by Sally Henson
Regan grumbles, “Hold on.” I hear her talking in the background. “Yeah? Right now? I’m talking to Lane.” She groans and replies, “Okay.”
She’s not happy about whatever it is.
“Hey, I have to go. Mom wants me to try on some stupid dress and eat supper. Can we talk before you play tomorrow? Maybe I could use Tobi’s phone.”
“Sure. You can pump me up. Tell me how awesome I am.”
She giggles and says, “I can do that. I won’t mention the time you were singing and your beagle started howling.”
“Thanks for the ego boost. Now I’ll fall flat on my face.”
“Aw, you’ll be fine. You have plenty of ego left.”
“I miss you already.” More than she realizes.
“Me too, Lane.”
We say goodbye and I think about the song I’ve been writing for her. I wish I could finish it by tomorrow, but I know that’s not going to happen.
I kick back on my bed and open my laptop to get some homework finished. Finals are coming up, and several classes have review packets. It doesn’t seem to matter how many I read over my document, I can’t focus. Setting up a live stream of me playing with the band during her birthday party doesn’t seem like enough. She deserves more than that.
I close my laptop and grab my phone to send Ross a message.
Me: Where are you?
Ross: In my room.
Me: You have a minute?
Ross: Sure.
I get up, cross the hall, and knock on his door.
“Yeah, come in.”
I open the door. Ross has his headphones hanging around his neck with his guitar perched on his leg. “What’s up?” he asks.
“We need to talk. I’m not going to make it Friday.”
59
Regan
“I feel bad for Danny having to drive Dad around all day. But I’m secretly relieved I don’t have to deal with him today.” Tobi dumps her pitchfork full of horse crap into the wheelbarrow and shoves the loose blonde strands out of her eyes with the back of her hand.
I join her at the wheelbarrow and dump my pitchfork from the stall next door. “You know, he’s always so sweet when I’m around.” I wonder if my dad will ever be sweet to me. Not likely. I think we’re more on the path of him and Lincoln.
Tobi closes the stall door and sings, “You’re one of the lucky ones.”
I scoop one more pile from the last stall. “I can’t believe I cried like a baby when I finally got to see him.”
Tobi and I finish the stalls and dump the manure on the pile outside before walking up to the house. Since her Dad’s been home and hired Danny full time, Tobi’s hours have been slashed. She finally gets some much-needed free time.
Tobi leans toward me and sniffs. “You stink,” she cracks with her nose crinkled.
I chuckle. “You don’t smell so great yourself.”
She laughs. “I think we need a shower. You take the downstairs.”
Sassy Tobi is so much better than grumpy, on-edge Tobi. “Agreed. Hey, I want to see your homecoming dress. You said you’re taking Rex?” I ask, hoping she’ll tell me what’s going on with them. We haven’t exactly been braiding each other’s hair the past month.
Tobi slips off her shoes, opens the door, and heads straight to the mud room, dropping onto the bench with her shoulders sagging. “We can’t seem to get together. It’s a timing thing, I guess. One of us is always busy when the other is free. We still message, but it’s not the same. You know?”
I follow her lead, taking a seat beside her, and slip off my coat. “Yeah, I so get it. Maybe with Christmas break coming up, you’ll be able to see each other more. You two make such a cute couple.”
“I hope Homecoming works out. It’s been a while since we’ve done anything. I could go for some fun. You should come. You’re gonna miss out on dancing ‘til we drop.”
Tobi’s phone buzzes as I reply, “Nah.” I don’t think I’m ready to sit in a gym full of people, who’d rather gossip about me than anything else.
“It’s Rex. Meet you in the kitchen after we shower?”
“Sure.”
After showering, I comb out the tangles of my hair and dress. Being here, hanging with Tobi, helps me fall into place again. Not being stuck in my prison helps a lot.
Steam rolls out around me into the dark basement as I open the door. I know I flipped the light on when I came down here. I toss my dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and feel around the edge of the wall for the switch and flip it on.
“SURPRISE!” My friends shout as the light comes on.
