Published by Dr. Rebecca Sharp
Copyright © 2018 Dr. Rebecca Sharp
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, photocopying, or recording, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.
Cover Designer: Rebecca Sharp & Nickolas Kossup
Formatting: Champagne Book Design
Printed in the United States of America.
Visit www.drrebeccasharp.com
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Epilogue
Note from the Author
Your Book Beverage
Acknowledgements
Other Works by Dr. Rebecca Sharp
About the Author
To those who have held a life inside of them and lost it—a life that didn’t know fear,
or cold, or hunger or loneliness, a life that knew nothing but love.
Remember, you are not broken.
You did nothing wrong.
You will not let this will not define you because you are strong.
You will continue to hold onto hope because you are brave.
And you will never let go because hope is the only light bright enough
to drive out the darkness of loss.
And to the one I love who was never born.
“Listen to your gut. The pull.
Don’t be afraid.
If you can’t stop thinking about it then you want it,
Have wanted it,
And will continue to want it.
Dive straight in and ride it out.”
—Victoria Erickson
I KNEW HE WAS A player the moment that I first saw him. He had a smile that would not only break my heart but would leave me haunted.
A gorgeous ghost. So gorgeous it hurt. So gorgeous, it made me so mad.
I was a goner.
She was free in her wildness. A wanderer. A drop of water and one cell in the sea of snow.
She was a free-fucking-radical.
Damaging me.
Destroying me from the inside out.
The Ten of Wands: The card that represents the completion of a cycle after a period of hard work and struggle. Finally reaping the rewards after investing a lot of time, hard work, and effort. However, even with achievement comes responsibility and commitments that must be carried.
“ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T want me to come with you to your doctor’s appointment, Tam?” I offered even though I didn’t have much time before my interview. “Shit.” I swore underneath my breath as the curling iron brushed my neck.
“I’m really fine, thank you—Are you ok?” Tammy asked, appearing in the bathroom doorway a moment later, motherly concern blanketing her face.
I’d been staying on her couch for almost two weeks now. Someone had reported black mold in my apartment building, which meant that I was homeless until further notice.
As if I needed any more stress right now.
“Yeah, just burned myself,” I sighed, running a washcloth underneath the sink and holding it up to my neck. My eyes were momentarily distracted by the ribbon tattoo on the inside of my elbow; it would be hidden as soon as I pulled my sleeve down.
“Are you ready for your first day? Are you sure you don’t want me to pack you a lunch?” she offered.
I laughed and rolled my eyes. I moved back to Aspen, where I’d gone to high school with Tammy, from Rising Sun in Texas a few months ago. I’d gone to college and completed my Physical Therapy degree and boards there, but when I moved, I had to retake certain parts of them in Colorado in order for my license to move with me. I’d spent the past few months studying for them while working at the same daycare as Tammy to earn some extra bucks.
A few weeks ago, I’d interviewed at the physical therapy out-patient facility for the Porter Adventist Hospital located in Aspen. The ski injuries alone could keep the clinic running, but they dealt with more than just recreational and professional accidents and I’d heard they had one of the best facilities in the state.
I wasn’t licensed at my interview, but I guess I made a good enough impression—in spite of the bright pink hue of my hair and numerous tattoos that certain businesses might deem unprofessional—to get asked back for a second interview with the director, Dr. Lev, as soon as I passed my boards.
Those boards were officially passed as of last week and that second interview was today.
“It’s just a second interview, Tam. It’s not guaranteed. And I’m good on lunch, but thank you,” I teased lightly; I was the last person she needed to worry about right now.
Tamsin Lucas, my model-esque best friend was a ski instructor, nanny, and manager of Open Hearts Daycare—but she was born to be a mom. The fact was endearing, sometimes annoying, but mostly heartbreaking because it was the one thing that she might never be. At least to her own child. To the rest of us—and to her kids at the daycare—that was a different story.
“Jessa, I’m sure they are going to hire you,” she reassured me with motherly confidence. “Alright, well if you need anything let me know. I shouldn’t be too long at the doctor’s; they are just taking some blood.”
“Again?”
She shrugged and side-stepped with another question. “Have you heard from your landlord?”
I winced. Tammy was OCD when it came to making sure everything in her life was in order so, while she would let me live here indefinitely (and baby me until my dying day), she liked everything to be in order and in its place; and when I was here, it definitely wasn’t.
Free-spirit. Hippie. Bohemian.
AKA Jessa Lynn Madison. And all politically correct for a tulip wrapped in a tornado. Pretty. And pretty deadly.
