“I- I know that. I was hoping you would help me.”
“Out of the goodness of my heart. That’s what you expect?”
“Yes. Would that really be so wrong?” Amanda raised her voice. She looked up, refusing to be cowed like she normally was. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t that person that Phil could bully and push around any longer.
“Wrong?” Phil stuttered.
“Yes, wrong. We were together for four years. I know I owe you a lot, but I thought you would want to do this given how long we were together. I thought you were willing to help me, which is why I came back. I see now that I made a mistake.”
“I was willing to help you because I thought you’d come back and come to your senses. I thought if I apologized for- for my lack of judgment that you would see reason and realize that we are a good fit. That we’re still a good fit.”
Phil reached over and caressed her hand gently. Amanda shuddered. She withdrew and tucked her hand safely in her lap. “I can’t, Phil. There can never be a you and I again. We were over the second you told me to get out.”
“Why? What’s changed in a month?” Phil’s face twisted with rage.
Amanda knew there was no way to get him to understand. She knew she was going to have to tell him. If he helped her get her gallery showing then he would find out eventually. He wasn’t going to let this go, wasn’t going to let them go and leave her alone, unless he finally understood.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “That’s why.”
“I’m sorry… what?” Phil’s face actually purpled. The deep shade rose up his neck, covered his jawline, flushed his cheeks and made its way to his forehead.
“Yes. That’s why we can’t be together.”
“And it’s not mine?”
“You know it’s not. You just told me that wasn’t possible.”
She braced herself for a flood of angry words, for the storm that was Phil Wist. For the verbal battery, the barrage of terrible insults. She was stunned by the silence. It only took her a minute to realize that silence was far more deadly than anything she’d experienced so far.
“Whore,” Phil swore under his breath. He moved so fast Amanda barely had time to register the movement before his hand closed over her wrist. He dragged her off the stool so roughly it tipped under her weight.
Amanda let out a silent wail of protest. She clawed at Phil’s iron like grip, but it was useless. He dragged her through the kitchen roughly, her wrist screaming, bruising her tender skin. He moved through the living room, to the front door. She knew he was going to throw her out. It was just as well. She never should have come there, never should have trusted that the unmerciful man she’d known could have changed at all.
He opened the door and dragged her onto the porch. “Get out. Into the street where filth like you belongs.”
Amanda tried to struggle free, to break away before the steps. He anticipated her movement and tightened his fingers, biting into her skin even more painfully than before. Phil thrust her hard, so her barefoot skimmed over the top step, scrabbled for a foothold and missed.
She was aware of everything as though it happened in slow motion. Phil’s fingers finally releasing her wrist, the hard shove that sent her flying, the air, the feeling of nothingness, then finally the hard concrete beneath her wrists, breaking the tender skin of her palms.
Black spots danced in front of her eyes as she struggled to raise her head. A horrible pain jolted through her neck where it had snapped back and forth with the impact of her landing.
“You fucking whore,” Phil spat from the top of the porch. He pointed down at her. “Get off my property. Take your fucking car and get out of here. That gallery showing is never going to happen now. Go spread your legs for whoever it is you choose. You’ll never hear from me again.”
It was irrational, but Amanda nearly laughed. Never hear from him again? That was a small mercy. She struggled to pick herself up after the hard fall onto the concrete. There was a buzzing in her ears that grew to a loud hum, which turned into the roar. It sounded very much like the roar of an old pick up. A certain old pick up that she would have recognized anywhere.
She turned her head and there it was. The old, brown, rusty pick up that belonged to Jason. No. It can’t be. She realized she must have hit her head in the fall. She was hallucinating now.
Except that the door slamming, and the hard footfalls coming up the sidewalk, and then the drive, and the shout that rent the air, seemed so very, very real.
Chapter 17
Setting The World Right
Rage had blinded him before. Got the best of him so many times. He’d moved to the woods, to serenity, to heal and forget everything that had happened.
Seeing Amanda, the woman he loved, the woman who carried his child, sprawled out like a broken doll on the concrete sidewalk sent a jolt of pure, unadulterated hatred rocketing through his veins. The world turned red, closed in around him. Rage chocked his throat.
“Hey asshole!”
The guy at the top of the steps pointing down at Amanda like some version of a king in his pathetic castle, spraying spittle and glaring hatred, turned to look up.
The last color faded from his face that was already far too pale. He looked like he thought he was god’s gift to mankind in his expensive clothing, standing on the steps of a million dollar house. The fucker probably had a five hundred thousand dollar car in that triple car garage.
Big fucking deal. In Jason’s experience, all men crumbled the same, rich or poor.
He couldn’t look at Amanda. Couldn’t pick her up to see if she was alright. He would lose his shit completely and then he didn’t know what he’d do. Probably leave the guy half dead and that would help no one.
“Who are you calling an asshole?”
Phil curled his hand around the banister post on the porch and pointed an angry finger in Jason’s direction, thrust his shoulders forward and shored up his courage.
But the courage faltered fast as Jason neared. He ate up the sidewalk with his long strides. He watched Phil’s nostrils flare, a sure sign of fear.
