USMC Sergeant Chris Harmon and his wife, Kathy.
Judge Julie Mogenis (far left) heads the Armed Forces Foundation’s Outdoor Sports Program which serves as a unique form of therapy for many service members suffering from TBI/PTSD.
Army Sergeant John Weinburgh and his wife Lindsey, with children Mary Sue, James and Ashley.
USMC Sergeant Cody Sepulvia with her dog, Durango Kid, and at home, in her truck.
USMC Sergeant Kelly Meister.
Army Specialist Walter Blackston in Kabul, Afghanistan, with friends and in his quarters before his “Alive Day,” May 24, 2003.
Sylvia Blackwood Boutelle and her son Holden at home in California between multiple deployments to Iraq.
Beverly Young, the wife of Congressman C.W. Bill Young salutes our troops at an AFF event in Washington, D.C.
22
WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY, MOMMY?
Children in Wartime—How to Know When Help Is Needed
By Michael Genhart
In their incredibly honest accounts of when a mother leaves for war, US Sergeant Devore Barlowe and Second Lieutenant Blackwood-Boutelle both document in these pages how destabilizing it is for an entire family when the primary caretaking parent is deployed. These stories of PTSD, characterized by symptoms ranging from panic attacks and paranoia to suicidal ideation, are extremely compelling as well as unnerving. They illustrate how no one in a family is left untouched by war—including the children.
Although the impact of wartime on military families has been well studied, it is not uncommon to overlook the stress experienced by children in these families. Because all members of a family—the soldier, the spouse and the children—will have psychological and emotional reactions to wartime situations, it is important to know how to “see” that a child is in trouble and in need of help.
From a child’s point of view, war means that there will be a separation from the parent leaving to go into service. The period of separation can extend a long time, and in many cases indefinitely. Often there are multiple separations, as the parent leaves, returns home, and then leaves again. A child also sees that the parent left behind at home can be stressed and sometimes overwhelmed and depressed. Children worry about the parent who is away dying during the separation, as well as whether the caretaking parent will be able to run the household and take care of him or herself and the family. There are also adjustments and transitions, not only when a parent leaves for war, but also when that parent returns home and the routine must change again. The strain of war sometimes leads to marital stress and divorce. The child can also be witness to a returning parent whose behavior is unusual or uncharacteristic, and even odd at times.
Both mothers in these cases report relatively abrupt departures from their families and children. They describe feeling unprepared for what they eventually experienced in wartime. Their stories poignantly express how the entire family experiences a shock to the "system" and how everyone goes through a powerful adjustment when a parent leaves for war. Indeed, casualty treatment for when a soldier/parent comes home with PTSD is the necessity to learn "how to be" a parent again when their inner foundation has been cracked.
Re-entry into the family was particularly painful for both Sgt. Barlowe and 2nd Lieutenant Blackwood-Boutelle. They experienced a loss to their identity as "mother" and feelings of dissociation and depersonalization which dramatically affected relating to their children. Painfully, their children saw their mothers as quite different, fragile and rather alien. The children protected themselves by keeping an emotional distance from their mothers once they returned home. In the case of multiple comings and goings of a parent, children may defend against the emotional toll this takes by withdrawing and retreating from the relationship.
So how does a parent know if their child is feeling what might be considered “normal” reactions to the stress associated with a parent being away during wartime? What are the symptoms of depression or anxiety? And how resilient are kids anyway, no matter what they have experienced?
Let’s start with the last question: resiliency in children. According to popular belief, children who have experienced stress in their environment (such as their parents’ separation and divorce) are affected, but then “get over it.” We sometimes take refuge in this understanding and fail to look more carefully at our children and the ways they react internally and externally to the events in their lives. So while many children, like adults, have strengths and ways of coping with life’s stressors, they are not totally immune to stressful events. Children are touched by the drama around them.
