by Susan Stoker
“I’m not taking it back, Alabama. You need it. I need you to have it. I need to know you’ll be safe when I’m not around.”
Alabama looked around quickly, and seeing no one blurted, “I’ve never gotten a present before.” Tears sprang into her eyes and she tried to blink them back.
“Hey, look at me, sweet.” Abe couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. He knew Alabama must’ve had a tough upbringing, but it’d obviously been worse than he’d imagined. When she wouldn’t look up, he put his hand under her chin gently. “Please?”
Alabama finally looked up. She’d controlled her tears enough that they wouldn’t fall, but tears were still pooled in her eyes. “Thank you, Christopher,” she managed.
“You’re welcome. You’ll keep it?” Abe wanted to demand to know what had happened and how it was that she’d never been given a gift before, but he also didn’t want to make her cry. He could see she was holding on by a thread.
At her nod he told her, “Okay then. When we get home tonight you can plug it in and charge it up. Be sure you take it with you wherever you go just in case you need it. I’ve loaded it up with five hundred minutes to get you started.”
“That’s too much,” Alabama managed to get out.
“No, it’s not. It’s not enough for my peace of mind, but I knew you wouldn’t accept it if I’d put as many minutes on there as I wanted to. Besides, you’ll probably use all those up in the first week talking to me. At least I hope you might.”
Alabama smiled. Jeez, he was amazing. “Okay. Thank you, Christopher. Seriously.”
Abe didn’t think, he just tipped Alabama’s chin up higher with his finger, leaned in, and gave her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth. He didn’t linger, although he wanted to. The quick taste he’d gotten of her was enough to drive him crazy. Alabama tasted like peppermint, and he wanted more. Abe forced himself to drop his hand, caressing her chin before letting go, and then turning toward the steering wheel. He started the engine and headed out of the parking lot.
Alabama couldn’t believe Christopher had just kissed her. It did count as a kiss right? It was short and sweet, but it was awesome. Much better than the sloppy French kisses she’d received in the past. She could still feel the touch of Christopher’s fingers against her jaw. Alabama leaned back into the seat, trusting Christopher to get them wherever they were going safely. She looked down at the phone in her lap. He made her feel safe. She’d never felt that way before.
* * *
The day had been awesome. Alabama didn’t think she’d ever smiled so much in her entire life. Christopher had first driven them to the beach. Riverton was a suburb of San Diego and Alabama hadn’t had a lot of time to spend at the beach. Alabama loved the water, but this was the first time she’d experienced a picnic in the sand. The beach wasn’t one of the touristy ones. In fact she’d only seen a handful of people the entire time they’d been there.
Christopher had brought a light blanket and a thermos of coffee and some fruit. They’d sat on the beach and watched the water. They’d talked a bit, but mostly they’d just enjoyed the morning air and being in each other’s company.
Next they’d gone to the San Diego zoo. Alabama generally didn’t like zoos. She’d always felt sorry for the animals. She didn’t think they were being abused in any way, but she just thought it was sad to see the majestic animals cooped up behind the bars of their cages. But Alabama wasn’t thinking too much about that while visiting with Christopher.
He’d taken hold of her hand as they walked around and hadn’t let go. When the crowds got bigger Christopher brought her to his side and protected her from being jostled by the other people rushing here and there. A man accidentally dropped his drink and it splashed onto her jeans and shoes. Alabama thought Christopher was going to lose it. When he looked like he was going to go after the man and beat the crap out of him, all Alabama had to do was put her hand on Christopher’s arm and he’d stopped. She watched as he visibly controlled himself. It was fascinating.
Christopher kissed her hand and tucked her deeper into his side. He’d glared at the man as they walked by, but otherwise let it drop.
After spending most of the day at the zoo, and eating way too much junk food, he’d driven them to the end of an air strip near his base. Of course Christopher was able to get onto the base with his credentials. He’d parked the car and helped Alabama get out. Christopher spread the blanket they’d used on the beach on the trunk of his car, and they’d settled on it. They leaned back against the back window and watched the planes take off and land.
