“You weren’t that bad after the shooting.”
Cross frowned. “I talked to people. And I had Hazel.”
“Macon was the one who didn’t have anyone.”
Cross shook his head. “No, he didn’t. He could have had us, but he closed himself off. And he didn’t have Dakota until it was almost too late. So, he fought, and bloodied himself, and he got out his rage that way. You’re probably going to be angry for a long time.”
“The cut on my side wasn’t that deep.”
Cross narrowed his eyes. “Fourteen stitches, Nate. It was deep enough.”
“No, it was just long. And it bled a lot. Myra, though? That cut was horrendous.”
“I didn’t get a look at it, and I’m kind of glad I didn’t.”
“I was an EMT for long enough, Cross. I saw some shitty things. That was one of the worst.”
My brother studied my face. “It could be that it was the worst because it was on a woman you love.”
My heart ached at that, and I shook my head. “She doesn’t love me, Cross.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“She told me she cared for me and then pushed me out of the house once I told her I loved her. Pretty sure that seals the deal.”
Cross looked at me and shook his head. “She’s scared. You have both been through a lot. And that was before her cousin decided to go fucking insane. But she loves you. It might take her some time to realize that. And you should give it to her. Don’t rush into that. It’s how you make mistakes.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “Yeah, I made horrible mistakes before when it came to Myra, I guess it’s routine for us.”
“Don’t let it be. She’s going to get out of the hospital soon, just like you, and you guys will fix this.”
“I don’t know if we can.”
A pause. “Do you want to?”
I looked up at my brother and swallowed hard. “I do. I love her. And she’s so strong, Cross. She crawled on the floor, bruised and bleeding out to help me. I thought I was strong enough to push Roland down and away, but that guy was muscular. He was big and knew how to fight.”
“He’s not going to bother you again.”
“Am I supposed to feel something that he’s dead? I don’t feel anything. Does that make me a psychopath?” I asked, only partly joking.
Cross gave me a look. “Once you’re off the pain meds and not in shock, you’ll feel something. And it’s going to be horrible. And you’ll wonder if you’re ever going to get over it. But you’ll talk to people. You’re going to talk with Arden and me. You know we’ve been through this before.”
I let out a rough laugh and then reached up to wipe the tears from my face. “How did our family end up like this? How is this even happening?”
“I just hope this is the end. That, after this, you and Myra find each other, and we never have to be in this hospital except for good things.” He paused. “By the way, Mom and Dad are on their way.”
I let out a soft laugh. “I’m surprised it took you that long to mention that.”
“They were on the first plane out. And, Nate? They’re moving back.”
I blinked. “I thought Mom and Dad loved it there.”
“They do, but you know Dad’s retiring, and he wants to settle here.”
“Because of us?”
“Of course, because of us. Mom and Dad had a great opportunity over there, and it was good for them.”
I nodded. “I never held that against them. It was the best thing for the two of them.”
“Now, they don’t want to miss out on anything.”
“I don’t plan on being in the hospital again.”
Cross shrugged. “I hope to hell not. But that’s not the only reason they’re coming here. Liam and Arden are adopting. There’s going to be a few weddings coming up. And grandbabies.”
“You and Hazel?” I asked.
“Yep, she wants kids. And hell, so do I. And I know Dakota and Macon are already talking about adding a brother or sister to their family for Joshua so the age gap isn’t too big. And, hello, Joshua is their grandkid now. Of course, Mom and Dad want to be around.”
“I’m kind of afraid of what kind of child Prior and Paris will create,” I laughed.
“I’m going to have to agree with you. But if we ever say that in front of her, Paris will create a voodoo doll of each of us. We know this.”
I laughed and then groaned, holding my side. “Okay, no more laughing,” I said, trying not to laugh again.
“Deal.” Cross sobered. “I’m so sorry you got hurt.”
“It’s par for the course with us.”
“So let’s make sure it never happens again. This sucked. All of us getting hurt as much as we have. Let’s not let it happen again.”
“I’ll try. But, Jesus, I’m never going to get the sight of Myra out of my mind. She lost so much blood, Cross.”
“And she survived. You got there in time.” My brother paused. “How did you know to be there?”
I shook my head and regretted the movement again. “I was there to apologize and to try to fix the shit we were going through. There was a car in the driveway, and no one answered the doorbell, so I went around the side of the house and hoped the studio door was unlocked.”
“Good timing,” Cross muttered.
“I heard her talking, even though it was mumbled. I think she was trying to convince him to call the ambulance.”
“Maybe he would have, but we don’t know for sure. Regardless, you saved her.”
“She saved me.”
“So, what are you going to do?” Cross asked after a moment, and I swallowed hard.
“She needs time to heal. And the girls need to be with her.”
“You’re not going to back out, are you?” Cross’s voice went stony.
