by Alison Aimes
Was he a coward for being relieved the tread behind was heavy rather than light and graceful?
Definitely, but he was still processing all he’d learned. He couldn’t handle another tragic fuckup on top of that right now, too.
“What will you do?” Grif’s voice was raw from questioning. His friend had been by his side every sadistic, bloody step of the way.
Ryker frankly hadn’t realized the man had so much darkness in him. But then again, he’d shocked himself as well. “What do you mean? I’m going back tonight and I’m getting them out.”
A long pause. “It’s risky.”
“I know.” It would be smarter to wait until tomorrow. To stick to the original plan. But he couldn’t wait. Illogical or not, he couldn’t wait another lunar rotation to learn if they were alive. “You’re injured. I’ll go alone.”
“Not happening.”
“Yes. I—”
“You’re not thinking straight.” Grif sighed. “I understand. Jade will, too.”
Ryker couldn’t hide the flinch at the sound of her name.
Apparently, Grif noticed. “I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you do her.”
Ryker’s lungs squeezed tight. “There’s no one like her. She’s extraordinary.”
“It’s not fucking fair. You were miserable for so long and now…”
Ryker shook his hands, watching the droplets of water fly through the air and splatter on the ground. “What’s not fair is my son and Saralynee imagining I abandoned them.”
“You don’t know it’s them.”
“No.” He looked down at the carving he’d finally found the courage to claim from Grif. It hung around his neck beside its obvious match. “But if it is, I hope to Janus I can spend my life making up for one tenth of the hell they’ve had to endure.”
“And Jade?”
“Jade?” Pain radiated from his spine upward, clawing at his gut, his chest, his throat, so intense he could barely breathe, the imagined loss of her ripping him wide once more. His ruthless, logical assassin. His queen of frost and heat, of shadows and light. The woman who’d brought him back to life. Who, in ironies of ironies, had made the agony of his lost loved ones bearable, only to be part of the reason they might be returned to him. Just when he was beginning to imagine a future without them.
Fuck him, the universe could be cruel.
“Getting the sequence code from the operative remains a top priority. I’ll…I’ll just need you to do the initial snatch and securement of the operative. I’ll handle getting the code out of him once I know my family and the others are safe.”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” snapped Grif.
Ryker did.
He’d vowed to care for Jade. Told her she wasn’t expendable. Sworn never to discard her as she’d been discarded so many times before. Spun tales for them both about a future.
“Just as you said. Jade will understand.” He forced his words past the lump lodged in his throat.
“Yes”—the pity in Grif’s voice almost broke him—“she will. She’ll understand and she’ll let you go and you’ll do the same for her. If we do manage to find a way to deactivate the nano-bomb inside her, you’ll be nothing but polite when you interact with one another at the settlement. She’ll be pure ice. You’ll be your asshole self. No one will ever know, least of all Saralynee and your son.”
The bleak emptiness of Jade’s absence from his future almost brought Ryker to his knees.
He needed to speak with her. Needed to make this right. But how could he when he didn’t have the answers? When he had no fucking clue how he could let her go and no clear plan for how he could keep her by his side?
“But I’ve seen the heat in her gaze when she stares at you when she thinks no one else is looking,” continued Grif, his teammate relentless as ever. “I’ve seen the raw way you look at her as if you could hold her and never stop and I fucking know you’ll never stop feeling that way about each other.”
Bones weary, Ryker pushed to standing. “You’re right,” he admitted. “But I love my son and Saralynee, too, and, if by some miracle, they’re still alive, they have to come first. Above anything—and everyone—else.”
He needed to talk to Jade, but how could he when what he had to say would only crush them both?
“JADE?”
It had been hours since she’d last seen either man, but this wasn’t the one she’d hoped would come to her. Maybe though, it was easier this way.
After holding up a hand in greeting to Grif, she gave Rafi and the girls what passed for a smile and finished up the lesson. “Just remember, evasion is the best plan. But if you have no choice, go for the eyes, a strong poke or gouging and then run and hide.” She wished she had more time, but for now these few tools would have to suffice. “As you grow, you can learn more techniques that will help you defend yourself.”
“Which you’ll teach us.” Melody didn’t frame it as a question. “We have to be prepared.”
“If I can.” Affection slipped its way past the choking pain. She’d lost so much, but not everything.
“I’d like to learn, too.” Marika’s quiet voice drifted over from the shadows where she was sitting against the wall.
“You will all learn. At the settlement.” Jade’s gaze found the Resistance fighter’s and held. Even if she couldn’t be there, she would make sure someone taught Melody and the others what they needed to learn. “But for now, I need to speak with Grif. Alone.”
Taking her leave, she waited until they were outside the cave, the wind so calm it did little more than stir her hair and clothes. How ironic that it was so quiet out here, when the storm inside her was more tumultuous than ever. “The interrogation?”
“Over.” Grif looked away. “Ryker managed to confirm what I’d discovered, nothing more, nothing less.”
“Now he doesn’t want to wait.” She didn’t bother to phrase it as a question. She knew.
“He’s not thinking straight.”