He reached the steps and mounted them one by one. His boots scuffed heavily, the dull thuds pounding through a brain that refused to focus on any thoughts that didn’t involve pounding the scumbag in front of him right into the dirt. He’d knock him down first, probably with a single punch. Give him a blow or two after that for good measure. Maybe mop the porch with him before he sent him sprawling out onto the concrete like he’d sent Amanda. Jason had just pulled up and witnessed the entire exchange from the moment the door opened right until he threw Amanda down the stairs.
Phil must have seen the murderous intent in Jason’s eyes because, like a fool, he swung first. He could have dodged and run back into the house. Jason was actually a little shocked the guy even had the courage to try and hit him.
He easily dodged and Phil left himself open for a whole lot of punishment. Jason didn’t deal the blow though. He didn’t want this to be over so easily. Instead he ducked low and rammed his shoulder into Phil’s chest. The gasp of air rushing out was the most satisfying sound Jason had heard in a long time.
He kept going, using his weight to propel them backwards until Phil was pinned up against the front door of his own house. Jason edged his shoulder away, reached up and slipped his hand around Phil’s throat. He didn’t tighten his grip, but Jason got the hint. He went slack with fear and shut his eyes, waiting for the blow to land.
Jason drew back his fist. He was halfway to a bone crunching blow when Amanda’s scream rent the stillness of the morning.
“No! Jason, no!” She was there suddenly, beside him, on the porch. His brain cleared enough to focus on her moss hued eyes. “Don’t,” she plead. “Please. He’s not worth it. Don’t do this. Let’s just go.”
He understood what she wasn’t saying. That the slime ball he currently had in a choke hold had the money to make him pay. That Phil would press assault charges if Jason hit
him. Amanda didn’t want that. She was clearly distressed and after what he’d just seen happen, he didn’t want to put her through anything more.
His fingers slowly unraveled, releasing their choke hold on Phil. “I want you to take a good look at her.” Jason turned the guy’s head and his eyes nearly bugged out. “Look at her. She’s the reason you were spared this morning. Money or not, cops or not, lawsuit or not, I would have loved to wipe your face in the dirt. Don’t think it won’t still happen. Pursue us in any way and I will come and make sure you pay. That isn’t a threat. It’s a promise.”
What blood was left in Phil’s face rushed out. He turned completely white and when Jason released him, he collapsed against the door, sliding down like a straw man.
Jason turned silently and strode down the steps. Amanda didn’t hesitate. She followed him silently, her bare feet padding on the cool concrete.
Half way down the driveway, Jason spotted a set of car keys sticking out of the pocket of her jeans. He reached down and extracted them. He raised a brow and she nodded once, in obvious agreement. He stalked back up the porch and Phil, coward that he was, started cowering again. Jason threw the keys at him. They landed with a dull metallic clink on the porch.
He turned and stalked back down the driveway. Amanda was already gathering her things out of the car. He loaded up the rest for her, throwing it in the back of his pickup while Phil watched, open mouthed.
After it was done, Jason helped Amanda into the passenger side. He hopped into the driver’s side of the bench seat and started the truck up. The old beast roared to life and Jason floored it away from Phil’s house. He felt oddly satisfied even though he’d been cheated out of the beating that Phil was due. It wasn’t really his to hand out anyway. Not if Amanda didn’t want him to.
He glanced over at her, but she sat quiet, staring straight ahead. She wouldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t, or couldn’t, he wasn’t sure which.
“I wasn’t going back to him,” she finally said.
“I know.” His hands clenched hard on the wheel. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he knew. Amanda couldn’t do it. She couldn’t betray him like that. Whatever she was doing back there at her ex’s house, it wasn’t because she wanted to have a life with him. “We can talk more at the cabin.”
He started the long drive back to his home. A home that he might just get to share with a woman as beautiful and amazing and genuine as Amanda, if she let him.
Her silence filled up the truck, her only response, as they took the first turn in a series of many that would lead them back to the place she should never have had to leave.
Chapter 18
Home At Last
There was never a more welcome sight than that winding dirt road, tall pines giving way to a narrow, winding driveway and two quaint little cabins nestled in the heart of the clearing.
Amanda’s heart leapt with hope when Jason shut off the truck and came around to open her door for her. He extended a hand and she took it, her insides knotting painfully at the feel of his warm, calloused skin against her own. She never thought she’d see him again, let alone be able to feel the gentle reassurance of his touch.
He led her into his cabin and pulled out a chair at the table. Amanda sat. She watched while Jason disappeared with the kettle then came back a minute later with it full of water. He built up the fire swiftly, with much more skill than she was ever able to muster.
Soon the kettle was boiling away. Jason fixed them each a cup of tea. He set one, black, with cream and sugar in front of her. He’d just assumed that she liked it the way she took her coffee and he was right. The fact that he knew her, that he just somehow understood her, nearly made her eyes tear up.
As soon as Jason sat, Amanda started talking. She couldn’t keep the words pent up inside her any longer.
