It didn’t go unnoticed that our hands were still woven together. I picked up my drink and gulped it all down. I hadn’t realized how hot and thirsty I was until that moment. It could have something to do with the smoldering, sexy ass man standing in front of me. God the things I wanted to…
Whoa hormone rush much?
“What?” he asked with this sexy confused look on his face when he realized I was staring at him.
“Not now, later. I don’t wanna yell over the music and all these people.” I pulled my phone out of my purse, 10:30 p.m. Damn, it was early and I was ready for bed.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” he hollered, but I barely heard him, it took a minute to register. He made his way back out to the dance floor. I sat down and waited, wondering what he was doing. Less than a minute later he returned with Drew and Barb in tow.
“You ready?” he asked as he held out his hand to me.
Part of me wanted to ask for what, but the other part won. I took his hand and followed him, looking back at Barb who was right on my heels. When we made it out the doors onto East Bay Street, Barb announced she was going home. Drew immediately went into cop mode and took her keys, forcing her to ride home with him, even though she lived a few blocks away. Jaxon’s bike was at my place, so he rode home with me.
“Why don’t you stay at my place? I don’t think you’re in any shape to ride home.” Who am I kidding? He lives within walking distance.
Honestly, I wanted him to stay. I felt safe when he was near me and I didn’t want to be alone tonight. Over the last few months, I had become accustom to falling asleep next to Brody. Jesus Leila, you can’t just substitute Jaxon in. Was that what I was doing? I knew Jaxon wasn’t Brody. Boy did I know. Being with Jaxon felt natural, easy, like I had known him for years.
“That’s fine, I’ll crash on the couch.”
“I have a guest room, you can sleep in there. My couch isn’t the best to sleep on. It’s too soft. You’ll wake up tomorrow morning and never want to speak to me again,” I said and laughed.
I parked the car, unlocked the back door and disarmed the alarm. Jaxon held the door so Ruger could go outside.
Dropping my bag, I kicked off my boots in the dining room. I turned to tell Jax I was going to bed and to make himself comfy, but I walked straight into his chest and he caught me in his arms.
“Whoa there, you okay?”
“Damn, you’re too fuckin’ quiet. I didn’t realize you were right behind me.” I righted myself.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak ya out,” he said, laughing at my jumpiness.
“It’s okay. So the bedroom is over there. You know where the kitchen is, please make yourself at home. Get whatever you’d like. I’m gonna crash, I’m exhausted.” I tried to sneak away before he could remember to ask me why I was staring at him in the club.
Grabbing my arm before I could make my getaway, he leaned down to me and gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head. “Night baby girl. Sweet dreams.”
He let me go and I slowly made my way upstairs to my room. I was asleep before my head hit the pillows.
Chapter Five
~Leila~
October and November passed by with no word from Brody. I still held out hope. Yes, I know. I’m a dumbass. I couldn’t help but wish he would change his mind and want this baby.
I spent most of my free time with Jaxon. We seemed to fall into a comfortable routine. Tuesday through Friday, I would see him when he walked me home from work, just like always. Friday night through Monday night, he would come over or we would go out.
Mostly, we hung out at my house watching football on the weekends. He learned really fast not to talk during football unless it was about football.
We got to know each other, talking about our families. His parents lived in Greenville a few hours away and he was an only child. One topic seemed off limits. He never elaborated on his tours with the Marines. We talked a little about the motorcycle club; he was pretty vague about them too, but said they were as much his family as his mom and dad.
Mid-December, we still were walking Ruger around the Battery and sometimes Folly Beach. Jaxon always held my hand and he kissed the top of my head. So many times over the last few months I had thought about what it would be like to be more with him. When those thoughts crept into my head I saw Brody and quickly shut them down. I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable like that again. My inner lioness had other thoughts though; she wanted a playmate. She wanted out of her cage to prowl and devour and only one thing would sate her sexual desires.
