by Linda Bridey
Claire blinked as she took in what he’d just said. “You love me?”
“Yes!” he shouted.
“You never told me,” she said.
His fist clenched and she thought he was going to punch a tree again. Even in the emotionally charged situation, Claire was fascinated with the way his muscles moved and she couldn’t deny how much she wanted him.
“I showed you every minute of every day. Everything I did was for you and Aiyana. Couldn’t you tell? Cooking, reading together, and taking care of her together. Teaching you to ride, you teaching me French, laughing together, and making love! Couldn’t you tell every time we touched, kissed, and…how much I loved you?” he said.
“Yes, I thought I could but then I saw you with her and I started to wonder if it was all something I just made up in my head. That you were having fun playing house with me, but still wanted other women,” Claire said.
“No! Since I asked you to marry me right over there,” he pointed down the trail to the rock ledge, “I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else again.” He tapped the ring on his left hand. “Do you see this? I take what this means dead serious. Commitment. I know people don’t think I’m capable of it, but I’ve been committed to the people around me all my life, in both families! They just never looked close enough to see it! I’ve always been good enough to babysit, cook, chop wood, train horses, drive cattle, or fix any damn thing that ever needed fixing, but I’m not good enough to trust or forgive?” He drew himself up and in a quieter voice said, “I’m done with all that. I’ll raise my daughter and live my life the way I want to live it now. For myself and her. Go home, Claire. Go home to Pittsburgh where you belong. You don’t belong here.”
Claire was stunned. “But we’re married.”
“I know it’s not very fashionable in your circles, but we’ll get a divorce since an annulment is out of the question. The marriage was consummated, so it’ll have to be a divorce,” Marcus said. “I’ll sign it whenever it’s ready.”
Now Claire crossed her arms and said, “So you’re ready to throw everything away?”
“Ha! You were! Can you tell me that if Wind Spirit hadn’t told you what happened that you would have sought me out?” Marcus said.
“Yes, I would have.”
“When?”
Claire threw her arms up. “I don’t know! I don’t think I would have been able to stand it much longer! I was in agony without you. I’ve been just as miserable as you have.”
She closed the distance between them and touched his chest. A muscle jumped under her hand. “I love you, Marcus. I need you and I want you. I regret more than you’ll ever know that I hurt you and somehow, I’ll make it up to you.”
Claire’s touch was having a powerful effect on him. He stepped back, but she went with him. He kept going until he backed into a tree. She had him trapped. Once she’d started, Claire couldn’t stop touching him.
“Claire, don’t. I can’t do this,” he said.
“Do what?” Claire asked.
“If you don’t stop, I won’t be responsible for what happens,” Marcus said.
Claire slid her hands around his back.
“Claire, I’m warning you,” Marcus said through clenched teeth. “I’ll take you right here on this trail.”
“Promise?”
Marcus reined in his ardor for her. “Is that your plan? Have you come to seduce and win me back with your feminine wiles?”
“No. That wasn’t in my plan, but is it working?” Claire said.
“Yes, but not in the way you want. Not emotionally,” Marcus said.
Claire withdrew her hands from him. “All right. I can see that you’re not ready yet, but I’m going to wait until you are. I love you and if you want me, I swear I’ll spend every day showing you how much I love you, and I’ll never doubt you again. You know where you can find me.”
Claire walked past him, leaving him standing on the trail. He watched her leave and then went back to the rock ledge.
Chapter Twenty-One
Word of Claire’s confrontation with Marcus went through the ranch. She told Maddie almost everything that had happened and about how Marcus felt like everyone had turned their backs on him. Dean became angry when he heard, but his anger was self-directed. A couple days after Claire had talked to Marcus, Dean went to talk to Seth. He found him in the north pasture checking on some fencing.
As Dean walked up to him, Seth smiled and said, “Hey, Dean.”
“Where’s the damn Indian camp?” Dean asked.
“What?” Seth asked.
