by Matt London
“Hello, Evie. It’s nice to see you. You’re looking . . .” Half her face twisted up like she was in pain. “Fabulous. As usual.”
Evie shook her head and wiped her face dry. “Oh, yeah? You look like a rodeo clown with a bad case of indigestion.”
For a second, Vesuvia glared her nasty glare, but then she shook it off. “Oh, Evie, you are a riot. You say the funniest things. Tee hee hee.”
Angrily, Evie pushed up from her slab and stomped over to the bars. “What do you want? Where’s 2-Tor? Why am I here? Answer me, you . . . you . . . you continent thief!”
“Thief? That is not the spirit of sharing I would expect from the kind and generous Evelyn Lane. You know, Evie, I was just passing by the kitchens—did you know the Mastercorp dreadnought has an entire room devoted to cupcake icing? Well, I thought about bringing you a whole gallon jug of vanilla icing, but then I thought—no. Evie deserves better. And so I brought you this, the perfect breakfast for beautiful princesses everywhere.”
She held out her hand. Sitting in her palm, inches from the bars of the cell, was the most perfect, scrumptious cupcake Evie had ever seen. Pink icing, a tiny sliver of strawberry poised at the peak, a vanilla base, and the paper had been replaced by a thin tuile of chocolate chip cookie. Evie licked her lips. She hadn’t eaten anything since dinner the night before she left her family’s settlement.
“Go on,” Vesuvia said. “I brought it for you.”
Slowly, Evie reached through the bars and took the cupcake from Vesuvia’s open hand like she was picking a flower. She held it in front of her face, smelling the sweet scents of sugar and strawberries. Her eyes never left Vesuvia’s. The other girl, with her sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks, looked the opposite of how Evie felt—like nothing in the whole world could go wrong.
Evie flashed a grin . . . and then stuffed the cupcake in Vesuvia’s face. The icing smeared her makeup. The little bit of strawberry went up her nose. She pulled away in disgust, spitting cupcake and wiping icing out of her eyes, and the rest of the confection crumbled to the floor.
“Oh, Evie, you always were a funny one.” Vesuvia tried to laugh, but Evie could see the anger boiling inside of her. She pulled out her compact and inspected the deformed state of her makeup. She did her best to smooth out the smudges and touch up what she had wiped away. When she turned back to Evie, she was perfect, pristine Vesuvia again.
“Let me out of here,” said Evie, deadly serious. “And where is 2-Tor?”
“Certainly!” Vesuvia said, feigning a smile. She produced an access key card from a pocket in her dress. “It’s the least I can do, after you freed me from prison the same way. And as for your bird, I’ll take you to him right away, of course.”
True to her word, Vesuvia swiped the card, and the bars of Evie’s cell swung open. She had half a mind to sock Vesuvia and make a run for it right there, but Evie knew that if that happened, the façade of niceness would evaporate. Mastercorp agents would come flying out of the ventilation ducts or materialize out of thin air, or some other terrifying thing Evie could cook up in her subconscious. Escape would not be easy. Rather than get shoved right back into her cell by impolite robots or well-armed soldiers, she decided to play along, for now.
“Lead the way, Vesuvia,” Evie said, faking a gracious bow.
A short walk through dark hallways brought them to a research laboratory. This was nothing like Evie’s father’s labs. Everything was clean and organized. Young scientists with trendy haircuts and bleached lab coats moved from station to station, examining samples, assessing data, and adjusting hip glasses everywhere. Rick would have been in heaven.
In the center of the room was a gyroscopic harness suspended from two large metal legs. 2-Tor was strapped into the contraption, but she barely recognized him. His feathers were gone, as was the twinkle in his eyes. He now looked as he had in the years prior to the Battle of the Garbage Patch. 2-Tor was a robot again. How had it happened? It looked like the Mastercorp scientists were trying to find out. One machine scraped off filings from his metal breast. Another sprayed him with strange liquids.
From a dais at the other end of the lab, two grown-ups watched the examination. One was a woman with sharply cut blond hair. She had the body of an Olympic athlete and the stern face of an Olympic judge. The other was a man, and although he was standing in plain sight, Evie couldn’t make out his face.
