“We didn’t care about getting caught that first night,” she said quietly, smoothing her hands over his chest.
“Back then we had nothing to lose.”
***
Carissa put the cap back on the toothpaste and shut out the bathroom light before padding barefoot to her bedroom. Anxious for a good night’s sleep, she slid the window open to let in some fresh air and slipped into bed.
But the flash of red from her cell on the nightstand had her reaching out in the dark and thumbing to the message.
Cade. Trying to be patient, but you’re killing me. Please call. Soon.
Ugh. Pushing upright again, she leaned back against the headboard and closed her eyes, releasing a breath she felt she’d been holding forever.
Almost three years ago, she’d cut her ties with Lincoln and struck out on her own. In the process, she’d left behind a small array of friends and family. Namely her brother and her father. She hadn’t meant to cut Cade from her life, but she’d been so angry when he’d taken their dad’s side. She’d felt so betrayed.
She hadn’t intended to break away entirely from her father either. She just couldn’t handle his drinking anymore. Couldn’t take the 2 a.m. “taxi” calls from the bar or the “Sweetie, I need you to get some money from the bank” calls from the county jail.
The morning after and sometimes the in-between stages of buzzed and wasted were worst of all, because that’s when her father mourned the loss of her mother. The love of his life. His reason for waking up in the morning. Gone. Her life taken from them all in the blink of an eye by a driver not all that different from her father on any given night of the week.
Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four, she’d unintentionally become his caretaker. Making sure his bills were paid, that he had food in this stomach and clean clothes on his back. All the while going to college and graduating, starting her master’s program, and then landing her first honest-to-goodness job. Thank God for Maddie and a handful of other girlfriends, who’d kept her sane and ensured she didn’t get sucked completely into the abyss of her father’s disease and devastation.
But friends could only do so much, and six and a half years of trying to live her own life while keeping her father’s afloat eventually took its toll.
Visiting Maddie in River Bend had been her breaking point. Seeing her friend so happy. So in love. Living the life Carissa wanted for herself. It was like the cold splash of water to the face she’d needed to come out of the fog and see clearly.
She’d decided then that, while her father may have given up on his dreams, she wasn’t going to give up on hers.
And then Josh had walked in. Literally. All smart and sexy and confident and amazing. Her ideal man in every way imaginable. She’d chalked the encounter up to fate and went with it.
In a way, he’d been her rebound. Her first selfish indulgence after so many years of putting someone else’s needs before her own. But that night in River Bend, she’d put herself first and she’d reached out and she’d taken what she wanted.
Josh was right. That night, she’d had nothing to lose.
But, despite his accuracy, the comment still sat unsettled in her stomach. What did it mean for what they were doing now? That something had changed? That they had something to lose?
The thought both terrified and excited her.
There’d been something different about Josh from the beginning. So unexpected and powerful and it had given her the strength to make an even bigger decision—to leave Lincoln and start over. She hadn’t been fool-hearted enough to think she’d move to Cameron County and they’d be together. She knew he was leaving for deployment and she was pretty sure he wasn’t in a frame of mind to make any kind of promises. He just made her feel stronger than she had in a long time and she’d hoped they’d at least remain friends. She remembered thinking she needed more people like him in her life.
But that had been such a crock of shit.
The truth was, a piece of her had gone to Afghanistan with Josh. And for so long she’d tried to pretend that hadn’t been the case. It wasn’t until she and Reed had gone their separate ways that she let herself acknowledge seeing that little part of herself reflected back at her whenever Josh was around. When he’d throw a smile her way or when he’d laugh. When they’d accidentally brush past each other and touch. Hell, whenever they shared the same air space she’d seen it. Felt it.
And now? When they were together? When they were alone? She sucked in a deep breath and sighed. She hadn’t felt that whole in years.
Hearing from Cade after all this time was much the same. She’d started to see glimpses of a person she hadn’t known in a very long time—the Carissa she’d been before her mother died and before her father fell apart. The sunny, optimistic girl who had faith in everyone. The girl who wasn’t afraid to take chances or risks. The girl who believed that love was a more powerful healer than a wicked destroyer.
As scared as she was to get hurt again, her heart had already made up its mind—she wanted to let people in again. She wanted to let go of the bitterness and the resentment. Wanted to fill the void in her chest that walking away from her family had created. Wanted to savor every second of being with Josh, because nothing in life had ever made her feel better. Higher. Happier.
Only he hadn’t signed up for that kind of role in her life. And, though he’d given her an awful lot of himself over the past couple weeks, she suspected she’d already taken more than he’d intended to give. His strained confrontation with Reed tonight was a prime example.
She looked at the phone in her hand and sighed.
Her brother, however, was another story. He was offering and she was tired of denying herself the things she wanted most in life.
She dialed the phone and stuck it her ear.
Chapter Nineteen
“I used to love fairs as a kid. Especially the snow cones and the bull riders.”
Josh chuckled as he slowed up in the bumper-to-bumper fair traffic late Wednesday afternoon, waiting patiently behind a mile long line of vehicles, nearly all of which were signaled right, toward the Adams County fairgrounds. He snuck a glance at Carissa, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, the reminiscent adoration in her eyes giving an innocent hue to her pretty face.
