“Where have you been?” Uncle Enzo asked.
Lita gave him a look she hoped showed she was grateful he spoke when she couldn’t.
“I needed to think.”
“You couldn’t do that at home?”
Lorenzo shrugged. “You and Celeste make up?” Uncle Enzo nodded. “Should we be planning a double wedding?”
Lita didn’t understand how he could act as though nothing had happened.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, my boy,” Uncle Enzo said with his chess game face on.
“Would you consider marrying again?” Lita asked.
“Yes, certainly.”
“Should I make alternate living arrangements, just in case?”
“Nonsense. If I marry again, it won’t affect your situation. I won’t be marrying some young thing and having more children, heaven protect me. There’s plenty of room in my apartment for one more. I had hoped you would stay indefinitely.”
Lita looked at Lorenzo. “I’d love to stay, thank you. Lorenzo and I haven’t talked about where he wants to live after we’re married, if we get married.”
“I would love to have you both here. The house is large enough, and you could make whatever changes you like.” Uncle Enzo kept his eyes on her. Lita couldn’t quite meet his shrewd stare.
“That’s generous of you, but what about the family? I don’t want to overstep,” Lorenzo put in, as Lita sat quietly, overcome with Uncle’s offer and that they’d both ignored her statement.
“Bosh. It’s my house. I can do as I please. You know full well none of the girls want to live here and, quite frankly, I won’t have Gianni or Pete. As to their father, he’s gotten all I’m going to give him already. You two need to talk it over first, of course. Take your time. I only mentioned it since the topic came up. Though it’s almost a non-issue, as the house is in trust for Lita,” he finished.
Lita stood as they all wished each other goodnight. She gave her uncle a hug and thanked him.
“No need to thank me. I’m glad to have you here, as you know.”
Lorenzo and Lita went into the living room, where they sat on the couch.
“Seems we have a lot to talk about,” he said.
“Where were you?” Lita turned toward him, but he sat staring at the dark hole of the fireplace, his hands on his thighs.
“At Uncle Vittorio’s cottage in Point Reyes. Alone.”
“Why?” Lita clasped her hands, her ring digging into her palm.
“I told you.”
“You should have answered your cell.”
“The battery died.”
“You always have an excuse,” Lita said.
“Do you still want to get married?”
How could he be so unmoving? Lita had shifted her position at least four times in the last moments.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“I want to marry you and live here, if you want,” he said. She wanted to believe him.
“I do love it here.”
“I love this house, too, always have. Would we have enough privacy?”
Now he glanced at her, but only for a few seconds, not long enough for her to know the truth.
“I don’t see why not. Uncle never comes upstairs, he doesn’t usually venture beyond the kitchen unless there’s company. And I wouldn’t miss you so much during the day, maybe, when you start working regular hours.” Lita marveled at how she avoided the real issue like Lorenzo had, or was.
“Better for you to be here, rather than by yourself. And we couldn’t afford much of a house the way the market is, especially here in the city.”
“It doesn’t matter. I want to live here, as long as you and Uncle Enzo are sure about it.”
“We wouldn’t say it if we didn’t mean it.”
“Wouldn’t you?” Her incomplete trust in him, in the miracle of their love, made her throat tighten.
“This is a mistake,” he said. He couldn’t mean that. Her breath shortened into gasps from the lack of his touch. She still felt the sting of his absence.
She somehow forced her breathing to steady. “You don’t really want to get married, do you? What about children? I want to have a family.”
“How many do you want to have?” he asked. Once again he ignored the vital question, pretended he hadn’t just called them a mistake.
“Five or six?” Lita played along.
“Really? I thought more like two or three.”
Lita studied his profile, hoping a smile would make his dimple show, but his face was smooth, impassive. “Okay, I guess that’s all we’ll have room for if we want any space to ourselves.”
“And I want you to myself for awhile first.” He turned toward her and her hands stopped fidgeting.
“Yes, I’m not in a hurry.”
Lita clenched her hands. She should be angry, but she only wanted him to hold her. Then she could forget, lose all her worries about their relationship in the enchanted circle of his arms. He leaned closer to her, his scent, his heat, made her start to feel lightheaded.
“Lita,” he whispered, his voice low and rough.
He kissed her, in his forceful way. She believed she might drown, like the time a wave pulled her under and she fought to surface. But she wanted to sink with him. She didn’t want to come up for air. He grasped her arms, leaned her down, and pressed himself onto her. She was safe, loved, wanted, the sting mellowed to a delightful tingle.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he slid his hands under her tee shirt, up her midriff, cupping her. Her mind couldn’t keep up with the sensations. His touch made her forget everything except him. She moaned quietly as he teased her with his fingertips, his mouth hot and demanding. He kissed his way down, pushing her shirt out of his way.
“I need you,” she said, barely recognizing her own voice.
He stopped, smiled, and pulled her up with him, kissing her again as he held her face in his hands. He led her, dazed and still tingling from his touch, out and up the stairs, walking so fast Lita stumbled. When they reached the landing, he picked her up and carried her into the guest bedroom. He set her down and pulled off his shirt. She trembled. This was what always happened. Once she wasn’t in his arms, her thoughts returned and doubts and fears flooded her mind.
