by David Horne
“Hardly,” Alex replied, but he smiled, leaning in to press his head to Harry’s. “Thank you.”
Harry touched his cheek and quickly pressed a kiss to his mouth. “Don’t thank me. There’s nothing for you to be thankful for.”
Alex didn’t think that was true; he felt like his whole world had opened up since Harry had come into his life. The world seemed brighter, more colorful, and no matter what happened between them, Alex would never be able to thank him enough for that.
After the sea lion show, Alex tugged Harry into a secluded spot along the walkway, fingers tugging on his jacket. He didn’t say anything for a moment, content to stare at Harry, the curve of his smile, and his eyes and mouth.
“If you wanted it to happen,” Alex said, licking his lips. He couldn’t look Harry in the eye, dropping his gaze to his own hand clutching at Harry’s jacket. “I don’t know how people do it.”
Harry wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, resting his chin on Alex’s shoulder. Alex pulled him close, burying his nose in the hair above Harry’s ear. “It should be natural. It shouldn’t be forced or uncomfortable for either of us.”
“I’ll be bad.”
“Everyone is,” Harry assured him, hand lifting to the hair at the nape of Alex’s neck. “I was terrible. Quick. You’ll be as good as you’ll be.”
Alex breathed out slowly, closing his eyes. “We’ve only had two dates, but I don’t know what’s an acceptable time…”
“There’s no set schedule,” Harry said, pulling away, his hand resting on the back of Alex’s neck. “It is what it is. If we wait three dates, seven dates, or a lifetime.”
Alex was so damn lucky. “So glad you tripped over me.”
Harry laughed, pulling his hand back so that he could shove at Alex’s chest. “Shut up.”
“Natural klutz,” Alex said, putting distance back between them. “Not my fault.”
“Whatever,” Harry groused, but he was smiling, so Alex counted as a win.
The discussion seemed to ease all of Alex’s worries; he felt lighter for having spoken about it, for finding out that he had made the right choice. Harry wasn’t going to pressure him, and he could figure out on his own time just what them sleeping together would mean for him.
It was still a daunting prospect, still filled him with a little anxiety every time he wondered what was expected of him. The fact that he would be bad at it wasn’t a great reassurance, but it took away some of the pressure to be good enough that Harry wouldn’t stop dating him because the sex was bad.
Which was apparently where Alex’s thoughts were going now.
They had lunch close to Alex’s apartment, and when Alex admitted that he didn’t want to go home just yet, Harry invited him back to his apartment.
Harry ducked his eyes, a bashful smile on his face. “Not for that—”
“It’s okay,” Alex said, staring down at his plate. His cheeks were hot, but he didn't think it had anything to do with the food. “I know what you mean.”
Things were a bit awkward, but Alex figured they would smooth out in time.
“I can meet your dog,” Alex said, aiming for lightening the mood.
Harry’s smile seemed to indicate he’d done a good job. “She’s a pain, I don’t know why you’d bother.”
“You love her.”
Meeting his eyes, Harry’s lips quirked up into a smile. “I do love her. I can’t lie.”
It felt important somehow, and Alex didn’t want to ruin the moment by saying something stupid, so he just nodded quickly, mouth hurting with how hard he was smiling.
Love, huh. A strong word for a couple who had only had two dates, but Alex could admit that it had a strong association with what he was feeling. It was all right to think about love this quickly, right? The thought of having to ask that question aloud, to anybody, was enough to break Alex out of his introspection.
“Your place it is,” Alex said, basking in Harry’s pleased nod before turning back to his food.
Chapter Nine
Two dates turned into four turned into six.
Pretty soon they were going to run out of places to go, Alex mused, as he tried to come up with another date plan. After the aquarium had been the movies, then the park. There’d been a couple of dates at each apartment. Then the night they’d spent at the bakery.
“I wanna bake something for you,” Harry told him, as Alex met him after work.