On a chilly December Friday night, exhausted from a long shift, I sat on my bed with Jaxon, popcorn between us, watching Knocked Up. We just finished the scene where the sister finds her husband sneaking around to play fantasy baseball, and she starts crying asking why he can’t have fun with her anymore and that he does things that hurt her. I don’t know why, but it made me sob.
I felt the bed shaking and looked over to see Jax trying to hide his laughter.
“What’s so funny? It’s sad. She loves him so much and he is a selfish asshole. What’s funny about that?” I sniffled. “Do you wanna go hang out with your friends and play fantasy baseball? You don’t have to stay here with me”—sniffle—“it’s not like I’m your problem.”
Now he wasn’t trying to hide it, he just about fell off the bed laughing. So, I decided to help him along. I grabbed my down pillow and slammed it into the side of his head. All I saw were his feet go flying straight up as he flipped backward off the bed.
Jaxon popped back up with a devious look on his face and then launched himself at me across the bed. “You think you’re funny, huh?”
I laughed as he held me down and tickled me.
“Stop. You’re gonna make me pee.” I was now crying for different reasons. I tried to escape, which ended with him on top of me.
Nose to nose.
Suddenly, I wasn’t laughing anymore and he wasn’t tickling me. I waited there for what seemed like an eternity, not moving, in the hope he would make the first move. I couldn’t trust myself or my judgment because baby hormones seemed to control my brain. He brushed a few curls out of my face and just as he started to go for it, Ruger started barking like a banshee.
Really Ruger? You’re killing me Smalls.
Someone was knocking on the door. I looked at the clock and saw it was almost 11:00.
“Who the hell is knockin’ on my door at this hour?” The only person I would expect this late would be Jaxon and he’s already here. Dressed in a little gray ribbed tank top and a pair of cotton pajama pants, I went to answer the door. Before I could even get out of the bed Jax was halfway down the stairs.
“Jax, wait, don’t answer it. Let me look and see who it is.” I bounced down the steps after him.
“Fine, but don’t open the door. You hear me?” he said, his voice gruff. “You expectin’ anyone?”
I shook my head and looked through the peephole.
“Holy motherfuckin’ shitballs,” I mumbled, turning back around.
“What the fuck Lei? Who is it? You’re white as a ghost babe.” He started over to open the door.
“No. Don’t.”
“Why Leila? Who’s at the fuckin’ door?” he asked quietly but clearly annoyed.
“Oh God, this is not happening. It’s Brody. Brody is here. Why the fuck is he here?” I started rambling like I did when I was nervous.
“Well, let’s just see, shall we?” Jax sounded chipper, but was starting to scare me.
“No, don’t. I don’t want to see him and I have nothing to say,” I whispered but it was too late. Jaxon ripped the door open enough that Brody would be able to see him…and me tucked behind him.
“What the fuck do you want?” Jaxon gripped the doorknob.
“It’s none of your fucking business. I came here to see Leila.” He pulled his eyes from Jaxon down to me. “Can we talk?”
“No, she has nothing to say to you.”
&nb
sp; “I think she’s more than capable of answering for herself,” Brody snarled at Jaxon, then turned to me, “or does your boyfriend here talk for you now?”
“Stop it, both of—Oh!” I gripped my little belly and looked down.
Jaxon was immediately at my side. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” He picked me up and carried me to the couch, leaving Brody standing in the doorway.
“Jax, put me down, I’m fine. Jesus man, chill.” I looked down at my belly. “He kicked. Give me your hand, I know you’ll be able to feel it this time.” I moved his massive hand to where the baby had just moved. “Give it a minute.”
Brody shut the door and was standing behind the couch watching us. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just the baby kicked really hard,” I explained.
His eyes widened. “Is that the first time you’ve felt it move?”
Jaxon looked up at him. “No, he’s been moving for a few weeks now, but then again, you’d know that if you hadn’t abandoned her, right”—KICK—“oh shit I felt him, Lei, I actually felt it.”
