texting me and not her.”
“Dude!” Ross yells out the door. He scans the area until he finds me leaning against the brick building a few feet away. “You practicing or not?”
“I gotta go. Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll try to call you at home next week. Okay? I’ll miss you.”
Regan clears her throat. “Yeah, me too. Good luck.”
Regan
Dad opens the door of the house at the same time I return the phone to Mom. I turn on my heel and march down the hallway.
“Regan, come back in here. I have a few things I want to discuss with you.”
His statement sucks the air from my lungs. Discuss?
I pause in the hallway but don’t turn around. I’m not in the mood to listen to whatever he’s going to gripe about.
“I was thinking, why don’t you go into medicine?” His tone is lighter than usual. Almost happy. “You’re not squeamish, and if you combine that with biology, it would be a good match.” The rustle of him taking his coat and shoes off mingle with the beep of the oven timer. “You know, there are tons of jobs in the medical field other than a doctor or nurse.”
The oven timer sounds again before Mom turns it off. Chicken Cacciatore fills the air and swirls around me. After Lane said he wasn’t coming home my stomach twisted into nauseas knots. The smell of food makes it worse.
“Regan?”
I turn around, hugging my folded arms tight against me. “Are you finished?”
Dad narrows his eyes. He stands, setting his boots by the coat rack and straightens. “I had a couple of people come to me today and express how sorry they were to hear that you were becoming a parent at such a young age.”
“What?” Mom shouts before the crash of a pot into the sink. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” Dad asks, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
I mimic his expression. “I’m not pregnant.” If he thought I was pregnant, he’d have me in the bathroom peeing on a stick to be sure.
“Honestly, Tim.” Mom huffs from the kitchen, finishing supper. “I can’t believe you listen to the gossip at work.”
I tap my foot on the carpet. “Can I go now?”
“Look, Regan, medicine could be a great opportunity for you. Plenty of jobs around here. There’s even a nurse on staff with my work.”
When I don’t respond he raises his voice. “Have you been looking at those papers from the local junior colleges I gave you? Quite a few two-year medical field certificates listed.”
Heat floods my face. That’s it. I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t want to be in more trouble than I already am, but this constant nagging about a future I don’t want is more than wearing on me.
“They’re in the same place I found the letter from Eckerd College.”
His eyes flash wide. “You threw them away?”
I shrug, pivot, and stomp to my room. He trashes my college, I trash his. It’s only fair to give him the same treatment.
Dad shouts after me, “You just added another week, young lady!”
“What’s she talking about?” Mom asks, loud enough for me to hear as I throw my door shut.
I dive on my bed and cry out into my pillow until my throat is sore. What is happening in my life?
I wipe my tender, puffy eyes and lift my window as far as it will go. Cold air billows into the small expanse of my room. The late November chill goes straight through me, and I crawl under my blankets.
I wish I could hear summer with the tree frogs and crickets and the laughter of Lane and my friends swimming at the cliffs. I wish it could be warm and sunny right now.
But it’s not warm or sunny and neither am I.
Even as I lay on my bed and pray in the darkness swallowed by silence, my brain races with worry about the rumors—about the friction with my friends—about Lane not coming home—about the fact that I’m all alone.
; 43
Regan
I’ve been holding my breath around Haylee and Tobi all day. I never thought I’d have to be so on edge around my friends. Thankfully, Cam and Haylee sit next to each other at our lunch table. They seem happy today so far.
Though it’s not unusual, I keep quiet and let them carry the conversations. Tobi laughs and tells us how Rex tried to make her dinner last night and burned the garlic toast. Rex spending time with her is good news. This must explain her smile today. She needs some happy in her life.
Stacey saunters up to our table. This for sure will not contain happy. “What’s the deal Regan? Did you and Lane break up? I thought you and Cam were hooking up again, since you two sat together at lunch yesterday and were passing notes during math all week.”
The muscles in Cam’s jaw flex. His nostrils flare as he grasps Haylee’s hand between their trays. Cam growls, “Get lost, Faniger.”
“Oh!” Stacey covers her mouth with her hand. “Was that a secret? So sorry about that.” She flashes her evil grin and slithers away.