“Was your family the type to fair hop? Or did you hold out all year, waiting for the fair closest to home?”
“We usually only hit up the county fair, but once my friends and I were old enough to drive, we rarely missed one within reasonable driving distance. Carnivals were, as I’m sure you remember, the perfect opportunity to trawl for hunky farm boys.”
“Uh, the farm studs weren’t quite my type, babe.” He sent a wink across the cab of his truck and she grinned. He wasn’t sure he liked the thought of her being one of the girls he and his friends used to prowl for. He knew the things he’d done in the shadows of all those booths and displays, knew the smooth moves he’d tried—and sometimes pulled off—on the rides. How many pairs of wily hands had she fallen prey to? How many I-barely-know-you kisses—or worse—had she doled out to guys just like him?
He edged ahead a few more car lengths, then shook his head with amusement. “I can’t believe all this time I thought you were sweet and innocent when, really, you’re nothing more than a carnival hussy.”
Her warm, infectious laugh filled the truck, and she shifted to face him, resting her head on the back of the seat. “Come on, hot shot. You know I’m not that innocent.”
No, she wasn’t. But he much preferred to think she’d saved all of her reckless inhibition for him. “I don’t think I like where you’re going with this.”
“Jealous?”
He shot her a sidelong glance, saw her wide grin soften to a seductive curve as she reached out and stroked the backs of her fingers down the length of his bicep. He barely contained a shiver. Christ, he was almost as whipped as his brother.
“I don’t do jealous—I one up,” he said.
&n
bsp; Her eyebrows darted upward. “Oh?”
“Yep. Better get your hussy on, babe, because once we’ve taken care of this cabinet business, I’m gonna rock your world in one of those Ferris wheel cars and make you forget every other ride you’ve been on.”
***
Less than ten steps into the weathered, but comfortable building that housed a mom-n-pop style cabinetry shop, Carissa had to seriously wonder about the so-called friendship Josh had with the salesclerk.
The bubbly blonde, with gorgeous, deep blue eyes and a chest that made even Carissa stare, immediately jumped off of her perch behind the counter and catapulted her long, slender body into Josh’s arms.
“Oh, my God, I don’t believe it! It’s been forever!” Tiffany, of the very large and probably fake breasts, clung to Josh in a manner so intimate, Carissa actually considered giving them a moment or two alone.
“Sure has, Tiff.” He kissed the woman’s cheek and set her back from their embrace, looking her up and down like he’d done it a hundred times before and was still impressed by what he saw.
Carissa cleared her throat and when Josh finally turned back to her, she arched a sharp, questioning eyebrow.
He gave her a twisted, undecipherable grin and took what appeared to be an intentional step away from his friend. When he snagged Carissa’s hand and tucked her under his arm, she wondered if he did it to make her feel better or to keep her from running.
“So, you’re Carissa,” Tiffany said before Josh could formally introduce the two of them. Something about the woman’s narrow-eyed inspection, wry smile, and knowing tone had Carissa’s warning bells going off, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on the why of it. She wasn’t above admitting it might have just been intimidation, considering her own assets had nothing on Tiffany’s, but still…something seemed off.
“I am.” She extended her free hand and greeted the woman, who somehow seemed to have been expecting her. Which was more than a little strange considering Josh had made a point of telling her he’d forgot to call his “friend” and let her know they were coming. “And you’re Tiffany. It’s nice to meet you.”
“You, too. I’ve he—”
“Tiff’s a fellow Reservist,” Josh interrupted. “We spent some time together in the desert.”
Was that so?
“Afghanistan, babe.” The squeeze of his hand around hers and the amused glint in his eyes told her he’d read her mind.
“Oh.” But she wasn’t sure that made her feel any better. This woman was gorgeous and she guessed there hadn’t been that many women in Afghanistan, especially ones who were of the centerfold quality Tiffany was.
The blonde woman smiled uneasily, probably sensing the discomfort in the air. “So what brings you two to town, specifically to my little piece of paradise?”
“We need some quality cabinets at a killer price. I seem to recall something about this place being good for a deal.”
“Ah, and if I recall correctly, I owe you the best possible deal.” Tiffany winked and Josh winced.
His voice was low, humbled even, when he spoke. “You know you don’t owe me anything.”
“But I do.” She shifted her eyes from him to Carissa. “He probably didn’t tell you, but this guy saved my life. Well, maybe not my life exactly, but my integrity for sure.”
Carissa looked to where Josh was absent-mindedly rubbing at the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with being made into a hero, which he no doubt was. Realization clicked instantly. “The beer bottle.”
Tiffany nodded. “The beer bottle indeed. And a bloody nose.”
“What? I couldn’t just sit there let that guy manhandle you. It wasn’t right.” The hand that had been rubbing was now scratching something fierce at the scar he now bore as a result of his interference.
Carissa’s breath became a little tighter in her chest. First, because of the sweet, heroic gesture and then because she’d quickly recognized the pattern in his behavior, perpetually unable to resist stepping in to save the damsel in distress. Of course, she wanted to think that things were different with her and Josh. In fact, the more time they spent together, the more apparent it became. At least to her. But maybe he had something special with Tiffany as well. From the way he looked at her, it was certainly possible.
