by Lamb, Lynn
What if they are dead because I didn’t help them when I could? Am I supposed to break into their homes and just take what I want? Or what if they left their houses because they didn’t know not to? Their deaths will be in my head. I know if I mention this to Katie she is going to tell me that my feelings are natural and that I have survivor’s guilt. Lots of people shell out lots of money to shrinks for them to tell them that whatever they are feeling guilty about is not their fault. But what about when it is their fault, how do they live with themselves?
Between getting started on fixing up the mess in our house and getting ready for the meeting I’m pretty tired. Perhaps I’m not as healed as I thought I was. Our maybe it’s my guilt that has worn me down. I guess it doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, I’m beat!
July 22, 10:30 AM
Survivors Club Meeting Minutes
Members in attendance:
Number One Malcom, Katie Graham
Number Two Shelby, Matt, Jessica Sheraton
Number Three Liz, Pete, Burgess
Number Four Carrie, Samantha Santos
Number Five Carlito Mendoza
Number Six Tiffany, Robert O’Malley
Number Seven Veda, Pranav, Chandra Raja
Number Eight Tony, Angie Gianluca
Number Nine Laura, Mark Balous and Annie Patton
Number Ten Jill, Joseph Richardson
Laura: “Wow, this is a great turn out. I count twenty one of us. So, because this was my big idea, I guess I should start off with what my goal for the group is. We all know that, with the best case scenario, we are not getting out of our houses for seven days. The good news is that we are half way there. The bad news is we still have half way to go. If you are like us, your houses are probably getting stuffy, smell and are still a mess from the strikes. We have nick-named our house the “tomb”. Don’t get me wrong, we love our place, it’s just hard to be stuck here under the circumstances. So, let’s come together three times a week and discuss ideas we have for making life more livable, now and later.
So today, let’s just come up with topics. Who has one to get us started?”
Carrie Santos: “I think one of the hardest things for my wife, Samantha, and me is living without electricity and plumbing.”
Laura: “Great, Liz is keeping the topic list, so did you get that, Liz?
Liz: “Sure did.”
Laura: “Next?”
Jessica Sheraton: “Hi, I’m Jessica. Food and water. I know that we had time to get ready for this but we just didn’t believe it was going to come to this. Where are the government and army?”
Laura: “I think I hear two topics there. Food and Water is one and what do we think happened to the government and military. Those are really good. Okay, more topics.”
Carlito Mendoza: “I would like to talk about what we are going to do when we get out. Are we going to vote for people to be in charge?”
Laura: “So, you would like to talk about building a government, ah, okay. Then we will add that to the topics.”
Chandra Raja: “Um, hi, I’m Chandra. Do you think we will be able to go back to school? I know it’s summer, but what about in August? We are supposed to go back in less than a month.”
Laura: “So, what should we expect about getting our lives back on track in the near future. Will we be able to get back to our schools and jobs? These are all really good topics. I think we need to prioritize these. And the one that strikes me as something we need to address immediately is Jessica’s food and water problem. Could you please expand on that, Jessica? What’s going on?”
Jessica: “We just don’t have enough. I live here with my daughter, her boyfriend, and their daughter. The baby’s only two. We make sure that she is getting enough water and food, but she is crying though. It’s just not enough (crying).
Shelby: “It’s not your fault, Mom. You see, we were going to go to a Red Cross Station so we didn’t think we needed to have enough for weeks. But when you came, Laura, you made us decide to get a few more things. It was just too late. When the bombs were all dropping, we quickly put up some of the plastic from Matt’s construction stuff. You know the stuff they hang and stuff. But it is working, I think. We just kept layering it. We can’t see out the window, there is so much of it. But, yeah, we are hungry. I don’t think we can make it a week more.”
Malcom: “Let’s keep problem solving this as a group, but, when we are done here, stay on and we will go over everything you have and I will help you to measure out rations. The baby has different needs, and we will go over all of that. If it gets too desperate, we might have to consider you or Matt going out to get some more food from one of our houses. Is there anyone else who is nearing the end of their food and/or water supplies?”
