He jerked his head, almost irritably. “That is beside the point. But we shall forget the past, if you wish it so.” He indicated the plate of pastries.
“Would you care to take a slice?”
She glanced at the picnic and shook her head slightly. “Thank you, I will wait a while before I take anything.”
He sighed a little. “What you said to me on our walk here — that you wished the marriage to be annulled — do you desire that? I am concerned that you wish to do that. Firstly, it is not as easy as is sometimes stated. And if you are no longer married, you can scarcely return home or even call on your family.”
Elizabeth looked up at him indignantly. “I do not ask it in order to go home, sir!” She shuddered. “I have not written to them nor do I wish to see them.”
His eyes were hooded, he seemed sad. “It still remains, if we annul the marriage, that your ruin will remain. If I were to find you employment, you would still need to leave behind everything and everyone you know, and make your way completely anew.”
Elizabeth laced her fingers together. “I have already had some rehearsal of that, sir!” She let her eyes dance and her smile remain, to show she was not blaming him at all, and his reluctant answering smile was her reward.
Chapter 33
He was delighted to be here with her, discussing the future seriously. She was so unlike any other woman he had ever known — except his mother. Not even Georgiana, in her own way, was like her.
He had imagined he would never find another like his mother, a lady with a lively intelligence, a lady who was self-sacrificing, but not too tractable. A lady who was able to see both sides of a situation, and yet practical enough not to think merely one side of the problem was the answer.
But he was less delighted by the fact that he suddenly wondered if he really wanted that which he had driven north to suggest.
He turned to her. “If you see no urgent need to be free, madam, I would be uneasy to be too hasty regarding an annulment.”
Her eyebrows went up in surprise. “I think it important not to delay too long, sir. You have many duties and obligations to your estate, and I cannot imagine that you would wish to remain in this state of uncertainty for a lengthy period.”
He inclined his head. “I can see that. However, if you are determined to live a new life, you may prefer to do that as Mrs. Darcy. I will of course provide for you. An establishment in Bath, perhaps. It is a pleasant town, and you should not have to work. A proper settlement will see you without the need to take that risk.”
She raised her eyes up to his. He forced himself to remain impassive. But her glance did strange things to his breathing and he found his thoughts in sudden confusion.
“Mr. Darcy, if I make my life apart from you, but we remain married, then you cannot marry again, provide for your estate.” Her eyes dropped to her lap and her voice was very quiet.
“And your family will never accept me.” Her breath caught. “I would be afraid for my supposed insanity, if I were to be unprotected.” She drew a deep, unsteady breath, and Darcy had to fight the impulse to take her into his arms.
She turned away and gazed at the plants around them. “If you annul the marriage, then your family will not be concerned to rid you of me again.”
There was silence for a few moments. Darcy had to reconsider his thoughts. What did he want from this situation? It appeared he had differing choices to what he thought might be possible. He had thought only to get Pemberley back, settle her in Bath, forget the possibility of marriage.
Now, after the deplorable arrival of Popham, everything had changed.
Was fear of him, or another like him, the cause of her concern? Or was it something else?
“While we were walking this morning you said that you loved it here.” Darcy tried to be careful how he phrased his next suggestion. “Might you be willing to stay here a little longer, while I attempt to ensure that my family come to understand that their solution is not possible and never will be?”
He had no intention of letting her go, but he wanted her to agree to stay, to look on the suggestion with pleasure. It was important to him.
She frowned slightly. “If you might want to annul the marriage, Mr. Darcy, then we should not live under the same roof for long. You might find yourself restricted more in your choices ultimately than you would wish.”
He knew exactly what he wished for right now. He could hardly believe it, but he needed to be living under the same roof for longer, while he came to understand what had happened to him. But he could hardly say so.
“I understand your concerns, madam, and I thank you for them. However, I believe that I erred before in being too hasty in my decision to return to London. I would prefer not to be too precipitate in making our plans — if you feel able to allow me the time?”
“If that is really what you wish, sir.” She turned away from him slightly, and appeared to be looking at the plants again. He frowned. Was she weeping? He didn’t know what to say, what to do.
He waited, scarcely daring to believe that she had actually agreed to remain at Pemberley for the time being — and with him present, too!
Now he had the chance to get to know her better, find out what pleased her, what changes she might want to make to the estate.
He rubbed some of the mist away from the windows in the door. He could see Mr. Reed waiting unobtrusively by a small copse closer to the lake.
He glanced back at his wife. She’d sat back down, now, and was tolerably composed.
“Are you well, madam?” he searched her face, but he didn’t know her well enough to divine the emotions behind her features.
She smiled at him, a slightly strained smile. “I am well, sir. It was a long day yesterday, and today I was sure to feel the fatigue from the journey.”
He nodded. “That is true. I will summon the coach to return to the house. Perhaps you might wish to rest for an hour or so before lunch?”
She inclined her head. “Thank you. You are very thoughtful.”
He turned back to the door and went out. He signalled to Mr. Reed and the man touched his hat and turned away. He would be signalling the coach.
