by Carrie Carr
"Who has?" Liz's voice rose in pitch. "Where is she?"
"The family took the other daughter back to Texas. At least that's what the nurse on duty told me this morning when I happened by her empty room." Terence decided that he needed a drink. He was almost to the bar when something hit him in the back of the head. He turned around and picked up the magazine that Liz had tossed at him. "What is your problem?"
"This morning? Why wasn't I notified? My granddaughter, what about her? I need details, you worthless idiot!" She pushed by Terence on her way back to the bar. She picked up her glass and drained it in one swallow.
Terence poured himself a similar drink and tossed it back quickly. "Aren't you concerned about your daughter Jeannie?"
"Who cares about her? She's ruined and worth nothing to me now. But the baby, yes, the baby." Liz filled her glass again and moved to the window to look outside. "I can raise her in my own image, just as I wanted to do with my girls. But that spineless husband of mine kept interfering." With her back to Terence, her voice became softer. "We'll just see about who raises that child."
ELLIE THANKED THE cab driver, then turned and stared at the house she had grown up in. With the plain stucco exterior and red tiled roof, it looked like just about any other house on the block. They had moved there after her mother married her stepfather, so it was the only home she could really remember. She supposed that she had been happy growing up. Anthony treated her like his own, and even after William was born, he doted on his step-daughter. But still, Ellie had always felt that there was something missing from her life, and after the trip to Texas, she knew what it was. The family that she had found was more than she could have expected, and even her cranky cousin couldn't change the way she felt. This isn't home anymore.
Rolling her shoulders to relieve the tightness, Ellie strengthened the grip she had on her backpack and walked up the steps and back into her mother's house, perhaps for the last time. She was just glad she had spent the night in a motel and rested up before making the final leg of her journey.
"Tony, is that you?" a voice called from the rear of the house. "I thought you were out in the garage. I haven't--" Naomi Gordon almost dropped the plate she had been drying when she saw who stood in her living room. "Well. The prodigal returns."
The biting comment stung, but Ellie tried to ignore it. "Hi, Mom."
Naomi glared at her daughter, then turned and walked back into the kitchen. She didn't wait for Ellie to follow her because she knew her daughter. As expected, Ellie was only a few steps behind her. "Is that all you have to say? 'Hi, Mom'? I get only one phone call from you the entire time you're gone, and you show up in my house and 'hi, Mom,' me? I ought to kick you out of here like I did before," she carped, referring to when her daughter turned twenty-one and was struggling through college. Tired of supporting both children and a husband who rarely listened to her, Naomi had asked her daughter to leave. Only when Ellie was thirty-two and lost her job did Naomi allow her back into the house.
"Actually, that's one of the things I came back to talk to you about." Not certain how her mother would react, she stood by the kitchen entryway, far out of the woman's reach. "I've decided to move to Texas. I've just come back to get my things."
"Your things? Are you talking about those ratty old clothes and other junk? I threw them out when I didn't hear from you." Life's disappointments had worn Naomi down, and she took out her frustrations on anyone and everyone within her reach. Losing the only man she'd ever loved, she'd only married Anthony because he wanted a family and she had a daughter. He hadn't even cared whose child Ellie was, and Naomi had always considered Anthony weak because of it. She turned away from the sink and met her daughter's angry eyes. "I decided to turn your room into a sewing room, and your junk was just in my way."
Ellie fought the urge to knock some sense into her mother. "You didn't throw away my books, too, did you? I need those."
Her hands dropped to her sides and she clenched her fists. "Please tell me you at least saved my textbooks." Although it had taken her longer than most, Ellie had finished college when she was twenty-eight and had had a good job until she had been laid off. Now in between jobs, she hoped the market was better in Texas.
"Your father saved most of your stuff. We had a big fight over it, as a matter of fact." Bored with the conversation, Naomi returned to washing dishes. "He went through the trash and put your junk in the garage, not that I care."
