Bodies and Souls

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Bodies and Souls Page 41

by John Rechy


  Men and women with purple tans walked the streets in aimless determination; they dressed in a special way, like a diverse army, like fleshed versions of the distorted manikins.

  Traffic thickened even more as they passed the glassy cubes of Century City—high-rise rectangles, repeated, with trimmed grass at their base sprinkled by arcs of silver water from white fountains.

  For minutes the wind had stopped, leaving only heat. But as they moved toward the beach, it sliced at the streets like clashing scythes. Orin had to stop and raise the car's top, trapping unmoving heat. In Santa Monica, palm trees lining the strip of park at the edge of the ocean swayed low, then struggled against the pushing wind.

  They could see the palm trees and the restless water through the window of the fancy restaurant Orin chose for dinner—’ ‘just for Lisa.” Not even that could jar her out of her mood—which was making Jesse nervous. Orin seemed merely to accept her silence.

  When they reached Hollywood in the night, dried palm leaves littered the streets. The car's tires crunched as they drove past the park. Lisa looked away.

  Then a sudden white darkness fell on the street, the streetlights snuffed out in a power failure. The bright moon plucked out hideous shadows. The wind ripped away the leaves of palm trees. One swept like a fallen eagle against the windshield of the car.

  Orin swerved!

  The dried branch pressed against the windshield, its dead fingers scratching against the glass.

  Lisa screamed, tension bursting. Now another current of wind hurled the fallen palm leaf onto the car's hood, and then yanked it away. Shaken, Jesse leaned back; Lisa's scream had absorbed his own unuttered shock.

  Dead leaves floated in the motel swimming pool. The dusty wind created electric-colored puffs of light about it. They parked the Cadillac in its usual place. Orin touched the trunk again! Jesse noticed.

  Inside, the two men sat at the small table drinking from Cokes they had brought back. Lisa would not touch hers.

  She rushed to Pearl on the bed. The agate blue gaze was fixed in accusation. “She used to look like me, and now she looks like her, and she said she used to look like me until I came and— …” She shook the doll—and then brought her to her breasts, soothing her. “There, don't you cry, I didn't mean it. I said, don't cry! I should leave you, just walk out and leave you—like he did!” Words she tried to forget—tossed at her over and over—bombarded her now.

  Jesse stood up. “Honest to God, Lisa. You're like a woman one moment, and a baby the next. Ole Pearl's just a doll,” he tried to adjust reality.

  “Orin gave her to me!” Lisa said tensely.

  “She's what you want her to be.” Orin stood up from the table. “She's you and her.”

  Her! Orin understood so much. Her! … Then the words damming all day flooded out of Lisa: “I hated that horrible wax museum! They all looked dead, all of them! The only ones who looked real were the monsters! The others looked like corpses. That wasn't Marilyn, and her soul wasn't there! I tried to squint, pretend, force myself to pretend it was her! And everyone was so mean to her. So mean. They wouldn't leave her alone, and it's mean, mean! They— … !”

  “Who's they?” Jesse wanted to stop her deluge, now a deluge of words and tears.

  Orin said soberly, “Everybody's got a ‘they,’ a ‘them.’ ‘They’ are the ones who did bad tilings to you. You know that as well as anybody, Jesse. So does Lisa. And ‘it’ is what hurts you, what hurts you the worst.”

  Jesse nodded.

  Yes, Lisa thought, calming down, trying to stop the sobs.

  Orin brought her Coke, and she drank thirstily. He wiped her tears with his handkerchief. Jesse held her hand. I love you both, so much, she wanted to say. But Orin had already walked away, turning on the television to the presence that waited beyond the glassy grayness.

  Lisa looked away. That woman looks like the wax figures, she thought.

  “… —glowing under the light of trees in the grotto along the vined lane, and you stopped in your meditations and looked at me and— …” Brother Man's rhapsodic voice changed; controlled: “… —you were seized by a vision. What was it, Sister Woman?”