“We’ll have to do it for him.”
“It will mean more risk for all of us,” he answered by way of confirmation.
“But we’ll do it anyway.”
Grif smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I thought that’s what you’d say.”
“On the plus side, the slaves chosen to service 223 and his favored guards will have been returned to their sleeping quarters by now. That’s one less complication.”
“Yes.” He paused, rubbing a hand over his mouth, the kind of hesitant gesture she had yet to see from the man who seemed always to know how to charm. “I’ll go with you to plant the bombs, secure the operative, get the weapon, and take out 223. Ryker will head to the slave pens.”
A change from the original plan, but exactly the way it should be. She offered a brief nod. “I’ll gather my weapons and prepare to leave.” She studied his expression. “There’s more.”
The man winced. Unlike her, he was terrible at shielding his reactions. “The prisoner told me something else.”
She waited.
“The weapon’s been reconfigured with a trip wire,” he said at last.
“Which means there is a good chance any attempt to disarm it will end in death.”
“Yes.”
She nodded.
Surprise lit his features, then understanding. “You already knew. How?”
“I suspected. 223 is a madman, but he isn’t stupid. He learns from his mistakes. He’s done what he could to keep me, or anyone else, from vandalizing his weapon a second time.” She considered. “It’s likely some kind of laser burst that will kill the person trying to dismantle it, but keep the weapon intact.”
“It will be me who goes for it.” The soldier widened his stance, braced for an argument.
So, she gave him one. “You’re injured. Plus, it was always my intent to finish this mission and procure the weapon.” Her gaze locked with his. “I know Ryker told you about the nano-bomb. I’m going to die anyway.”
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He shook his head. “He also told me about the operative and the sequence code. We’ll get it out of him. It’s my turn to take the risk on this mission. You plant the bombs. I’ll get the weapon and the operative.” He slammed his fist to his chest, the darkness and longing she’d noted before bubbling back to the top, his gaze burning bright. “I…I need this.”
She wondered all over again what demons plagued him.
When she didn’t agree, he cleared his throat. “Ryker mentioned your concern about the weapon falling into Resistance hands. Your fear that what had happened before would make us bitter enough to use the weapon against those who wronged us, but I swear to you, Jade, we are nothing like those bastards.” He blew out a breath. “I know…I know I’m not at my best right now, but I swear I would never hurt any of the innocents on this planet or New Earth. Keeping them safe”—his voice broke—“it’s all I have left.”
That she believed.
“Okay.” She gave a nod of acceptance.
Gratitude softened his features. “Thank you.”
She nodded again. This one was a clear dismissal, but Grif didn’t leave.
“I’m not going to tell Ryker,” he said.
“A good idea. He will insist on going when he should be with his family.”
“Exactly.” He cleared his throat. “I know I’m not your first choice of partner.”
His words sliced deep, but she knew well how to keep her expression cool. Already she could feel the parts of her that had warmed under Ryker’s playful stare frosting over. “It will be fine. It is hard to complain too much about a partner who is willing to risk death to delay mine.”
Grif sighed, looking even more pained. Proof her attempts at humor still needed work. “I’m sorry, Jade. Sorry the Council put that damn thing inside you. Sorry, too, for all you’ve lost.”
Another sharp stab to her chest. She didn’t want to discuss this with him.
Still, she knew he was trying to be kind so she did her best to give him something in return. “My time with Ryker has been extraordinary. I learned much about myself and others. Those are memories I will cherish for however long I have left.”
She’d bled a hundred times and never experienced anything as agonizing as the wounds in her chest right now. She had feared it would be her death that separated her from Ryker, but it was he who was lost to her, sooner than she’d ever anticipated.
But she’d survive this blow, and she’d go on to do what needed to be done.
Precisely because he’d taught her so much about decency and compassion and caring for another. Precisely because he’d shown her what it was to truly live.
She’d choose quality over quantity any time.
“You don’t have to go through whatever’s coming alone.” The heartfelt warmth in Grif’s tone surprised her. “If there’s a problem getting the deactivation code—”
She cut him off, managing another smile. “Thank you for your concern, but I will be alright, whether we get the sequence code or not. I am used to handling what comes alone. It may not be the future I had begun to imagine for myself, but it doesn’t scare me as it does some people. I’ve been a Council assassin for a long time. I’ve had years to get comfortable with the idea of my death. And, in truth, if I can’t be happy with Ryker by my side, I will be happy standing alone and ensuring he and his family have the chance I never will.”
Grif swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I could be so selfless.”
“Then you have never been in love.”
36
They’d gathered at the tunnel entrance. Three solemn figures, weighted down by weapons.
Ryker wanted to howl. The ice-cool expression on Jade’s face reminiscent of the stranger who’d hurled a table at him during their first meeting.
His arms ached to pull her close. To bury his nose in the hollow of her neck and breath in honeyed frost while her skin was pressed to his.
He kept his hands by his side.
They’d said good-bye to the others back at the cave. Marika had wailed while Rafi pretended indifference. Hope and Melody had refused to offer a farewell, their heads buried in their father’s chest as if they could blot out what was happening.