“Oh?” Alex stood awkwardly on the other side of the counter, not really sure where to put his hands. He didn’t want to mess up the counter, aware that it probably took a while to clean it.
“Come on through,” Harry had said, lifting the partition.
Alex had hesitated. He wasn’t dressed for a shop, and he didn’t want to get in the way.
Harry rolled his eyes. “My parents are about to leave, and we’re closed. Come on.”
Ducking under the bar, Alex joined Harry behind the counter and endured a tour of the bakery, a stilted conversation with Harry’s parents, and then a bakery lesson that turned into Harry smudging flour places it shouldn’t be smudged.
Alex burned with the memory of how hot and heavy things had become in the kitchen. Not that he would have done anything gross in there, they had to prep things and make sure it was sterile, but they’d been kissing, and there had been hands. It had been enough to make Alex hard, though he’d been awkward and hadn’t known how to react to it.
Harry had shown him how okay it was going to be when they eventually had sex; he had pressed his hips to Alex’s, pushed up on his toes to whisper in Alex’s ear. “Soon.”
It had been a promise, and Alex shivered, staring out the door of his office as if someone was standing on the other side, staring at him judgingly.
“Get a grip,” he muttered to himself. Thankfully it was Friday, and he wouldn’t have to deal with work for a whole two days. Tomorrow he had plans to meet up with a Cantonese tutor. He had wanted to be able to greet Harry’s parents in their native language, aware that he was probably going to butcher some of the words, but he was definitely falling in…well, he liked Harry a lot, and he wanted to show them that he was serious about Harry.
Then Sunday was another family lunch, which would probably be harder for Alex to get through now that he had this secret that he couldn’t shake. Not that he wanted Harry to be a secret, but he didn’t know how to tell them about Harry and make it known that he didn't want their interference.
Thankfully both Bella and Sara had remained silent, though Alex did call Sara after leaving the Lins’ bakery to tell her how close they had come.
Thinking about it now was still affecting Alex, and he had to take a moment, turn his chair to the window and breathe. He had never felt like this before, never wanted someone the way that he wanted Harry. The feelings were one thing, hard enough for him to deal with, but now that he was physically attracted to Harry, and had seen how great things between them could actually be, it was getting more difficult to turn his mind away.
Maybe he could turn their next date into a “come-over-to-mine” date and if they were both willing, they could see where it would go. Before he could lose his nerve, Alex texted Harry on Monday, asking if he would like to come over for dinner.
It felt like time was moving slowly before he received a reply;
Absolutely. Are you cooking for me, Alex? :)
Alex affirmed that yes, he was, and then turned back to work, determined to leave early so that he could not have his big freak out about what he’d just done in the middle of the office. The last thing he needed was his mother coming in to see him having a panic attack about having sex with his boyfriend.
He didn’t even have a panic attack outside of the office. By the time he made it home, he was exhausted enough that just the idea of having a panic attack was too much. Making dinner was an effort he didn’t want to have to go through, so he ordered takeout and fed the fish, showering and changing into something more comfortable. By the t
ime the food arrived, he was ready to relax on the couch and enjoy a night in, though he didn’t begrudge Harry a few texts.
Apprehension about Monday was buried beneath his determination to be good at learning Cantonese. He had loved school and college, and though he had majored in whatever would look the best to his mother, he had still loved languages and had an affinity for learning them. His French tutor had been impressed with how easily he picked up on the speaking, though he hadn’t been as great with reading and writing.
Alex didn’t mind if that was the same with Cantonese. If it helped him communicate more easily with Harry’s parents, it would be worth the effort.
Not that he had any mind to introduce them any time soon, but Alex would want his parents—and Harry—to get along and know that they thought Harry was good for him and would be good to him. Not that he knew how to go about it. He just wanted his parents to stay out of it; something that he worried about, right up until the family dinner.
“You’re on your way, right?” Jason asked when he called Sunday morning. “Bella told me you were learning a new language yesterday.”