Haylee jerks her hand away from Cam’s, and scowls at her lap.
Cam swivels his head with his eyebrows pinch together to stare at her. “What was that for?”
Haylee’s face as tight as a balloon. “Why are you guys passing notes?”
Cam drops his hands in his lap and looks up to the ceiling, mumbling under his breath. “Are you serious?”
My eyes feel as round as volleyballs watching this train wreck. Tobi must be in shock over it, too, because she hasn’t said anything.
“Well?” Haylee says. “I saw you two hiding behind your locker door before and after your math class earlier this week. It looked like you were getting overly friendly. What’s going on?” I’m not sure if she’s asking Cam or me, but she won’t look up.
Cam lets out a few curses. He’s making things worse.
I blink my eyes a few times, hoping to wake up from this nightmare, but nothing changes. “It was nothing, Haylee. I asked Cam if I could use his address for some college stuff.”
She peeks up at me. “What kind of stuff?”
“You know how I’ve talked about wanting to go to Eckerd College?” I rub my palms on my jeans.
Tobi speaks up, but her voice has a hint of nasty in it. “What about it?”
I glance to Cam. He hunches over his food, looking like a dog crouched with its ears pinned back.
I sigh. I didn’t mean to. It just came out. “They sent me some stuff. I didn’t know anything about it and found it in the trash. I think Dad threw it away. He’s forbidding me to go into marine science.”
Haylee rolls her eyes. “So you’re using Cam to go behind your parents back? I’m surprised you’re still clinging to that marine science idea.” When Haylee finishes her death by a thousand cuts question, I’m pretty much bleeding out.
I can’t seem to get my chin off the table. And though my eyes won’t stop blinking over and over, it doesn’t keep the tears from pooling.
Cam’s fist smacks the table. “Using me? Just because you’re jealous or whatever doesn’t mean you get to act like that.”
I glance up at Haylee from my plate. Her wide eyes stare up at Cam. “I, uh, I thought.” She swallows. “I’m sorry, Cameron. I know I shouldn’t listen to anything Stacey says.” Haylee’s hand slips to Cameron’s leg.
He takes a deep breath, staring over my head, and then blows it out.
“Cam,” she whispers.
He looks down at her with a tight smile and moves his hand under the table with hers.
Haylee didn’t apologize to me, but at least we dodged a major blow-up there. My muscles relax a little, but they’ve been knotted up since yesterday. Between Lane’s call and my Dad tacking another week to my grounding last night, I didn’t get much sleep. My body’s paying the price.
I knead the back of my neck as Haylee makes small talk about her requesting info from the U of I for fun. The atmosphere hovering over us is so off and tense and uncomfortable. This is not a good quiet. Tobi’s hardly said a word since her story about Rex.
I decide to try and defuse the bomb that’s ticking.
“Lane’s in a band.” I blurt it out like I’d been holding it in for weeks and couldn’t take it anymore. Because I have been. Not very smooth or diffusing.
Tobi angles her body so she’s facing me. “What? When?”
I meet her gaze. “It’s been a few weeks.”
Tobi’s expression is a mixture of fire and hurt. “Why are you just now telling us this?”
“You've been…”—I shrug, not knowing what else to do— “busy trying to keep up with your own life. And I didn't want to stress you out any more than you already are.”
Tobi throws me a confused look. “Stress me out more? This is good news. This is awesome!”
Cam coughs out. “That’s awesome! This calls for dessert. I’ll be back.” He stands and motors to the food line.
I nod and mindlessly fiddle with my milk carton. “Awesome for Lane. I'm happy for him.” My upbeat, excited voice isn’t working today. It hasn’t worked for a while now.
Tobi tilts her head and looks down her nose at me. “But ...”
“But he's gone every Friday now.” I hope the girls understand where I’m coming from. I need them to understand and be here for me.
Haylee shrugs. “That's only one night.”
“At least he comes home to see you.” Tobi scoffs. “I’m lucky if I see Rex twice a month, and I’m not even grounded.”
They’re not getting my point here. “But he was gone this whole weekend. I miss him. A lot.”
“At least you get to see him while you're grounded,” Haylee snips.
She and Tobi share a look. The same look that’s shared way too often.
