by Riley, Alexa
“Jesus!” Mac exclaims. “Can we go check my headset please? Leave them be before you get yourself killed.”
Abe glares at Scribe until he finally retreats, but not before Mac smacks him on the back of the head.
Mac bounces in front of the screen just before she takes off. “It was nice to meet you, Julie. Put a smile on his face for us, will you? He’s been a bear since we got here.”
“It was nice to meet you too. I’ll try my best.”
She gives me a small wave before disappearing.
“Come back over here, I wanna see your face.”
Abe drops down in his chair. “He was wrong, you know.”
“Who?”
“Scribe. It was more like five times I’ve been in the bathroom with those pictures you gave me.”
“Only five?” I say, pretending I’m hurt.
“That’s all I’m willing to admit.”
I smile at him, fighting the lump in my throat. I only have him for a few minutes, and I don’t want to spend it crying. Think happy thoughts, Jules.
“I love you,” I say, reaching out and touching the screen.
“I love you too, baby.” His fingers mirror mine on the screen, and it looks as if our hands are touching. “I’m going dark for a while, so you may not hear from me for a little bit, but don’t stop writing. Your letters will get to me eventually, and I’ll keep in touch as much as I can. Even if you don’t hear from me, I’m always thinking about you.”
“Be safe.”
“Always, shortcake.”
Chapter Five
JULIE
August 2011
My dear fiancé,
I don’t think I’ve ever called you that before. It sounds so fancy! I started classes today, so I’m officially a college student! *dances around* I was even lucky enough to snag a part-time gig at the local coffee shop. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’ll fake it until I make it. Wish you could see my dorm room. It’s the first time being small works in my favor because I need all the extra space I can get in that room. I’m even one of the lucky ones who ended up without a roommate. I’m not sure how they put two people in those rooms!
It should be okay, though. Next year I won’t need a dorm room, I’ll be happily married to my hunky Marine with our own little place. I’m thinking purple for our bedroom. It’ll have to be girly to offset all the manliness you got going on.
I miss you. God, do I miss you. I dropped my phone last week and almost had a mini panic attack when it shattered. All my pictures of us were on it. Thank God, I was able to save them. I printed them all off and saved them to a million different places, so if you randomly see a billboard with our pic on it, I’m sorry.
I love you!
Always,
Your shortcake
Xoxoxo
Chapter Six
ABE
September 2011
Mine,
You better be calling me your fiancé to every person you see. In fact, it better be on that billboard. Unless it’s one of the pictures of us at the lake. Then I’m going to tan your ass for showing the world what’s meant for my eyes.
Don’t get too comfy, shortcake. I’m coming for you, and you can paint our bedroom whatever color you want. As long as your sweet ass is naked in our bed, I couldn’t give two shits what color you put on the wall.
Keep writing me, baby. You have no idea what your letters mean to me. I don’t care what they say, even if you’re just telling me what you did all day, I’ll love the fuck out of them. Makes me feel like I’m with you when I know what you’re doing every day.
I love you.
Yours.
Chapter Seven
JULIE
November 2011
My dear fiancé,
People sometimes tell me I’m too young to get married when they find out I’m engaged. That we haven’t known each other long enough. I always just smile at them. I think I would have been one of them too if someone told me our story. It’s hard to explain love to people who’ve never really known it before.
My mom and dad got married when they were both eighteen, and they had me a few years later. Today we celebrated their twenty-year anniversary. They looked so happy, always have been. Did I tell you when I told them I was going to marry you, all my mom said was, “When you know, you know.”
It’s our first holiday season together. If you think the last care package I sent was good, wait until you see the next. I, of course, included a little something for Lucias and Scribe. Tell everyone I said hi, and I hope Mac is keeping you boys in line.
With all my heart, I LOVE YOU!
Yours.
Chapter Eight
JULIE
January 2012
“Julie.”
“Who’s this?” I say into the phone. Glancing over at the clock, I see it’s four o’clock in the morning.
“Julie, honey, it’s Lucias.”
I feel the burn in my nose, the onset of tears is instant. The tone of Lucias’s voice, the fact that it’s four o’clock in the morning, and that he’s calling me, lets me know more than I want to.
“Please don’t,” is all I can get out.
“Calm down, honey, he’s going to make it. It was touch and go for a week, but he’s stable.”
“A week?” A fucking week and this is my first call?
“I know, but we just finally got stateside, I promise this is the first time I got a chance to call you. We just touched down at Walter Reed hospital in Washington, D.C.”
“I’m coming right now,” I say, jumping out of bed. I grab everything I can, the phone still pressed to my ear.
“All right, I’ll text you the address. He’s been in and out of consciousness. He just keeps saying your name.”
A sob rips from my throat
“Julie, he’s going to make it, but I’m not going to lie to you, he’s rough. He got hit with a shit ton of blow back off an IED. He took a lot of shrapnel and has some bad burns, but that’s it. He’s lucky it wasn’t worse. Internally he’s fine.”