“I… I’m sorry that I went back to Phil. It was the strangest thing. After we fought and you told me to leave, I didn’t have anywhere to go. I turned on my phone to maybe get in touch with my mom, even though we haven’t spoken to each other in years, and there were all these missed calls from Phil. Texts too. He sounded so sincere and sorry. I thought maybe he would be willing to let me stay in the guest room for one night so I didn’t have to pay for a hotel. I don’t have a lot of money and I didn’t want to waste two hundred dollars of money I was going to need, especially if my mom refused to let me come home. He said that he had a potential job opening for me, a gallery show in New York. I needed a job, to support myself and be set when this baby comes. I called him and asked if he’d let me stay the night, but I was very clear that nothing would ever be between us again. I asked him if he’d help me get the gallery show even if we weren’t a thing and he assured me he would. I should have known better. He can be very convincing when he wants to be. Really he just wanted to get me back in the house. He thought he could fix everything with an apology.”
“An apology that sure as hell didn’t look sincere to me.”
Amanda sighed. “I can’t believe he reacted that way. He was pushing me to get back together, to stay. I don’t even know if the New York gallery was real or not. He was badgering me and I felt that the only way to make him understand why we couldn’t have a future, other than the fact that I didn’t want to, since he wasn’t listening to that, was to tell him why. I thought if he helped me get to New York then he’d find out sooner or later anyway, since those people were his contacts. Or so he said. Who knows.”
“So you told him you were pregnant.”
“Yes. And he told me that he’d lied about his test results. Yet he kicked me out of the house, calling me infertile and barren, knowing full and well that he was the one to blame.”
Jason’s brow knitted into a tight frown and his eyes flashed with anger. “Why would he do that to you?”
“He said he was ashamed. He never wanted me to find out so he made me leave. He didn’t count on actually missing me.”
“That man is a fool,” Jason snarled. “But then again, so was I.”
“You told me to leave, so I did.”
The anger in Jason’s blue depths faded away and was replaced by something much softer and deeper. Amanda’s throat closed up and her hand trembled on the table top. Jason reached over, took it and wrapped it in his much stronger palm.
“I never meant for you to leave. I know I said that. I said those words, but I didn’t truly mean them. I was angry and irrational and I blurted the first thing that came to mind. I went out for a drive to clear my head so that I could come back and actually have a rational conversation. I never thought you’d actually leave in the hour I was gone. I thought I’d come back and we’d talk it out and figure out what we were going to do.”
Tears gathered in Amanda’s eyes. She blinked and they spilled down her cheeks. “I wish you would have said that then. I truly thought you wanted me gone. I didn’t want to stick around to see you one last time. I didn’t hold out much hope that you would change your mind.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that again. By the time I got back I was going to tell you that you could stay as long as you wanted, even if you didn’t want to raise that baby with me. Even if it didn’t work out between us, I was going to tell you I’d look after you, in one way or another, even if that just meant sending you money every month. I was going to leave it up to you, what you wanted to do.”
It was like there was a damn in Amanda’s chest, blocking off the tide of emotion from flowing out. A hole burst in that thick wall, just a tiny hole and water began to trickle through. She knew it wouldn’t be long before those walls crumbled altogether and a flood of emotions hit her hard. She just wasn’t sure what to feel at the moment. Relief? Joy? Anger?
“You don’t want to be a part of the kid’s life?”
Jason’s lips pursed and that line etched into his brow carved itself a little deeper. “I don’t know, Amanda. I was going to leave that up to you, if you wanted to keep it. I’m not the kind of person a
woman would want to spend the rest of her life with. I’m not the kind of man who would be a good father. You would have to take that into account when you decide whether or not I deserve to know my child. I’d be alright with just getting a letter or a phone call once in awhile, a picture maybe, if you don’t want to stay here.” She had never heard him this vulnerable before.
Amanda reached out with her free hand. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing, she just knew she needed to touch him. Their hands, locked together on the table top, wasn’t enough. She gently caressed the angle of his jaw. She closed her eyes and just felt the soft rasp of beard underneath her fingertips and the unexpected softness of his cheek as her hand trailed higher.
She let her hand rest there for a moment. The sound of their breathing filled up the tiny kitchen. Finally she opened her eyes.
“I do want to keep the baby. And I do want to stay. I think, when a child comes into the world, it changes everything. We, as parents, have an obligation to try and give it the best future possible. I don’t want to wait around and see if this is going to work. I want to make this work. I don’t just want to try, I want to really, really try, with the goal in mind that we are going to raise this baby together, because it’s going to make us happy-”
“Amanda…”
“No, wait, let me finish.” She kept her hand on his cheek, which oddly enough, seemed to comfort them both. “I know it’s only been a month and that’s crazy. Some people wait years and years before they get to this point or before they want to get to this point, but we don’t have a choice. I actually never believed I’d get this opportunity. Phil made me think I was the problem and I gave up hope of having kids. This was so unexpected… but there was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted it. I do want this baby. And I want you. I want this place, this sweet little cabin and the woods and the chickens and that stupid hand pump that kills my arm every single time. I want to make this work, whatever that means, until we’re either absolutely sure we can or we’re absolutely sure we can’t.”
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