by K. C. Lynn
When we pull up to the farm I suck in a sharp breath at the damage that has been done. Half of the crop is nothing but blackened ash and the barn’s windows are smashed. A fresh coat of paint has been applied, and I shudder to think of what had to be covered up.
Thatcher sits in his rocking chair on the front porch as we drive up, playing his harmonica. My heart warms as I think about all the times he has played for Hannah. He’s always loved music, especially the blues.
“It’s the soul of music,” he always says.
“Papa Thatcher!” Hannah unlatches her seatbelt and jumps out of the truck before Justice barely has it turned off.
“Hey, hey! Look who it is, my sweet Hannah J.!” Thatcher’s arms are open and ready as she dashes into them.
Warmth booms in my chest as the two embrace. They have a special bond. Something I’m grateful for since Hannah will never have that with my parents. As far as I’m concerned, Thatcher is her only grandparent and I plan to keep it that way.
I look over at Justice, my smile fading when I see a battle of emotions dominating his face. I didn’t stop to think how this would affect him. He hasn’t spoken to Thatcher yet, and as much as he loves his father, I know he’s still hurting over the secret we both kept from him.
I reach for his hand, hoping to offer comfort but he doesn’t give me the chance. “Let’s go.” His words are clipped as he climbs out of the truck, leaving me no other choice but to follow.
The front door flies open and out walks Braxten. “Well, what do we have here?” He strides over to his father, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Dad, where did you find this small creature?”
Hannah giggles then bravely sticks out her hand. “The name is Hannah J. Creed and you’re my uncle Braxten.”
Laughter spills past my lips before I can stop it. Most little girls would be nervous and even intimidated but not my Hannah. She’s always been courageous. Just like her father.
I chance a look at Justice and find a small grin on his face, too.
“Your uncle?” Braxten takes her from Thatcher and lifts her over his head, making her laugh and squirm as he inspects her. “I guess I can see the resemblance, you do kinda look like my brother.”
She more than looks like Justice. The only thing Hannah inherited from me is my eye color. That’s as far as our similarities go.
“But you’re way prettier,” he adds, then places her back down on her feet and extends his hand, finally accepting her handshake. “Nice to meet you, Hannah J. Creed. Welcome to the toughest and coolest family in Mississippi.”
“Thanks, I’m excited to be here.”
Guilt infiltrates my chest, knowing full well I am to blame for it taking as long as it has.
“We’re all happy about that, kid.” Braxten turns to me, his thoughts clearly matching my own. However, any anger he has toward me is shoved aside as he walks over to greet me. “Ryanne, been a long time.”
I nod. “It has.”
“It’s good to see you.” He surprises me by leaning down to kiss my cheek, his lips lingering.
At least it feels that way.
I don’t have much time to ponder it before he moves for his brother. “Glad to have you back, man.”
While the two share a handshake, Thatcher walks over and pulls me into his loving arms. “It’s good to see you, child.”
“You too,” I whisper, his affection easing some of the worry in my heart. This man has been my saving grace, and whenever we spend time together, I always cherish it, even if it means being back in this godforsaken town.
He steps back, holding onto my shoulders and flashing me a reassuring smile before he shifts his attention over to Justice.
The easiness that was in Justice’s expression a moment ago is no longer there. This doesn’t deter Thatcher as he pulls his son in for a hug, too. “I missed you, boy.” The gruff sound of his voice has tears stinging my eyes.
Justice remains silent but he does return his father’s embrace, though it’s brief and far from warm.
The sound of the screen door banging open pierces the air and makes me jump. My eyes dart to the porch and there I find Knox. He looks every bit as intimidating as I remember in his well-worn, ripped jeans and white muscle tank that not only shows off his cut arms but also displays his colorful skin. The most alarming part though is his hard eyes and the way they are glaring at me right now.
The anger I was spared from Braxten is delivered with a vengeance by Knox, his hatred undeniable. It hurts more than I thought it would, which is surprising since I know Knox has never cared for me. Maybe this time is different because no matter what happens between Justice and me, Knox and Braxten will always be a part of my life because of Hannah.
His gaze eventually strays to Justice and the anger completely evaporates, leaving in its place an array of emotions, the most prominent one being relief. He walks toward his brother only to be intervened by Hannah, her smile oblivious to the tension.
She extends her hand, greeting him the same way she did Braxten. “Hi, Uncle Knox. I’m Hannah J. Creed and I’m your niece.”
Knox blinks down at her, as if he only noticed her just now. His head tilts ever so slightly, an almost look of wonderment splashed across his hard face. Eventually, he takes her outstretched hand but keeps the contact brief. “Hey, kid.”
“Boy, you sure have a lot more tattoos than my dad,” she says.
Knox shifts, clearly uncomfortable. “I guess.”
“That’s because he’s more badass than your dad and so am I,” Braxten says, ribbing Justice.
It earns him a shove before Justice moves for Knox, pulling him in for a hug. There’s a vulnerability in Knox as Justice murmurs things to him that no one else can hear.