“Thank God,” I hiccup into the phone.
“Just get here. I’m sure once you’re here he’ll calm down. He keeps having nightmares, and every time he wakes, he’s screaming your name. It takes four of us to hold him down, so we’re thinking if you’re here it might help.”
“I’ll be there as quick as I can.”
Dropping my phone onto the bed, I hurriedly get dressed and pack a bag. When Lucias texts me the information, I forward it to my mom so she can book me a flight. I’m not wasting any time. She can make the travel plans while I drive to the airport.
“I’m coming, baby,” I whisper.
Chapter Nine
ABE
I feel the fire on my face. My nightmare always starts the same. It’s burning hot, and I can’t find Julie anywhere. She’s here, but I don’t know where she is. I keep screaming her name as the explosion goes off and takes a part of me with it, the pain shooting through my body.
Days have passed, or so they tell me. Everything seems so jumbled around, and all I can feel is pain. I’m in and out, and every time I wake I seem to be somewhere else. I just keep seeing the explosion happen right in front of me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Each time the explosion goes off I see her reaching for me, calling my name. I need to get Julie out of here. I need to keep her safe, but as quick as she’s there she's gone again, I can’t find her.
“Julie! Julie!” I feel the heavy weight on me again, and it helps to ease some of my fear. It’s my brothers holding me down, I know it, but I can’t connect reality to my dreams. They are both twisted together and distorted.
“Abe?”
It’s barely a whisper, but I know it’s her. I struggle harder to try to get to her.
“Calm down, goddamn it. If you don’t pull it together, the nurse is going to sedate you again. Julie’s here, man. Just calm down and we’ll bring her over.”
I can feel the ban
dages covering most of my face, but I can still make out some of her silhouette in the distance. I can’t imagine what I look like. From what I remember from the doctors, I have second-degree and some third-degree burns over forty percent of my body, but I was lucky not to have any major damage. I’ve gotten a few glimpses of myself, and it isn't good. I start to sit up again, but I feel Lucias stop me, pushing me back down onto the bed.
“Just lie back and be easy. We are trying to do this for the both of you, but you’ve got to be calm.”
“Okay.” That word is all I can manage through my dry mouth. At some point I must have had a tube down my throat, because it sounds like I’ve been gargling with gravel and battery acid.
The lights are dimmed down low, but I can see as she approaches the bed. I can feel her light touch through the bandage on my hand, but suddenly I feel her jerk away.
“Oh god, Abe.”
Flashes of the IED going off mix with my nightmares of Julie, and I get confused about what really happened that day. At the sound of her voice, memories and dreams start to bombard my mind. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts, but all I see is fire and smoke, and all I hear is her screaming for me.
With my bandages distorting my view, she looks like an angel. My perfect, sweet, little angel. What a pair we would make now. With burns covering my body and the rage I feel coursing through me, I have to look pretty damn close to the devil himself. I wasn’t good enough for her before, but now I couldn’t even try to pretend.
“Get her out of here.” Silence falls across the room, and I try to breathe through the pain. It’s all coming in flashes now, and I’m afraid of what I might do. I can feel the anger rising in me, a rage that wants to burst free at all I’ve lost.
“Abe, calm down. It’s okay. You’re here and you're safe.”
“Lucias, I said get her the fuck out of here. Now.”
“Baby, don’t do this. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.” The soft plea in her voice wraps around my heart, but all I can feel is the anger consuming me, eating me alive.
When I turn to look at her, I can see she’s moved closer and I can make out more of her now. She looks like she’s been crying all night. She’s a mess, but still just as gorgeous as the last time I saw her, and I just want to take her in my arms and hold her. I want to tell her I love her, but I can’t. I’m too fucked up for her. She deserves better than what’s left of me. She needs more than pieces.
“I don’t want you here. Get out.”
I can see the pain visibly hit her, and it tears me apart inside.
She looks to Lucias, and he nods towards the door.
“Abe, sweetheart, please.”
“‘Sweetheart’, Julie? Do I look like someone's sweetheart?”
“You’re my sweetheart.”
Her words tug at me but it’s not what I want. I prefer the rage and anger. It’s easier to process right now. Gripping the bedside bar, I give one hard yank, ripping it right off the bed. I throw it at the wall next to Lucias, who doesn't even flinch. It makes a dent in the drywall before hitting the ground with a thud.
“Get her the fuck out!” I bellow, bringing two nurses rushing into the room.
Julie stares at me for a beat before she turns and walks out of the room without so much as a glance back, and I see Mac follow behind her. I look around and everything is blurry, but I can make out the shapes of Scribe and Lucias. Whatever the nurse just pushed into my IV must be working fast.
“You two, get the fuck out as well.”
Lucias walks closer to the bed, not listening to me. “I know you’re hurting, brother, so I’m going to let you have some space, but I’ll be outside that door for as long as you’re here, watching your back.”