I scream, bouncing off the wall because I’m jumpy like that. My heart vibrates in my chest. Tobi, Cam, Haylee, and even Rex rush me, wishing me happy birthday. I quickly calculate in my brain and realize, yes, it is in fact my birthday.
They’re all wearing giant smiles, giggling at my reaction. Cam blows a paper horn while wearing a happy birthday cone hat. It’s no surprise he makes the most noise.
I thought it was just Tobi and me tonight, and I get this.
Tobi and Haylee throw their arms around me, and say in unison, “Happy Birthday, Regan.”
“You guys, I can’t believe you did this. I had no idea!”
“I know! It was awesome!” Tobi squeals.
Haylee grips my shoulders and says, “You should’ve seen your face. Did you pee your pants?”
I give a huge, exaggerated eye roll. “No, I didn’t pee my pants.”
The smile plastered on my face is not likely to go anywhere soon. I’ve missed this, hanging with my friends, having fun.
Rex steps next to Tobi and pats me on the back. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks, Rex. Long time, no see. How are things?” I glance to Tobi before he answers. She winks, biting her lip as if I’ve caught them kissing.
Giggles burst out of me like a little girl.
Cam rushes over, interrupting my giggle-fest. “Birthday Girl!” he bellows, and then picks me up and twirls me around, proclaiming he gets the first seventeen swats. As if I’m going to let that happen.
“Presents! Presents! Presents” Haylee chants, and Cam finally lets my feet touch the floor.
This is the happiest my heart’s been in a long time. I scan their glowy faces. There’s only one thing missing. He’ll be home tomorrow, though. And I’m good with that.
“Me first!” Tobi says as she dashes behind the sofa. “This is from me and Rex.” She lifts a large rectangular box with the same Navy-colored wrapping paper and white ribbon she wrapped my “congratulations you’re grounded” gift. It’s my favorite color.
“You guys! You didn’t have to get me anything. I didn’t even remember it’s my birthday. This party is enough.”
“Regan, I got your present months ago. It’s not last minute.” Tobi hands me the box and scoffs, “And you call yourself my friend.”
I laugh because she is the ace party girl and planner, and if things were normal, I would’ve guessed a party was being planned. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, guys.” I sit on the sofa and unwrap the paper. “Oh!” On top is a cute braided leather cord bracelet with a turquoise and brown bead. “This is so pretty.”
Rex picks up the bracelet and points to the inside of the bead, grinning. “It’s made in Montana.”
“Wow,” I utter, shaking my head. “This is so nice and … wow.” I slip it on my wrist and admire it. I’m not much of a jewelry person, but this is simple and beautiful.
Tobi opens the paper covering the rest of the gift. “Ta-da!”
My eyes widen. “Jeans!”
“I know you’re a jeans and T-shirt girl. They’re really cute jeans, though.” She grins, pulling them out of the box for me to see the back pockets.
“Aw, thanks, Tobi.” I wrap my free arm around her and give her a hug. “I love them. And the bracelet, Rex,” I add, setting the box to the side and standing to give him a hug.
“My turn!” Haylee pops up behind me, leaning over the sofa with
a card in her hand.
“Thank you, Haylee.” I open the envelope and pull out a bright pink card with yellow happy birthday written across the front. There’s a gift card inside, but on the birthday card is an intricate pattern of doodles that spells out my name, and in the bottom right hand corner it says, “Love Haylee.”
I stare at the design and ask, “Haylee, did you make this?”
“Yeah,” she says softly.
“It’s so amazing. How’d you do this?” I can’t stop looking at it.
“I don’t know,” she answers softly. “I just started drawing and this is what came out of it.”
“Wow, Haylee, that’s amazing,” Tobi agrees, looking down from in front of me.
“Let me see.” Cam leans over my other shoulder. “That’s cool, Haylee.”
I look over my shoulder at her rosy cheeks. Things aren’t perfect with the G5 yet, but Haylee’s been the hardest to get back on track with. Maybe it’s because there’s still a little tension between her and Cam.