“Yes,” Alex said, deadpan. “Because that would stop me coming to dinner?”
Jason snorted, and Alex put him on speaker, dropping his phone on the passenger seat as he pulled out of the parking lot. “You know what I mean. You’ve been busy lately.”
With a pang, Alex realized that he had. With so much attention on Harry, he hadn’t spent as much time with his brother, sister, and his friends as he might have done previously. He’d still had Sara over, still spoke to everyone on the phone, but he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a real night out with his siblings.
“Sorry,” Alex said, though he wasn’t completely apologetic. He couldn’t imagine not spending time with Harry. “I’ve had a lot going on.”
They both knew why he’d been busy, but thankfully Jason didn’t say anything.
“I’m just glad you’re around. Mom’s been going on about work again. Apparently, you’re distracted a lot lately.”
“We’re not telling her why,” Alex said immediately.
Jason sighed, but his brother knew him well. “She’s going to find out.”
“Not yet,” Alex muttered.
Thankfully Jason didn’t say anything else about their parents. Instead, he started talking about Sara and their house, things that Alex was only vaguely interested in. His mind wandered a little as he went through instinctive answers, amused at the thought of trying some of his Cantonese on his family. Sara would be interested, she was as much in love with educating herself as he was. Bella wouldn’t care, and Jason was only going to mock.
His dad might care, but Alex didn’t want him to ask exactly why Alex was learning Cantonese.
Life was hard. Alex snorted, covering it with a cough when Jason asked what was up.
“I’ll be there in a sec,” Alex said. “You don’t have to talk to me all the way.”
Jason laughed, but after a goodbye, hung up.
Alex was going to have to ask Harry for a new music playlist. There were only so many times you could listen to the same songs. Harry had asked, tongue in cheek, for some recipes in exchange for his playlist and Alex had actually delivered. The reciprocity of their relationship was one of the things that Alex loved most. He could always be sure that Harry wasn’t taking advantage, and that he was just as willing to offer things up in return.
Alex really, really liked this one.
“I love him,” he said slowly, testing the words out loud. The world didn’t end, and he didn’t pass out in shock. He snorted at himself as he flicked the indicator. “I love him.”
It sounded good, and a thrill ran up his spine as he contemplated telling Harry. There was anxiety, of course, worrying about whether it was too soon, but Alex was fast discovering that the more he went against his anxiety, the more he did things he was afraid of, the more he got in return.
Harry was proving that he was worth all the fear that Alex was trying to shove down.
As he turned down his parents’ street, he felt confident that, come Monday, he was going to tell Harry that he loved him. Sex and the L word all in one day. A monumental occasion for sure.
The driveway was crammed with cars again, so Alex was left to park in the smallest gap possible. Thankfully Bella wasn’t waiting to pounce on him the instant he pulled up, so he took his time locking up the car and entering the house.
Knocking on the door, Alex shot off a text to Harry with an appropriate horrified face at what was to come.
“Something more important?”
Alex swallowed, slipping his phone into his pocket and trying not to look as guilty as he felt. “Nope. Hi, Mom.”
“Alexander,” she said, pulling him in for a hug. It was awkward, but Alex squeezed her hard before letting go. She gave him the once-over. “How have you been?”
Jason was right, Alex thought wryly. “You’ve seen me at work.”
Aris looked unimpressed, but she stepped back enough to let him into the house. “You’re not present.”
Rolling his eyes and refusing to rise to the bait, Alex kicked off his shoes. “It’s not always going to be interesting, Mom. That doesn’t mean I’m not doing my job.”
“That’s not what I…” Aris started, and looked frustrated at herself.
Alex sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “How are you doing?”
Taking hold of the change in subject quickly, Aris smiled and led the way toward the living room, telling him about her new deals at work. It wasn’t what Alex had been asking for really, but he let her talk. It was less focus on his distraction.