“We can’t,” she said as he unbuckled his belt.
He stopped and stared at her, his eyes bright in the dim room.
“What?”
“I’m not on the pill yet.”
“I have a condom.”
“I don’t want to.” She did want to, so much it scared her.
He came to her and eased off her sweater. It fell to the floor, almost hugging her feet. “Yes, you do.”
She stepped back. “Not like this.”
She wanted to tell him everything, how scared she was to trust him, how she worried all her bad experiences would mess up the joy she felt, how he made her feel loved, how his touch intoxicated her, how she wanted nothing between them when they finally made love.
“I don’t appreciate being teased,” he said. He looked tight, his whole body rigid even as he moved to grab his shirt off the ground and shrug it back on.
“Please don’t leave again. You promised.”
He gave her a look like she was either crazy or a bitch. Maybe he thought she was both. “Are you serious?” he asked.
“I mean the party’s tomorrow.”
“Right. I’ll be here.”
He walked out. Lita tried to follow him, but her legs were uncoordinated and limp, like the tangled cardigan at her feet. She sank onto the bed behind her, scooted up until she could curl her knees to her stomach, and waited until she slept.
The next morning, she tensed around Lorenzo, but he again acted as if nothing had happened. She pushed the thoughts away when they met Sophia and Carlo to pick out a tree for the house. The scents of the conifers and drifting smoke from chimneys, the Christmas songs playing in shops, and the red bows and other holiday décor m
ade her grin and chatter like she did when she was a young girl.
They trimmed the eight foot noble fir, listened to Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby croon holiday cheer, ate panini by the fire, drank hot cocoa and ate sugar cookies. Lita knew she hadn’t smiled so much in a long time, it was just the sort of morning she imagined having with her family. Once Carlo and Sophia left to pick up Janetta at the airport, she noticed the quiet and realized Lorenzo had been silent most of the morning.
She watched him take the empty boxes out to store in the attic, pondering at his expression. Even after knowing him so many years, she often couldn’t tell what he felt. Uncle Enzo went to the kitchen to make sure everything was ready for the caterers, while Lita sat on the couch, looking at the tree, its lights twinkly, reflecting off the shiny ornaments.
“What happened to your smile?” Lorenzo said as he reentered the room.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I’ve smiled plenty today, for me. Even Carlo noticed.”
“I guess I got wrapped up in everything. Thank you, I had a really great morning,” Lita said, smiling as he joined her on the couch. Now she remembered last night and shook her head at how easy it could be to pretend they hadn’t argued.
“Do I get to unwrap you?” Lorenzo touched her hair, his finger twining in a stray curl.
“It’s not Christmas yet,” she said. She wondered if a full body blush was possible.
Lorenzo gave her his sexy smile and chuckled. “You’re too sweet.”
“What do you mean?”
“I always knew you liked the holidays, but I’ve never seen you at Christmas much. I’m glad all this stuff makes you so happy.”
“It’s not the stuff, it’s the whole feeling I get and doing things with family.”
“That’s what I meant. You’re old-fashioned. Never thought I’d appreciate that in a woman.”
“Were you laughing at me earlier? That sounds like one of those back-handed compliments.”
“No, it just surprises me.” He pulled her into his arms.
“I hope I’ll be full of surprises so I can keep you interested.”
Lorenzo chuckled again as he held her closer.
“I’m plenty interested,” he said in a low tone that told her he was about to kiss her.
Uncle Enzo cleared his throat as he stood in the doorway. He apologized, but Lorenzo shook his head and asked him to sit down.
“It looks wonderful in here, Lita. Everything is ready though Celeste is disappointed her granddaughter won’t be coming home for Christmas.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I was looking forward to meeting her. Celeste has told me about her,” Lita said. She hoped for a friend.
“I believe she was cheered to hear what a happy morning you two had. Have you discussed your living arrangements yet?”
“Yes, but I thought you said there was no hurry. Have you changed your mind?”
“No, on the contrary.”
“We accept, thanks,” Lorenzo said.
“I have invited Lorenzo to stay here for the week, provided you agree,” Uncle Enzo said to her.
Lita smiled though she wondered why Lorenzo hadn’t told her. Maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe she didn’t want him to.
“I can see you do. I thought, well, I suppose I should give credit to Celeste, you two might like to spend more time together before Lorenzo starts work the week after next. Especially at Christmas. It will be good to have you both here on Christmas morning. Then we can all go to Sophia’s in the afternoon.”
Lita thanked him and even Lorenzo smiled, though his eyes were downcast.
“I need to go home and pack some things for the week,” Lorenzo said. He kissed Lita’s cheek and stood, waving before he walked out.
Lita and Uncle Enzo already greeted guests by the time Lorenzo returned. It couldn’t have taken him so long to pack a couple suitcases. He strode over and kissed her cheek before he went into the living room to talk to Nick. Janetta and Janice grimaced at her, whispering to each other before laughing. Lita grew unpleasantly hot. Sometimes those two reminded her too much of her old supposed friends. As she stood near the kitchen alone, listening to the clatter of dishes and glasses, Lee approached.