“Are you hard of hearing? Where’s the camp?” Dean said.
“Why?”
Dean said, “I want to go there. That’s usually why someone asks where something is, Seth.”
“Okay. You don’t have to be a smart ass about it. It just surprises me that you wanna go there. Why do you?” Seth replied.
“It’s time for me to talk to Marcus. Maybe I can make him see that he can’t throw his happiness with Claire away. I understand why both of them were hurt, but I’m sure they can work it out. As far as he and I go, I don’t know if it’s possible to work things out between us now, but I’m gonna try,” Dean said.
Seth tipped his hat back so he could see Dean better. After looking at Dean for a few moments he said, “Well, it’s about damned time. C’mon, let’s go. It’ll be easier to show you. Besides, if they don’t know you, they might kill you.”
Dean started back towards the ranch. “That’s what guns are for, Seth.”
Seth laughed and followed his brother.
*****
When they were close to camp, Seth let out a low whistle and was answered with a night owl call. He smiled. “That’s Owl’s call. He’s Marcus’ older brother by one year. Looks a lot like Marcus.”
“Oh, yeah. I remember him from the wedding,” Dean replied. “So how often do you come here?”
“A couple times a week, I guess. I’ve been keeping tabs on Marcus. And I like to heckle He Who Runs,” Seth said.
They left the woods and Dean looked around the huge clearing. He’d never seen so many Indians in one place. He was surprised when some of them smiled at Seth as he was dismounting. Dean followed suit. A little boy flew at Seth, who picked him up and threw him in the air.
“Raven! How the heck are you, boy?” Seth said as he held on to the little boy.
Dean thought the boy looked a few years older than Mikey. His dark eyes shone as he smiled at Seth.
“Good, Stone Face.” Raven put his arms around Seth’s neck and squeezed.
Seth hugged him back and then put him down. “Where’s your niyate?”
Dean looked at Seth. “Are you learning their language?”
“Some. I’m picking up words here and there. The easy ones. Black Fox is Raven’s pa.”
“Come,” Raven said, and motioned for them to follow.
Dean followed Seth until they stopped in front of a tipi. Dean recognized Black Fox.
Black Fox looked at Dean and said, “I think the heavens will open again today, because you have come to visit.” Then he smiled at Dean and said, “Welcome, brother.”
“Thanks,” Dean said. He was uncomfortable and didn’t know what he was supposed to say. “Where’s Marcus?”
Seth frowned at him. “Nothin’ like gettin’ right to the point. Don’t mind him.”
Black Fox said, “Silver Ghost is probably where he spends most of his time. Stone Face knows where that is.”
Dean looked at Seth and said, “Stone Face?”
“It’s my Lakota name. They’ll have to find one for you,” Seth said.
“I like my own name just fine,” Dean said. “Thanks for the information, Black Fox. Lead on, Seth.”
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Seth said. “Then I can tell you some stories about Dean.”
“You better not,” Dean said.
Seth laughed and headed for Marcus’ hide out. Dean followed him through the clearing.
Every little bit someone would talk to Seth and Dean wondered exactly how much Seth had really been coming to the camp. He seemed awfully friendly with them. He noticed that a few of the women eyed Seth with speculation. Seth tipped his hat to a couple of them and they laughed.
“Seth!” Dean said, “What’s the matter with you?”
Seth laughed and said, “Aw, Dean, it’s just harmless fun. They all know I’m madly in love with my wife. I’ve had a few try to change my mind about that, though. I got my point across. So don’t worry.”
Dean was surprised to see a squaw look at him in the same way. He gave her a small smile and then turned his eyes to the ground. Seth entered the woods and Dean said, “Where the hell are we going?”
“To find little brother. He’s most likely down this trail. He has a really pretty spot where he likes to sit and think,” Seth answered.
After a few minutes, the trail widened and opened up to reveal a panoramic view of the river. Dean saw that they were far above the valley. Then he caught sight of Marcus sitting on a huge rock ledge that jutted out over the water. As they walked forward, Marcus must have heard them and he turned around.