Angie Gianluca: “Hi, this is Angie Gianluca. We are getting close, but we might be alright. Just no longer than a week.”
Laura: “I have read that you can drink the water from the water heater. They can have between thirty and sixty gallons in them.”
Shelby: “OH MY GOD! We have a giant water heater.”
Malcom: “Yes you can. But you have to be very careful.”
Mark: “I just grabbed Laura’s survival guide. It says to turn off the circuit breaker first, ha, ha, ha. Matt, since you do construction this should be easy. You have to close the supply value to keep the water clean…”
Matt Harris: “I know how to get the water out but there is usually sediment on the bottom. How do you make the water clean enough to drink?”
Malcom: “The water should be okay to drink. Let the sediment settle to the bottom, or strain the water through a strainer. If you can boil the water for at least twenty minutes it should be okay to drink.”
Laura: “You can also drink the water from your toilet tank. I would boil it if I had to use it, though.”
Shelby: “Mom’s crying, but I know that she would want to thank you all so much. So do I.”
Malcom: “Also, a human can live for three days or maybe more depending on your activity levels. I do recommend that you don’t exert yourselves too much. That will help with the food, too. Angie, will this information help you and Tony?
Angie: “We can do that. We’re okay.”
Malcom: “Is there anyone else who is concerned about their food and water supplies for the next week or so?”
Pause
Laura: “We will continue with this topic and start on some of the others at tomorrow’s meeting. Thank you all for joining this meeting. I hope the next time even more of you will participate in the discussions. Please don’t be shy. This information can literally save you lives. We will make it a goal to cover all of those topics brought up today during our next meetings.”
Katie: “Laura, can we talk when Malcom is done with the Sheratons?”
Laura: “Absolutely, just ring me up ma’ friend”
Tears filled my eyes at the word “friend”. I am not sure if these friendships are just happening because we are afraid, and I don’t care. I need friends now more than any time in my life.
July 22, 11:30 AM
I took the walkie talkie into our bedroom which is finally cleaned up enough for us to sleep in. We plan to sleep there tonight, no matter how cold it is. I need to be in my own bed!
“Hello, Laura. Are you there?” Katie asked.
“I’m right here, Katie. What’s up?” I said. Wow, I sound like I was just answering my cell phone with a good friend. Now, if I only had texting and email, things might feel like normal.
“I had a couple of things. First, I guess the Kid’s Club meeting didn’t work out very well. They couldn’t get themselves going; at least that’s what Liz told me. She was wondering if you and I could sit in on their next meeting,” said Katie with a giggle.
I couldn’t help but laugh. At least kids are still kids.
“Of, course I will. I think they will probably do better when they get together in person. The same with teenagers,” I offered.
“You
are probably right,” Katie said.
“Hey, Laura. The meeting was really good. I think you might have saved the Sheratons, so thank you,” Malcom said, sincerely.
“I am glad I could help,” I said, sheepishly. I didn’t add that I just wish I had gotten to them earlier when I could have really convinced them to begin to prepare better. When we get out of here, I will make sure that they have everything they need to survive!
“What I wanted to talk to you about is that I plan to check the outside environment earlier than I had said.”
“When?” was all that I could ask.
“Thursday,” He said determinedly. “I am going to go out with the Geiger counter and check the levels and make some observations.”
“I have a Geiger counter that I should have been using all along inside, let me…” before I could go any further, I was interrupted by a deep, nasal, male voice.
“No, neither of you are gonna go out there,” the strange voice interjected.
“Who is that, who’s there,” I said, my voice rising with every word. “What the fu…” I screamed. Before I could finish that not-so-clever phraseology, Mark and Mom ran into the room with an excited Hershey at their feet.
“What’s wrong?” Mark asked, his nostrils flaring.