“No. I’ll go to her. But she needs to heal,” I repeated.
“So do you. You can do that together.”
“She was so scared, Cross. I don’t want to hurt her any more.”
Cross gave me a look as if he understood, but I wasn’t sure I did.
Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to rest. I knew that no matter what happened the next time I saw her, I would never be able to get the sight of her bleeding out on the floor, unconscious in my arms, out of my mind.
It would haunt my nightmares until the end of time.
And I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to deal with that.
Chapter 21
Myra
* * *
I leaned against my pillows and wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep forever. That probably wasn’t the best thing to think, but everything hurt. I wanted to go home, feel better, and find a way to work through everything going through my mind.
Paris had finally left, and I had a moment to myself, even though I knew the nurses would likely walk in at any moment.
I wanted to see Nate. And yet, I didn’t want to see him. I was so afraid of what I should say to him, and it worried me. I’d fought for my life, but I’d gotten hurt in the process.
I likely wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for him, but he wouldn’t be in the hospital a few doors down from me if it weren’t for me. I needed to find him and tell him that I loved him. To say I was sorry. But I didn’t know when the right time for that was.
The door opened, and I looked up, expecting a nurse. Instead, dread filled my belly. My father walked in, then closed the door firmly behind him as he looked at me. I’d never quite seen that expression on my father’s face before. He was pale, and there was fear in his gaze. And yet, I could barely see it.
He had never looked at me like this before. As if I were worth more than simply what I could do for him.
“Myra,” he said, his voice rough.
“I’m surprised they let you in,” I said, my voice icy.
He nodded, his face going slack a bit. “I deserve that. But I am your father. We share the same last name. They let me through because I’m
family.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“I can go if you want me to, but I came to check on you.”
“As you can see, I’m okay.” I didn’t move my arm, it hurt too much to do so, but his gaze focused on it anyway, and then on the bruise on my face, and the one on my chin.
He shook his head. “You’re not okay, Myra.”
“I will be.”
“I didn’t know Roland was going to act like that,” my father said suddenly, and I looked at him and nodded.
“I believe you. I don’t think anybody realized that Roland was capable of what he did.” I tried not to hear his scream again, the last sound my cousin made before he died. But it was there, scratching at me, clawing at my spine, tearing up my body and my soul.
“I don’t know if it’s something we did or if he just cracked, but I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I looked up at my father, stunned. “Why are you apologizing?”
“Because your mother and I made selfish choices to try and get more. We always made selfish choices when it came to you. And I can’t figure out why. It seems to be what we do these days. And we hurt you in the process. Somehow, Roland took after us and came after you. I didn’t know that he’d spent all his money. I didn’t know any of that. I feel like I failed you.”
I couldn’t quite believe this, and I didn’t know if I trusted his words. Maybe he was trying to absolve his soul and explain his choices, but they weren’t mine.
“I don’t blame you for what Roland did, or for the decisions he made, but I don’t know how I can forgive you for everything else.”
He looked at me and nodded, swallowing hard. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t even know why I’m saying the things I am right now. Maybe Roland’s mental break changed something in me.”
While I wanted to believe that my father was genuinely remorseful for the snide comments he’d made, for breaking up Nate and me, and pushing me out of the family, I didn’t think he was truly remorseful. He would have to acknowledge them first.
I did believe that he felt bad that I had gotten hurt. Because I knew that even though my parents had lashed out and cut me emotionally my entire life, they had never once laid a hand on me in anger or hatred. It was something I truly believed my father never would have done.
“I’m tired. Thank you for coming.”
“Thank you for letting me be here and not kicking me out right away.”
I paused. “I thought about it.”
My father nodded. “I don’t blame you.”
“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for everything you did. I don’t know if I want to. But I do know that you had nothing to do with Roland.”
My father nodded, his jaw tightening.
“And I don’t blame you for any of that. But I am tired. You should go.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll fix this. I’ll find a way.”
I held back a laugh as it would only cause me pain. “Mom’s not even here with you. A single conversation while I’m drugged up and in pain isn’t going to fix anything. I left the family long ago, Dad. And I don’t know if I ever want to come back, especially now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you did—for what you’ve always done to me. But I do know that I’ll never forget it. And it’s not about the money, it’s what you did to Nate and me. What you’ve done to me my entire life. You need to go. If I decide that I want to make another connection, I will contact you. Until then, you need to think long and hard about why you are here trying to apologize for something you don’t even truly understand yet. Someone doesn’t change in a blink of an eye. So, thank you for being here, but you need to go now.”
I was exhausted, out of energy, and I didn’t want to speak anymore. My father gave me a nod, met my gaze, and then walked out. As he did though, he froze, and it wasn’t until he moved out of the way that I realized why.
“Nate,” I whispered.
The love of my life looked at me, leaning against the wall in scrub pants and a hospital gown.