A frown forms on my face as I notice the way Knox’s fingers fist the back of his shirt, almost gripping it out of fear.
“Why don’t we all head inside?” Thatcher suggests, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Dinner is almost ready.”
Justice eyes the two of us, the betrayal in his gaze undeniable. “I’m going to take our things to the guesthouse first,” he says coldly.
Thatcher nods but is clearly hurt by his son’s clipped response. “Just don’t be long. I don’t want the food to get cold.”
“Can I come, Daddy?” Hannah asks. “I wanna see where I’ll be sleeping.”
“Yeah, baby, come on.” Reaching down, he lifts Hannah into his arms and shoots me a parting look before walking away.
Both Braxten and Knox follow him, leaving Thatcher and me alone.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my guilt bubbling to the surface. “I thought he was getting over his anger.”
He brushes off the apology like always. “Don’t worry about it. My boy and I will talk later. Right now all I care about is having my whole family together for the first time. There is no greater gift than that.”
I wish I could give him that gift forever. If here were somewhere else I’d give it to him in a heartbeat, but this town will never be my home again. For the sake of my soul, it can’t be.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Justice
Seeing my father after all this time has been harder than I thought it would be. That ever-present resentment floods my veins as I’m forced to witness the bond he has with my daughter.
A bond I was denied because of a secret he helped keep from me.
Hannah sits on his lap at the dinner table, eating pie and ice cream. It’s her favorite pie, a fact I didn’t know but he did. The two of them laugh as she feeds him and gets the dessert all over his face.
All of it is a reminder of his betrayal and it drives that stake even deeper into my chest. For the sake of my daughter and everyone else at the table, I do my damnedest to shove aside my anger, but it’s proving rather difficult.
Braxten picks up on my mood and slings an arm around my shoulders. “We’ve missed you at target practice lately, brother. You’re gonna have a lot of catching up to do.”<
br />
I grunt at his attempt for distraction. He’s full of shit. We all know I can outshoot both of them any day.
“What’s target practice?” Hannah asks.
“Shooting.” My father answers before I can.
“Daddy taught me how to shoot the bow and arrow you bought me,” she tells him. “I’m really good at it too, aren’t I, Daddy?” She smiles over at me, waiting for validation.
“A natural,” I reply, managing to keep the anger I’m feeling out of my tone. I had no idea he was the one who bought it for her and the information only pisses me off more.
“You like to shoot, little bit?” Braxten asks, cocking a brow.
“I love it. I’ve only shot the plastic bow and arrow Papa Thatcher bought me but Daddy said he’s gonna buy me a real one.”
“Is that so?” Ryanne cuts in, side-glancing me her disapproval.
“You bought her a plastic bow and arrow?” Braxten questions my father, disbelief thick in his voice.
“Of course. She’s just a child.”
“Exactly.” Ryanne nods.
He leans into Hannah’s ear but speaks loud enough for us all to hear. “I also didn’t want your mama to have a heart attack.”
The two of them snicker while a smile touches Ryanne’s lips.
Unable to witness any more of this shit, I get up from the table, making sure to drop a kiss on Hannah’s dark head before walking outside for a cigarette, the screen door slamming shut behind me.
Lighting up, I take that first deep inhale, letting the fiery smoke invade my lungs and ease the tightness in my chest.
My shoulder rests against the large column as I overlook the charred crop, my mind drifting to a different set of problems. I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to my brothers about everything that happened because I didn’t want to risk Hannah overhearing but while she checked out her room and unpacked her suitcase they quickly filled me in on everything that was vandalized. They also told me what had been spray-painted on the barn:
Leave, nigger, or we’ll burn it all.
It’s no secret my father isn’t well liked by some people in this town but he’s lived here his entire life, this land has been in his family for generations. It makes no sense why, after all this time, someone would try to force him out.
My thoughts are cut off when someone walks out of the house behind me. I don’t have to look to know it’s my father. His presence has always been strong and sure, embedded into my heart despite my conflicting feelings at the moment.
I take another pull of my cigarette as he comes to stand next to me. Silence hangs heavily between us before he finally speaks. “I don’t blame you for being angry at me, son.”
My eyes remain straight ahead, the smoke slowly exhaling past my lips and billowing around us. “You helped a woman who was pregnant with my child hide from me, then helped raise what’s mine. My feelings are a little more than angry, Dad.”
“I didn’t help Ryanne run from you. I helped her escape this town and the threat she faced if she stayed.”
“And to hell with me, right?”
“No. I always wanted you to know but I also felt that Ryanne had to be the one to tell you. I encouraged her many times but things were…complicated. I didn’t do what I did to hurt you, son. I did it to protect Ryanne and Hannah J.”
“They aren’t yours to protect,” I bellow, finally turning to face him. “They’re my goddamn family!”
Despite my temper, he remains calm and collective. “Yes, they are. They always have been, nothing will change that. Just like nothing will ever change the fact that you are my son.”
I look away from him, too angry to acknowledge the regret in his eyes.
“I hated keeping it from you, Justice. You’ve got to believe me. I did it to protect everyone involved, including you. Trust me when I say there are people here who would have made sure Ryanne never carried out her pregnancy.”