He saw Seth and gave him a little smile. Then he saw Dean and did a double take. His eyes got big and he stood up.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Is it Tessa? The twins?”
Seth said, “No, they’re fine. Why do you think something’s wrong?”
Marcus pointed at Dean. “That’s the only way he would ever come here.”
Dean said, “Marcus, everyone’s fine except for me and your wife.”
“What do you mean?” Marcus asked.
“That’s my cue to leave,” Seth said. “You fellas sort things out and then come get me. I’m gonna see if I can beat He Who Runs at that bones game again.”
They watched Seth walk off and then Dean said, “C’mon and sit down with me.”
Once they were settled, Dean looked out over the river valley. The sound of the river after the heavy rain was a soft roar. The sky was a vivid blue backdrop for the green foliage. “I can see why you come here, Marcus. It’s a pretty place.”
“Yeah. It is. It’s where I proposed to Claire,” Marcus said.
“It is? I didn’t know that,” Dean said.
Marcus said, “What do you want, Dean?”
“There’s a lot of things I could say to that, but although it all goes together, it boils down to one thing; I want my little brother back,” Dean said.
Marcus put his head on his knees and began to laugh. It wasn’t the rich, easy laugh that Dean remembered so well. Instead it was a sharp, angry sound.
“What are you laughing at?” Dean said with a frown.
“You. Claire. Whomever,” Marcus replied.
“Explain that.”
Marcus looked at Dean and Dean didn’t know what to make of the man he saw next to him. Bitterness showed in the lines around his mouth and the coldness in his eyes.
“I’m good enough when people finally decide I am. When they’re ready for me, not when I’m ready for them.”
Dean sighed. “Please, Marcus. No riddles.”
“Okay. No riddles. Why am I suddenly good enough for you now? You threw me out of your house after I bared my soul to you. You put my daughter’s safety in jeopardy when you swiped everything off the counters. I forgave you, Dean, and I came to you as my brother and asked you to do one damn thing for me on the most important day of my life, outside of finding out about Aiyana.
“But no; you couldn’t get past your pride to do even that much for me. I helped your twins be born and made sure that Tessa was all right even though I knew how you felt about me. I put that aside and helped you and your family because despite how much you’ve hurt me, I still love you.”
Dean held Marcus’ gaze and said, “You’re right, Marcus. I should have never done that to you. I regret not standing up with you so much. I didn’t get a chance to thank you the night the twins were born. I was talking to Sadie out in the barn and when I got back to the house, you were already gone. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me, to us.”
Marcus nodded. “You’re welcome.”
“You wanna know what I was talking to Sadie about?” Dean said.
“Sure.”
“I’m gonna be a grandfather in about six months,” Dean said.
Marcus’ head whipped around. “What?”
Dean laughed. “Yep. Sadie’s pregnant. Tucker asked her to marry him. I’ve had a talk with him and we have an understanding.”
Marcus laughed and this time, it sounded like the old Marcus. “You’re gonna be a grandfather and you just had twins!” he managed, and then was overtaken with laughter again.
“Shut up, Marcus. It’s not funny,” Dean said.
Marcus nodded that it was.
“Okay, maybe it’s a little funny,” Dean conceded.
“It’s a lot funny,” Marcus said. “Oh, now my gut hurts. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”
“I’m glad that I can amuse you,” Dean said with a scowl.
“You sure did.”
Dean sobered. “Marcus, I know that I’ve been a real bastard to you. The day Seth and the women got back from Pittsburgh, we saw you jumping Rosie over the barbed-wire fence and it ticked me off.”
“Oh. Yeah, and you were always telling me not to do that. I’m too reckless, too childish and all that,” Marcus said sarcastically.
Dean said, “Do you know why I’ve always tried to get you to be safer? Because I love you and I didn’t want you to get hurt or killed. You’re my little brother and I’ve always looked out for you. See, when Pa was dying, he made me promise that I would take care of you and Ma. I swore to him that I would and I did.”