“You okay, sweetie?”
“Yes, fine, thanks. Oh, there’s Joanna, I need to talk to her,” she said.
She hurried into the living room. It was the usual crowd, the same as had been at Lita’s birthday party, except for the addition of the parish priests, some friends of Uncle Enzo, and a couple friends of Lorenzo, who he now stood talking with. Also, Lita’s friend, Joanna, and her grandparents. Lita enjoyed listening to their stories, though her attention wandered. She couldn’t understand why she was standing at their engagement party by herself.
She excused herself and went to Lorenzo. His friends stopped talking. Lita hadn’t appreciated the small snatch of conversation she’d heard. Lorenzo introduced her before sliding his arm around her waist. A wave of longing crashed through her and she leaned into him. His comforting, enticing scent surrounded her. He started to lead her out, but Sophia called everyone for dinner.
Lita smiled through the meal, but she didn’t feel much like eating. The yearning, almost seasick sensation dissipated, leaving her empty and dry, as if the warm sandy beach she felt herself on turned into a barren and parched desert. She busied herself after dinner getting people coffee and dessert, though Sophia and Nick admonished her for it. She was afraid, afraid if she gave into her feelings, she’d be just woman number three-hundred-one on Lorenzo’s list, afraid if he couldn’t be faithful now, he never would be.
On another trip to the kitchen, Lorenzo stopped her and led her into Uncle Enzo’s study. He shut the door. He pulled her to him, held her close, and kissed her. The powerful pressure of his lips started to blot out everything else. She pressed on his chest knowing what would happen if she didn’t. He let go, leaned against the desk, and crossed his arms.
“What is it with you? Sophia and Carlo probably kiss more than we do.”
“They’re married.” She circled her fingers on the hem of her lightweight merino sweater.
“Let’s go get married.”
“You know what I want.”
“I need something. Church wedding won’t be ‘til May. This isn’t working.”
“What isn’t? Us or that you’re not getting what you want?” Lita said, crossing her arms.
“I only want you.”
“Not yet.”
Lorenzo clenched his jaw. She knew he began to anger.
“We can do other things. If we could be alone--”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” The door was right behind her.
“I agree. Let’s stop talking,” he said, coming to her, running a hand from her neck, down, slowly.
Lita stepped back. He made a fist and turned. She closed her eyes and swallowed, pushing the words and feelings down.
“I’ll meet you out there.” Lorenzo waved his hand, as if in dismissal and turned, leaning his hands on the desk.
She rubbed her forehead as she yanked open the door. Glancing back, the urge to run to him, embrace him, almost froze her. Instead, she walked with tapping, swift steps to the front door. When she opened it, she saw Uncle Enzo and Celeste embracing, locked together in a passionate kiss. Maybe Lorenzo is right, she thought as they broke apart and smiled at her. She smiled, though she wanted to cry. Her seventy-six-year-old uncle and his seventy-year-old friend kissed with more feeling than she did Lorenzo, most of the time.
“I’m sorry,” she said, then really smiled noticing the tiny snowflakes drifting down. She’d never seen snow at home before.
“No time for that, this is a miraculous night,” Uncle Enzo said.
“The best is yet to come,” Celeste said.
“And won’t it be fine,” Uncle Enzo said. They laughed together. Lita knew this must be some private joke they shared. “Celeste has agreed to marry me. Do you mind if we annou
nce it?”
“No, I’m so happy for you,” Lita said, hugging them as they entered the house.
She followed them to the living room, where Lorenzo spoke to Lee and Janetta, who were still over in the same corner they’d stood in since after dinner. Everyone cheered at Uncle Enzo’s news and he and Celeste went to speak to Father Grihalva.
“You’ll like having Celeste here,” Lorenzo said. He’d walked over to her during Uncle’s speech.
“Yes. I’m sure she’ll be moving in soon. I don’t think Father Grihalva will make them wait six months.”
“Doubtless. We’re a special case.” He sounded teasing but Lita saw the brief flash of hurt before his expression changed. She’d been wrong. His expression wasn’t unreadable, it was numb, detached, his eyes almost vacant. She shivered when Lorenzo stared off over her shoulder. The fire smoldered and filled the air with an ashy scent.
“Taking your time isn’t always a bad thing. As my grandpa used to say, ‘Slowly but slowly, faster means disaster.’”
Lorenzo studied her, a sparkle back in his eyes, a grin played on his mouth.
“Who are you, Daisy Duke? Actually, you’d make a good one…” he paused, looking her up and down.
“Maybe next Halloween,” she said.
“I can’t wait that long.”
“We’ll see,” she said. She knew she would wait, wait and see if he would.
13
Lita didn’t have to wait long to see how Lorenzo would behave. Uncle Enzo drove Celeste home once most of the guests had gone, except Sophia, Carlo, Janetta, and Lee. The six of them sat in the living room. Lee seemed distracted when he wasn’t talking to Janetta, but Carlo was focused, his infamous stare directed at Lorenzo.
“Enzo mentioned you’re staying here for the week?” Carlo asked Lorenzo, who held Lita in one of the oversized blue chairs.
“Maybe until New Year’s. We’ll see.”
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