“You can buy a couple paperbacks with the gift card,” Haylee says. “Or whatever.”
“I’m framing this card for my dresser.” The empty dresser that I took everything off of and shoved in a shoe box and put in my closet. All the photos of the G5 and Lane…I didn’t want to be reminded of what I couldn’t have. It’s time to put them back where they belong. I fold the card and focus on sliding it back into the envelope.
“We got you a cake, too. Sort of.” Tobi giggles. “Be right back.” She and Rex disappear up the stairs.
“I’ll help!” Haylee calls to Tobi, trailing after them up the stairs.
Cam takes a seat next to me on the sofa. “I guess it’s my turn.”
He hands me a small, silky pink, drawstring bag. He swallows, rubbing his palm across his cheek, glancing back and forth between me and the bag.
I tilt my head and look at him. “Are you letting your hair grow out?”
He shrugs and gives me a look as if I should know this already. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Huh. I thought you liked short hair you didn’t have to mess with.”
He flashes a fake scowl. “I do. Now open your present.”
Weird. Oooh, maybe he’s doing it for Haylee. I whisper, “Are you and Haylee back together?”
“No,” he says quickly, ending that conversation before it even starts. “Come on,” he urges, leaning against me. “Open it,”
“Okay, okay.” I pull the top of the bag open and look inside. I can’t tell what it is, so I pour it into my hand. My breath catches. “Oh, Cameron.” I glance at him.
“It’s a reminder for you not to give up on your dreams.” Cam’s big fingers pinch the necklace out of my hand. “You can wear it as a necklace or wrap it a couple times for a bracelet. See…” He opens the clasp and wraps it around my wrist several times.
“Each charm is a piece of your dreams. At least, what I know about them.” He chuckles softly. “A test tube, a starfish, a dolphin,” he continues pointing out each charm, “and my favorite, an ocean wave.”
This gift is so unexpected, especially from Cameron. Cameron doesn’t like to show his big heart, but here it is, wrapped around my wrist. Tears pool on my bottom eyelids, spilling one by one over my lashes. He’s sparking the dreamer in me to want to show back up.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Cam.” I hug him, and he hugs me back.
“Don’t give up. You know I love that fire in you,” he says in a hushed tone.
I don’t answer. My dreams are gone, but this—this is the most beautiful, most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. I’ll keep it as a reminder that Cameron believed in me. When I feel like nothing seems to matter anymore or that I’m lost in the billions of people of this world, I just have to look at this to know it’s not true.
Tobi and Rex sing as they descend the stairs, marching around the sofa in front of me. “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.”
Haylee swings behind them, singing too. I giggle at the opera style singing Haylee’s doing.
Cam stands, pulling me to my feet.
“Happy birthday, dear Regan. Happy birthday to you.”
They hold out a big pan of brownies with “Happy 17th Birthday Regan” written in blue icing with seven lit birthday candles in the middle.
Cam steps behind me, placing his hands on the back of my shoulders. “Make a wish!”
“Yeah,” Haylee says.
“Dream big, Rey,” Tobi winks at me, wearing a huge, toothy grin.
I think for a minute, staring at the flickering candles. This party has been such a surprise, and I’m feeling the love from my friends tonight. Lane’s always been here for my birthdays, but it’s okay. He’s living his dream on stage tonight, and I’m happy he gets to do something he loves.
“Do you have one?” Tobi asks.
I nod and close my eyes. I wish Lane would call me during his break tonight, wish me happy birthday, and tell me all those sweet cotton-candy things I love to hear him say.
I open my eyes, take a deep breath, and blow out the candles.
“What did you wish for?”
I know that voice! I whip my head around to look behind me. “Lane! Oh, my gosh!” I can’t believe it! I climb over the sofa, and he picks me up off the back.
Haylee yells “surprise” again, and the others join her.
I don’t know how he pulled this off without me getting suspicious. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to play tonight.”
His voice is low and soft in my ear so that I’m the only one who can hear. “Happy birthday, Sunshine.”
60
Regan
Last night was the…
Best.