When 2-Tor saw the two girls enter the lab, he shook in his harness and squawked, “Evelyn! Oh, my, you are a sight for sore optical sensors. Are you all right?”
Evie rubbed her arm. “I’m fine, 2-Tor. What have they done to you?”
“Nobody knows!” 2-Tor said. “It appears that I have undergone a retro-transformation. I’m back to my old self again—although I don’t know what happened to those worms I ate yesterday for breakfast.”
“Have they hurt you?” Evie asked, concerned.
“Quite the contrary, miss, these Mastercorp gentlepeople have been quite kind. I had an oil bath and a polish. They carefully examined my circuits—every wire was secured! I’m fit as an electric guitar now.”
“That’s great, 2-Tor, but why are they being so nice to you?”
“Oh!” Robot 2-Tor could not blush, but Evie thought she saw his eyes glow a little redder. “I hadn’t considered it, honestly.”
Evie had an idea. During the Battle of the Garbage Patch, the Eden Compound had rained on 2-Tor, turning him from a robot into a real-live seven-foot-tall talking bird. Whatever 2-Tor had fallen into back in the glade must have reverted him to his robot form. That’s why all that garbage was surrounding the pool of silvery liquid! That liquid was turning whatever it touched back into what it was before it had been sprayed with the Eden Compound.
Sighing heavily, Evie turned away from 2-Tor. If Rick had been there, he would have figured out all this stuff in an instant. He would have told Evie what it all meant and what they had to do to stop anything bad from happening. But Rick wasn’t here, and all this weird chemistry stuff was making Evie’s head hurt.
“Over here, Evie!” Vesuvia said, skipping across the lab and up the steps to the raised platform. The two grown-ups watched Evie as she followed. “This is Mister Dark. He’s a big shot at Mastercorp. And this is my beautiful mother, the glorious, illustrious, isn’t-it-obvious-she-produced-such-stellar-offspring Viola Piffle!”
“What do you know about the Anti-Eden Compound?” Vesuvia’s mother bent at the waist so she could look Evie more directly in the eye.
“Never heard of it,” Evie said. Her heart was pounding, but she tried to remain still and not look fearful.
Mister Dark placed that cold hand on Evie’s shoulder again, reminding her of their encounter in the Aniarmament room. It felt like an iron vise. “What is the chemical formula of the Eden Compound?”
Evie pulled away, terrified. “That formula was lost along with Doctor Evan Grant. No one has it anymore.”
Vesuvia took Evie by the arms and pulled her away from Mister Dark and her mother. “You two are being very rude to my friend. She has just gotten out of her cell, you know.”
This was even scarier than the intimidating Mister Dark. Her friend? Why was Vesuvia being so nice?
“What is going on here?” Evie asked. “What do you all want with us?”
Her eyes cold, Viola glanced at her daughter. “Tell her the deal, Vesuvia.”
The little blond princess clapped her hands together. “Okay. Evie, my friend, my sweet pal, buddy o’ mine, here’s the deal. Mastercorp needs complete ownership of the eighth continent. That’s how we’re going to continue to grow in this coming century. And it will give us plenty of space to expand New Miami.”
Mister Dark and Viola exchanged a glance.
“What do you need from me?” Evie asked.
“Well, you can tell us the formula for the Anti-Eden Compound, if you have it. Oth
erwise, it is super important that we do not let your family acquire the certificate of occupancy.”
“Certificate of what?”
“Oh! You don’t even know? Well then, don’t bother yourself with it. Just tell us the password to take down the force field surrounding the Lane settlement, and we will take care of the rest.”
“You want to mess with my family?” Evie laughed. “Do you think I’m a chump? Buzz off!” She glared at Mister Dark and Viola. “You can all buzz off! There’s no way I’m betraying my family and helping you.”
Vesuvia looked darkly serious. “It’s the only way you will ever leave this dreadnought in one piece.”
“I’m not telling you anything,” Evie said.
“So be it,” Viola cut in. “Vesuvia, take the brat back to her cell. Send the bird-bot with her. We’ve gathered all the necessary data. We don’t need him to process it. Get this rat and her toy out of my sight.”