“Right, it’s hard to miss that, huh?” I beamed.
“Wait, did you say him?” Brody chimed in.
“Not that it’s any of your business since you made it that way, but Jax thinks it’s a boy. We won’t find out until next week.” I looked back at Jax and starting biting the inside of my cheek. “What did you want Brody?”
“I wanted to check on you. See if you needed anything and well…can we talk?” He looked at Jax. “Alone?”
“No fuckin’ way,” Jax growled.
“Jax, please it’s okay. Just let me hear what he has to say so he can go and we can finish the movie. It will be fine, I promise.”
“Yeah, it will be fine. It’s not like I’m going to do something to the mother of my child,” Brody said flippantly.
“Watch it Brody. And you don’t get to call me that. I’m the mother of my baby, you made that perfectly clear months ago, but I am willing to hear you out. Five minutes, that’s it.” I turned back to Jax. “Please. I know you’re not comfortable with this, but I can handle it. Will you run over and get that ice cream I’ve been craving all week?” I pouted out my bottom lip. “Pleeeeease?”
He blew out a frustrated breath. “Fine, five minutes and I will be back, with your Ben and Jerry’s.” He stood up, kissed the top of my head and went upstairs.
“So, he’s living here now?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. He stays over some.” I heard Jax coming back down.
“Be back babe. You want anything else? You got enough cream cheese and salami?” He knew me so well.
“Ooh no. I ate the rest yesterday.” I scrunched my nose. “But don’t worry about it tonight, we can get it tomorrow at Bi-Lo. Good lookin’ out though.” I didn’t want him to leave me alone with Brody for that long.
Jaxon shut the door. My place had never been so quiet. I wasn’t sure where to start.
“All right, you’ve got your five minutes of undivided attention. So get on with it.”
“Lei, I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that before—”
“Eight weeks ago, get to the point Brody.”
“I just wanted to see if you needed anything. See how you were feeling?” He paused. Then the real reason came out. “I miss you. I talked to Drew the other day and he said you were starting to show and…I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see you.”
“Wait, what?” I shook my head. “You’ve been getting updates from my brother?” I was pissed. “The last I heard he kicked your ass.”
“Uh, not really updates, I just ask every once in a while. He didn’t kick my ass, he got in a few lucky shots, but I deserved them. For the record, he doesn’t offer it up or anything if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said to cover Drew’s ass.
“No, I told him not to tell you a damn thing. What the hell?” I got up and walked to the kitchen for a bottle of water. “To answer your questions, no I don’t need or want anything. Especially from you. I think you’ve done quite enough. Jesus Brody. I just started pickin’ up the pieces of me that you shattered almost three months ago.”
“So what does that mean for us?” he asked. “Have you given up on me?”
“Given up on you?” I asked incredulously, almost laughing. “You walked out on me the same minute you found out I was pregnant. I didn’t get a choice. You made that one for me, and now, what? You expect to come by and we would just pick up where we left off?”
“No, not exactly. I just thought maybe we could try. I certainly didn’t expect to see him here, in your bed,” he said, his voice getting more and more strained.
“Oh hell no! You don’t get to be pissed about Jaxon. He has stepped up and been here when I needed someone. When I needed a shoulder to cry on after you crushed me. Someone to hold my hand during ultrasounds and doctor’s appointments. Someone to hold my hair while I got sick.” I sat back down on the chaise. “So, no. You don’t get to be pissed he was doing your job. He’s my friend, and not that I owe you any fuckin’ explanation, but that’s all it is, right now.”
“You know I still love you.” He scooted over toward me on the couch, reaching for my hand before I pulled it away. “I fucked up. I get that Lei, but please let me try and fix this.”
“Brody, if you would have said all of this to me six or seven weeks ago things might be different.” I put my hand on my belly where the baby was doing flips or some shit. “Oh geez, settle down in there.”