I try to make them understand. “It's just, it feels like, like maybe I’m not important to him anymore.” I sigh and push my food away. “Home isn’t great right now, and he’s been my lifeboat on the weekends.”
Tobi shakes her head like she can’t believe I’m even complaining. “Lane's been into music forever. This has got to be a dream come true for him.”
Cam sits down with a stack of brownies. One for each of us.
I know she’s right. But I just want to be important to him…to someone. “Yeah. I'm trying to be excited for him … but, he's the one thing that keeps me from hating my life right now. All I get at home is cold shoulders and silence from my parents. Oh, and a little harassment from Dad, even though I do my best to hide out in my hole of a room when I’m not at school.” The knots from my neck have moved to my chest, and they seem to be growing.
“It can’t be that bad.” Haylee takes a bite of the brownie Cam gave her. She leans her head against him like she’s saying sorry and thanks without any words. He leans into her, too.
Watching them make up is making my heart hurt. “Try living in my house a couple weeks,” I spit out, sounding catty. I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did. Except for Cam, they’ve been jerks to me since before Thanksgiving.
Tobi pushes a blast of air between her teeth, slowly shaking her head from side to side. “You think you've got it so bad? Try getting up at four every morning to do chores before school. Go to school all day then go home and work some more. And if you're lucky, fall asleep by ten o'clock.” I can tell by her the set of her jaw she's more than annoyed. Not to mention the hardness in her voice. She won’t even look at me.
Instead of defusing the bomb, I just escalated the tension. My muscles are so tight, my body’s like a rigid robot sitting here. Tobi just needs to vent, Regan. Let her do it. “You even have to work after dark?”
Tobi pushes out another breath of disgust. She swivels and glares at me with a fiery blaze burning behind her ice blue eyes.
My body leans away from her. In the four years we’ve been best friends, Tobi’s never given me the “you’re dead to me” look before.
Her voice thunders, “What the hell do you think I
do? Go to the movies? Get a massage? Lay in a warm, soft bed?”
I feel like a total jerk because she’s basically running her family farm, and she seems to feel I think it’s a walk in the park. But I know better than that, and I feel guilty every day that my dad’s being a jerk and not letting me help. “I'm sorry, Tobi. I didn't mean it like that.”
Tobi throws her sandwich on her plate and starts in again. “Just because you think you’re Miss High and Mighty, straight-A student who’s running off to college to follow her dreams and leave us behind with our family obligations doesn’t mean you’re any better than us. You think seeing your boyfriend two days a week is a crisis? What about my life? What about dealing with my dad who’s laid up in the hospital, worried to death about the farm. Worried I can't handle it and barking orders at me like I’m an idiot while he’s there?”
She's tired—not in a good place, and all her pent-up frustration is coming out at me. I shouldn't have dumped on her like that, but her words are so harsh and cut right through me. I'm not in a good place right now either.
“You know what?” Tobi continues, her voice rising. “I think I would like to trade places with you, so I can lay around in my room and get some sleep.”
The tightness in my chest is inching toward panic level.
Every single person in the lunchroom is staring at us.
Tobi grabs her tray and slings it like a Frisbee above my head. Maybe at my head. I don’t know, but I duck. It bounces off the wall, food flying everywhere, and lands on the floor.
I gasp for air. Tobi made a huge scene in front of the whole high school and tried to take my head off. And she’s not even close to done.
Tobi’s eyes are wild and glazed with moisture. She leans over me and growls through her clenched teeth, “You have nothing to bitch about. You have a devoted boyfriend who’s ditched all his friends to spend every weekend with you. Even when you’re supposed to be grounded. Which is such a load of crap! I don’t know why you’re worried about Daddy. You'll be gone in another year and do whatever you want. My future’s been decided for me. And the whole thing’s riding on me right now.” She stabs her thumb at her chest. “Me!” Her hands ball into fists. “Don’t even try and complain about how sad and pathetic your life is. ‘Cause this is my future. This is my prison. And you haven’t lifted one selfish little pinky to help me. If that’s what you call being a best friend, no thanks.” She storms out of the lunchroom, leaving a wake of gossipy chatter behind her.