Abe interlaced their fingers together on one hand and brought them to rest against his belly. They’d talked softly about nothing in particular.
When it began to get dark, Christopher helped her off the car and back into the passenger seat. They’d picked up Chinese food to go and gone back to her apartment.
After eating dinner, they’d settled on the couch and Alabama put in The Princess Bride for background noise. She’d seen it so many times she’d memorized all the lines.
They’d been watching for about twenty minutes before Christopher broke the silence. “Tell me more about you, Alabama. Tell me about why you look around before you talk to me when we’re in public, but at night, when you’re here, in your own space, you become much more talkative. Is it only because no one is here to overhear you and judge you? Or is there more?”
Alabama tried to pull her hand away from his instinctively. Abe wouldn’t let go, and instead pulled her toward him and into his side. He tucked her head into his chest and murmured “Shhhh sweet. You’re safe here. Talk to me. Let me in.”
It was crazy. She was seriously considering it. No one else had ever cared enough to notice or ask. Was she just feeling this way toward Christopher because she hadn’t ever felt this way before? Or was it real? Alabama had no idea, but she wanted to try. She wanted to trust him.
“I…” she paused. Jesus. She couldn’t do this.
Christopher didn’t say anything, just continued to rub her arm up and down and rub his thumb over the back of her hand as it rested against him.
His silent support, along with the fact she didn’t have to look at him while she told him her pathetic story, gave her the courage to continue.
“You’re right. While it’s true I’m not comfortable with others overhearing my thoughts when I talk to people…that’s not the only reason. My mama wasn’t…nice. She…she didn’t want me, but for some reason didn’t give me up for adoption. I wish she had.”
“Jesus,” Abe murmured. “Come here, sweet.”
He shifted on the small couch until he was prone and Alabama was lying against him. The back of the couch was behind her and Christopher was half under her and half beside her. One arm was around her waist holding her close. The other arm was wrapped around her shoulders and tangled into her hair. He pressed her head to his chest. “Close your eyes, feel me here with you. You’re safe. Tell me.”
He was demanding, but Alabama didn’t feel threatened. She’d never been held like this. She’d spent the night with a guy before, but as soon as he’d had sex with her, he’d rolled over and she waited a miserable six hours for the sun to rise so she could get out of his apartment.
Christopher was warm and smelled so good. She wasn’t sure what he smelled like, just that it was comforting. She closed her eyes as he’d demanded and burrowed closer to him.
“Mama named me Alabama Ford Smith. Alabama because that’s the state she got fucked in…her words, not mine…and Ford because that’s where she got fucked. Her last name wasn’t even Smith. She didn’t want me to have her last name.” Alabama gripped the sleeve of Christopher’s shirt with her left hand without even realizing it and continued.
“My earliest memory is being locked in a closet and having Mama yell at me to shut up. I don’t know why I was crying, but she couldn’t stand it. Anytime I’d speak to her, she’d lock me in the closet. I learned not to talk to her if I wanted to eat or
Abe wanted to tell Alabama to stop, that he couldn’t bear it, but he knew she had to get it out. He couldn’t believe she was as sweet as she was. Other people who’d gone through what she had wouldn’t have turned out half as adjusted as Alabama was, and he knew she was probably downplaying it anyway. Even knowing her for the short time he had, he knew she wouldn’t tell him everything.
“When I was eleven, she hit me with a skillet because I’d asked her something. A teacher noticed and I trusted a police officer when he said he’d help me. He didn’t, and they sent me back to her. When I was twelve, she beat me with that same skillet and broke my jaw, along with most of my face. She swore, as she was hitting me, that she’d teach me not to talk.”
Alabama stopped and cleared her throat. She’d never talked so much at one time in all her life. But it felt good to get it out. To tell someone. To tell Christopher. She finally noticed Christopher’s hand clenched in a fist at her side. He’d bunched up her shirt and was holding it tight. She lifted her head and brought her hand up to his face.