  “The word of the Lord came again unto me, saying, Howl ye, woe the day, prophesy and say, the day of the Lord is near, a cloudy day of flaming wrath, and there shall be time no longer,” Sister Woman pronounced words.

  “The day of wrath!” Brother Man gasped.

  “Four fallen angels bruised by the fire of hell!” Sister Woman hurled.

  Four. Lisa frowned. Jesse glanced at her.

  “But!” Sister Woman's hands ascended, the flowing sleeves like frail, deadly blades. “There is time enough, praise God.” She recited memorized words: “For these are they which came out of great tribulation and have washed their robes— …”

  “… —and made them white in the blood of the Lamb,” Orin's voice recited with Sister Woman.

  “… —but they shall hunger no more,” Sister Woman continued, “neither thirst any more. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne— …”

  “… —shall feed them.” Orin closed his eyes, saying the same words Sister Woman whispered, simultaneously. “… —and shall lead them into living fountains of water, and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes,” he ended, from the Book of Revelation.

  Finished with the softly breathed prophecy, Sister Woman pointed her finger like a weapon. “See them! On one side are the fallen angels, and on the other the Prince of Darkness ascends to his black throne, prepared to do battle for souls. Yea, he enlists the black legions. Look! There!” Her finger sliced to one side. “And a cloud of evil gathers on the blazing horizon. But God will win!” she shouted.

  The luminous cross scarred the screen.

  Orin turned off the set. He took out his wallet, searching the piece of paper with Sister Woman's private number on it. He dialed. Waited, waited, waited.

  Lisa and Orin heard their own breathing.

  “Sister Woman!” Orin said. His body relaxed, he closed his eyes.

  Lisa accepted what she had thwarted: He is speaking to her.

  Jesse nodded toward Lisa, accepting the same fact.

  “Sister Woman, it's me, Orin…. Yes! I… am … here.” He pronounced the three words slowly into the telephone. “Like we promised you…. Right after she died, I left…. Sins so wrathful, Sister Woman!—sins you know! … And she cursed—the last moments, her last words! … I believe that. That's why … I … am … here.”

  Again the long pause between the three words. Now Lisa knew they had a deep meaning not only for him but, mysteriously, for her and Jesse.

  “Three of us—all lost…. Yes!—and the fourth one, too, just like you prophesied!” Orin's frantic voice continued.

  The fourth one. The man in the park was the fourth one. Afraid, Lisa moved closer to Jesse, who took a bewildered step toward Orin, as if to block the thrust of his words.

  “I always keep my promises, Sister Woman…. It's you who know!” Orin's voice broke an angered sob. “I have your letters to her: ’beyond death and hell/ Proof! … You promised—you're the only one who knows, Sister Woman! If you can do that, then you'll know the proof!” He inhaled, as if preparing the next words, which he flung out: “Tomorrow's Saturday, Sister Woman, the night of your weekly healings. She watched those, Sister Woman, watched until she couldn't see any more, and then she'd listen, Sister Woman…. You will give us proof then, tomorrow—and on Sunday in the Silver Chapel, for your gathering of souls, we will come to you, with her gift, with ours, and for ours…. Goodnight, Sister Woman.” When he hung up, he walked to the draped windows.

  Now he will stare out into the night, Jesse knew. Cody Jarrett talked in the dark wind to his dead Ma. His dead Ma— …

  “You meant us, didn't you, Orin?—you said we were lost,” Lisa said. She didn't want to think about the man in the park, not now. In the echoing memories of Orin's beautiful words—but disguised by their soothing rhythms, e
ven now, remembered—there was an angered confusion, which he ordered into his own logic, only his. Lisa heard it in whispering echoes—and that was what was leading them— … Where? “You meant us,” she repeated, expecting no answer. She felt tired, tired because of the betrayal of the Movieland Museum, tired because again unwanted reality was invading harshly—and soon it might not be possible to push it away—as she tried now. She embraced Pearl. She felt a new sadness as Orin turned from the window.