If only.
Tyson and Rufus had agreed to look out for the others and a plan was in place should the three of them not return. Supplies had been restocked and specific instructions left for the route to take to reach his teammates, as well as what to say to Valdus to gain entrance to the settlement.
He, Jade, and Grif had done all they could, but it still felt a lot like abandonment.
If Ryker could have felt anything but numb horror during the good-bye, he’d likely have started wailing along with Marika. Instead, he’d stood stoic and still while Jade and Grif did their best to soothe.
He had to admit, Jade was getting better and better at it. The awkward pat she’d given Rafi and the girls before she left had almost broken him.
But the cold, hard figure standing in front of him now was even harder to face.
Already he missed her so fucking much.
“The tunnel diverges up ahead. Stay to the right.” Her voice was no-nonsense as she issued instructions to Grif. “If we become separated, stick to the plan. And thank you”—she patted his shoulder stiffly—“for everything.”
The two of them shared a look Ryker couldn’t decipher and idiotic jealousy reared its head. He wanted her hands on him. He wanted those shared looks for himself.
“We’re all coming out of this, Jade. There’s no need for good-bye.” He didn’t like how final her words had sounded. Hated, too, that he wouldn’t be with her once the mission fully began. He’d promised to always have her back, but now she was going into danger and he wouldn’t be with her.
He knew she was beyond competent. He knew Grif was good. He knew he could count on them to secure the operative and that there was still time to get the sequence code and deactivate Jade’s nano-bomb and that he’d have time to interrogate the bastard once they’d destroyed the weapon and reunited at the cave. But it killed him not to be doing this critical part of the mission with her, nonetheless. He wanted to stand by her side and protect her always.
Cool eyes found his. “We must be prepared. We all know the risks and what’s at stake. Emotion won’t help us here. If this is good-bye, we have to face it head-on.”
There it was.
He laid a hand on his friend’s forearm. “Grif, give us a sec.”
“Sure.” With a grim nod, his teammate disappeared into the tunnel to scope it out.
Ryker took a deep breath. “Jade, I—”
“There’s no need to say anything. This is your wife and child. If there’s any chance, even a small one, that the prisoner’s words are true, we have to do whatever it takes to find them.”
Her use of we sliced another deep cut all the way to the bone.
Damn, he wasn’t just falling, he’d fallen. Head over heels in love with her. He loved everything about her strength and her courage and integrity. All of which had somehow survived all the hell and ugliness that had been thrown at her time and again.
“There’s still time left in the countdown, right? You’re not lying to me about that in some kind of selfless bullshit attempt to keep me out of the loop? Because if that’s the case, priorities have to shift. Securing the operative has to come first—”
“Stop.” She cut him off, guileless emerald eyes meeting his. “I’m not lying about the countdown. There is still time before it goes off.”
Something felt off. But then again, everything about this fucked-up situation was off. “Okay. Good. Plant the bombs and get out. Grif will secure the operative and the weapon. Don’t take any unnecessary risks. I’ll get to you as soon as I can. There’s every chance the prisoner is lying. Or mistaken. It may not be them.” It had to be said. He wouldn’t pretend otherwise. Or allow too much hope to bloom.
“Yes, there’s a chance.” Finally, her expression shifted, her
extraordinary eyes darkening to her namesake color as emotion washed through them. “But I hope with everything good that’s left inside me he’s not.” She swallowed hard. “The mission, the priorities, remain as is. They had you long before we ever met. That is a claim that takes precedence over everything else.”
His chest shattered. The gap between them was widening, even though their boots hadn’t moved an inch.
And, this time, he had no right to close the distance and demand she let him in. No right at all.
“No matter the outcome, Jade, I won’t disappear on you.” He wouldn’t be like all the rest. “We will get that deactivation code. You will have a future. The settlement, my team, they’ll still be your new home. I’ll always be there, too. It…it might not be how we envisioned, but I will never stop being someone you can count on.” He reached for her—only to have her step back, her gaze shifting away.
“Grif will be waiting. Be safe. And”—she paused, her gaze finally softening—“treasure them, Ryker. We both know how hellish being alone is and how rare and precious love can be.”
Then, turning, knife raised, she ducked through the tunnel entrance without a backward glance.
37
“Behind.” Ryker’s warning was unnecessary, but appreciated.
Jade flipped her knife and slammed it backward into the soft gut of the gang member about to attack.
With a groan, her opponent crumpled to his knees. She finished him off with a quick slice across the throat.
There was no need to leave everything untouched this time—and Jade relished leaving her mark, every kill an apology to the innocents who’d been tortured and enslaved by her ex-employers and 223’s gang.
They’d met no one in the tunnel, but came upon a few targets in the main cavern who hadn’t yet bedded down for the night.
Dispatching them was proving bittersweet as she and Ryker moved in sync, taking down the gang members with ease. A reminder of how well-matched they were as partners.
It was a poignant ode to what had been. A fitting good-bye.
Before long, bodies littered the floor. Not a single attacker remained alive.