“Can I feel?” Brody asked sheepishly.
I looked down, contemplating with an exaggerated sigh.
“Yeah.” I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, but I wasn’t a bitch. Although, I really wanted to say fuck no, you didn’t want this baby so why should I let you feel him moving around. “Here, put your hand right here.”
He stared at my stomach and then waited.
“Give it a minute, sometimes he gets shy.” I moved his hand around to the left side just as he kicked again. “There, did you feel that?”
Brody shook his head, but then the peanut did another flip. “Whoa, that feels fucking weird.” Brody’s eyes grew.
Needing to break the moment, I got up. “Okay. You said what you needed to say, but it doesn’t change anything Brody. I can’t trust you anymore. How do I know you’re not here just because you’re lonely and horny?”
“I’m not here because I want sex. If that’s all I wanted I could get that whenever.” I could see he immediately regretted saying that. “I love you Lei. Please just think about it, about us.”
“You’re not gettin’ this. It’s not just us anymore Brody. There’s a child I have to think about now. You’ve already dumped us once. I won’t let you do that again.”
He looked devastated, but I stayed strong in my convictions.
“I think you should go home. Jaxon will be back in a minute and I’m tired,” I said, shaking my head. “Nothing has changed. Maybe it could have, if you didn’t wait so long to figure out what you want, if you even have. Next time, just call. Please. I’m trying to move forward.”
“Forward. With Jaxon?” he asked frankly.
Is that what I wanted? Did I want to move forward with Jax? Did he want to move forward with me?
“Yes,” I admitted quietly, sort of surprising myself.
“Don’t make any decisions right now. Please just think about what I said.” He turned to leave. “We could be a family. A real family. I’m not saying I’m not terrified, because I am, but I want try, for you.”
Ohmygod. Just shut up man. Was he trying to guilt me into taking him back? “Good night Brody.”
He stopped and reached for my belly. He rubbed it softly for a split second and opened the door. “Night Lei. Call me if you need anything.”
Jaxon was standing in the doorway as he opened the door. “All done then?” Not waiting for an answer, he said quickly, “Great. Bye.”
“Jax, Brody was just leaving.” I shot him
a pleading glance to be nice.
“Bye Lei. Please think about what we talked about.”
The two pushed past each other with a solid shoulder bump. Once inside the house, Jax stared out into the darkness before slamming the door. He didn’t say a word, just put the ice cream in the freezer and picked up his pack.
“Where are you going?” I said in a panic and a few octaves higher than normal.
“You obviously need some space to think about whatever it was he said, so I’m gonna go.”
I reached out and grabbed his arm.
“No, please don’t leave. There is nothing to think about or to figure out. I figured it out while he was here.”
He hung his head.
“All the more reason I need to leave,” he said, and hurt rang in his voice.
“How long were you standin’ at the door? How much did you hear?” I started to doubt myself, and how I thought he felt about me.
“Long enough to hear him ask you to be a family. With him.”
“So then you didn’t hear me tell him I was trying to move forward?” I had hope again.
He turned and looked into my eyes, hesitating. “No.”
I grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the couch, sitting down close enough our legs touched.
“I told Brody I was trying to move forward. That I couldn’t trust him anymore, not after he left me the second he found out about the baby. I told him that maybe if he would have come to me the day after with his remorse, I might, big might, have been able to forgive him, but that’s not what happened. I told him I was moving on”—I exhaled loudly, trying to build up the courage to tell Jaxon—“with you.”
“With me?” He looked at me with shock and awe. “You told him you couldn’t be with him, because you wanted to be with me?”
“You’re freakin’ me out here.” I jumped off the couch, before he could grab me, and walked to the kitchen. I took out a spoon and the Ben & Jerry’s Americone Dream ice cream.
“Wait, Lei. Don’t shut down on me. Talk to me.” He got up and came into the kitchen blocking the opening. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little caught off guard. I thought you only wanted to be friends.”
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