  He reached down and put one hand on Lisa's shoulder, another on Jesse's. “I have to test her—lots of ways; the old lady wanted that, she told me. Trust me,” he echoed his words of the day that had led them into the park. “I'll tell you everything, I promise, tomorrow, too tired now, all of us, trust me.” His hands on their shoulders became firmer. “Please,” he said.

  “Yes! Just don't look so sad!” Lisa said.

  Jesse remembered when Lisa's touch had connected them in the car. This reaffirmed the same connection. “I trust you, Orin,” Jesse said quietly. Tomorrow Orin would explain, he had promised, and he'd just said on the telephone he always kept his promises. Orin didn't look like Cagney—Cody—no, but they both resembled troubled little boys at times. Cody. All he asked for was loyalty. But everyone betrayed him. Betrayal was an awful thing. He, Jesse, was loyal.

  Officer Weston: “Internal Affairs”

  Click. ” Draft of Memorandum of Psychiatric Evaluation in the matter of Officer Norris Weston. To: Investigating Officer, Internal Affairs Division— … Officer— … Officer— …” Click. … Click. “(Miss Burstyn, when you transcribe this tape, get the name and title of the investigating officer from our file and check the correct form for this report—consult the latest evaluation that I conducted for the Police Department; that was in the matter of that man— … Cramen or Katoff; also, add Officer Norris's rank—sergeant, I believe—and head this and all other notes and subsequent versions of this report HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL—in solid capitalization and underlined.) From: Frederick C. M. Krug, M.D., Consulting Psychiatrist. (Paragraph:) Officer Norris Weston was referred to examining physician for psychiatric evaluation and prognosis after several of his fellow officers and superiors complained of serious lapses in the performance of subject officer's duties: bouts of moodiness, apparent depression, irrational eruptions of anger (change that to ‘irascibility'; no, leave it—but delete ‘irrational'), and persistent tardiness, especially in the afternoons. This behavior did not decline—as expected to by his superiors—after the second (underline ‘second') finding concurring with the first from the District Attorney's Office that (quote) ‘no prosecutable offense occurred in the shooting death of— … of— …” Click. … Click. ”… —of Emma Lincoln’ (close quote) by Officer Norris G. Weston (Paragraph:) IMMEDIATE BACKGROUND (solid capitalization, underlined): Officer Norris A. Weston was on an official assignment to stake out a Central Los Angeles Elementary School (get the name—it's in the referral report) where a man loitering suspiciously had been reported by parents. In his car to observe the suspect's actions, Officer Weston received a Police Emergency Code nine-nine-nine (quote)—'officer needs assistance, all units respond’ (close quote). Following accepted procedure, Officer Weston drove immediately to the origin of the distress call; only a few blocks away. (Paragraph:) According to the report of Officer Elton D. Katoff (that is correct, Miss Burstyn, the earlier file is on Officer Cramen—with a C, and Katoff is spelled K-a-t-o-f-f—umm—yes)— … Officer Katoff was driving alone along a street in a high-crime area when he saw a group of black teenagers huddled together in a suspicious manner. Officer Katoff stopped to investigate, suspecting narcotics activity, common in the area. When Officer Katoff identified himself and ordered the teenagers to raise their hands and ‘Freeze!’ (quote, exclamation mark inside quote), Emma Lincoln, the mother of one of the teenagers, rushed out of her house, outside of which the suspects were gathered, and yelled to the children (make that ‘teenagers') to (quote) ‘throw them things away and run’ (close quote). Thereupon the teenagers threw away the items (make that ‘suspicious items'); Officer Katoff assumed that they were discarding narcotics and/or paraphernalia, and he fired twice in the direction of the fleeing youths, hitting none. By then, Mrs. Lincoln had thrown herself on the ground and was apparently looking for the discarded evidence. Officer Katoff warned Mrs. Lincoln to (quote) ‘Freeze!’ (close quote, exclamation mark inside quote), and to reinforce his warning pointed his gun at her. At that moment, Joseph Lincoln—Mrs. Lincoln's husband—a huge black man (change that to ‘a two hundred thirty-pound Negro male') appeared and approached Officer Katoff in a menacing manner, causing the officer to redirect the direction— … uh … to redirect the pointing position of— … to point his gun at the man. Others in the area had begun to gather and allegedly join in the abuse of the officer for being white. Feeling threatened, Officer Katoff sent out the emergency code. (Paragraph:) When Officer Norris Weston arrived seconds later, he observed Officer Katoff pointing his gun at the large black man (delete the description; substitute ‘pointing his gun at Mr. Lincoln') while a black woman—Mrs. Lincoln—sprawled on the ground and attempted to reach for what Officer Weston assumed to be a weapon. (Make that ‘while a black woman on the ground was searching a hedge for what Officer Weston,’ et cetera.) Officer Weston fired four times at Emma Lincoln, wounding her fatally. (Change that to ‘killing her.’) He fired a fifth shot at Joseph Lincoln, who attempted to attack Officer Weston. Mr. Lincoln was wounded in the arm, handcuffed, and taken into custody. No weapon was found near Mrs. Lincoln's body—only scattered dice. (Paragraph:) SUBSEQUENT EVENTS (all capitals, underlined): After extensive investigation, the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office found that Officer Weston had reacted responsibly to secure the safety of his fellow officer. As a result of community pressure and alleged discrepancies between the statements of witnesses and the recounting of their statements in the District Attorney's report concerning Mrs. Lincoln's movements and position prior to the fatal shooting—and in response to subsequent heavy coverage by the media— … (Start that again:) Subsequently, the head of the Special Investigation Division of the District Attorney's Office ordered the matter reopened when witnesses claimed they had been misquoted in the official report and other groups cited alleged discrepancies. That report had described the attitude of witnesses as (quote) ‘biased or prejudiced and marked by a dislike for authority’ (close quote). (Paragraph:) Officer Weston claimed to have fired when he saw Mrs. Lincoln reach out on the ground for the assumed weapon. Neighbors of Mrs. Lincoln and others who gathered, claimed that Officer Katoff had ordered Mrs. Lincoln to lie face down on the ground with her hands behind her, and that it was in that position that Officer Weston shot her. Newspaper accounts cited as a discrepancy the coroner's report that the fatal bullet passed through both of Mrs. Lincoln's hands and penetrated her spine, seemingly corroborating the reports of her neighbors and friends. However, a shot which grazed her ear was unreported in the original autopsy report and subsequently was determined to uphold Officer Weston's and Officer Katoff s contention that the first shot or shots were in response to the initial (underline ‘initial') threatening action. (Paragraph:) The second report issued by the District Attorney's Office confirmed the original finding of accidental death and recommended that no further action be taken against Officer Weston, found again to have acted responsibly. (NOTE TO MYSELF: Condense the preceding?—paraphrased from official reports from Internal Affairs. Necessary to this report?) (Paragraph:) Officer Weston continues to be the object of vast (make that ‘wide') media attention, protests in the black and left-wing communities (change ‘left-wing’ to ‘liberal'), and renewed demands that further investigations be conducted and that Officer Weston be tried for murder. Such demands have been rejected. Officer Weston has been reassigned from field activity to so-called ‘desk duties’ (quote ‘desk duties') temporarily removed from the glare of the public attention this case continues to generate. (Paragraph:) PERSONAL BA