Mister Dark pressed a square on his pocket tablet, and Mastercorp guards flooded the room. They ripped 2-Tor from his harness. Others grabbed Evie and pulled her bodily to the door. Vesuvia chased after them. “Evie, please reconsider! I’m sure that given enough time you’ll do the right thing. I’ll come check on you soon, I promise!”
Evie swallowed hard and tried to prepare for what would happen next. But nothing Mastercorp could throw at her was scarier than Vesuvia acting so nice.
Vesuvia touched two wires together. A loud and bright spark zapped her. She recoiled and nursed her tingling hands. “Argh!” She stomped around the laboratory. “Making robots is the WORST.”
Didi blinked at her from where the big robotic eye was sitting on a nearby table. After Vesuvia’s mother, Mister Dark, and the other scientists had turned in for the night, and the lab was dark and empty, Vesuvia had carried the robot eye into the lab to help with her secret project. But Didi wasn’t helping at all, unless making snarky comments and judgy noises was considered helping.
“Perhaps if you had paid the slightest bit of attention during my helpful tutorial on soldering, you wouldn’t be electrocuting yourself like a—to use a technical term—doofus.”
With a growl Vesuvia hurled her pliers to the floor. They clattered across the lab and disappeared under a table. She really didn’t want to hear it from Didi. She was doing the best she could. In fact, she was quite impressed with her handiwork, even if she had ruined her stylish pink dress by smearing it with grease. Working in the lab was actually kind of fun, and if this was how she was going to create clear skies where New Miami could soar, all the better.
So far her progress had been steady. In the center of the lab, next to the maintenance ladder she had set up, was a seven-foot-tall pink robot bird. Unlike the flitty little birds Vesuvia employed to do her bidding, this machine stood on its hind legs and had a tremendous wingspan. She had even bedazzled the bird, decorating its whole body with rhinestones.
“I still don’t see what you hope to accomplish with this contraption.” Didi sounded thoroughly unimpressed.
“It’s simple. I need that slug Evie Lane to tell me the password to her family’s force field so I can smash their settlement. But she won’t tell me the code, even though I turned on my most beguiling charms. I was so nice, too! Yuck. Anyway, she won’t listen to me or my mom, but she will listen to that dumb robot bird of hers—Super Duder or whatever his name is. Mark my words, Didi: the way to Evie is through that bird. So I’m going to make him a super-cute robot girlfriend! She’ll get him to join our side, and then he’ll convince Evie to betray her family for us!”
“That’s a fine plan, I suppose,” said Didi. “But how do you know the Lane girl’s bird is going to like your creation?”
“Because I made it, you dumb paperweight. And everything I make is perfect!”
Vesuvia scampered up the ladder and closed the lid of the robot’s head. Then she stepped back and watched as the pink robo-bird jerked to life. It clacked its beak. It blinked its robot eyes. A screeching of gears marked the movement of its legs as it lumbered forward.
“Yippee peanut butter! It works!” Vesuvia squealed joyfully and applauded as the robot moved. “Now, lady bird, say something seductive. Let’s see how you’re gonna win the affections of Evie’s robot.”
“FONNNNK!” hooted the robo-bird, looking wide-eyed and stupid. “BLORN. DURRRRRRGH.”
The robo-bird stumbled and tipped over. Vesuvia darted out of the way at the last second. The machine crashed into the floor with a tremendous clang.
“HURRRRN,” the bird said, its face muffled against the floor.
“Sure looks perfect to me,” Didi said sarcastically from her seat on the table.
“Nobody asked you.” Vesuvia shook her fist.
“But you should have! Because I know how to fix this . . . atrocity.”
“Oh, yeah?” Vesuvia snorted combatively. “How?”
The eye looked between Vesuvia and the robot on the floor. “Your machinery is good, but the personality circuits you installed are a joke. A brilliant robot with advanced AI like the Lane girl’s bird would never be taken by such a simple intelligence. He’s a genius. He needs a mind that can match his intellect, his wit, and his class.”
Vesuvia stuck out her tongue in disgust. “You sound like you have a crush on that nerdy bird, Didi.”
