by Ava Grace
It was difficult to be around her while she kept trying to win me back. It had been a full-on assault in the beginning, but her efforts had recently become more subtle. However, any lingering hope she harbored was pretty much nil and void. It just wasn’t going to happen—not when my head was so full of Zoey. There was no way it could have worked out between us. And I wasn’t going back there for a casual fuck, either. That would only give her false hope. Besides, I didn’t want to fuck her. It would only pale in comparison to who I really wanted.
I’d told Zoey the truth earlier. I had no intention of laying a hand on Cassie like that again. But, Jesus, why in the hell had I told Zoey that? Was I out of my ever loving mind? I shouldn’t be discussing my sex life with her. Period. And why had Zoey asked me that in the first place? Why did she care about who I was screwing? The questions rattled around in my brain until I could barely think straight.
At least my dick had deflated by the time I got out of the car. I slung my book bag over my shoulder then crossed the lot to the library. Cassie was waiting for me outside. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and grinned broadly as I reached her. She was beautiful, and not only was she tall and tanned with curves in all the right places, she was smart and funny, too. She was about as perfect as you could get. She just wasn’t perfect for me.
“Hey,” she said, smiling brightly. “I thought you weren’t going to make it.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face, guilt gnawing at me. I didn’t want to be here—didn’t want to have to face her. “Yeah, sorry about that. I had to pick Zoey up from school.”
“It’s okay, I wasn’t waiting long. Listen, I haven’t had anything to eat today so would you mind if we went to the diner so that I can grab something? We can study there if you like, or come back here afterward.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to go to the diner with her because sitting opposite her at a table in a restaurant would feel too much like being on a date.
She pushed her bottom lip out into a pout. “Please, Neal. I’m starving.”
I sighed, resigned. “Okay fine. But I don’t want to stay. I’d rather come back here to study.”
“Sure. Just to get something to eat. Promise.”
There were two diners in our small town. A busier place in the middle of a strip mall where all the high school kids hung out and the other, a quieter place about a block away from the library. I started to walk in that direction, but Cassie grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“Can we go to Millie’s instead? They have the best fries.”
I let out a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. Come on, we’d better take my car.”
She beamed at me like it was Christmas and I’d just given her the greatest fucking gift. I shook my head, bemused at the way she saw me. Things would be so much easier if she hated me.
Cassie kept up a stream of small talk on the way. I answered with grunts and nods when I thought it was expected of me, but mostly I tuned out of the conversation. I wanted no part in it. I wished I could go home and see Zoey, but perhaps it would be better if I stayed away from my stepsister for a while—at least until I could be around her without making a fool of myself. I was so close to grabbing her and taking what I wanted or admitting my undying love. Either scenario was possible and, in fact, highly likely.
Millie’s was busy as usual for the time of day, but we managed to find a table by the window. Cassie ordered a burger and fries, and I stuck with coffee. I didn’t have the stomach for food. A steady stream of students and young families came and went while Cassie ate her food with hamster size bites, talking animatedly in between each mouthful. I tried to listen, I really did, but my mind wandered. I was nursing my third cup of coffee when the waitress finally cleared away Cassie’s plate.
“You seem distracted today,” Cassie said before taking a sip of her diet coke. “Is something wrong?”
I shook my head, not wanting to continue this line of conversation. “No, everything’s fine.”
She sighed then reached across the table and put her hands over mine, pulling them away from my cup. When she didn’t let go, I met her gaze and frowned.
“You’re forgetting something,” she said quietly. “I know you. We might not be dating anymore, but we’ve been friends since the eighth grade. What’s wrong?”
I was on the verge of telling her—of spilling my shameful, dirty secret—that I wanted my stepsister in a way that no brother should. I wanted to love and protect her, sure. But I also wanted to fuck her so badly my balls ached. Was there something wrong with me? Cassie held onto my hands, squeezing them lightly.
“It’s okay, Neal. You can tell me.” There was a calm, gentleness to her voice that I assumed she’d affected on purpose. It was as if she thought I might spook like a skittish horse. Did I look that fragile? I didn’t seem to have control of my emotions anymore. They were right there on my face for everyone to see. Or maybe it was just that Cassie did know me that well.
Could I tell her? I wanted to tell someone, needed to in fact, but Cassie wasn’t the right person and this wasn’t the right place to divulge my deepest darkest secrets. I shook my head and turned away from her enquiring gaze only to look directly into the eyes of the object of my obsession.
Zoey was standing just inside the door, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Her gaze lowered to my hands which were still clasped with Cassie’s and she pinched her eyebrows together into a deep frown. She turned and made a beeline for the door. I dropped Cassie’s hands as if I’d been burned and was out of my chair in two seconds flat.
“Neal?” Cassie questioned. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”
“Uh, just saw my sister,” I told her. “I need to give her a message. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I gave her no more of an explanation before hightailing out of the diner. Outside, I scanned the lot for Zoey and found her walking hurriedly to one of the nearby stores.
I broke out into a run. “Zoey!” I called out. No reply. She didn’t even slow down. “Zoey!”