Darcy went back into the hothouse and sat in the chair next to his wife. “The coach will be here shortly, Mrs. Darcy. Then you can get warm and rest.” He wondered if she was going to be unwell, she had eaten nothing.
Once they were back at the house, and his wife was climbing the great staircase to her bedchamber, her maid with her, he turned to the housekeeper.
“I would like to speak to you, Mrs. Reynolds, if you please.”
“Yes, Mr. Darcy.” She followed him into his estate office, and he leaned against his desk. The housekeeper stood deferentially by the door.
Darcy wondered how much the woman knew of what had happened to bring this situation to Pemberley. But it didn’t matter. Fiercely loyal, she would do whatever was needed to ensure his well-being, or for the benefit of the estate.
“I am concerned for Mrs. Darcy’s health,” he said abruptly. “It appears she has not been eating very much.”
Mrs. Reynolds looked sad. “I am troubled by it, too, Mr. Darcy.” She nodded her head. “I think Mrs. Darcy has much on her mind and she does not have a large appetite.”
She smiled maternally. “But she seems well enough in that she spends much time walking in the gardens with Mr. Reed or the gardener, discussing all manner of things. I know Mr. Reed thinks very highly of her.” Her cap wobbled as she nodded her head.
“And we have spent many hours together in the gallery. Mrs. Darcy wishes to learn all about the family and she wants to hear all the stories of your ancestors. She already knows a great deal.”
Her smile faded. “But she is not very happy. For the first week or so, she burned all the letters she received. Since then, she reads them, but she has never once sent a letter.”
She looked as if she wished to ask something, but was thinking better of it.
Darc
y decided he had heard enough. He did not wish to encourage speculation. “Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds. I am glad that Mrs. Darcy is finding interests to occupy her time. Perhaps we might try — as I am sure you have already — to encourage an improvement in her appetite.”
The housekeeper curtsied and left him. He sighed and pushed himself upright. He would have a whisky in his library. If he left the door open, he would hear when Elizabeth returned downstairs.
He smiled slightly as he poured his drink. He liked thinking of her as Elizabeth. Perhaps he could begin to address her thus? He wondered how she would feel about it.
He dropped into his great leather chair. It was good to be here. And it was good that she was here, too. He stared morosely into his glass. Why had he not returned earlier? Why had he not known that he would have to discover her, what she was like; why had he not decided to do it at once?
He leaned back against the high back of the chair, the fire warming his legs. So Mrs. Reynolds thought well of her. That much was obvious.
He was impressed that Elizabeth had been taking the trouble to learn what she could of the Darcy family. He smiled slightly, he was very proud of the family and what they had achieved over the generations.
He chuckled to himself. And Mrs. Reynolds knew more, perhaps, than any of them. Elizabeth would have heard a great deal of information.
His mind went to the gardens. Mrs. Reynolds had said that Mr. Reed thought highly of Elizabeth. And such praise would be hard-won from the taciturn steward.
He smiled, it appeared Elizabeth had begun to win the hearts and loyalty of the staff. He wondered how else she occupied her time. He glanced around his library. Had she used her permission to enter this room and borrow any of the books? If she had, she had ensured they had been returned.
Perhaps she played. There were several instruments around the house. They were kept well-tuned, because Georgiana was so often here. He wondered how the two would respond to each other. He must find out if she would be willing to meet his sister. He hoped they would be friends.
Chapter 34
He was beginning to enjoy his days, spent in the company of his wife. He was not enjoying the nights. He tossed and turned, knowing her bedchamber was merely through the interconnecting door. It was hard to acknowledge to himself that he desired her.
Yesterday, they had stayed at Pemberley. He had sat beside her at the pianoforte, entranced with the spirit and liveliness of her playing. He could tell she was not as technically accomplished as Georgiana — or even Bingley’s sisters — but he was getting to know that she had lacked a suitable education and found himself in admiration how very well she had progressed without the benefit of an expensive tutor. She was certainly much more pleasing to listen to than either of the party at Netherfield. But she and Georgiana would enjoy playing together. He really hoped he was right.
He waited for her to join him at breakfast. Today, they were going to Derby. While not nearly as large as London, it was in easy distance, and he had arranged an appointment for her at a top modiste.
She would have more suitable clothes. Of that he was determined. He sipped his coffee and wondered how he could broach the subject to her that perhaps she ensure that they would fit her when she had regained the healthful figure she had come here with.
He heard her quiet step as she crossed the hall and he rose to his feet, looking forward to seeing her.
“Good morning, Mr. Darcy.” She curtsied politely and smiled at him.
He bowed and assisted her to her chair. “Good morning, madam. I hope you slept well.”
“Thank you, I am well.”
He took his own seat again and folded the newspaper. He had already read enough. “I hope you will enjoy our excursion to Derby today, Mrs. Darcy. After we have fulfilled our various appointments, I hope we might visit somewhere new to you.” He smiled. “There is much to choose from. We could tour Lombe’s silk mill which is causing much interest. It has a single water wheel providing power for thousands of spindles spinning the silk. Or we could tour the cathedral, although I would not suggest climbing to the top of the tower. Or, if you prefer, we can take in Haddon Hall on our way home.”