Marcus met Dean’s eyes and said, “I didn’t know that.”
“I know. But you know me when I make a promise. I keep it no matter what. So I ragged on you and rode you hard, but it wasn’t because I didn’t think you weren’t capable, it was just because I felt like I had to do it to keep you safe. We lost our parents. I lost Sarah and a baby, and I couldn’t lose you or Seth. When he was hurt, I was so damn scared that we were going to lose him.”
“Me, too,” Marcus said.
“I thought I had to take over for Pa. To kind of become a father to you,” Dean said. “I think I was probably too hard on you sometimes.”
“Probably? You were,” Marcus said.
“I know, but through it all, you just kept smiling and teasing me and I thought you weren’t taking me seriously,” Dean said. “I realized after what you said the night you asked me to stand up for you that you’d been paying attention all along.”
“That’s right. I was.”
“I know, and it makes me feel good that you learned so much from me. What doesn’t feel good is knowing how much I’ve let you down lately. See, when I read what happened to Ma, I think I directed some of that anger I felt about it at you. In fact, I know I did,” Dean said. “Then when you told us that you had this whole other family, I was thrown for another loop. I’m not good with change, Marcus.”
“This I know,” Marcus said.
Dean ignored his remark. “What you told us completely changed everything I thought I knew about you. It was almost like you’d become a stranger to me and I had no idea who you were anymore. You were half Indian and your other family knew all about us. I was hurt that you hadn’t come to me all those years ago because I thought we were close enough that you could have told me anything.”
“I was a scared kid, Dean. I was afraid of being rejected, just like you did,” Marcus said.
Dean put a hand on Marcus’ arm. “Marcus, I wouldn’t have rejected you back then. I would have been shocked as hell, but I wouldn’t have sent you away. The reasons I rejected you were because I was hurt because you’d kept secrets from us. I really did think that we were close enough for you to tell me anything at any time. And I was jealous of these people. Still am, but I’m learning that I
’m going to have to share you.”
Marcus smiled. “You? Jealous?”
“Hell, yeah. You’ve been my little brother longer than you’ve been their little brother and I didn’t want you to be anyone’s little brother but mine,” Dean admitted. “Now that I say it out loud, it sounds childish, but that’s how I felt.”
“I would never stop being your little brother, Dean. You know, Seth asked me if I loved my Lakota family more than you guys,” Marcus said.
“What did you say?” Dean asked.
“That I have enough love for all of you. I love you all for different reasons. My relationship with each of my siblings is different. Seth is the brother who got me drunk for the first time and caroused with me sometimes when I got old enough. You’re the brother that I looked up to kind of like a father. Black Fox is the brother who taught me how to throw knives and walk silently. He Who Runs is steady like you. He’s a great family man and very responsible. We wrestle all the time. He’s the one who taught me how to fight. Owl is the brother that I can really clown around with. His personality is a lot like mine. My sister and I are close, too.”
Dean said, “How do you keep everyone straight? It must be that big brain of yours.”
“I guess.”
“Marcus, don’t stay mad at Claire too long. She loves you. Hell, she’s loved you since she first met you. I saw it then and knew it when she came back here in May. She should have talked to you to get your side of things. I should have, too. I knew that you didn’t cheat on her,” Dean said.
“How did you know that?” Marcus said.
“Because you said that you learned how to be a good husband from me and I’ve never cheated on either of my wives. So I figured that since you’d learned that from me, you’d never do that to Claire.” Dean gave Marcus a sideways hug and kissed the side of his head. “Here’s another lesson I’m going to teach you. Forgiveness. I forgive you for not telling us for so long. I know why you didn’t now. I also forgive you for kicking my ass the way you did.”
Marcus laughed. “I wish you could have seen your face that day. It was priceless.”
“I’m sure it was. Can you forgive me?” Dean asked as he looked in Marcus’ eyes.