“I found you,” he whispered.
And I promptly burst into tears.
Chapter 22
Nate
* * *
Alarmed, I cursed and staggered my way to the chair next to her. I fell into it, winced at the pain in my side, and reached to grab her hand.
“Don’t cry, baby. I can go.” I let out a breath in a hiss. “After I catch my breath. I’m not actually supposed to be here right now.”
“Why are you here? You should be hooked up to an IV or something. You were bleeding, Nate.”
I looked down at her arm, and bile rose to my throat. “You were the one bleeding, Myra. Oh, God, I thought I’d lost you.”
I reached over, careful of my stitches, thankful for the pain meds running through my body, and cupped her face. “You’re bruised.”
“I’ll heal.”
“So will I. But I’m never going to forget the sight of you on that floor.”
“Same here. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t walked through that door. I was trying to get Roland to call an ambulance, and I thought maybe he would, but he probably would have run. And I don’t think I would have had enough energy to call anyone.”
Tears fell down both of our faces then, and I leaned forward and brushed hers away. “I was there. We both were. You saved me, too, baby.”
“I think I sort of just fell into him. You would have had it.”
I let out a shaky breath. “We saved each other, how’s that?”
“I’d rather not have had any of that happen.”
That made me smile. God, I loved this woman. “Okay, I’ll take that, too.”
I wanted to hold her, but neither of us was in any shape to do that. Instead, I simply gripped her right hand and leaned against the bed as we stared at each other, both of us exhausted and too tired to even speak. A nurse would probably come in at any moment and pull me away, so I had to talk quickly.
“I love you,” I whispered. Her eyes widened, and I squeezed her right hand. “You can tell me to go away again. You can say you need more time, and I will understand that. But I want you to know that I love you. And if it’s too fast for you, then we’ll deal with that. Take it one step at a time. But like before, I shouldn’t have run away. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m never going to run again. I’ll go if you tell me to, but I won’t run. I will always be here if you need me. I want you in my life, Myra. Any way I can get you. I almost lost you yesterday. I almost lost the best thing in my life, the person who brings me hope, and beauty, and everything I need. And I never want that to happen.”
Tears fell again, and I brushed them away once more.
“I can’t believe I almost lost you,” she choked out, and I swallowed hard. “I was on my way to you, by the way. To tell you that I didn’t want you to leave. That I wanted to stay and work things out and find a way to make us work.”
Relief flooded me. “We can do that—you and me. We’ll go as slowly as you want. We probably should have started glacier-slow to begin with. But it’s hard for me when you’re around. You burn everything up inside me. You bring me to life.”
“And you saved mine,” she whispered. “When I was fading, I tried to say the words, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough energy.”
I frowned, looking down at her even though she was so exhausted. “What words?” I whispered.
“I love you, too. I always have. I love you, Nathan. Don’t go. Don’t run. And don’t let me run. Let’s just be.”
I leaned forward and kissed her softly. When I moved back, she was asleep, the pain clearly too much. I did my best to lean against her bed, trying not to hurt my stitches or her, and let my eyes close. The nurse would eventually come for me, and I would get yelled at, but it didn’t matter.
I had almost lost the woman I loved, the one I had fallen for the moment I ran into her that day on the quad when we were late for coffee. I had fallen
in love with her when she stole my food, and I had done the same to her. When she let me kiss her for the first time and then be with her after. I loved her when she yelled at me, and when pain crossed her face for the stupidity I brought to her life. She was the only person outside of my family who had always been steady in my life, even if it was only a memory at times.
She was my first, my only, and now, she would be my forever.
And though I had nearly lost her again to make this happen, I hadn’t. And I would never let her go again. I knew she would never let me go either.
I had found my first. And my only.
I had found my promise.
Epilogue
Myra
* * *
“I think we’re living in a zoo. Or maybe a circus,” Nate said, leaning against the back of the couch. I snuggled into him, and he kissed the top of my head.
“Perhaps. But I think I like all the noise. Who knew?”
Macon’s two dogs chased after Arden’s Jasper and our Daisy with Joshua following behind, laughing and trying to make barking sounds. Macon shook his head, then went after them as if he were going to wrangle the crew.
Dakota looked over from the kitchen island where she set up dinner, laughing at the two loves of her life before going back to work.
Paris was trying to help, but kept getting her hand slapped for daring to touch Dakota’s deviled eggs with her special new recipe.
Dakota let out an exasperated breath. “Seriously. It’s fine. It does not have to be at the perfect angle.”
“It’s like you don’t even know me,” Paris complained.
“Come on, darling. It is time to go sit over with Nate and Myra and see how they’re doing.”
Paris scowled. “You only want me out of the kitchen so Dakota cooks faster.”
“I can’t help it if you’re right,” Nate added on a laugh.
From Our First: A Promise Me Novel Page 19