“Are you all right?”
Abe snorted. Of course she’d try to comfort him. He should be comforting her. He tried to relax; unclenching his fist and soothing it over her side. “I’m okay, sweet. I’m just pissed as hell at your mother and trying to understand how you turned out to be the sweetest woman I’ve ever met with your upbringing.”
Alabama just shook her head and put her head back on his chest.
Abe didn’t make her look at up at him, but told her quietly, “Seriously, sweet. You don’t have to say a word and your goodness comes through loud and clear. I could sense it standing at that damn table at the party.” When she didn’t say anything else Abe decided not to push. “What then? Where did you go after she beat you?”
“Into foster care.”
“Was it…okay?”
“I guess. Mama had told me to shut up so many times in my life I’d finally taken her words to heart. Everyone thought I was weird and I didn’t talk to many people. Even today when I hear the words ‘shut up,’ I cringe. It brings me back to sitting in that damn closet and listening to my mama screaming at me to ‘shut up, shut up, shut up.’ You said something to me once and I think you were right.”
“What’s that?”
“You said I had Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but you’re probably right. I think I need to talk to someone about it. I mean…other than you.”
“I’ll help you with whatever you need. If you want me to help you find someone, let me know. There are lots of counselors on base that have experience with PTSD. If you’d prefer to talk to someone who specifically deals with child abuse, I can help with that too. But sweet, you’ll never know how much it means to me that you trusted me with your story. I know we’re still getting to know each other, but you mean something to me. I won’t let you down. I won’t tell you to ‘shut up’ now that I know it’s a trigger for you. I’ve told you this before, and I’ll keep saying it, you’re safe with me. I promise.
“Also, your mother might have tried to give you a name that didn’t mean anything, but you should own it. You are Alabama Ford Smith. You’ve survived. You’ve persevered. Don’t let her own petty actions stain you. Those are her issues, not yours. You’re unique and amazing and you have a unique and amazing name. Besides, I like your name. I like you.”
Alabama turned her face into Christopher’s shirt and inhaled deeply. God, he was awesome. She tried not to cry, but it was no use. The tears came out of her eyes and leaked down onto his chest when she turned her head back to the side so she could breathe.
“Let it out sweet. Let it out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Alabama cried for her lousy childhood. She cried because her mama had never loved her. She cried for her loss of trust in people in general. Finally when she was all cried out, she sniffed once and settled on Christopher’s chest. She relaxed into him, thinking how comfortable she was and she never wanted to move.
Abe was furious. He tried to stay relaxed under Alabama, but he didn’t know how successful he was at it. He decided to share some of his life with Alabama, so she didn’t feel awkward about sharing something so intimate about herself with him.
“I didn’t really know my dad growing up.” Abe felt Alabama’s head lift as she looked at him, but he kept talking. “He would come around every now and then, but just as we were used to him being around, he’d leave again. My mom would cry every time he left. She never knew I knew about it, but I’d sit outside her bedroom and listen to her bawl her eyes out. I swore I’d take care of her. I did what I could. I did my chores without being asked, I helped my sisters with their homework, and I gave my mom every cent I earned from mowing lawns and other small jobs I did for the neighbors.”
Abe stroked Alabama’s hair, not sure if he was comforting her or himself. “We didn’t have a lot of money, because my dad certainly didn’t contribute, but we did okay. I’d do anything for my sisters and mother, and it hurts me that you didn’t have that in your life. I wish I’d known you when you were growing up, Alabama.”
Alabama didn’t say a word, but lay in Christopher’s arms, loving the feel of his arms around her. She thought about what he’d just told her about his family. Alabama understood more about what made him how he was today. “You need to take care of people,” she told him drowsily.
“I take care of those that mean something to me.”
Alabama didn’t say anything else, but his words settled into her soul and she could almost feel the crack in her heart healing.