Thank you, Dad. Ellie was going to miss her stepfather. He was the only reason she'd stayed around as long as she had. Maybe I can talk him into coming to Texas to visit. I bet he'd like the ranch and my grandfather. "I guess that this is goodbye then."
"I doubt it. You'll come running back home in no time, mark my words. But don't think I'll be taking you back into my house again. I've done my job raising you." Smug in her assumption, Naomi returned to her household chores, doing her best to ignore her daughter.
Even though she should have been used to her mother's attitude, the words still hurt. As she made her way to the garage, Ellie couldn't resist a parting shot. "Oh, by the way, Mother. I thought you should know that I'm gay." The gasp and the sound of a dropped dish breaking on the floor gave Ellie some wicked sense of satisfaction. That felt better than I thought it would.
She took her time in the garage, going through the boxes of things that were labeled with her name. When the door from the house opened, Ellie was surprised to see her stepfather. "Dad? It's early for you, isn't it?"
"Your mother called me at work and demanded that I take an early lunch and come home." Anthony met his daughter halfway, and they embraced in the cluttered garage. "Is what she said true?"
"Which part? About me leaving, or my being gay?"
"Either, I guess. Or both." He led her over to his "sitting area" by the workbench, where he had a small television and two lawn chairs so that he could enjoy sports programs without his wife's constant griping. Anthony reached under the workbench and opened a tiny refrigerator. "Want a beer?"
Ellie sat down and leaned back in the chair. "That would be great. Especially after talking with Mom."
They sat for several minutes, neither one of them speaking, and sipped from the cans of beer. Ellie studied her stepfather's profile in the dim light of the garage. At fifty-seven, his blond surfer looks and perpetual tan made him a handsome man. Not realizing she spoke aloud, Ellie asked, "Why have you stayed married to her for so long?"
"Your mom?" Anthony looked down at his feet and couldn't stop the smile that broke out on his face. "Because from that first moment I saw her, I was in love. And, no matter what she does or says, I can't help but love her still. Your mother was devastated by your father's death, El. The only reason she went on living was because she had you to take care of."
"And she throws that little fact in my face every chance she gets," Ellie mumbled. For as long as she could remember, her mother complained about having to raise children when she'd much rather have been doing something--anything--else.
Anthony touched her shoulder. "Please try to understand, sweetheart. Naomi was just a girl when she became pregnant with you. Her own parents disowned her and threw her out of their house. And when your father was killed, well, it was more than she could take. I'm not condoning her behavior toward you, El, but we're all adults now. Let the hurt stay in the past, where it belongs."
It would take more than a few words to heal the gash in Ellie's heart, where her mother continued to get in little digs every chance she got. But with a new life waiting for her in Texas, she knew that it would be a perfect opportunity to let her mother stew in the tiny cage of hate that she'd lived in for so many years. "I'll try. But that's a lot of years of pain." But she knew if she were ever going to live her own life, she'd have to do just that. Ellie wasn't sure why she was being so open with her dad. Maybe it's the beer. I haven't eaten anything lately. "She hates me for sure, now."
"Are you talking about you being gay?"
"Yeah.
I'm sure her church has a lot of things to say about that." Ellie finished her beer and crumpled the can. She accepted another from Anthony with a nod. "Thanks. I can't believe you're out here talking to me."
He took a small sip of his beer. "Why? You're my daughter, aren't you? Yeah, maybe not of blood, but you know I love you like my own. You've always made me proud, Ellie, and I'm glad to get a chance to talk without any interference." Anthony leaned back in his chair, holding the beer between his hands on his stomach. "To tell you the truth, I was wondering when you'd figure it out."
"What?" Her head was spinning from what hat her step father had just said so casually.
"El, I'm not stupid, and I'm certainly not blind. I've lived in California my entire life; I went to college here. I know a gay or lesbian when I see one." He turned his head so that he could look at his daughter. "Are you okay with it?"