“Who is that?” asked Malcom.
I took my finger away from the button and put my hand over the mic area, like one would do with an old home phone so they could not be heard by the person on the other line.
“I don’t know. Someone has been listening,” I explained to a stunned Mark and Annie.
Mark grabbed the walkie before I had a chance to protest.
“Who is this?” Mark growled.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. My name is Colonel Philip Jackson. I am the Commander of the Language School of Monterey Bay,” Jackson said with authority.
“Say what? Why were you listening to our conversation? It’s none of your damn…” Mark pulled the walkie away from me.
“Colonel Jackson, if it’s really you, then you know me, don’t you? Tell me something that wouldn’t be common knowledge,” Mark challenged.
“No, I don’t know you in person. You separated from the Army before I took the Command. But I know of you. There’s a framed news article about you hanging right outside of my office. Congratulations on being the first Sudanese soldier. Impressive article and nice picture! I have seen you in person, too. I bought the house across the street. It’s the one hidden on the hillside,” explained, Col Jackson.
“Yes, sir. I am sorry I questioned you, sir. It is a tense time,” Mark apologized.
“You did exactly as you should have, relax soldier,” said Colonel Jackson.
Malcom chimed in here. “Um, I am not military and I don’t care about rank. I’m not even sure we should trust you. Why were you listening into our private channel?” demanded Malcom.
“Private channel?” Col Jackson chuckled dryly. “Channel thirteen isn’t private. Anyone could be listening right this minute, including the enemy. May I ask why you trust everyone you have been talking to so far? You don’t really know them, do you? I have been listening in since day one. Well, you didn’t start until day two, did you?”
“I believe him, Malcom,” I said. “The fact he knew about the framed article on the wall up at the base is very convincing. We visited the former commander a few years ago and that is exactly where it is. The walls are lined with those types of news articles, but you would have had to have read it to know all of that. I also have seen a man in a big SUV pulling up the driveway right where he said. And the man driving it was in uniform. He has gray hair. That’s all I saw of him.”
Colonel Jackson chuckled, amused. “I prefer salt and pepper hair.”
“Fine, so he is who he says he is. Why is he eavesdropping? He should have announced his presence,” scolded Malcom.
“Yeah, sorry about that Doc,” he said with his what sounded like a Bronx accent. “I wanted to make sure you all were legit. You can’t be too careful these days, you know? I also wanted to see how you people interacted, how you decided who would be in charge, who would listen in and not talk, that sort of thing.”
“No one’s in charge, Colonel Jackson,” I corrected.
“Heh! You are in charge, young lady,” he snickered. What a smug son of a bitch!
“No, I’m not. I am just trying to help organize. That’s all,” I spit back at him.
“Fine, can we get back to the Doc’s misguided attempt to be a hero and go out there? Like I said, neither of you are going out. I am,” he commanded.
“You don’t command us, Jackson. You know, you are rubbing me the wrong way, and I am a very patient man,” Malcom said. He was fuming. “I know what I am looking for, and you don’t.”
“Heh, and the Commander of a base hasn’t been trained for this? Doc, we can’t afford to lose our only Doctor if it’s bad out there. And Laura, you’re a filmmaker who has just bought a Geiger out of fear. That hardly makes you an expert in air quality during a biochemical war, does it? Besides, you are the leader here, and we need to keep you safe,” he said.
I was steaming at this point. Mark shot me a cautious glance as I raised the radio to speak. “I am not the leader! I told you that,” I spoke out venomously.
“Yeah, okay, heh, heh, heh,” he chuckled.
What is up with that ‘heh’? It’s ridiculous!
“You’re the commander, so you are in charge!” I have never heard myself sound so childish. Whatever!
“Nay, you are.” He continued before I could get a word in edgewise. “As I was saying, I’m going out. We are all in the dark here, literally. We have no idea what’s going on out there. Maybe everything is just fine and life is going on like normal and we are the fools who have boarded ourselves indoors. Have you thought of that?”
