by Jeannie Moon
Holding her tightly against him, Nick pressed her head into his chest. The embrace was warm, safe, and it gave her permission to let go of all the grief and pain that had been building up for months. “Let it out,” he whispered into her hair. “You don’t have to be tough. Let it out.”
The tears now were as much from relief as from sadness. Allowing herself to give in, she let Nick comfort her. For just this once, she didn’t have to be strong.
He stayed with her through the whole thing. Never letting go, keeping her trembling body tight against his, he protected her. And when he said he wouldn’t let anything happen to her, Jordan believed him.
What a man this was. He was doing everything for her with no thought for himself, and she’d done nothing but question his motives. What was wrong with her? Was she so bitter, so angry, that she couldn’t accept simple kindnesses?
Nick’s hand shifted and made gentle circles on her back. It was soothing in the most unexpected way, but there was something different about the gesture. Something more intimate.
Her breathing steadied, and only the occasional shudder had him pulling her in. Loving how safe she felt pressed into him, Jordan didn’t want to move. This had to be what heaven felt like.
“How are you doing down there?” She could hear the smile in his voice.
“I’m okay.”
Easing her away from his body, Nick kept hold of her arms and examined her face. His eyes went deep, and in a move that felt natural and protective, he leaned in and kissed her on top of the head.
“That was an impressive meltdown.”
“I can’t remember ever losing it like that. I’m sorry you had to see it.”
“Sorry? I’m glad you weren’t alone.”
Jordan looked away and felt the tears threaten again. “God, Nick.”
“What? What did I say?”
“Nothing. I’m just overwhelmed. Cabin fever can’t be helping.”
“That’s…” He stopped, thinking before he continued. Taking hold of her hand, his smile lit up the room. “Let’s go out.”
“What? Can I? We put off seeing my dad…”
“For a little while. It’s not that cold and there’s no wind. A walk in town will help clear your head.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “That sounds good.”
Going for a walk never thrilled her quite so much. Jordan was practically giddy.
Standing at the same time, Jordan grabbed Nick by the hand and gave him a shove out of the bedroom.
If they were going out in public, Jordan needed to make herself presentable.
*
“I’d love a hot chocolate?” She looked at him expectantly as they walked together down Main Street. The snow had melted off the sidewalks and roads, but there were still mounds of it piled up near the water and in parking lots.
“It will probably exacerbate your cough.”
“Oh, right. Tea then?”
“Sure. We’ll stop in at the café and get tea.” Nick was glad she’d relaxed around him again; considering she was still annoyed with him over what happened with her dad, this was a marked improvement.
“And a chocolate tart.”
“That would be worse than the hot chocolate.”
“Bite your tongue,” Jordan snapped. “I love those tarts.”
“As you should. They’re one of Nona’s specialties, but they aren’t good for someone getting over pneumonia.”
He thought he saw Jordan roll her eyes, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t worth the fight. They were at the intersection of Main Street and Cove Road, the heart of town. A mosaic compass adorned the intersection, making it clear to visitors where they were and how they could get to where they were going. Nick was hoping to figure that out himself.
It was one of the reasons he’d come home. Dealing with his injury was only one part of his recovery; what was going on inside his headspace was something else entirely. Being back among the familiar had helped. Little by little he could see a future for himself.
He could have easily gone to his parents’ house in Northern California after leaving the hospital, but his grandparents provided him with the grounding that he craved.
Nick looked over and thought if he had gone to his folks, he never would have met Jordan. The tug at his heart from that thought made him take notice.
Currently, she was keeping pace with him as they walked toward the café. Her breathing seemed steady, and she wasn’t flushed. In fact, her face was tilted up slightly, and the afternoon sunlight made her glow like a goddess.
They continued in silence, a light breeze blowing off the cove. It was chilly, but not cold, and in the distance, he could make out a stray fishing boat. What surprised him was the sight of a dozen harbor seals hauled out on the rocks along the shore.
Dropping his hand on her arm, Nick pointed to the sight. “Look over there.”
Jordan’s eyes went wide, and a smile bloomed across her face. “I’ve never seen them this close to shore. Usually, they’re out in the water, bottling. All I can see are their heads bobbing up and down.” With her hand gripping his arm, Jordan pulled Nick across the street so they could get a better view. “Let’s look.”
Going right up to the gray stone sea wall, Jordan leaned over and scanned the scene below. The seals were like big dogs with flippers, catching some rays. Some were lying on their sides, while others were on their bellies, flippers out. The whole group was basking in the early spring sun, their gray-and-white spotted fur shiny and smooth.
“I love this,” she said, her eyes fixed on the animals. “They’re such cool creatures.”
Nick had always thought so too. While he’d been deployed on different ships, he’d seen some amazing marine life, but there was something loveable about seals. And something very loveable about the woman so enamored with them.
It was clear that getting her out of the house was the right thing to do. For someone like Jordan, who was constantly on the go, being cooped up—even if she was sick—was going to mess with her head. But he didn’t want to keep her out too long.
“Are you ready for that tea? We can head back toward the café before I take you home.”