CKGROUND (all capitals and underline): I I interviewed Officer Weston in my office on three (N.T.M.: Check number of times) separate occasions for periods of approximately one hour each. He is a personable Caucasion male of thirty-nine years, a veteran of fifteen years in the Los Angeles Police Department. At age eighteen, Officer Weston finished high school and enlisted in the United States Army, where he was assigned to the Military Police. Upon his discharge, he enrolled in (blank, blank) College for a year and a half and considered a career in electronics. Instead, his military background—and his negative reaction to the (quote) ‘dopers and beatniks on campus’ (close quote)—led him to join the Police Force at age twenty-four. He would have reenlisted in the army during the Viet Nam conflict, but by then he had the duties of a husband and parent. The same year he joined the department, he married a woman named— … a woman he calls— … uh, Debby … age thirty-six; now age thirty-six. (Check the name, it might be Deborah.) They have two children, a boy, Paul, age fourteen, and a girl, Laura Marie, age nine. Both are in school and apparently well-adjusted, average children. Officer Weston claims that his is a close family unit. They belong to a Presbyterian Church, although, in Officer Weston's words (quote) ‘we don't attend services as often as we should’ (close quote). His performance has been satisfactory and in several instances outstanding—especially in the area of youth-oriented projects, including the Police Law Enforcement Scouts, a program which familiarizes volunteer teenagers of both sexes with law enforcement procedures. That program has been, as he says, his (quote) ‘pet’ (close quote), along with programs directed to inform youths of the dangers of drug and sexual abuse. He has received commendations in these areas. He speaks proudly about his own children—his boy is apparently an athletic youth—(quote) ‘a real boy’ (close quote); and his girl—(quote) ‘a real beauty’ (close quote)—is studying ballet. He admits that he may be (quote) ‘a little overprotective’ (close quote) because of all he has been exposed to. (Paragraph:) FAMILY BACKGROUND: Officer Weston is one of two children. He has a sister—Bernice (Beatrice?)—two years his junior. His family's socio-economic background is middle-class (make that ‘lower middle-class'; no, make it ‘middle-classish, underlining ‘ish’— … oh, I'll adjust that later), his father having been a— … a— … (here it is) …—a pharmacist's assistant in Inglewood, a city just a few miles from Los Angeles and once a white, prosperous community, now predominantly black-populated; it was that situation which put Officer Weston in early conflict with what he calls (quote) ‘nigger cutups’ (change that to ‘Negro cutups’—Officer Weston has a slight Southern accent, apparently absorbed from some of his fellow officers who come from the South, and so he probably said ‘Nigruh'—close quote back there). His mother worked briefly as a grammar school teacher. (N.T.M.: Introduce here incident in bathroom— …?)” Ringgg! … Ringgg! … Ringgg! … Ringgg! … Ringgg! … Ri—"Damn … Hello! … Oh? Well, I am working late, and I— … No, it's not the answering service. This is Dr. Krug. Wait a minute, I've left the recording machine on.” Click. … Click. … “(Miss Burstyn, Mrs. Larkin called; try to give her an appointment as soon as I have an opening—the woman sounds hysterical.) (Memorandum continued:) Officer Weston describes himself as being an idealistic young man when he joined the force; he felt that that was a sure way to do (quote) ‘something worthwhile’ (close quote). Like most young policemen, he was at first given the most difficult field assignments—skid row, Main Street, Hollywood; all that, he says, (quote) ‘initiated him and toughened him up and opened my eyes to the world as it really is’ (close quote). He is quick to point out that— … (N.T.M.: Insert more of his point of view here or integrate later into my conclusions? Leave some spaces here.) (Paragraph:) An ambitious man, Officer Weston did what he calls ‘stints’ as a vice officer ('stints’ is in quotes); he explained that vice officers are specially selected men who serve eighteen-month (quote) ‘hitches’ (close quote). Because of exposure to this unusual experience, they are regarded more highly for promotion. As a vice officer— … (N.T.M.: Use here or later? Later, when I go into the interdepartmental tiff—embroilment—matter—when he reported a partner of his who tried to extort sexual favors from young prostitutes in exchange for their freedom. Or omit? N.T.M.: Leave matter of related reprimands for later, or out?) (Paragraph:) PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES (all capitals): Until (and underline ‘Present Circumstances')—until recently, Officer Weston's was a (quote) ‘happy life’ (close quote); his marriage was (quote) ‘successful, having all the good times and the usual strains and stresses’ (close quote). Since the shooting, the investigations—and concurrent with the lapses in his official