No, I hadn’t actually.
“Colonel, you and I both know the answer to that,” Malcom said, calmly.
“You got me there, Doc. At oh-seven-thirty on Thursday, 25, July, I am walking out my door to investigate. I advise that no one else walks through their thresholds before then,” he ordered. “I am pretty sure what I’m going to find, but we all need proof, even me.”
Mark nodded at me and I replied, “Sir, yes, sir!” He didn’t see my one finger salute. “And, by the way, announce yourself on the radio when you are listening in from here on out!”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
July 22 , 1:45 PM
I don’t like that guy!
But I do trust him.
He was right; anyone could be listening in on our conversations. Maybe there is a way to prevent that, but for now we need to stay on point. The Doc’s declaration threw me off. After giving it some thought, the Colonel is the perfect person to test the air!
I have to concede that he had some valid points. What if the enemy is listening in? What if they know we are here and are just waiting outside to shoot us down? We had completely missed that possibility.
Ugh, I have our nightly meeting, the Teen meeting that I will attend to help break the ice, and then the Therapy group; all almost back-to-back. Time was going slowly before we found the group; now it’s almost too busy. Go figure.
I think I might skip the Therapy group. I’m not really in the right mind set for it today.
July 23, 2:20 PM
I just had a very bad nightmare. I woke up in a sweat.
It hit me; I died in the war!
Sure, Mark brought me back, but I had no pulse and I wasn’t breathing. So much had happened since he told me; I guess I just pushed it to the back of my mind. My subconscious brought it forward in the shape of a bad dream. The dream started out close to what really happened. My eyes were closed through much of the actual event, but my mind worked out the visuals, like it does when I am writing a script. But, on my subconscious’s plane of existence, Mark wasn’t able to bring me back. I watched on as he pumped on my chest, knelt beside me and placed his lips
on mine to breath for me. I kept thinking that my lifeless body should respond, even kiss him back. He couldn’t bring me back, as hard as he tried. He wept at might side until I woke.
But I am not dead… now. My husband is lying next to me, sleeping soundly in our own bed. We are alright… for now.
No, we’re rolling again. Crap!
Fifteen minutes later. It felt like a tremor. Is all of this going to end well?
Mom and Mark are up now, too. Obviously. They are walking around like the original assault.
Everyone came on the common channel one; the channel I designated for emergencies. Everyone came on but it took awhile to do our roll call. Everyone was groggy and scared. We ascertained that no one was hurt, and there was only minimal damage this time.
I told everyone to take a deep breath and go back to bed.
July 23, 9:35 AM
“Mom, Mark, can we talk?” I asked as I gestured towards the steaming cups of coffee that I had waiting on the counter, along with cereal with lukewarm powdered milk, yum!
They took the proffered seats and Mark took a quick sip of the instant coffee before he asked, “What’s up?”
Today we are missing Survival Talk. This is much more important.
I didn’t even know where to begin. Too much has gone down, and we barely even discuss it as a family. But it was about time we did. And last night when we didn’t even talk about the earthquake was my final straw.
“I just want to be on the same page here, in our home. Mom, I know that wrist is giving you a lot of trouble, but you never say anything. You only hand up the can opener when you need something. But you rarely even ask for help. And it’s not just that, none of us really talk about our fears. We just go about our days. You first, Mom. What’s going on with you?”
“Okay, well, we had a nuclear war, than they dumped chemicals on us that can cause the plague and smallpox. The SMALLPOX! My house is falling apart, so much is gone. It’s everything I built in a lifetime, gone in minutes. I can’t take a decent shower, I can’t make family a decent meal, and I don’t know where my son and granddaughters are. And I am pretty sure my wrist is healing wrong. If we get out of here alive, I am going to need to be physically stronger, but I am not,” Mom poured out everything. I asked for it, but I wasn’t ready for that much. That was my fault.