To assess the level of psychological or emotional distress a child is experiencing, parents should ask themselves the following questions: (1) “Is my child’s behavior and mood unusual for my child?” That is, use what you know about your child as a kind of yardstick to determine if he or she is acting in uncharacteristic ways; (2) “Is my child’s behavior unusual for a child or teen of this age?” That is, reflect on what is normal behavior from a child of a certain age and whether your child is acting within the range of behavior that is expected from this age group; and (3) “What are my child’s teachers, coaches, siblings and so on, saying about my child during this time period?”
Children range in their ability to communicate in words if they are troubled by something. Many children who are less verbal will resort to action as a means of expressing their internal distress. Some will express their feelings in a piece of writing (such as a poem or class essay), while others will create a drawing. Some children who are more inclined to be obedient, quiet, “good” kids become even more compliant because they do not want to cause the adults around them any further upset; these children are easily overlooked. It is also important to consider gender differences in how a certain boy or girl expresses emotional upset. Many times what is shown on the outside is not what a child is necessarily feeling on the inside—an angry child can be masking his or her worries and sadness through overt aggressive actions.
What would a parent look for to determine if their child is experiencing depression or anxiety? Regressive behavior is a hallmark indicator that something may be nervously stirring in a child. For example, a child free of nighttime accidents may begin a period of wetting the bed. Children sometimes report psychological stress in terms of how they feel physically. That is, a child may complain of tummy aches, headaches, body soreness, or fatigue. Changes in sleep patterns and appetite can also signify a problem, such as when a child reports insomnia, nightmares, oversleeping, lack of appetite, overeating, or eating for “comfort.” Also, there might be a general lack of interest in things that were once fun—like sports, dance and music. School grades that slip more than expected may be a reflection of a child’s shutting down. Social withdrawal and retreating; angry outbursts and fighting with siblings, peers, or adults; attention-seeking behavior; clinginess and fears of separation; possible drug use; and sexual experimentation or inappropriateness are all signs that a child or teen needs to be looked at more carefully.
Most of all, children want to feel protected, safe and understood by the adults around them. They also want to feel that their well-being and whereabouts are being tracked and considered at all times. It is important that returning parents talk to children or teens and let them know that they are available to them. But assessing their internal state is not necessarily an easy task, and parents should not be afraid to ask for help. Consulting with other adults in their child’s life (other observers like teachers, coaches, and parents of friends) as well as professionals such as behavioral pediatricians, mental health workers and school personnel, is a good way to gain better understanding if a child needs additional psychological help at this time.
Tragically, Sgt. Barlowe and 2nd Lt. Blackwood-Boutelle experienced tremendous stress not only in battle but also once they returned home. The "battles" at home consisted of dealing with the causes and symptoms of their PTSD as well as having to fight for the support they needed to deal with thei
r trauma and pain. Enormous efforts are required to help heal and repair the emotional, psychological, physical, social and familial wounds that soldiers suffer. This, of course, extends to the families these soldiers return to. The children just want their "mom" back, and in these cases, the person who returns from battle can be (from a child’s perspective) a scary, unstable and sometimes unrecognizable version of the person who originally left for war.
Now that both Sgt. Barlowe and 2nd Lt. Blackwood-Boutelle have completed their deployments overseas, they have taken the first important steps toward re-engaging with their children. They understand the value of taking care of not only themselves but the families to which they have returned. Furthermore, they appreciate how important it is to reflect on how every soldier may have brought a significant piece of the war home.
23
A GOOD WACKING
The Story of US Army Sergeant David Emme
“When we got to Talafar, I noticed that there were no children out and about, only teenage boys. I saw several of them give us the ‘cut your throat’ sign. At the time I thought they were doing this because they wanted to see harm come to us. But after thinking about it, I wonder if they knew something was planned and were trying to stop our convoy or warn us. The thing is, if they had tried we probably would have ran them over or even shot them.”