Abe continued to run his hand over Alabama’s hair until she finally fell asleep on his chest.
He’d never wanted to hurt a woman before, but Abe wanted to hurt Alabama’s mother more than he’d ever wanted anything before in his life. How could she do that to her own child? How could she take someone as sweet as Alabama and abuse her that way? He was amazed she’d turned out as well as she had. It said a lot about Alabama’s inner strength.
Abe lay under Alabama enjoying her softness, enjoying her trust in him. He’d never forget this moment. It was the moment he knew he could easily fall head over heels in love with a woman for the first time in his life.
Chapter Nine
Alabama opened the door to the temporary offices of Wolfe Realty. The building was much like the old one. The offices were all on one floor, but this time the realtors had to share offices until the new building was constructed.
It was actually easier to clean this building than the old one because everything had been destroyed in the fire and there wasn’t as much clutter around.
Alabama pushed her new cleaning cart as she moved through the building. She’d always loved the quiet of the evening when she’d worked. Some people didn’t like empty buildings and thought they were creepy, not Alabama. She loved the solitude.
She thought back over the last week. She and Christopher had spent every evening together. He had to work during the days, but had come over each night for dinner before she headed to work and to spend time with her.
One evening when she’d had the night off, they’d gone to his quarters on the base. They weren’t anything special, but to Alabama it was a whole new world. She didn’t know anything about the military, and in fact being on the base itself made her nervous. There were unwritten rules she had no idea about. In order to get inside the grocery store you had to prove you were affiliated with the military and you had to show your identification. The same was true of a lot of the services on the base. It wasn’t that anyone was unfriendly, it was just overwhelming.
Christopher sensed her unease and hadn’t asked if she wanted to come to his place on base after the first time they’d been there, telling her since she was more comfortable at her apartment, he’d come to her. He hadn’t seemed unhappy about it, simply telling her it wasn’t a big deal.
Alabama loved hanging out with him. It was easy. It wasn’t until the third evening they’d spent some time together that Christopher had asked if he could kiss her.
Alabama stood in the hallway of the building she was cleaning and closed her eyes recalling how perfect that first kiss was. They’d been sitting on her small couch watching some movie when she’d felt him looking at her. She turned to him and the look on his face was intense. When their eyes met his hand came up and cupped her cheek. She tilted her head and rested her cheek into his hand.
“I want to kiss you, sweet. Will you let me?”
Alabama simply nodded.
The hand at her cheek shifted to the back of her neck. Christopher cupped her in a firm, but strangely gentle grip, and shifted closer to her. He’d rested his forehead against hers and just held her there for a moment.
“I’ve been wanting to do this since you opened your door to me last week. You have no idea…”
Then he brought his other hand up to her face and cupped it. Alabama was sandwiched between the hand at the back of her neck and the one on her face. She didn’t feel trapped, she felt protected. Christopher tilted her head just so and swooped in for his kiss. For some reason, Alabama had thought he’d take it slow. Everything he’d done so far had been easy and gentle, but this kiss wasn’t either of those.
It was a confident kiss, a kiss that demanded she open and let him in. And she did. Alabama didn’t hold back. Their lips met and immediately parted. She felt his tongue do an initial sweep of her mouth, then retreat to tease and caress her lips before plunging back in. Alabama tried to keep up, swirling her tongue around his, and at one point taking his tongue and sucking on it. She thought she’d feel awkward and uneasy, but she’d been so aroused, she didn’t have time to be embarrassed.
At that point, Christopher took the hand that had been on her cheek and put it on her back and laid her down against the cushions of the couch. He kept his hand at her neck supporting her head as he eased her down. Alabama didn’t even notice…until she felt his hardness against her. Christopher never stopped his sensual exploration of her mouth, but she could feel his strength over her. He wasn’t crushing her, in fact, his body felt good pressing against hers. She could feel his length against her leg—he was hard, all over.
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