She nodded, coughed, and took a breath. “That sounds like a plan.”
Nick took her gloved hand and tucked it in the crook of his arm as they crossed the street. To his surprise, Jordan leaned into him. “Tired?”
“Yeah. It snuck up on me.” She coughed again, this time a little deeper.
“The exhaustion is the hardest part of the recovery. Listen to your body’s signals.”
As they walked up Main Street, Nick noticed a lot of heads turning. Word had definitely gotten out about them being together. People who passed them smiled, and a few offered congratulations. She’d been dead-on about how fast the news had spread. And she hadn’t let him forget it.
“Thank you for getting me out of the house.”
“You’re welcome.” He was happy to be spending time with her, especially considering the past two days. He’d fucked up in ten different ways.
Pulling the large brass handle on the door of the café, Nick held it wide open so Jordan could enter. It was after the lunchtime rush, so only a handful of tables were occupied, but a few regulars were sitting at the counter chatting with his grandmother, who enjoyed this time of day more than any other. She waved as soon as she spotted them.
“Nicky! Jordan! Speak of the devil,” Nona called out. “The group here was just talking about you two.”
“Really,” he said as he felt Jordan’s hand slide off his arm. “What about?”
“They were asking about your engagement.” Nona’s eyes were wide, her smile fixed. She didn’t know what to say and was looking to him to take the lead. Shit. All he wanted was to give Jordan a break and give her brain a rest, and now they’d walked into the fire.
Nick surveyed the counter. Two men and two women, one of whom was named Judy Hoyle, the worst gossip in town.
“O
ur engagement.” He glanced at Jordan, whose eyes were on him. Great. “It’s been… great. Um. We’re happy.”
“Details are forthcoming,” she jumped in. “No firm plans yet. It’s still very new.”
He liked that. It was succinct. Diplomatic.
“How is your dad, dearie?” Judy asked. “We’ve all been thinking about him.”
“I haven’t seen him since I’ve been sick, but I have talked to him and Nick tells me he’s in good spirits.”
“That’s good. He must be happy you hooked yourself a man after the mess you made of your last wedding. That must have been hard for him, worrying about you.”
Ouch.
Nick reached over and took Jordan’s hand in his, and she squeezed it tight in response. The café had quieted, waiting for Jordan’s reply to Judy’s bitchy comment, but she took her time. No one was going to rush her. Nick admired her restraint, because she had to be fuming. Nick had learned the hard way, that Jordan made up her own mind.
“My father wants me to be happy.” Her eyes were blazing. “He knows why I cancelled the wedding, and he understood.”
“Oh, honey,” Judy said. “Of course, he’d say that. But you gave up a lot of security. That must have worried poor George, don’t you all think so?” The question was asked of anyone who was still listening.
No one at the counter replied to Judy’s blabbering, but Jordan finally did.
“Mrs. Hoyle, my father raised me to take care of myself.” Jordan pulled to her full height, and God, she was impressive. “If I’m with Nick, it’s because I want to be, not because I need to be.” She turned her head and coughed into her sleeve.
“Judy,” Hank Johnson said firmly. “Leave the girl alone. Everyone knows the Stanleys tell the story that best suits them. I’ve known George for thirty years, and he never questioned Jordan’s decision.” Hank was a math teacher, and if Nick crunched his numbers right, the gentleman had probably taught half the population of Compass Cove how to do differential equations before he retired.
Judy started to say something, and Jordan shushed her. “No, Mrs. Hoyle. We’re done with this.” Without missing a beat, she turned to his grandmother. “Lina, can I get a mint green tea with some honey and lemon?”
Yeah, impressive was a good word for Jordan Velsor. She’d shot down Judy Hoyle in fine fashion. Once again, she displayed a composure and poise that Nick could only admire. She would have been completely justified to lash out at Judy, but Jordan’s calm and deliberate resolve was far more effective. The woman had class.
Nona smiled at her, and then at him before turning to make the tea. Nick stepped back to watch as Jordan talked to her dad’s old friends. The epiphany hit him so hard right between the eyes, it nearly knocked him over. He might be pretending to be Jordan’s fiancé, but his feelings for her were becoming very real.
*
With a pizza box between them on the big bed in her room, and Gertie asleep and snoring on the chaise in the corner, Nick couldn’t believe he’d agreed to play twenty questions. Jordan’s reasoning was sound: they had to know each other, but things were going to get dicey. So far, they were on their third round, which meant they’d moved past favorite colors and foods to questions that probed a little more deeply, and he was afraid he’d spill his guts.
“What scares you?” she asked.
“Like horror-movie-scares me? Or real life?”
“Real life.” Sitting cross-legged and gobbling down the extra cheese and sausage pizza against his advice, Jordan had never looked prettier. With her long blonde hair loose and wavy, she’d changed when they’d gotten back from town, and no one worked a pair of pink flannel pajama pants and a T-shirt like the woman in front of him.
“Well, while I’m always preparing for the zombie apocalypse, my biggest fear is letting people down. I worry about that all the time.”
She shook her head. “I find that so hard to wrap my head around. You’re Mr. Dependable.”