The conversation was getting too weird for Ellie. She quickly drained her beer, then threw the can into the recycling bin nearby. "I'm not sure, Dad. I really just figured it out in the last couple of days." Nothing like a crush on a woman to wake up the hormones. I feel like such an idiot. I hope that Amanda can forgive me. She stood and gestured to the stack of boxes. "If I give you an address, would you mind having these shipped to Texas for me?"
"Of course, El. I'll be glad to." Anthony stood, leaving his half-empty can on the workbench. "Most of your clothes are in a duffel bag in my closet. Let's go inside and get them."
"They are? Mom said she threw them out." Ellie embraced her stepfather. "Thanks, Dad."
When they pulled apart, Anthony reached into his back pocket and came up with an envelope. "You're welcome, El. Just remember that I'll always be here for you, no matter what."
She accepted the envelope and looked inside. "This looks like a lot of money. I can't take this." Ellie tried to hand it back to her father.
"Sure you can. It's yours, anyway." Anthony pushed the money to Ellie again. "Let's just say it's an advance on your inheritance, before you mother can spend it on her church."
Ellie fought back tears at her stepfather's generosity. As long as she could remember, Anthony had been like this. Kind and charitable, he was the opposite of his wife. "I'll pay you back, I promise."
"Just enjoy your life, El. That's all I ask."
When they walked into the house, they were met by Naomi who stood in the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest. "It's about time you two got back in here. What were you doing out there for so long?"
"Getting drunk," Ellie sniped. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Mom. I was just going through my things."
"You were never this disrespectful before, Eleanor. I think those people corrupted you."
Ellie moved past her mother and into the living room. Wanting to hurt her mother as much as she'd been hurt, she turned around. "Actually, I'm more myself now than I ever was. They've shown me nothing but love and acceptance, something that's always been lacking in your house. And you want to know the sad thing? My grandfather sends his love to you, too."
"I have no use for those people," Naomi ground out, ignoring her husband's hand on her arm. "They made no effort to find me after William was killed. I was left alone, with a child to raise. Do you have any idea how hard that was?"
"Of course I do, Mom. You've never let me forget it. And as for being left alone, it's not their fault. They didn't even know you existed, much less that you were pregnant with their son's child. Do you know how hard it was on Grandpa Travis when I showed up at his door? You've blamed them, and me, my entire life, when you were the only one who had all the information."
Ellie started to say more, but another round of her mother's version of martyrdom wasn't going to get her to where she needed to be. Ellie wearily shook her head and sighed. Then she went into her parents' bedroom and took from the closet the duffel that her father had packed for her. She opened it and was able to fit her backpack inside so that she only had the one bag to carry. "Thanks again, Dad." Her eyes softened when she saw the regret and love on her stepfather's face. She took one last look at her mother, straightened her posture, and turned defiantly away from her mother's accusing eyes.
When Ellie started for the front door, her mother twisted out of Anthony's grasp. "If you go back to that Gomorra, don't you dare come back!" When her daughter ignored her, she yelled, "Where do you think you're going?"
"Home." Ellie walked out of the house and out of her mother's life. She knew that she'd never come back, and her only regret was that she'd probably never see her father again.
AFTER ONLY TWO days, Jeannie was getting used to the ranch. Although she enjoyed Martha's company, she lived for when Lex took time off during the day to come and visit. The sound of boots on the hardwood floor signaled her sister-inlaw's arrival, and Jeannie wished that she had a mirror so that she could see how she looked before Lex came into the room. Feeling a presence at the door, she turned her head and broke into a lopsided smile.
"Now isn't that a beautiful sight?" Lex walked in and sat on the edge of Jeannie's bed. She removed her black western hat and tossed it in the chair next to them. "How are you feeling?"
"Pine," Jeannie managed. She held out her hand and was happy when Lex accepted it. "You?"
Lex squeezed Jeannie's hand. She had to admit that the several trips a day she made into the house were worth it. The bedridden woman had really made remarkable progress, and she hoped that she'd had a little bit to do with it. "Tired, but okay. We're filling the barn with hay, and I don't remember it being this much work before." It also felt good to talk to someone about her day. Amanda was so busy with the baby, they barely spoke two words to each other, and Lex was beginning to feel the loss. But she felt that Lorrie needed Amanda more than she did, so she kept quiet about her feelings. "As a matter of fact, I've got a contractor coming out tomorrow, and he's going to pour a concrete walkway between here, the barns, and Martha's house. I thought you might want to get out of the house sometime."