Her eyes sparkled with an enthusiasm he had not seen before. “They all sound most interesting, sir. Which of them have you not yet seen?”
He laughed. “I would be happy to see any of them again, whichever you decide.”
She pondered the matter carefully, sipping her tea. “I think … I think I would like to see the silk mill. I have never had the opportunity to see something of that sophistication, and it will be interesting to see how the silk is made before I purchase another ribbon.”
He smiled. “Then that is where we will go. We can always see the other attractions on another day.”
He was surprised to see she looked a little anxious at his words, but he must not comment in front of the servants.
He made a good meal, enjoying her presence. And he was pleased to see she was eating a little more, although still not nearly enough. But he was impatient to be on their way. She might become fatigued on the way home, and he didn’t want to be overtaken by dusk.
Two hours later, he climbed down from the coach and assisted her down to the cobblestone path. The shopfront and workshops of the modistes looked perfectly adequate to him, but he could see Elizabeth looked a little intimidated.
He must remember that she was from Meryton and had probably not had the opportunity to visit such an establishment before.
Her maid and the deputy housekeeper climbed down from the back of the coach, and he cast a dubious eye on them. But Mrs. Reynolds had assured him that her deputy was well able to ensure Mrs. Darcy was received with the respect that was due to her.
He smiled at her. “I will leave you to your appointment, Mrs. Darcy. I hope you have a satisfactory visit. I will return after my own business is done.”
She curtsied. “I hope your business is also successfully concluded, sir.”
As he watched her climb the steps he thought perhaps he could have somehow arranged that she had made this visit with her friend. Mrs. Maitland was eminently suitable and she would have been able to be with her and do whatever it was that ladies did when ordering new gowns.
He swallowed hard and tried to pull his mind away from such dangerous thoughts. He must concentrate on this call with the local lawyers who carried out the northern part of his business. They reported to his London trustees, making Pemberley a secure and increasingly wealthy estate for future generations.
He wondered how he could ever have thought he might not have an heir to the estate, would make Georgiana responsible for securing the future. He shook his head.
No. He didn’t want to send Elizabeth away, have her live her life apart from him. He wanted her to be his wife, wanted to be wed to her in reality, not in this sham.
And he wanted it to be very soon. But he must be patient, must help her to want this, too. He would not take advantage of her. He leaned forward, he was nearly there at his appointment.
Of course, he was already taking advantage of her, by keeping her at Pemberley, by asking her to take time in the decision they were going to make. But he reasoned with himself that it was the best thing for her. She had nowhere to go, no friends or family to go to for advice. He must ensure her happiness and security. And for that, he must keep her at Pemberley.
As they lunched at a fashionable inn later that day, he watched her with satisfaction. She seemed to have enjoyed her time at the modiste, and he exerted himself to listen.
“Thank you, sir. I am looking forward to the warm coat being ready.” Elizabeth smiled happily. “You were right last week, when you said Derbyshire was cold.” She glanced over at him. “But it is worth it for the beautiful countryside.”
He thought he could detect a certain level of fatigue in her. “I am wondering if we should postpone our visit to the mill. It is not the warmest of places, and you look fatigued, madam. Perhaps we could make the journ
ey home before you are too tired.”
She put her hand to her mouth. Then she laughed. “It is very strange. The moment somebody mentions tiredness, I seem to yawn. It is very impolite of me!”
He smiled. “We will make our way back to Pemberley, then, and have a quiet evening. I am sure you will be more energetic once your appetite has returned.” He had seen that she had only half-finished her meal — and it had not been a large portion, by any means.
“I wonder if you would agree to see a physician, madam?” He was worried about her lack of appetite, but the alarm in her eyes told him she was not yet ready for the suggestion.
He raised his hand. “No, I see Dr. Popham’s call was frightening enough. But let us try to see if we can improve your appetite.”
She sighed a little. “I am sorry to worry you, sir. I think it is because nothing is yet settled as to my future. I am sure once it is decided, then I will be myself again.”
Chapter 35
Elizabeth was sorry about the anxiety in his expression and managed to make herself eat a little more. It wasn’t enough to take the concern from his eyes, but she determined to change the subject.
Soon they were on their way home. She glanced out of the window. The great, wild landscape enclosed them.
“I hadn’t realised that what I called hills at home must have seemed so small and insignificant to you, Mr. Darcy.”
“It is whatever you are most used to, madam. But I hope to introduce you to a variety of landscapes. Then you may decide which you prefer,” he laughed, and she was glad to hear it.
She would never admit it to him, but she was very pleased they were returning home earlier than planned. Perhaps he was right and she would not get so tired if she could just make herself eat more of the nourishing foods that would sustain her.
A Life Apart: A Darcy and Elizabeth Pride and Prejudice Variation Page 13