Birthday.
Ever.
Tobi teased me after everyone left about how I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Lane the whole time.
I’m still in a dazed, cloud-nine state on the way home.
Tobi pulls into my drive and asks, “Who’s car?”
It takes me a few seconds to come back to reality. “Lane’s mom’s. I think her and Mom were going shopping for cookie ingredients for the big cookie swap thing our church does.”
Dad’s car is gone, too—thank you.
“I’m surprised she didn’t have wedding stuff going on. You said she’s been busy,” she says.
“Yeah, I think the rush of homecoming dresses is over.” I shrug.
She carries my gifts inside while I lug my backpack.
The screen door bangs shut behind us. Being back home is a little heavy, but the darkness isn’t holding on to me. Last night was a really good thing.
She sets my stuff on the table. “Thanks for helping me with chores this morning.”
“Sure, it was fun.” I flash her a toothy smile.
She snorts, throwing in an eye roll. “Whatever.” She nods to the door. “I need to go get ready for Homecoming. You sure you don’t want to come to the dance tonight?”
“You guys have fun. You and Cam’s stories are better than the real thing anyway.”
She smiles, and heads toward the door, knowing I’m not going to change my mind.
“Take lots of pictures so I can see everyone dressed up.”
“Okay. See ya,” she calls over her shoulder as she pulls the door shut.
I watch Tobi through the window as she trots to her car and pulls out of the driveway. I blow a long breath through my lips, thinking about how much fun we had last year. The thought of being stared at and whispered about all night, no thanks.
“Anyone home?” I call out, not expecting an answer since Mom and Mrs. Cary are shopping together.
I sigh dreamily, thinking about how fun last night was. Cam left early, saying he had to be somewhere, but I wondered if it was too awkward with Haylee. I get it.
Lane was glued to me all night, and I loved every minute of it.
I shuffle down the hallway in a daydream of chocolate, and laughing, and stolen kisses. I think about turning a p
irouette but decide this bag would throw me off balance and make me topple over on my butt.
The dress Mom had me try on a while back hangs from my doorway. I try to reach up to move it, but my backpack pulls me the other direction and I stumble backward a couple steps. With a huff, I try again. The sound of a chuckle hangs in the air, and I freeze. My heart pounds as I stare down the hallway, making sure I’m quiet as a mouse and listen. It’s nothing, I let out my breath, it’s just the heater kicking on.
Lane’s cologne fills the air around me. Inhaling deeply, I close my eyes and drop my backpack. Sigh worthy memories of snuggling with Lane last night fill my head. Especially the little bit of time we had all to ourselves when Rex and Tobi took Haylee home. His kisses continue to make me sigh.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?”
My breath catches in my throat, and I look around the dress into my room. “Lane!”
He's lying on my bed with his hands clasped behind his head. It’s nearly dusk already. I flip on the light to see him better.
“You jerk-face!” I snatch the dress from the trim above my door. “You scared the crap out of me!”
He tosses his head back with laughter.
“It’s not funny.” I can’t help but laugh, too, but slip off my shoe and throw it at him anyway.
He dodges my shoe, laughing even harder. “I was going to say something but was having too much fun watching you stumble around.”
My heart hums inside my chest like the wings of a hummingbird. “That wasn't very nice. Why do you like scaring me?”
“I'm sorry,” he sputters. “I can’t help myself. I get some kind of sick pleasure out of it.”
He stands, smoothing out his suit and I gawk.
I let out a whistle. “What’s with the fancy clothes?” My eyes drink him in from head to toe and back again. “You look very handsome.”
Butterflies that dance throughout my body sometimes when we kiss begin to flit around my insides.
I think I need to kiss him.
Like, right now.
He snatches the dress out of my hands and hooks it on the trim above my door, wrapping his other arm around my waist. My body leans toward his in hopes of connecting with his lips. Instead of kissing me, Lane spins me around, throwing me off balance, and our bodies collide. I bounce off his chest, stumble backwards half-giggling, half-screeching, grasping for something to keep me from falling.