"Weally?" Although half of her face was misshapen, it couldn't disguise the joy on Jeannie's face.
"Really." Getting the reaction she was hoping for, Lex was proud of her decision. She had been meaning to have some sort of sidewalk poured to Martha's house for a long time, but had never gotten around to it. Jeannie's condition provided her with the motivation, and she was glad. "We got a call from your new nurse this morning. She asked if she could come out to meet you before she starts to work. Would that be all right with you?"
Jeannie nodded. She was nervous about the nurse, but didn't want Martha to wear herself out taking care of her. "Wiwl ew?"
It took Lex a moment to figure out what Jeannie meant. "Do you want me to be here too?" When Jeannie nodded, Lex smiled. "Of course I will. I need to make sure she's up to standards, don't I?"
GETTING OFF THE plane in Los Angeles, Ellie weighed her options. She could book the next available flight back to Texas, or she could do what she really wanted. After a brief uncertainty, the small-framed woman hoisted her duffel bag over her shoulder and pushed through the heavy crowd.
Once she reached her destination, Ellie struggled through another moment of indecision. Before she rapped her knuckles on the faded wooden door, she looked around her. The thirtyyear-old apartment complex had never been much to look at from the outside, but since her last visit almost eight years prior, it had definitely fallen into a state of disrepair. Steeling herself for another disappointment, she knocked.
It wasn't long before the door opened and a young man with blond, spiked hair answered. The several piercings in his eyebrows and nose couldn't obviate the fact that he was handsome, and the torn blue tee shirt and multicolored board shorts he wore looked good on him. He stared at the woman standing in his doorway for a long moment, then smiled. "El?"
"Hey there, snotface." The old familiar nickname came unbidden to Ellie's lips, and she hoped that her coming hadn't been a mistake. The last time she'd seen her brother, harsh words were spoken that she had regrett
ed almost from the moment they left her mouth. They hadn't spoken since.
He pulled her into the apartment, then hugged Ellie as if his life depended on it. "Damn, Sis, I don't think I've ever been so happy to see anyone in my life." William "Billy" Gordon continued to rock with his sister in his arms, then he pulled back and looked at her closely. "Where's your Bible? I thought you and Mom didn't leave home without one."
"I guess I probably deserved that." Ellie dropped her duffel and reached up to touch her brother's eyebrow. "Just how many holes do you have in your head?"
His bright eyes sparkled. "No more than you need, probably." Billy hugged her again, then drew Ellie into his living room. The furniture, while not new, was in good taste, much different from what the outside of the building led one to believe. A black leather sofa and chairs were surrounded by chrome and glass tables, and the focal point of the room was a state of the art sound system and video center. He waited until Ellie sat on one end of the sofa and then took the other. "What brings you to, I think you called it, 'the bastions of hell'? Did you get so bored in San Diego that you had to travel all the way to L.A.?"
"No, Billy. Nothing like that." Ellie stared down at her denim-covered knee and picked at a loose thread. "I just came by to tell you that I'm moving."
"Really? Did your transfer to the Southern Baptist Convention go through?"
The retort hurt, and Ellie bit down a scathing reply. When she and her mother last visited Billy, they were shocked at his appearance and the fact that he'd quit his job as a manager of a restaurant to open a surfboard shop with his best friend. It was bad enough that he'd moved away from where they influenced his decisions, but when they found out his best friend was a woman, and that they lived together "in sin," it was more than the two self-righteous women could stand. "I'm sorry, Billy. For then, and for all the other times." Raising her head, Ellie wanted to take back the last fifteen years, time she spent under her mother's shadow, and wished that she could just wave a magic wand and remove the hurt and pain she'd caused the man beside her.