She still didn’t respond which really pissed me off because she had to have heard me—she wasn’t that far away. Which meant she was ignoring me. I ran faster and when I caught up with her, I grabbed hold of her arm to get her to turn around.
“Hey, I was calling you,” I said, stating the obvious.
She wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Oh, sorry. I was in a rush to get home. I uh, I forgot something.”
I frowned, looking around in confusion then nodded to the direction we’d just come from. “But, home’s that way.”
She winced as she followed my gaze. “Right. Guess I was distracted. Well, I’d better get going. I’ll see you at home.”
“Wait. What were you doing at the diner, anyway? Were you meeting someone?”
An irrational burst of jealousy ate at my insides. Her eyes widened as if she’d only just remembered why she was there.
“Oh shit, yeah. Josie. I’d better give her a call. She’ll be waiting for me.”
I let go of the breath I’d been holding. “Why don’t you come back and wait for her?”
What the hell was I saying? It would be better if she left. I just didn’t want her to go. Not yet. Being around her made me feel content—happy. Seeing her face was the highlight of my day.
“I can’t, I…”
“What did you forget at home?”
Her eyes darted around as if she could pluck the answer to my question out of the air around us.
“Umm, homework?” she said turning the answer into a question.
What the heck? I stared at her unblinking and repeated, “Homework.”
She nodded and made to leave again but hesitated before she’d even taken two steps. She poked her chin out stubbornly, her eyes defiant. “I thought you said you weren’t sleeping with her anymore.”
I ground my teeth together against the implied accusation. “I’m not.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Really? Why won’t you
just admit it?”
I was beginning to get annoyed. Couldn’t see she how badly she had me twisted up in knots. “Because, silly girl, it’s not true. Why do you think?”
“You were holding hands,” she pointed out.
I shook my head. “Actually we weren’t holding hands. Well, she was holding my hands, yes, but it wasn’t what it looked like. I mean…I…we…”
I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated that I couldn’t give her a direct answer because to do so would mean having to confess everything. As a defense mechanism, I went with anger instead. That emotion seemed far better than the alternatives.
“Why the hell am I explaining myself to you? I already told you that what I do is none of your damn business. Why do you even care, huh?”
Her expression became shuttered and I hated that I’d made her close up like that. Her anger was every bit as pronounced as mine. “I don’t care. I just think you could do better, is all.”
My breath hitched. I loved that she was concerned about me and thought that I could do better. Perhaps I could—namely the girl I was looking at. Naturally, I didn’t say any of that to Zoey. I needed to go. I needed to get the hell away from her because the way she was looking at me was driving me to distraction.
Some of my steely façade dropped under her scrutiny.
I leaned in closer. “Did you have someone in mind?”
Her eyes widened comically and her mouth opened and closed like a fish.
“I…no. Of course not. Just not her.”
I sighed. There went my conscience again. I shouldn’t be toying with her to satisfy my own curiosity. “There’s nothing between Cassie and me anymore. I told you that and I meant it. I wasn’t lying, Zo, I’d never lie to you.”
Her eyes filled with something that resembled hope. It confused the hell out of me. I took a step closer to her though my every instinct was screaming at me to take a step back. Before I could stop myself, I lifted my hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. It was as soft as silk and I let my hand linger there for longer than was necessary.
Zoey’s breath hitched and the sound shot straight to my dick. I moved closer unconsciously. I wanted to kiss her so badly it was like a physical pull I couldn’t resist. When her tongue poked out to wet her own lips, a ragged groan tore from me. Visions of the things she could do with that tongue flashed through my mind—each fantasy dirtier than the one before.
I wanted her mouth on my dick. I wanted to push into her wet heat over and over again and then come all over those pretty lips. I wondered if she’d be tentative or enthusiastic. Would she take my cock all the way down her throat? Would she beg for my spunk, both with words and actions? I needed the answers to those questions like I needed air.
And all the while those pretty pink lips drew me in. The way she was looking at me. I shook my head. That couldn’t be hunger in her vivid blue eyes. Could it? She licked her lips again and my dick practically stood up and waved hello.
“Neal?”
I spun around at the sound of my name. “Cassie, uh, hey. I was just coming.”
“Hi Zoey,” she greeted, glancing back and forth between us. “Is everything okay?”
Zoey froze. “Sure,” she mumbled. “Everything’s fine. I, uh, I have to get going.”
She turned on her heel and fled, as fast as her feet could carry her. What the hell was going on with her today? Before Cassie had shown up it had felt as if Zoey and I had shared a moment—something powerful and intense. And when I’d stared at her lips, wanting to kiss her with everything in my being, it looked like she’d welcome it. Electricity had seemed to crackle in the air around us. There was no way I imagined it. No way. Could it be possible that Zoey had some sort of romantic feelings for me, too?
As I watched my stepsister retreat, I couldn’t resist calling her name.
“Hey, Zoey!”
She turned to look at me over her shoulder, her eyes wary.
“I’ll catch you later,” I informed her with a flirty wink.
When her mouth formed a perfect ‘O’, a shit-eating grin spread across my face. I’m pretty sure she knew as well as I did that I meant what I’d said in more ways than one. I was determined to find out if my feelings were one sided.