Stop! He’s not your boyfriend, chica, he’s your lover without the love.
Ugh! Why did she care about love? And since when had even thinking about the word make her heart flip-flop?
She returned her focus to the conversation, realizing she’d checked out long enough that both Josh and Tiffany were staring at her, waiting. For what she didn’t know.
“Um, I think I’d like to look around.” She angled her chin toward the showroom, hoping she was at least on the right topic. When they both smiled and nodded, she made a quick escape, leaving them to catch up and desperate to pull her head from her behind.
***
“I’m not sure if I should congratulate you or slap you silly.”
Josh leaned an elbow against the front counter of the store and crossed one ankle over the other, chuckling lightly at the incredulous look his friend and fellow Marine’s face. “Don’t get too excited. It’s not what it appears to be.”
“Oh, so you’re not still in love with her?”
“Uh…”
“Mmm-hmm, you dirty dog. Not only was she with your friend, but now she’s your client, too.” She shook her head, her blonde ponytail swinging. “I suppose if you were gonna break your own rules, it was bound to be with her.” Tiffany glanced toward the back of the store and he followed her gaze to where Carissa stood, caressing a panel of dark cherry cabinetry in a telltale fashion.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He watched Carissa’s hand slide up and down the smooth wood, the irony not lost to his perverted mind.
“You know what it means, Staff Sergeant. Think about it. Don’t be blind to it.”
“I’m not blind to anything. And neither is she. We’re burning the last bit of fuse between us. Plain and simple.”
“Uh-huh. So how long did she last with your friend after you got home?” Tiffany crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her tongue in her cheek.
“I don’t know. A few months? Half a year? They split up last summer.”
“Was that before or after you told him about you and her?”
He shook his head against Tiffany’s scrutinizing glare. Why was everyone on his dick about telling Fletcher? This thing with Carissa was temporary. Harmless.
Wasn’t it?
“He doesn’t know about then or now, does he? Jesus, Josh.”
“It’s temporary. No sense in making unnecessary waves or getting anyone riled up.”
To that, Tiffany gave an honest to goodness snort. “You mean like you got riled up when you heard your girl was fu—”
“Please tell me I can afford this.” Suddenly, Carissa was before them, holding a sample piece of the cherry cabinetry like some cherished family heirloom. Thankfully, the soft, dreamy look in her dark amber eyes showed no hints of having overheard any of their conversation.
Tiffany’s grin stretched wide, as she looked between him and Carissa, amusement practically seeping from her pores. “For Josh’s girl, I can make anything happen.”
***
Josh’s girl. An hour and a half and part of a cherry snow cone later, Carissa’s mind continued to toss around those two words. She stood to the side of the ticket booth, watching Josh exchange forty dollars for two neon green wristbands, wondering what it might be like to go on an actual date with him. One that was planned and one that she got all dressed up and prettified for. One that, for at least a few hours, would garner her enough privilege to be considered a more intimate part of him. His. His date. His girl.
Sure, Tiffany had made the assumption, but Josh had jumped in to correct her as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She didn’t look like she’d bought it for a second and she’d still given Carissa quite a deal
, but nonetheless, Josh had made it clear that there was no possession whatsoever between them.
Still, Carissa couldn’t help but feel a little wistful and maybe even a little eager to at least pretend that they were doing something more than just sleeping together. The way he’d tucked her beneath his arm earlier had given her the slightest taste of what might feel like to be a part of his life. The life he shared with others, anyway. Not the one they’d decided to keep hidden away like some dirty little secret.
Josh finalized the sale and turned a wicked, intent-laden smile upon her.
Mmm. Not for the first time that night, she pushed the “what ifs” from her head and decided to be content with what was real and what was standing right in front of her—a gorgeous, sexy as hell man, who thought he had game enough to make her see stars on the Ferris wheel.
“The line looks shorter than it did before. We could go now and then again later, too.” He waggled those dark eyebrows at her and his eyes glittered like fireworks beneath the multicolored lights blinking all around them.
“Hmm, I wanna play games first.” She hedged her lips to one side and angled her head toward the midway of rigged basketball, balloon pop, and shooting games, among at least a couple dozen others. Of course, she was dying to see what kind of skills he had on the rides, but finding that out was inevitable. She wanted a little fun with him first. The date that wasn’t.
His face fell slightly, surely his libido rearing its horny head, but then he quickly recovered with another full-on grin. “Bet you want one of those big, pink teddy bears, huh?”
“Ppfftt, no. I want one of those mirrors with a picture of the Rock on it. Preferably without a shirt.”
One of his previously playful eyebrows angled sharply upward. His tone was flat, however, and somewhat annoyed. “The Rock. Really? John Cena would be a much better choice. He at least pretended to be a Marine.”
“Mmm, he sure did.” She gave an appreciative sigh as he stuck one of the neon bracelets on her wrist. And then he pulled her flush against him, her partially eaten snow cone a near mess down the front of their shirts as their bodies collided and his hands took up residency on her ass.
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