Dave Emme joined the Army in May 2001. “I was a retread. On June 14, 1990 I was standing on the yellow footprints of Parris Island, South Carolina at the tender age of 17. I spent five years in the Marine Corps, three of them in Okinawa. I kept extending because of the great church there, Maranatha Baptist Church. I found that I liked reading and studying the Bible as well as discussing and teaching it. For those reasons I thought it was only natural to go into a full-time ministry as a preacher.”
After getting out of the Marine Corps, Dave enrolled at Pacific Coast Baptist Bible College in San Dimas, California, but the college was going through a period of transition. There were large debts to be paid off, the curriculum was disorganized and the faculty at odds with one another. After a couple of years, Dave became disillusioned and dropped out.
Over the next few years he drifted through a series of low paying jobs. “I was lost. In the end I went back to what was familiar. I grew up watching war movies, reading books on war, playing war as a kid. Plus I’d already served five years in the Marine Corps. I figured going back into the military was a no brainer. I figured I could do 15–25 years serving my country while getting a degree or two from Liberty University—say a double Bachelor’s in Business Management and Religion. That way I would have my bases covered. I would end up with a ministry in a small church that would not be able to pay my salary. I would be a blessing to a church without wondering where my next paycheck would come from.”
Dave joined the Army. He was assigned to Supply and Logistics and stationed in Ft. Lewis, Washington with a unit that was transitioning from a heavy combat brigade to a sleeker, lighter Stryker Brigade (1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division). He had previously been in a tank unit (1/33 Armor Battalion). “I left Joint Readiness Training Center in Fort Polk, Louisiana for Fort Lewis. We turned in the tanks and transitioned to a RSTA (Reconnaissance Surveillance Target Acquisition) Cavalry unit, known as 2/14th Cavalry.”
He became a supply sergeant for six months and then went to the arms room as the unit armorer along with conducting supply operations. “I picked up rank quickly because of my experiences as a Marine NCO, and in December 2003 I was promoted to sergeant. I was given the supply room of Charger Troop. In the nine months before deployment, I trained up with the ‘trigger pullers’ while working full time as a supply sergeant.”
On September 30, 2004 Dave deployed to Mosul, Iraq as part of an advance party to set up the billets and equipment for his troop. On October 19th, while preparing his unit for a move to Talafar, he was wounded in a mortar attack. ”I heard the first mortar drop about 25 meters from my position. Being mortared twice a day, we got used to hearing mortars coming in. This one was different, very close. I jumped into a mortar shelter with about 15–20 infantry dudes piling in behind me. I was the most protected but I got wounded the worst.”
A mortar hit one of the trailers where the soldiers lived, and shrapnel came into the entrance at an angle, bounced off the cement wall and missed every soldier except Dave and one other. “I ended up with shrapnel in my arm, hand and leg. My platoon sergeant, SSG Jason Forgey ran out and opened the door to the CP and shouted to the XO to give him a medical bag, yelling out that ‘Emmis’ (my nickname) was hit.” Another mortar hit at a tree nearby and wounded SSG Forgey in the back of the head. “We all survived and returned to duty the next day. We were the first soldiers wounded from our troop.”
The unit (2/14 CAV) went to Talafar. After four weeks Dave was put on a mission to truck Iraqis the US had recruited for the national police force to Mosul for training. Without enough personnel and equipment, so far they had not been able to train them.
“We loaded them up on FMTVs, big square supply trucks. Since I was the supply sergeant and commander for the supply vehicle, I was gunning on a .50 cal. When we got to Talafar, I noticed that there were no children out and about, only teenage boys. I saw several of them give us the ‘cut your throat’ sign. At the time, I thought they were doing this because they wanted to see harm come to us. But after thinking about it, I wonder if they knew something was planned and were trying to stop our convoy or warn us. The thing is, if they had tried we probably would have ran them over or even shot them since almost anyone who tries to stop a convoy in Iraq intends harm.