duties—he has developed personal problems. He was reticent to discuss these at first, but I was able to elicit information that leads me to believe his marriage has begun to flounder (founder?) and he is—he admitted—(quote) ‘drinking more than I should’ (close quote). This is a problem his mother had. (N.T.M.: Insert mother here?) Indeed, I believe Officer Weston is going through a period of impotence (make that ‘temporary impotence'). According to him, Debby (Debby is the correct name, Miss Burstyn)— … According to him, Debby (I'll refer to her as Mrs. Weston)—Mrs. Weston is constantly staring at him as if (quote) ‘accusing me of something’ (close quote). Although she was at least outwardly supportive of him throughout the investigations, he is convinced this new attitude has to do with the shooting. The fact that Mrs. Weston has begun to assume some of the duties he staked out for himself as a caring father—like driving his daughter to dance classes—he sees as confirmation. On one occasion she read out in horror a newspaper account that Mrs. Lincoln has (make that ‘had') a daughter of Laura Marie's age. That troubling domestic situation obviously has a negative effect on his official performance—one reflects the other. He equates his transference to a desk job as a reduction of his status; he has, in a sense, been rendered impotent in the field, so to speak. (Paragraph:) He is a man with a strong sense of the family backbone of his moral— … uh— … spine of morality— … The fiber— … (Leave a few spaces.) This is illustrated by his keen interest in the activities of youngsters—as described earlier. (N.T.M.: Use here?) This is in partial compensation for childhood traumas. (N.T.M.: Deal with later?) (Paragraph:) Officer Weston feels a deep sense of outrage that he was converted into a (quote) ‘monster’ (close quote) in the incident that is the subject of this report—although he was (quote) ‘fulfilling his duty’ (close quote). This syndrome of confusion, not uncommon, is similar to that of soldiers in war. Even when they know they are fighting justly, any criticism of killing sets into motion a whole syndrome of unjustified guilt, not for the official killing, no matter how regrettable, but, more, for childhood guilts evoked. This has occurred in Officer Weston. (Paragraph:) He points out that (quote) ‘after all, Mrs. Lincoln was trying to conceal legal evidence’ (close quote) and that she instructed the teenagers—including her son—to ‘do wrong’ (enclose ‘do wrong’ in quotes). He resents the accusation in a newspaper editorial that his behavior may be part of what is currently defined as (quote ‘a siege mentality—Them versus Us’ (close quote) among law enforcement officers. He points out that (quote), ‘after all, I have seen horrors that would curdle your blood—knifings, attacks, open perversion, assaults on children’ (close quote)—and he says it is simply a matter of (quote) ‘answering fire with fire’ (close quote; and leave a few blank spaces after that; I may make more of that statement). He describes a growing frustration, shared by his fellow officers, about the lack of respect for law, the collapse of morality and religious values, the coddling of criminals, the leniency of judges, loose morals, the irresponsibility of parents to their children. He thinks children provide (quote) ‘the only hope for the future—if they can be reached in time’ (close quote). He feels very strongly that society (quote) ‘must protect itself, just as medicine protects the body from deadly germs’ (close quote; N.T.M.: Condense?) (Paragraph:) GENERAL PSYCHOLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS (all capitals): All neurotic compulsive behavior is goal-
directed. (Underline ‘General Psychological Observations.’) When you understand the purpose of the neurotic, you understand the behavior. Such behavior patterns have to do with subconscious reenactments during periods of conflict of childhood rituals used as protection from fears, anxieties, bewilderments—that is, traumas. Any adult traumatic experience may pull out of the unconscious the protective rituals of childhood—altered into, or disguised as, apparently mature reactions. Repression and sublimation are ways of coping with neurosis. That much of Officer Weston's disturbed performance would emerge during his reassignment of duties ‘to a desk’ (that's in quotes)—putting him within view of his superior officers—reinforces the