The eye looked away. “Before I was programmed to be your babysitter, I was known, from time to time, to show an interest in robots that ran . . . efficiently. Mastercorp programmed me to evaluate other AIs. And I must say, this 2-Tor is one of the most exceptional creations I have ever seen.”
Vesuvia snapped her fingers. “Didi . . . I’m getting an idea.”
“You mean your thick head finally opened to the idea I am giving you.”
“Hang on. Let me think.”
Didi’s voicebox produced a forlorn sigh. “Oh, dear. How depressing that you haven’t figured it out already.”
“What if we put you inside lady bird? Then you can convince the other robot to convince Evie to help us!”
“A brilliant plan, Vesuvia! I wonder how you thought of it.”
Ignoring Didi’s jab, Vesuvia set to work installing the new personality circuits. As she reached to switch off Didi, she heard the eye’s last words: “Oh, how marvelous it will be to have a real body again!”
It took several hours to properly install the D-2 artificial intelligence in the robot bird body. Vesuvia had to consult fourteen different websites for guidance—work that she normally would have ordered someone else to do, but ever since starting her job at Mastercorp, she’d been forced to perform more tasks on her own. It was horrible. She missed the days when she could just make Diana Maple, her ex–best friend, do everything for her.
When websites failed to provide the necessary guidance, Vesuvia was forced to consult a dusty old manual she found on a shelf in the back of the lab. An actual paper book! She felt so dumb flipping through the pages—nobody read books anymore.
Many hours had passed by the time she finished the installation. Thin rays of sunlight streamed in through the narrow windows on one side of the lab.
Weak and bleary-eyed, Vesuvia closed the lid on top of the lady bird’s head—now Didi’s head—and turned her on.
Didi jolted awake. “Oh, my word! I made it! That stupid girl didn’t erase my hard drive.”
Vesuvia grumbled, “I’m right here, Didi. I can hear you.”
The robot’s eyes glowed pink and bright. She ran the tips of her plastic wings over her armored exterior. “I . . . I have a body. This is amazing! A real body with legs and a face and these things! They’re kind of like arms, but—wait a second—can I fly? Oh, Vesuvia, thank you! Thank you! You gave me a body!”
She wrapped the girl in an intense hug. Vesuvia winced as the wings pulled her close and Didi nuzzled her with her beak. “Uh . . . don’t mention it.”<
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Didi jumped up and went for a stroll around the room, wobbling as she placed one foot in front of another. She was still getting used to her new body, but everything seemed to be working just fine. Vesuvia wasn’t surprised that she had done such an exceptional job, but she was proud. No one would ever call her a layabout or a good-for-nothing again. She could do things on her own without any help!
The doors to the lab slid open, and a squad of Mastercorp soldiers entered, carrying a heavy containment unit. It looked like a bathtub with handlebars. Through the durable plastic shell, she could see a silvery liquid sloshing around inside.
“Hey, that’s the stuff from where I found Evie and the bird.”
“Correct,” her mother said, following behind the soldiers. Mister Dark was at her side, as usual. “While you were sitting here playing with your toys, we were on a mission to acquire this mystery substance from the crash site.”
“Crash site?” Vesuvia hadn’t heard about any crash.
Her mother threw a tiny pink robot at her feet. The remnants of a shattered glass jar were in its talons. “Recognize this?”
Vesuvia inspected the robot. “These are the birds from the Piffle Pink Patrol that Granny used to attack the eighth continent. So what?”
“You don’t remember?” Vesuvia’s mother curled her lip in disgust. “Each of these birds had a unique substance or assortment of substances in its drop container. The goal was to pummel the continent with them and see how they would react to the strange properties of the terraformed garbage patch. Most just made a mess, and several were quite smelly. But one—this one—counteracted the Eden Compound that formed this continent. It turned the earth back into garbage.”
“So what was it that this bird dropped?”
“We don’t know,” Vesuvia’s mother said with a frown. “The bird’s serial number has been scraped off. Probably damaged during the crash landing. But there is a residue in the container. We’re going to run some tests and see if we can isolate it. In the meantime, we have this.” She pointed at the containment unit as the soldiers set it down next to Didi, who cocked her head to the side and pecked at the glass with her beak. “Anti-Eden Compound. Don’t touch it, whatever you do.”