His father was cooking, which meant dinner would either be a resounding success or a complete failure, and Jason and Bella were in a heated argument about whether the moon was hollow.
“They’re adults, right?” Alex asked Sara, who had sidled up to him as soon as Aris headed for the kitchen to make sure her husband wasn’t about to blow up the house.
“Debatable,” Sara said, mouth quirking up. “He’s handsome when he’s heated.”
Alex wrinkled his nose. “Thanks for that.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t feel the same when Harry gets passionate about something.”
It was an innocent thing to say, but Alex gripped Sara’s arm, tugging her out into the hall. “Don’t.”
Sara raised her eyebrows at the hissed word, staring down at his hand. “What is your problem?”
Alex let her arm go, shaking off his anger and frustration and dropping down onto the stairs. He’d sat here so many times as a kid, after getting yelled at or having the disappointment lecture from his mother. Sometimes it felt as if he was still sitting there, waiting for the punishment to fall. “Sorry.”
Sara hovered in the hallway. “Why are you so intent on keeping him a secret?”
“If they don’t know about him, he’s safe,” Alex said. The explanation sounded crazy even as he said it, but Sara didn’t look judgmental. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“Please,” Sara said, snorting. “I’m a police officer, Alex. I hardly felt it.”
“Thanks,” Alex said dryly. He sobered quickly, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “You know what it was like when you first started dating Jason. You know what it’s like when Milo comes up.”
Sara’s expression shifted into something dark at the mention of Milo, but it was gone before Alex could bring it up. Instead, she leaned against the bookcase at the base of the stairs. “You don’t give your parents enough credit.”
It was a nice thought, but Alex gave them too much a lot of the time. Instead of saying so, he just nodded. “I don’t want to make you guys lie. I just need more time.”
Sara was silent for a long time. Alex waited patiently, nervous that his mother would come out and see what was up, but thankfully, Sara tugged him to his feet before she could. “I’ve kept it this far. Things get said, and you can’t blame us for that.”
&nb
sp; “I won’t,” Alex promised.
“Come on then,” Sara said, tugging Alex to his feet. “Let’s eat.”
Dinner was surprisingly okay.
Alex took the seat next to Bella, who continued to regale him with tales of Milo’s latest painting, his upcoming show, and how excited she was for their weekend away.
“You’re going away with him?” Aris asked, her mouth pressed into a thin line.
“Well, we haven’t discussed the finer points,” Bella said immediately, her cheeks pink. “I don’t even know if it’s actually going to happen.”
Alex watched his parents exchange a pointed look. When he raised his eyebrows at Sara, who had seen the very same exchange, she just shook her head. Alex felt like he was missing something but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. That didn’t stop him feeling justified in keeping Harry a secret. How long before his parents decided they didn’t want Alex with a guy who’s only ambition was to run his parents’ bakery? It didn’t matter to Alex, but it would to them.
“You ask me why,” Alex said, as Sara walked him to the door later that day. “If they treat Milo like that, what are they gonna do with Harry?”
“It’s not the same thing,” Sara argued. She had her hands in her pockets and she was closed off like she didn’t want to be having this conversation. “Alex—”
“Alex!” Aris stepped into the hall. “I wanted a word. When you’ve finished saying goodbye.”
“We already have,” Alex assured her, giving Sara a pointed look.
Sara was glaring at him, disappointed she couldn’t convince him yet again to tell his parents about Harry, but he ignored her. “Yeah. I’ll see you Thursday, Alex.”
“I look forward to it,” Alex said, feeling anything but.
“I need you on a flight tomorrow,” His mother said, as soon as Sara had disappeared through the doorway.
“No,” Alex said immediately, refusing to be put off by the warning look his mother leveled him. “You can’t just ask me at short notice, Mom.”
Aris raised an eyebrow, hands planted on her hips. “Oh?”
“I know you’re my boss,” Alex continued and sighed. “I respect that, and I wouldn’t do this, but I have plans that I can’t just cancel. I am sorry.”