At least I smelled like honeysuckle and made a mean taco dip.
Alright, those probably weren’t cutting it for Tammy especially when I left my make-up and La Croix bottles everywhere. Oh, and messed up her couch pillows. That was the worst offense; if I wasn’t a best friend, it would have been punishable by hanging.
“I haven’t. I’m just going to start looking for a new place. Who knows how long this is going to take them…” I sighed, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. “My lease is almost up anyway.”
“Well, you know you are absolutely welcome to stay here for as long as you want. Seriously.”
“Than
ks, babe.” I grinned as I used my forearm to wipe my slew of makeup palettes scattered around the sink into my bag. Tammy stared at me in horror. “But, I know you. And I know you love me, but I also know that my… lifestyle… is killing you right now.”
“No, it’s not—“ she began, jerking back to cover her eyes when I held my bag open for her to see the powdered mess of everything inside. “Ok! Point made,” she conceded, peeking through her fingers. “But, I love you enough to suffer in silence.”
I laughed and shook my head before pushing her through the doorway. I needed to get my scrubs on and get on the road.
“So, Ms. Madison, how are you liking Aspen so far?” Dr. Lev’s question was lilted with the faintest hint of a Russian accent; he was an older gentleman with a beard that looked like it would belong to Santa Claus if it were white as well as the jolly man’s belly—ironic considering he worked in a physical therapy and rehabilitation center. He was the head doctor in the clinic—and hopefully, my future boss. “I hope you’ve been warned about the cold. And the snow. Not sure you’ve seen any of that down in Texas.”
The thing I liked about being at a physical therapy center was that the building wasn’t cold or sterile like a hospital. Cold and sterile made me think of lifeless and lifeless reminded me of my brief hospital visit two months after my arrival in Texas.
I shuddered and forced the thought from my mind.
“Well, I grew up here, actually.” I smiled, focusing on the conversation as I followed him down the hall for the tour of the facility. “So, I’m very prepared for the cold.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize.” He held the door open for me. “This is the gym. We have several trainers come in during the week as well.”
State-of-the-art.
The wide-open space sprawled out into the world with the expansive windows along the front and giant mirrors on the other walls reflecting the mountains that were in the distance back into the room. And beautiful new exercise equipment. All signs of lives getting back on track.
Exactly what I needed.
Fun fact? I was a little bit of a gym rat. Well, since college that is. God, this place was like heaven.
In high school, I’d snowboarded to exercise because that was what most of the kids in our school did. In Texas, I’d had to improvise. But it wasn’t that hard when I’d wanted to avoid all reminders of Aspen and assholes. My roommate, Emily, had asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with her during freshman orientation week and the rest is history.
Dr. Lev introduced me to a few of the trainers who were already in there working with clients and gave me a run-down of the machines that they had as well as some of the other services that they offered. I’d already heard about them from the receptionist who showed me around at my first interview, but I didn’t say anything; I let him think I was as amazed by them as he was.
“And in here is our Aquatherapy room.”
My eyes bulged. “You have a HydroWorx?” The latest water-rehabilitation therapy for all kinds of injuries and training. We’d had them at school but only a few clinics in the country had implemented them so far.
“I’m glad you’re familiar,” Dr. Lev exclaimed and I swear his stomach shook like a bowl full of jelly. “I can’t tell you how many people I’ve interviewed who thought it was nothing more than a weird-looking hot tub.”
“We used these all the time in the clinic in Texas. I’m very familiar. They are incredible,” I gushed. The thing did look like a hot tub, but the reality was so much cooler. The pools contained a treadmill, resistance therapy jets, and massage capabilities.
“Wonderful. Just wonderful.” He clapped his hands in glee. Yup, definitely a Russian Santa. “Like I was saying in my office, and as you can now see, we do a lot of cutting-edge rehabilitation, mostly for athletes—whether it’s football players or runners. Most of our work and the work that you will be doing,” My pulse jumped—did that mean I was getting the job?—“is with winter sports athletes, especially this year with the X Games and the Snowboarding Open both finishing nearby.”
Not too near though.
Another reason I’d put all my eggs in this basket: It was about twenty minutes from Hope Creek and Snowmass. While I loved working at Open Hearts with Tammy, it made me realize that I couldn’t work on the resort or in town, especially after the one and only run-in I’d had with my ex-boyfriend, Chance Ryder, since I’d last seen him eight years ago—the day I’d betrayed him and broken his heart. Or so he believed.
I thought eight years would be enough time for me to forget about the connection we’d had and for him to move on from what I’d done. But I was wrong on both counts.