“I got on the radio and told people what I had seen and warned them to keep an eye open because I felt that something would happen to our convoy. We entered an Iraqi traffic circle. My vehicle had crept up on another FMTV. I told my driver to slow a little when going around the circle to keep our distance. That is the last thing I remember. An IED exploded on the left side of our truck. I happened to be scanning on my weapon system to the right and was totally exposed to the blast.”
When Dave regained consciousness, he was still in the vehicle. Shards of metal pierced his left eye and his left ear drum was blown out when shrapnel from the blast penetrated his head. He had no sense of where he was or what had happened. “My driver started yelling at me to get out of the vehicle. I cried, ‘No my head hurts too much!’ He dragged me down and I fell about six feet. I was wondering why in the h-e-double hockey sticks did this guy cause me to fall six feet. He picked me up by my equipment and put my hand on his shoulder and told me to run with him. Then I heard my .50 cal go off and that was that.”
Months later Dave’s battle buddies told him what had transpired. “When the IED blew, several things happened. First, there were about 25 insurgents trying to shoot up my vehicle. I was the most severely wounded; no one else got shot. With bullets snapping at our feet I got out of the vehicle. SFC Podplesky got on my .50 cal and started blasting everything—cars, people, buildings. There were insurgents shooting from the ground floors, windows and from on top of buildings. Several insurgents started rushing the vehicle, and some NCOs on the ground shot them at point blank range. There were at least four insurgents shooting RPGs at us, two shooters in front of us and two to the left. A car bomb sped toward our convoy.
SFC Podplesky and two or three others with .50 cals and small arms fire took the suicide vehicle out before it could do any damage. When we got word back to the base what was going on, reinforcements headed out immediately. When they did, insurgents started clogging the road with traffic to stop them. Our guys began smashing vehicles off the road and causing cars and trucks to crash and flip. Quite a few insurgents in those vehicles were killed. Apparently the plan had been to destroy the whole convoy. Needless to say they did not succeed.”
Meanwhile, Dave and his driver reached the safety of a Stryker vehicle and took off. “While we were in the Stryker I got some of my vision back in my right eye. It had taken us about forty minutes
to get to the spot where we were attacked, and about ten minutes to get back to the Forward Operating Base. The only thing I could think of was, ‘This will get me some time off work.’” Once Dave got safely back to his FOB he tried to walk down the ramp of the Stryker. “I thought I had passed out again after walking down that ramp, but apparently I was still awake and kept on asking the medics if I was okay.”
When the medics started ripping off his equipment to check for wounds, Dave “coded.” His heart stopped and his breathing ceased. “I didn’t see a white light nor remember floating over my body, probably because I was immediately given CPR by the medics.” He “coded” a second time on a medevac chopper. “I remember waking up and thinking, "Never rode in a chopper, want to see what it is like—cool!" I tried raising my body and head and was unable to. So I started tracking the blades against the mountains we were weaving in and out of. I got dizzy and passed out again, and that’s probably the second time I died.”
Dave awoke ten days later from an induced coma at Walter Reed Medical Center. He had been medevac’d to Mosul, loaded on a C-150 and flown to Baghdad where he was operated on, then flown to Landstuhl Medical Center in Germany, and finally Walter Reed. “I didn’t know where I was when I woke up. Doctors told me that they had taken a good-sized hunk of skull off on the left side because my brain had swelled up twice the size of a normal brain.”
Dave had shrapnel in his brain and over 50 percent loss of hearing. To replace the part of his skull—a bit bigger than the size of a hand—he was given a prosthetic skull in the procedure called a cranioplasty. “They told me I had serious Traumatic Brain Injury. Al though I got most of my mental faculties back, I still have word aphasia, which means you can’t remember what things are called. Some times I get lost in conversations for no apparent reason. People tell me jokingly that losing their train of thought happens to them all the time. I know they are just trying to comfort me—but it doesn’t help.”
Hidden Battles on Unseen Fronts Page 15