earlier pattern of the authoritarian father who— … Set into motion thereby is the— … the— … Set into motion are— … Aroused— … (N.T.M.: Adjust all this or delete; may be too technical?) Officer Weston's assuming the role of police officer may be said to— … (N.T.M.: Already used? Use later?) The ego resorts to strategies against disruption of its covert activities. Therefore, obsessional behavior— … (N.T. M.: Delete all of that?) “Click. … Click. “The manifestations of the unconscious may be compared to bodily functions. The contest between duty and desire is manifest in Officer Weston, echoing the syndrome of pleasure at war with punishment. (Delete or expand?) The adult is responsible and free. The child is irresponsible, thwarted in his freedom, deprived of the— … Deprivation is— … Clearly, deprivation is— … This may result in concealing— … Clearly, this may give rise to— … to— … to frustration. (Delete? Condense? … Expand?) (Paragraph:) PSYCHOLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS (all capitals and underline): The origin of Officer Weston's aroused sense of protectiveness toward children is at the core of his present disruptive pattern. After considerable probing by me, Officer Wetson—Weston—admitted that his father preferred his sister, two years younger than himself, to him. (Rephrase:) Officer Weston was two when his sister was born. Among his earliest and most persistent memories are those tinted—tainted—by the fact that (quote) ‘my father made no bones about preferring my sister over me’ (close quote). Officer Weston is resentful, although he tries to conceal this, that his mother did not (quote) ‘put a stop to it’ (close quote)—that is, the open partiality toward his sibling, which she could see clearly. The mother herself was apparently an aloof woman, given to drink, especially during a period when they were, in Officer Weston's words (quote), ‘in a bad slump, real, real poor—but she kept drinking’ (close quote). For a time, Officer Weston attempted to gain the respect of his father by being (quote) ‘overly protective’ (close quote) of his young sister. By imitating him, he would please his father—at the same time (quote) ‘make up for’ (close quote) his growing feeling of anger, resentment, and subsequent guilt toward his sister—the fact that she, too, was a child generated further feelings of ambivalence. Often he followed his father and his sister on their way to school, hiding along the way—(quote) ‘becoming invisible’ (close quote)—he was at once companion and friend and stalking adversary. Trying to disguise the pain it caused him, Officer Weston narrated an incident during which he walked into the bathroom when his mother was bathing his sister, then age eight, and he exhibited his penis. Clearly, this was a flaunting of his manhood to them—his asserting his sameness with his father and their difference. Although finding it amusing, the mother told his father, who punished him (quote) ‘by sentencing me to solitary confinement in my room for three weekends’ (close quote). With genuine pride, Officer Weston points out that he is not bitter at his father because, through him, he learned the ‘discipline that made him a good soldier and a good officer’ (quote from ‘discipline’ to ‘good officer'). (N.T.M.: Did I make too much of sibling rivalry?) (Paragraph:) In a very real sense the adult Officer Weston had worked out his own trauma constructively. By becoming an officer, he himself became a symbol of authority his father had represented. (N.T.M.: Used before?) (Quote, and capital ‘L') ‘Like my father’ (close quote) is a phrase he repeats often—and proudly. Through his commendable interest in youth activities, he not only accomplishes that role of father but compensates for his feelings of guilt involving his dislike for his sister—now married and the mother of twins. Paragraph. Officer Weston's views toward what he considers (quote) ‘the perverted side of life’ (close quote) stem from his background of concern for children. Prostitutes, homosexuals, permissive parents, deviants from what he calls (quote) ‘the family unit’ (close quote), he views as harmful in direct proportion to the harm (change that last word to— … leave a blank) they inflict directly or indirectly on children—by exposure to (quote) ‘their degenerate lifestyles’ (close quote) and by (quote) ‘not reproducing to give a kid a chance at life.’ As a member of the vice detail, therefore, he became somewhat overzealous, and on at least two occasions was reported for having overreacted—once in the arrest of a black prostitute who told him that she (quote) ‘hustled to support myself and my kids’ (close quote) and another time when a homosexual who made a sexual overture toward him turned out to be a family man, with three children. In both instances, Officer Weston was found to have acted with (quote) ‘undue force’ (close quote). He was reprimanded—although, he points out, convictions resulted in both arrests. (N.T.M.: Omit? Irrelevant?) (Paragraph:) We come now to the afternoon of— … (Miss Burstyn, please get the date for me; I have it here … somewhere … in my notes; I think it's— … but I don't want to lose my train of thought in this— …).” Click … Click. “(Miss Burstyn, I have lost my train of thought, leave a few blank lines for me to fill.) (Paragraph:) In both instances— … Oh, yes! On the afternoon of blank, blank, blank, when Officer Weston received the Code Nine-nine-nine signal, his anger was already aroused by the suspicious man near the school grounds. Without in any way discounting the officer's occasionally negative view of some members of the black community, based on his exposure to (quote) ‘its worst elements’ (close quote), what occurred was subsequently seen by him symbolically in terms of his childhood. I asked the officer to free-associate about recent events. Without hesitation he chose to speak about the shooting. When he learned the details of the situation—the teenagers, the tossed evidence, Mrs. Lincoln's exhortation—Officer Katoff apparently filled him in immediately during those (quote) ‘jumbled moments’ (close quote)— … When he— … It is clear that on an unconscious level the fact that Mrs. Lincoln had exhorted, or allowed, her male child (quote) ‘to do bad’ (close quote)—that is, throw away evidence and run— … It is clear that that evoked in him his mother's allowing his father to prefer his sister. (N.T.M.: Adjust). So he shot at the woman who— … It is important to remember that Mrs. Lincoln—Mr. Lincoln—was (quote) ‘looking on and allowing the bad behavior’ (close quote; I'll adjust that later). By instructing the teenagers to elude rightful authority, Mr. Lincoln and Mrs. Lincoln— … (Start that again; my notes are a bit jumbled here:) It is very (underline ‘very') clear that when Mr. Weston saw Mr. Lincoln (make that ‘Mrs. Lincoln'), he— … that when he shot at Mrs. Lincoln, he— … Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln became, for him, one parent! (Miss Burstyn, leave a half page or more, I might have some more thoughts on all of that later.) (Paragraph:) Officer Weston affirms forcefully that he does not feel guilt about the shooting, although of course he regrets that a life had to be taken. In his words, it was (quote) ‘a decision I can live with’ (close quote). I find those statements accurate reflections of his beliefs. It therefore becomes evident that his subsequently disruptive behavior in his official—and social—performances stems not from guilt over the shooting but from the evoked earlier traumas which until now he had been able to sublimate in his work. His present behavior results from transference, causing the disruption of his finely tuned defenses. (Paragraph:) PROGNOSIS (all capitals and underline): In these few therapeutic sessions Officer Weston has already achieved remarkable insight into the underlying causes of his recent behavior. Indeed, he stated as much to me. He has been twice cleared of wrongdoing during two grueling official investigations. He r
ecognizes that his depression—affecting his work and his personal life—has its roots in childhood and not really in the present regrettable affair culminating in the death of Mrs. Lincoln. (Paragraph:) It is my strong opinion that, having faced that already, Officer Weston will become symptom-free within a reasonable period of time. Psychiatrically speaking, he has already begun the essential process of working through his problem. (Paragraph:) My prognosis is that the disruptive behavior will diminish dramatically, and that Officer Weston, after a brief period of adjustment, will resume his worthwhile performance as an officer of the Police Department. To that end, his staunch values—his sense of justice—must be reaffirmed. They have been shaken to their very foundations.

 

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