“Not always.” Dropping his head, all he could see were the bodies of the kids in the clinic. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes.”
“We all have. That’s life.”
“It’s just…” He stopped and got a hold of himself. “It’s not important.” Jesus, what was she doing to him? He never talked about his guilt. Never. Before he could say anything else, Jordan pushed the pizza box aside and reached for him, taking his hand in hers and closing the distance between them.
The feel of her, hip to hip, as she settled next to him, was close and intimate. More than a friend, but not yet something more.
What scared him? she’d asked.
This. This scared him.
“I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, but you know you can talk to me, don’t you? I want to help if I can.”
He hesitated. “I know, but there are things I find better left in the past. I can’t do anything about what happened when I was deployed, but I do know there are people who have sustained far worse injuries than I have.”
Jordan’s face set and she let go of his hand. “Typical guy. Seems to me talking might be the only way to fight those demons you’re carrying around.”
“Who said I have demons?”
“Don’t you?”
“No.” Another person who wanted to analyze him.
“Right. You keep telling yourself that.”
How did he make her understand? He didn’t have the right to his pain. “A lot of people went through shit over there. It wasn’t just me. Soldiers and marines are getting blown to hell by IEDs. Trust me, I got lucky.”
“Lucky? How many surgeries have you had?” Jordan leaned forward and pushed every button. “I think talking is what scares you. If you keep everyone out, no one can see where you’re hurt.”
This was Jordan’s flaw. She didn’t know when to back off. She had no idea what he’d gone through and if he didn’t want to talk about it, he wasn’t going to.
She was also so close, he could have kissed her and made them both forget what they’d been talking about. And he wanted to. He wanted to touch every bit of her smooth skin, to kiss that lush mouth. He wanted to sink into the soft bed and make love to her until she cried.
But she’d probably want to talk after.
“Jordan, we’re in dangerous territory here.” Putting some distance between them would be a very good idea, yet neither of them moved. “It could spiral out of control so quickly. That’s not what you want, is it? The other night didn’t end so well.”
“Okay,” she whispered as she scooted away. “Better?”
“You know I’m right.”
“Maybe, but I haven’t had sex in months.”
Did she just say that out loud? Way to stoke the fire. How did he even respond to that?
“I get it. I feel like a monk, but that doesn’t mean we should jump into anything.”
“Right. Of course. Says the man who kissed me.”
“I remember.” He could still feel her lips. “What are you saying, exactly?” Nick had never been so torn in his life. The battle raging between his head and his libido was furious.
“On one level, you’re absolutely right.” It appeared Jordan was as conflicted as he was. “It’s a line we shouldn’t cross. I think I said something like that. But, I mean… I am attracted to you. And the kiss…”
Quiet surrounded them as he reached out and cupped her velvet-soft cheek. Jordan leaned into his hand, her eyes steady and clear.
“Same,” he responded.
“It could be fun.”
“What?”
“You know…” Blushing, Jordan hesitated. Jesus Christ, she blushed. “Sex.”
The soft purr that came out of her throat just about killed him.
Nick considered the idea of that with her, he was in over his head. Everything about the woman—the brains, the beauty, the compassion—were muddling his brain.
Getting them back on track was the only way to save his sanity. “I think it’s my turn to
ask a question.” He pulled his hand back and picked a card from the pile. “Okay. Is there something you feel you’ve missed out on?”
“Hmm.” She laid flat on her back, her hair fanned out around her, her chest rising and falling with a slow steady rhythm. Her eyes drifted closed as she thought. He couldn’t stop staring at her. Then she answered.
“I’ve never made love outside.”
Damn. She was a wicked, wicked woman.
Drawing a breath, Nick levered himself over her, hovering just far enough away that their bodies didn’t touch. The energy between them was electric, throwing all his good sense into a tailspin. Seeing her like this beneath him, hair loose and wild, her breath catching…
“You’re playing with fire, Jordan.”
“Why is that?”
Brushing a strand of hair off her face, Nick felt a wave of protectiveness surge through him. “You’re vulnerable. You’ve been sick. I have to draw the line.”
“You have to draw a line? Why don’t I get to decide if it’s okay?”
“It’s not that…”
“What?” Her eyes were issuing a challenge. He’d pissed her off by trying to do the right thing and he didn’t even know how it had happened. Seeing her steady, steely gaze, Nick quickly figured there was no way to win this argument.
“Yeah.” With a push, he removed himself from the bed and walked toward the hallway.
“Running away?”
“No.” It was bullshit. That was exactly what he was doing. Growling, he glanced back over his shoulder. She was going to kill him. No doubt about it. “I’m going to take a cold shower. A really long one.”
Chapter Nine
“Why do you need to stop at the compass shop?”
“You’ll see. There’s something I need to get from Liam.”
Waking up this morning, Jordan’s close encounter with Nick weighed heavily. She had no idea what had gotten into her, but her emotions were pinging around her head like a pinball. He was brutally handsome. Intelligent. Honorable. Brave. How was she supposed to resist him? The bigger question was: why did she have to?