“I don’t need your sympathy. Just get the fuck away from me. All of you.”
After a moment they exit the room.
I lie there, thinking about what happened to me as I feel the drugs kick in, and I drift off to sleep. The nightmare grips me instantly, only this time, Julie is the one holding the IED, and she’s coming for me. I see myself in her eyes as she sets off the blast, and I look like a monster.
A savage monster.
Chapter Ten
JULIE
I put my face in my hands, and I sob. I don’t think I’ve cried more in my life than I have in the past week. I’m not sure how I have any tears left to shed. Abe still refuses to see me. I should be thrilled that he’s going to make it, but his not wanting to see me is ripping me apart. It’s been five days, and each time he refuses to let me into the room, a little part of my heart dies.
I feel a warm hand rub circles on my back, and I know without looking who it is.
“They are sending him home today,” Mac says as she continues to rub my back. I’m thankful she’s here. She’s been with me most of my time here, just sitting outside in the hospital lobby. She even let me crash with her.
“He’s not going to let me see him, is he?” I ask, already knowing her answer. Oddly enough, she hasn’t told me I should leave, though. I think we all keep thinking that he’s going to give in and let me see him, but he hasn’t.
“Maybe it’s best you head back home. Maybe when you both get back to Kansas City, he’ll see how much of a dipshit he’s being.”
“When are you guys heading out?”
“I’m not. Well, not to Kansas City anyway. I have to report back to the Air Force. Scribe and Lucias are going back with Abe. I don’t think either have to go back out there. They all only had six months left on their contracts, and I know they planned to be done after those months were up. But with this happening and their team pretty fucked up, it’s a safe bet they’ll keep them stateside.”
“Thank you for everything,” I say, turning to look at her. I don’t know how I would have done it out here without her. Mac doesn’t say a lot, but she was a solid shoulder for me for the past few days
“No need to thank me. I’m doing what’s right, what’s right for him. He may not let you into that room, but he sure keeps asking where you are. And I’m guessing if someone didn’t have an answer, he might lose it again.”
“God, I just don’t get him right now. He’s so worried about me, but he’s causing me all kinds of pain. Doesn’t he get that?” I huff, frustration coloring my words.
“Julie, I like you, and I know my boy in that room loves you,” She nods to the doorway, her black hair brushing her shoulders. “He’s like a fucking brother to me. You have no idea what it was like to have to watch the bomb go off, and there wasn’t shit I could do about it. Fuck, I was a good thousand yards from them when it went off, and all I could do was sit and watch through the scope of my gun. I’ve never felt so powerless…” Her words trail off, but I can see the pain all over her face.
Taking a deep breath, she continues. “When you spend hours on missions with people, you learn a lot about them. I’m sure you know Abe didn’t have a great home life, that he’s been planning to make one with you, been counting down to it, and well…that literally just got blown to hell for him.”
I flinch at her reference. “But it doesn’t have to be this way—”
“I know that,” she says, cutting me off. “But he sure as shit doesn’t. These men are bull headed when they set their mind to something, and that’s just how it’s going to be.”
I know she’s right. I wanted Abe to marry me and make me his before he left, but he had something else in mind, and that was exactly what happened. He got his way.
“You telling me to walk away, Mac?” I ask around the lump in my throat.
“Yeah, I’m telling you to walk away. What you do when you walk is up to you, but I suggest you get yourself back to school. If he isn’t going to let you in, he isn’t going to let you in. Sitting outside his room isn’t doing anything but causing you both more pain. When he’s ready, he’ll come for you.”
“And if he never comes?”
“Then Abraham is gone. The man sitting in that room is no l
onger the man who left you six months ago, and to be honest, he might not be something you want.”
“I don’t care who’s in the room, I’ll take any piece of him I can get,” I plead with her, trying to get her to understand.
“I know you would, but that doesn’t mean he wants to give it.” She leans in closer to me. “He’ll come for you when he’s ready.”
I pray he does.
Chapter Eleven
SAVAGE
March 2012
“You hear from her?”
Lucias just shrugs his shoulders without answering me, continuing to flip through the channels on the tv.
It pisses me off that Julie calls him, but I haven’t heard anything recently about her calling. I should be happy she stopped, but I can’t keep from asking.
“Just answer the fucking question,” I snap at him, frustration getting the best of me.
“No, she hasn't, not since the last time you fucking snapped when she called me. She heard you, Savage, but what the fuck does it matter anyway? You're no good for her.” He continues flipping through the channels like we aren’t talking about the most important thing in my life.
His words sting, but it’s true. I can’t get mad at him for saying it.
“And don’t start that shit either. I don’t mean because you're a little uglier now, I mean because your ass won't get off this fucking couch and get your life together. You need to talk to someone about your nightmares and these serious anger issues you got going on. Maybe even start going to all these fucking doctors’ appointments you're supposed to, and I don't know, maybe stop with all the fucking pain pills and whiskey you shove down your goddamn throat.”