So, I applied for a job outside of the vicinity where I might bump into him. I needed a little more space to forget the memories and the feelings they stirred.
With a jovial smile, Dr. Lev turned to me and offered, “Alright, well that settles it, Ms. Madison. I think you’d be perfect for the job, if you’re up to it. I’d love if you could start immediately.”
Excitement.
Relief.
Promise.
For the first time in some time, I felt warm and bright with hope for the future instead of the heaviness of my past.
“I… Yes! That would be amazing,” I said calmly even though it felt like I was screaming with excitement on the inside. This was my dream job. Nice boss. Perfect facility. And work spent helping people get back on their feet—sometimes, literally. “I’d be more than happy to,” I accepted with a smile.
“Wonderful. Let’s get the rest of the paperwork filled out and then I’ll work with our other clinic director to see which cases we can start you with bright and early tomorrow morning.
To move back to Aspen only to want some distance from it? It was ironic though, I thought as I followed him around. Why even come back at all, Jessa?
I belonged here in spite of the pain. No pain, no gain, right?
Even though I was still avoiding them, my snowboard still zipped up in its bag, the mountains were calling. That’s why I came back. I had to. I thought it would be a lot easier but everywhere I looked, there were reminders of my past. Everywhere I looked there were reminders of the reason that I left. Everywhere I looked there were reminders of him—the walking, talking, breathing, missing piece of my heart.
Everywhere except here.
Jessa Lynn Madison.
She’d wreaked havoc on my body and my heart eight years ago and I’d barely survived. But knowing she was back was different than seeing it. Seeing her at my house the other week with my sister planted a seed, one that was rooted in revenge. And now that she was here, I took it as the universe giving me a sign that it was my turn to return the favor and wreak some havoc of my own.
I wanted her gone.
And I certainly had nothing else to lose.
I watched that wave of pink hair walk through the training room with Dr. Lev. Grinning, I relaxed my shoulder against the wall in the hallway. Life had been good to me for the most part. Except when it wasn’t. In those instances, it fucked me over. It fucked me over so big I couldn’t even enjoy the times it was good to me. But, it looked like fate was giving me the chance to rectify both situations in one fell swoop.
A few weeks ago, one of my best friends and current roommate, Nick Frost, had taken me into Denver to have some minor surgery on my knee—an attempt to further fix the damage from when I fell and broke it six months ago; the injury damaged my body but it had outright destroyed my ability to snowboard professionally ever again. The other part of the surgery deal was five weeks of physical therapy. Here.
I’d put off calling and scheduling my first session for a few weeks later than I should have—all because of the pink-haired goddess who was speaking enthusiastically to the good doctor as they walked through the gym. She’d returned to Aspen and with her the reminder of what happens every time I think life is allowing me to get back on my feet: another hit that would knock me down and out. Seeing her made me reth
ink the point of trying to fix my knee; seeing her reminded me that gaining something only meant I had one more thing to lose.
“Fuck,” the word slipped from my lips at barely a whisper.
I knew she was back. I was trying to forget it, too. I was trying to forget the times that I’d been forced to see her over the past few weeks because of my sister. I was trying to forget everything that I’d found out about her—where she lived now, what she was doing, who she was with—because it made me fucking nauseous to think about how I couldn’t stop myself from needing to know everything about her, about how I couldn’t stop myself from needing her.
She wasn’t hard to miss with that damn hair of hers. She hadn’t changed. Well, except the bright color of her hair. Her body was paved with toned muscles and curved in all the right places. My hand itched at my side because it knew those curves like a backroad; nowadays, one I could only drive when my eyes were closed and my dreams were behind the wheel.
I sucked in a breath, watching that drop-dead gorgeous smile of hers explode over her face. Whatever Dr. Lev had just told her was something really good—something she really wanted. That was the only time that smile came out—the one that caused her eyes to scrunch and her dimples to take over. I fucking loved those dimples. And I’d fucking loved when I was the reason for them.
I tore my eyes away, cursing under my breath. Pink hair, that body, those dimples… Truth was, her looks could kill and if I wasn’t careful, I’d find myself with a serious death wish.
I tried to tell myself I didn’t care. I didn’t care that she’d come back. I didn’t care that she’d resumed her life… her friendships… everything except her relationship with me. But I did care… I cared to crush her. Maybe if I hadn’t fallen, hadn’t tanked my entire career… maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe I would have something else to focus on besides the fact that she was back within my reach. But there are a million ‘what-ifs’ in life.
What if she had loved me?
What if she hadn’t left?
Enjoy the Ride (Winter Games Book 3) Page 1