If my stepsister wanted me in the same way that I wanted her, then it was game on.
Chapter Three
I avoided mom and Nick when I got home and went straight up to my room, mumbling about having a ton of homework I needed to complete. The truth was, I wanted to be alone. My mom saw everything and though it might sound crazy I was afraid she’d take one look at me and figure out what was going on inside my head. How could she look at me the same after she knew the feelings I had for Neal who had been my brother for the best part of seven years? She’d be disgusted for sure. And yet I couldn’t help the way I felt about him. I wanted him so desperately it felt like I could never be happy with anyone else. It was as if he was the other half of my soul.
I took a long, cold shower, but even the frigid temperature didn’t rid me of the heat that was racing through my system. It consumed me from head to toe. I kept imagining Neal’s lips on mine and the flush that spread across my cheeks was a mixture of embarrassment and arousal although I think the arousal won out.
I’d sent Josie a text to tell her that something had come up and that I couldn’t meet her at the diner anymore. I just wasn’t in the mood to see anyone or to pretend that everything was a-okay when it was far from it. My run-in with Neal had left me feeling turned inside out. I was agitated and ill-at-ease.
After our earlier conversation in the car, I’d felt betrayed when I’d seen Neal and Cassie sitting in the window seat, holding hands like they were still together and very much in love. I reacted badly, I’ll admit it. But why had Neal come chasing after me when he’d seen me leave? Had he responded to the sadness on my face that I hadn’t been able to hide? Did he realize I was in love with him? I hoped not because I didn’t want his pity.
Neal had promised that nothing was going on between him and Cassie and it might make me stupid, but I believed him. Outside the diner, for one electrifying yet terrifying moment, I thought he’d been about to kiss me. I’d wanted him to, God had I wanted him to, but then Cassie had come along and ruined the moment and made me wonder if I’d imagined the whole thing. But I couldn’t have. He’d been staring at my lips. I was sure of it. And then he’d moved closer…
I shivered and closed my eyes, trying and failing to rid my mind of the image of his hooded gaze on my lips. I had to wonder what would have happened between us if we’d had more time alone. Would he have closed the distance between us and kissed me?
After drying my hair, I went out to the treehouse and made myself comfortable in the creaky old rocking chair my stepfather had bought for me a few years back. I loved the stillness out in the treehouse—the peace and quiet. But mostly being inside the impressive wooden construction reminded me of the times that Neal and I had spent together when we were younger.
I tried to ignore the fact that the large picture window in the treehouse overlooked the back of our house and with it—Neal’s bedroom, but my eyes kept getting drawn there. His window was maybe fifteen feet away from me and from my viewpoint I could see every corner of his room with blinding clarity.
I didn’t make a habit of spying on Neal—or at least I tried not to. I knew that it was an invasion of his privacy. However, if I’m being totally honest, over the last couple of months, watching him had become one of my guilty pleasures.
Mostly I watched him studying at his desk, his brow furrowed in concentration. But occasionally, I’d see something more. A couple of days ago, for example, I’d seen him emerge from his en-suite, a towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water had dotted his torso and I’d taken great pleasure in imagining licking them off him, one by one. Once, I’d seen him naked and stretched out on his bed, stroking his thick, hard cock. That memory would stay burned into my brain forever more.
I honestly hadn’t meant to keep watching when he’d let the towel slip from his hips and climbed up onto the bed. I’d tried to close my eyes and turn away, but I’d been rooted to the spot, frozen in a moment of unimaginable bliss. I held my breath, afraid to move a muscle as he’d wrapped a hand around his dick and ran it up and down his length. He worked it slowly at first—languorously then with more speed and vigor.
I’d been mesmerized that night. I’d felt completely out of my element, but it was hands down the most erotic sight I’d ever witnessed. If the last thing I ever got to see was Neal lying naked on his bed, pleasuring himself, I’d die a happy girl for sure. Watching him had made me feel content. He was magnificent and there was no question about it, I was in awe of him.
I don’t know how long I sat alone in the treehouse, but it only felt like thirty minutes had passed since I got there, maybe a little less. I’d pulled the patchwork quilt that my grandmother made over my lap and I’d started to drift off to sleep. Neal’s bedroom light flicking on was what stirred me into full consciousness. My breath caught as he strode into his room, dumping his book bag on the floor near the door and gazing around the empty room as if unsure what to do with himself.
I hesitated, tempted as always to look away, but when he scowled and ran a hand through his hair, I leaned in closer to see him better. He paced the length of the room a couple of times and once even sat down on the edge of his bed, but he stood up again quickly and resumed his pacing.
After a while, he seemed to make a decision about something and walked to the door, swinging it open. He disappeared for a couple of seconds and I mourned his loss until he reappeared moments later just inside the door to my bedroom which was situated next to his. What the heck?
Neal switched on the light and looked around my room, frowning. He seemed angry that I wasn’t there. Why was he looking for me? He rarely came to my room to talk to me when he got in. What did he want? The question repeated in my mind as I watched him look around my bedroom before walking further inside.