“I would have never allowed that to happen and you know it,” I grind out.
“Sometimes things are out of our control no matter how determined or how strong we are.”
There’s an underlying pain hidden in his voice, one he has always kept buried from everyone, including his sons. It’s the same one I have coiling around my chest like a venomous snake at this very moment.
“I believe we all have a plan, a destiny mapped out for us,” he continues, steering the conversation deeper. “It’s why the three of you boys ended up on my land all those years ago. You were always meant to be mine just not until that time.”
My eyes shift back to his. “So what are you saying? I wasn’t meant to know my own daughter until now?”
“No. I’m not saying that. But I have always wondered if maybe, just maybe, things happened the way they did because your brothers needed you for a little while longer.”
I tense, shocked by the knowledge reflecting in his eyes. Considering the talk that has floated around town about us I shouldn’t be surprised he knows, but he never let on he knew before now.
I wait for disappointment to enter his gaze but it never comes. The only thing I see is understanding. Something he has always been good at when it comes to the three of us. He’s never judged us, not even when we’ve made mistakes.
“Sometimes things are meant to happen the way they do even if we don’t understand them,” he continues. “I’m not saying that’s the case with Hannah J. but if you had known about her from the beginning things would have changed for you all a long time ago.”
He’s right, they would have, and it would have been hard but not as hard as missing out on all the time I’ve lost with my daughter. That hurts a hell of a lot more than any other scenario that could have played out.
“Now is different though,” he says, stepping closer to place a hand on my shoulder. “It’s your time now, Justice. Time for you and your family to come first. That’s why you found that picture when you did, and I’m damn glad you did because it killed me to look at you and keep that precious child a secret.”
The tears forming in his eyes trigger a dark emotion of my own, one that has my throat burning like a motherfucker. I let go of my anger in one hard breath; feeling too conflicted to hold it in any longer. I will never accept that I shouldn’t have known about my daughter, but right now I need guidance and there’s no better person to give it than the man standing before me.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit, swallowing past the guilt threatening to choke me. “I don’t know how to make this right for us all, especially Knox.”
“Your brother will be all right. He’s stronger than you give him credit for.”
He’s wrong, but that’s because he doesn’t know about Knox’s past. No one does but Braxten and me, and it’s a secret we will take to our grave. I’ve fought alongside him for years while he battled his demons. I won’t turn my back on him now. I will still be there for him; I’ll just have to find another way to do it. For the sake of my family, I have to.
I gaze into my father’s eyes that are warm with patience and understanding and one question surfaces. A painful question that has been weighing heavily on me these past few weeks. “I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me no matter what.”
He nods. “All right.”
“Did you keep Hannah from me because you didn’t think I would be a good father?” The thought hurts more than the deception itself but it’s an answer I need to know before I can move forward.
“Never,” the one word escapes him on an audible breath. He grabs onto both of my shoulders, looking me square in the eyes. “Listen to me carefully. I’ve always known that little girl was lucky to have you as her father, just like I am lucky to have you as my son. You are strong, loyal, and honorable. I’m damn proud of the man you are. Keeping that little girl a secret had nothing to do with that. I did it because I felt it was my only option at the time to keep all of you safe.”
“And now?” I ask.
He str
aightens, his eyes never leaving mine. “Now is different. Ryanne isn’t as vulnerable as she was when she was pregnant. The threat of her having the baby is long over. I wish she would have told you sooner but what’s been done is done. We can’t change the past, none of us can, but I can promise you I will never keep something like that from you again.”
The promise eases some of the burden that’s been weighing on my chest. It still hurts like hell but I refuse to stay angry with him because he has given me far more than he has ever kept from me.
“We good?” he asks.
Nodding, I take one last drag from my cigarette before dropping it and quickly rubbing it out with my boot. “Yeah, Dad. We’re good.”
He pulls me in for a hard hug, his embrace is something I’ve grown accustomed to over the years. Affection was an unfamiliar thing until him. I’ve often wondered how different my life would have been if I had been born to him instead of a woman who hated me. But whenever I get the thought I shove it aside, knowing I wouldn’t have found my brothers and life would not make sense without them. That I’m certain of.
“Awe, look at the love fest happening without us, Knox,” Braxten’s mocking voice cuts through the air as he and Knox step out onto the porch. “I’m feeling a little left out. How about you?”
My father ignores his attempt to lighten the moment and reaches for the both of them. “Come here. I want to talk to you all for a minute.” He ropes them in next to me, forming a circle between us. “This family is going to face a lot of obstacles over the next while and it’s important we stick together. We need to keep our heads straight and not let our anger override our senses, ya hear?”
“How are we supposed to do that when you won’t tell us what’s going on?” Knox says heatedly, speaking what’s on all of our minds.
“I will soon. I have a few phone calls I need to make first.”
The statement has me even more intrigued and I want to question him further but decide against it because I know he won’t say shit until he’s ready. If I know my father, he’s gathering as much info as he can before making any kind of move.